i am going to attempt to stop myself
from feeling that i have to have an "idea" or "theme" for each entry
of my journal. In fact, i might even try to stop worrying about the grammar and the
spelling. Brave me! to give up spell-check :) But it feels like i am holding back...
and maybe i shouldn't be doing that. Maybe i am getting so caught up still, by doing
things perfectly, that i am continuing to hold back my thoughts and feelings. So i
shall try to change that.
Master once queried, to my observation about
using the word "i" so much, that isn't this journal about me? When i consider it
in those terms, i realize that it is, and that i have to learn to be more open with it.
And Master has given me another task. i
miss when i don't have any to do, yet sometimes i have trouble keeping up with them.
This time, in addition to catching up on some requests yet to be completed, He has
added memorizing poetry. i know He has a reason for most of what He assigns me, but i am
wondering what the purpose of reciting poetry by rote is. Except perhaps to prove i
haven't yet succumbed to Alzheimer's! *eg*
(i swear i hear Him reaching for the crop right now! :)
But i would like to catch up on my impressions
of the company i recently enjoyed at my home. And the party that we had in celebration of
the visit.
( i am remembering growing up and how my mother worked so hard to lose that accent, and how delighted i always was to hear it from her sister, my aunt... who said car-ets instead of carrots, and punkin and chimeny and biank instead of bank.)
i swear i had nothing to do the entire time everyone was visiting. ShockDoc took care of the bulk of the cooking and suZ took care of entertaining me, and "g" just delighted everyone. Then it was Friday and i came home from work to find Sir Edward sitting at my table, and very soon after that, Master arrived. i was teased, to stop glowing so much at Master, by ShockDoc!
And then there was a soft knock at the door, and a very frightened "cheryl" was entering, handing me a gift. As i hugged her in welcome she murmured in my ear; "i am so scared... " and i hugged her again and tried to reassure her. She did relax more as the weekend went by, but never did she lose that totally endearing, luminous quality to her gaze; eyes wide and wondering at everything she saw.
At one point, Master and i left, to go and visit with my mother. i was so very nervous about taking Him to see her, but i am very glad i did, as i described in the previous posting. When we returned, sarah and Shadowfyr and coffee had arrived and what a surge of energy that created! i swear i haven't a clue where sarah gets all her energy :)
Some of the visit seemed to past by so quickly that it seems a blur, and i struggle to keep in order the events that occurred. Perhaps i should just let them flow from my mind as i remember.
Deeply ingrained in my mind is the vision of seeing DebUTaunt entering my home. She looked very tall and elegant and classy, and it impressed me hugely. And Domi and Bodyguard with their warm smiles and special hugs and hearing that tone that Domi has to her voice, that i love. Then KinkDom arriving, leather clad and energetic. He has a boyish smile, (i think it is anyway) and when it is combined with His assertive manner, it can be rather disconcerting.
And now i am remembering receiving a phone call during the afternoon of the Saturday, just a few hours before the party. i didn't recognize the voice that was asking me how to get to my house, because he was lost. i recall laughing as he said "I am on suchandsuch street now...." and i would say "no no! turn the other way!" All the while i had no idea who it was. Finally the caller said "okay, I am here, outside your door now.." and we discovered it was HotShot, who had driven many, many hours to get here! Later, we had great fun watching Him set up His tent and teasing with Him.
Drifting yet again, i remember Rathstar arriving, bringing along a friend. Later on in the evening, someone else arrived, whom i had spoken with a very long time ago on-line and hadn't ever expected to meet, which was zaRina. Sir Edward returned for the party as well, and brought along linda, and i truly enjoyed getting to know her more. It seems she and i share many things in common. Last, but definitely not least, onixia arrived and so the party was complete.
i cannot begin to express how pleased i was that so many had come to visit. i loved how everyone blended and chatted with each other, and enjoyed. i delighted in the fact that every glass in the house got used that night ... and i have a lot of glasses! i reveled in the sounds of laughter, and the sounds of the "scening" that was happening in the room we had set up for it.
i felt gifted to be able to meet such great people.
i learned some things about myself that weekend. i also didn't spend as much time as i usually do in the corner. That made me feel good. my mind is still trying to digest a lot of how i felt; all was positive, yet a lot was new to me as well. And a few events, which occurred during my scening, have left me feeling very unsettled, as another part of my personality emerged. But that is for another posting i think, because right now i am still unable to sort through it.
i wish everyone were here again right now, so that i could get all their warm hugs again :)