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OMG! DIDN'T ANYONE TELL YOU!? I WRITE NOW. YEAH. TELL ME ABOUT IT.

I mean, welcome to the new (assuming you're visiting this page for the first time, otherwise "old") Writings section, which contains all your favourite writings by Barry J. Watson. And also your least favourites.

Oh, for those people incapable of reading, look away now: (for those capable of reading, note that you may want to use your browser's "back" button after reading the whatevers)

Novel Vinny Vicks and the Rhododendron	Perhaps the main reason you're here. Barry J. Watson's first novel, which also won an award only minutes after it had been finished, because it's just that bad. This mostly follows the life and times of Vinny Vicks' first 20-odd years on Planet Earth. Not a lot happens, and then a love story grows. I'm scared too, guv.
Short Story Untitled States Of Whatever	Yeah, I wasted a perfectly good title on this mini epic following Oliver Stout accomplish... nothing, nothing at all.
Script Timmy	This was the first anyone ever saw Vinny Vicks, and the first time that they also saw Mr. Schnapps. So by logic, everyone wants to read this script which sees funny things not happen between Timmy and God also.
Script Damon	The first sighting of Ted Vicks. As some guys go through some god awful Beatles puns. There's also an important message in there somewhere.
Script Vicks	Vinny Vicks and Ted Vicks join forces which lead to the cult seen in the novel. A prequel to the previous scripts, but don't worry, God's in this one as well. Prepare to be offended.
Script Boulf	This script was written in a moment of insanity, as can perhaps be told. We meet some characters, and then it ends, what more could you want? YULE TIDINGS OF JOY, I SUSPECT?!?!
Script Jew	Written directly after Boulf, it shares the insanity, but lacks any possible enjoyment you found in the previous one.
Script Hot Girl	Written halfway through the time of the novel being written, we see the character of Kate Jenner, as she provides a message which reminds us about the risks of Ugly Disease.
Script Liesl	When someone writes a script, and instantly forgets about it, it tends to mean it's so good that they can't identify it as their own work. In this case however, I just have a bad memory.
Script Hotel	Guv, Cap'n and some surprise guests set the scene of mayhem, and you better git used to it.
Script Cowboys	Grant and the other cowboy sure have some wild wild wild fun, perhaps the best Western Comedy since Blazing Saddles (due to lack of competition).
Script Illness	Vinny Vicks is back! And this time he's ill. His mother and Ted Vicks also star. Yeah, it must be a kind of prequel, fuck it.
Prose Death	I wrote this short prose whilst in a depressive state, perhaps it was this writing that encouraged me to write a full novel. More likely, it was this writing that made the novel as bad as it is.
Some Thing Litter	Jesus tells us everything that's needed to know about Luke Whitmore, before he goes into a lecture about littering (excluded). This will be read at Luke Whitmore's funeral by Jesus.
Song-cum-Prose Unchained Prosedy	I thought it would be clever and witty to change a song's lyrics into prose, and so what better song to pick that Unchained Melody?
Song-cum-Prose Ticket To Write	Changing lyrics into prose is whizzing good fun, so let's mutilate The Beatles' Ticket To Ride, why not!
Song-cum-Prose She's Leaving Home To Beaver	Lyrics were getting longer, and so did the prose, when She's Leaving Home went from a Beatles classic to a Barry J. Watson tradegy.