Shirt…

On His Way to Wembley.

The team behind Collectormania (see C,D&S…The Doctor Will See You Now & S…Visits A Vila) were arranging an event closer to the chums' homes (well Chalky and Shirt's), namely Wembley Conference Centre. The initial offers of Batmans Kilmer & West, as well as Jake Sisko from "Deep Space Nine", meant that the friends weren't particularly interested. However, nearer the date, more guests were added including Billy Boyd, Andy Serkis, John Rhys-Davies other assorted LOTR stars, Warwick Davies, Pat Roach, Levar Burton and Brent Spiner. However, it was the announcement of two reunions that drew the friends' attention - on Saturday no less than eleven stars of Blake's 7 would be signing, and on Sunday, seven occupants of the Jupiter Mining Ship "Red Dwarf" would be there. This information increased Shirt's motivation to attend. The later news that due to work commitments, Craig Charles would be unable to attend, and so Chris Barrie, Danny John Jules & Norman Lovett would be attending on Saturday as well, with Robert Llewellyn now attending on Saturday only, strengthened this resolve, as he could meet all the guests he wanted on the same day.

Dufus was not keen to come down from the Midlands two weeks' running, due to intending to come down for "Invasion IV", and both Chalky and Tigger had secret plans for the day, which did not involve meeting people from "Lord of the Rings" (Rings were involved though). Therefore, as with the last Showmasters B7 signing event, it was only Shirt that wended his way across London to Wembley Conference Centre. The frequency of trains proved to be slight, and eventually Shirt found himself alighting at Wembley Stadium station, and following a gaggle of people with Naughty Asteroid bags.

Reaching the Conference Centre, Shirt was dismayed at the length of the queue leading into the venue. Wondering if he would get to meet any celebrities, he walked along, passing a variety of Hobbits and Orcs, who were chatting about the reaction of other train passengers to their get-ups. Finally reaching the end of the queue, Shirt attempted to avoid eye-contact with a new group of Hobbits. The queue then began moving at a reasonable pace, and Shirt was thoroughly entertained by an overheard anecdote of how the six-foot man behind him had cried the first time he met Tom Baker. Within the space of 15 minutes, Shirt had reached the door to the Centre, and was exchanging a crisp banknote for a raffle ticket, which was snatched off him, a few paces later, as he entered the main hall.

There being a lack of signs pointing the way to the signings, Shirt proceeded aimlessly, eventually finding his way into a side hall, where all the signings seemed to be taking place. All the boards had indications of what number tickets should join the queue, and finding the two ST:TNG guests were up to 150 (after 2 hours), and the stewards were giving out tickets in the range of 800, Shirt decided that his Data & Geordi as Holmes & Watson poster would go unsigned. However, there seemed to be no sign of the "Blake's 7" or "Red Dwarf" guests. Shirt was aware that Robert Llewellyn was signing at the "Punch Middle" stall due to an advert sent to him the day before, and so started off looking for that. On the way, he came across a display of costumes from "Blake's 7", and (surprise, surprise) the stars of said romp. After cautiously asking a steward at the "Horizon" stall at the other end, how much the guests were charging (£10), Shirt ummed-and-ahhed over buying the B7 Series 1 DVD boxset as it would allow him to get 2 items signed for the price of 1 with each guest. Delaying the decision, he wandered off to find the Punch Middle stand.

It seemed that Shirt had walked straight past the Punch Middle stand, where Robert Llewellyn and a miserable looking Nic(holas) Courtney were sitting. Joining a small queue, Shirt purchased two copies of the "Red Dwarf IV" DVD (one for Dufus, as per telephoned instructions), assuring the shop staff that he was on their mailing list. Looking at what was available to be signed, Shirt was unable to see anything for Mr. Courtney (presumably hence his miserableness). Reaching the front of the queue and managing not to drop his DVD covers, Shirt was about to offer them to Robert for signature, when the man in front of him, who had made to move off, asked Shirt to take a photo of him and Robert, with the man's digital camera. Struggling to do so, exclaiming all the while about his ineptitude with modern technology, with the man giving unhelpful advice, Shirt finally managed to take what Robert ironically described as "the best photo I've ever seen". Moving forward, Robert took the proffered covers, signing in the right proportions of Shirt & Dufus, and on the right covers. Grabbing the man with the digital camera, Shirt thrust his own camera at him, and he and Robert posed.

"How do you work it ?", asked the man.

"Just press the button", said Shirt, emphasising the low-tech nature of his camera.

Moving on, Shirt made his way back to the Blake's 7 guests, passing the other "Red Dwarf" guests. Finally deciding not to buy the boxset or the large poster which would be signed by all guests for £80, Shirt approached Steven Pacey, there being no queue. Paying the fan-club member next to Steven, Shirt placed his "B7 Programme Guide" down in front of him.

"Can you sign it to Shirt, please ?"

"Certainly", the fruity tones of Tarrant replied, before trying to find a place to sign on the crowded title pages.

Thanking Steven, Shirt moved along to Jan Chappell, who after the necessary renumeration being paid to the fan-club member assigned to her, also signed the book. Moving on, Shirt was annoyed to find that Sally Knyvette had gone for lunch, and so on reaching Brian Croucher at the far end of the table, who found it difficult to find a spare place, decided to get his "Robots of Death" cover signed also. The B7 guests exhausted, Shirt returned to the area where Chris Barrie and Danny John-Jules were signing.

Joining the short queue for Rimmer/Lara Croft butler, Mr. Barrie, Shirt was amazed at the large number of people nipping into the queue, having their photo taken with Chris, then leaving without buying anything. Reaching the front of the queue, Shirt paid the steward, and in a display of generosity decided to get Dufus' DVD cover signed as well. Chris smiled at Shirt.

"Can you sign it to Shirt, please ?"

"Absolutely", Mr. Barrie replied, signing with a flourish.

"And this one for my friend, Dufus ?"

"OK"

"See that, me emphasising that I do have friends !"

Mr. Barrie laughed in an understanding sort of way, and posed for a photo with Shirt taken by the steward. Stepping away from the queue and moving into a quiet corner, Shirt sorted out his signed covers, and looked at his watch - 45 minutes, and he'd met almost everyone he wanted to.

Shirt spent the next hour in wandering round the many stalls, and engaging Little Ted in conversation at the Seventh Galaxy stand, distracting him enough to be only charged £13 for the new Benny & the Daleks audio. Having bought very little, Shirt returned to the "Blake's 7" signing area to find that everyone had now gone to lunch. A check in the other hall revealed that there was still no chance of meeting anyone from LOTR or ST:TNG, the numbers being around 250. Shirt therefore decided to buy signed photos of Chris Barrie and Danny John Jules to add to those of the two Kochanskis and Norman Lovett that he had got at Memorabilia. Standing in the queue for Chris again, Shirt was distracted by four Lara Crofts (all in different outfits from the films & games) joining the queue behind him, eager to meet "their" butler. Danny John Jules also noticed the girls, and seemed jealous of the attention his "movie star" colleague was getting. Photos bought and signed by both men, Shirt wandered aimlessly trying to find the exit.

Wandering back to the station, Shirt found that trains were in short supply, and so decided to walk to the "nearby" Underground Station. Unfortunately, due to Shirt's continually failing sense of direction, a tour of central Wembley ensued instead. Finally finding the Underground Station, Shirt wended his way home, via his usual haunts in Tottenham Court Road and Notting Hill, to prepare for the possibility of an evening in with Chalky & Tigger. Little did he know though, that the day's excitements were only just beginning………

[PL]