Road To Happiness
Happiness is the journey not the destination...
Happiness doesn't come from possessions, "things", succeeding at an endeavor, or in any way other than how it relates to our RELATIONSHIPS with others.
Yet, "relationship junkies" are seldom if ever, happy. How can this be?
Could it be the expectations of others in relating is a guaranteed shot in the foot?
The concept of unconditional love has been widely debated. Can a person love another unconditionally, or is that reserved for The Creator?
Unconditional love requires that regardless of the actions of another, the love doesn't die. Rather, it grows and fills the "owner" of that love, giving them a clearer vision of what love feels like.
I suspect that the reason more people don't love unconditionally, is because they don't know what LOVE really feels like. Mistaken views of love being lustful, or possessing, or all consuming fill the airwaves, in music, TV, movies, and in real life as well.
People often think that unconditional love just happens, when in truth, it takes conscious effort to maintain it as truly unconditional love. I've heard it compared to the love of a parent for a child; yet, I know many parents who's expectations of their children are ANYTHING but "unconditional".
Babies aren't born loving their parents, they are born in a vulnerable state, one of total dependence on another for food, warmth, safety and nurturing. Yes, there is an overwhelming emotion that occurs to most people the first time they view their child, but is it LOVE? or is it more a wonderment of the miracle that each baby represents? A child loving their parent is a learned behavior, not one that is based on instinct.
Too many children grow up in abusive, horrifying relationships with their parents or caregivers to believe that unconditional love mirrors the love of a parent for a child.
Some religions teach that God is the only one who is capable of loving unconditionally. And then, the criteria to achieve unconditional love of another would mean to become more like God.
To me, to love someone unconditionally, means that I will consciously seek to be a better person by my loving this person. I have to be willing to accept that they may not love me in return, may not even acknowledge me in their life, and I have to love them without regret for their choices, nor my own. I have to accept them at face value without expecting them to change with me, grow with me. I have to be fully aware of their individuality, their completeness without me. And this is not easily achieved!
Romantic love is often hormonally based. This "rush" of energy shared when the other comes into view can be nothing more than lust, or desire to maintain that rush of energy. Relating to others is a constant exchange of such energy, even in non-romantic relationships, the give and take isn't about who takes out the trash, or who brings flowers, it's about exchanging energy.
Some are drained early of their own energy and seek others to renew them before they wear out. (The Takers). Others, known as "Givers" seem to be unable to live without having others owe them a debt; you know the type: "I was your friend when you needed me, so therefore, you must be there when I need you".
It's the unfair exchange of energy that makes relationship issues paramount in many people's lives. How many times have you heard, (or said) "But I've given them all I have to give, there is nothing left for me to give." Do you know what it even feels like to be given energy from YOU?
People, particularly woman in today's society, seem driven to give til it hurts; and spend a great deal of their lives living IN hurt because of this premise. It cannot be unconditional if there is a required payback of energy in the end.
I think it's interesting to learn what your own love feels like. In a sort of Gestalt fashion, to hear, and experience and feel that love as another one might feel it. For some, who have no love for them Selves at all, they cannot imagine that someone might feel closed in, or stiffled by their love. They cannot imagine that someone else sees their "good intentions" as a rope around the neck, or a controlling, manipulative thing that takes on a life of its own.
I do believe more people "fall in need" than ever experience Love. Falling denotes something that is painful, and the music for centuries would indicate that hurting is a natural state associated with loving. "Love hurts", is a common belief, that if another can't hurt you, you couldn't possibly love them.
HATE is not the opposite of love, one cannot hate someone or some thing that one has not loved, but "indifference" is the true opposite of love. Love and Hate are both passion-based emotional responses, whereas indifference takes out the emotionalism.
You remember the "sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me" axiom of childhood? Words CAN hurt, they can crush, they can distroy lives. It takes a very loving person to be able to take the harsh hateful words of another and not be distroyed by their energy. It takes the continuous journeying on the path of happiness to be able to live in this world, under worldly conditions and not become jaded and hard.
Unconditional love is both the strength of humanity and it's weakness; for in allowing oneself to risk being hurt only then can love become unconditional and honest.
Too often, people claim only to want to be happy, but cannot define what "happiness" would mean to them. Many more people think they actually HAVE a "happiness requirement list".
"I will be happy when I have enough money"
"I will be happy when I'm married and have children"
"I will be happy when I have a job that I love and a career that I can succeed in".
"I will be happy if........ when......... "........ all places conditions that will be impossible to achieve. Or once achieved, the goal line has to be moved, since seeking happiness requires movement.
We are also fond of saying "I could die happy right now"..... to describe a time in our lives when it all feels right. When all appears in place, and there is no need to "do" anything more. But does it mean that the pinnacle of happiness is a wide spot in the road, a turn out with a dynamite view? Or is it simply that once it is achieved, (happiness) that there is nothing left to seek?
JOY, on the other hand, is a very different experience. JOYFILLED is a very different experience than a moment of happiness will ever be. To be filled with joy to overflowing, to want to share this incredible rush of pure white-light energy, is to be much closer to the Creator, than most people will ever know. Joy can be experienced only in the present, it can't be remembered fully nor can one seek joy, it is simply something that occurs totally within. It doesn't take outside assistance to achieve joy, it's an awareness that is without a doubt, one of the times in life where we are closest to our Creator.
Learning to identify those Joy moments in ones life is a way to create........ to co-create with our Creator. They cannot happen only when all the other criteria is met (like more money, more love, more success more anything) Joy simply IS.
So, perhaps the road to happiness is a misnomer, perhaps our seeking is to know more joy in the moment, to become more joyful than ever before; to learn to celebrate the gift of life rather than to live in a place of wishful thinking and failed promises to ourselves.
And perhaps in our joy spot, we can understand others better, to see them more clearly, as individuals who, too, wish to know joy, even if they call it another name. Perhaps when we are in a joyfilled moment, we can truly love unconditionally and heal old wounds in our relationships. To be able to let go of the needfulness of being, and to celebrate our independent choices that allow us to grow and become more loving beings.
In making new choices and accepting the responsibility for each choice made, the road to happiness becomes a long straight stretch of road, with incredible views and plenty of rest stops. And fewer toll booths as well :-)
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