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please, Sir
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previous posts ... small thing, big impact: ... snuggling in bed for hours.. me: my webpage, which includes contributions from friends email:
yes, please :) ... tiny pic of the scene collar and leash that i put on the cat ...
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"Every exit is an entry somewhere else" - Tom Stoppard My sister came to visit yesterday. We had not seen each other since Madame Butterfly died, although we have spent more time sending emails and talking on the phone, than ever before. It was truly good to see her again and this time i made sure i got my hug before she left! We spent a lot of the time talking about Madame Butterfly and how our separate relationships with her affected us. There is still a lot of hurt and resentment and anger within us. Most of the time i feel like i am moving forward and away from these emotions, but there are still days when it overwhelms me. And other days when i know on some level i loved my mother, yet feel guilty because of my stronger sense of being hurt by her doesn't allow me to forgive her. It was very clear from my sisters' conversation, that she isn't even close to the forgiveness stage yet. i don't think she wants to be; embracing the anger is an emotion she understands and can move with. A hard path to walk. "The project" is snailing along. Actually, to be honest, i think a snail probably moves quicker. But i haven't been totally unproductive. i've been working on a webpage; an opportunity offered to me by a very nice Dominant who also happens to live with one of my favourite submissives. So "the project" has been set on the back burner for a few weeks. And i admit, doing that was easy. The chance to sink my teeth into some good old HTML was too tasty to resist! (yes i am a bit of a geek) i almost passed the page right back to this Man however, when i started browsing through some of His past work and realized the scope of what was needed. i was intimidated! This was not a personal page about someone's life ... a "my family, my dog, my house" sort of thing. This is official. This is a lot of people going to the site to get cold hard facts that will affect their lives. i panicked. i stood at the livingroom entrance and wailed to Master; "i'm in over my head!!" i didn't sleep well and i felt edgy. Master, in His oh-so-calm way said; "don't do it then. I am sure He will understand. If you think you aren't capable......" Hah! i couldn't live with myself if i didn't try, and Master knows this. Taking on a challenge is one of the quickest ways to get my blood rolling. So now it is days later and i am getting used to the butterflies that have lodged in my stomach. "The project" is simmering, waiting for me to return, as is the work for the webring, and of course maintaining this journal better. And i'm feeling really good. My sister said she had spent her life trying to get Madame Butterfly's approval. She said now she never could, so wouldn't know what it felt like. i used to be like that. But i think i have something better now. i have my own approval :) ... shadoe February 28, 2000
This Bloodstone site
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