Many Digimon can't afford the File Island Journal or the Server Times, so they can't ask the writers of the advice column for help. So where do they turn to for wisdom? Why, Angemon of course! Below, Angemon sorts out cries for help from various Digis. He might even solve one of yours...but I'm promising nothing.

Q: Dear Angemon,
I've been trying to fly for a long time now and I just can't seem to get up in the air. I've lept off of tall things like trees and sand dunes but it just doesn't help. One time I was so desperate that I jumped off a cliff, but I only ended up hitting the ground and nearly killing myself. How do you do it?

Gazimon007

A: Well, Gazimon, have you ever considered that it's due to the fact that you don't have wings? If you don't have wings, you can't fly. I'm sorry. Although if I were you, I might try jumping off a higher cliff...

Q: Dear Angemon,
I got in a fight yesterday with another Digimon, and he beat me up pretty bad. I don't understand it...I mean, I was so much bigger than him! Still, he bit off my tail and sent me crying for my Digimommy....what did I do wrong?

Agumon

A: What did you do wrong? You picked a fight with a Tokomon, that's what you did wrong!

Q: Dear Angemon (twice removed)
Something strange has been happening to me lately. Whenever I try to swim, I sink to the bottom of the ocean until a Dolphmon or something else rescues me. Why can't I swim? Do I need lessons?

DemiD

A: Err.....think about it for a moment. What are your wings made for? That's why you can't swim.

Q: Dear Angemon
I'm in desperate need of advice. Where I live it is dark all the time, both in broad daylight and in the dead of night. It gets really hard to live life normally...I bump into things, trip, bang my head, and collect a bundle of other injuries that are really starting to get on my nerves. My medical bills are surpassing even my phone bill, which is scarey considering how much time my mother spends on the phone. What do I do?

Kelly

A: Do you know what a light switch is, Kelly? Use it, or perhaps you can go cliff-diving with Gazimon one of these days...

Q: Dear Angemon
What is a light switch? Help! I'm so confused!

Kelly

A: Errr....................o.O Stick to the cliff-diving. It will save you some much-needed brain cells...

Q: Dear Angemon,
I admire you a lot. I'm serious, you're my true hero! I can impersonate your voice and I grew my hair out to your length and everything...the problem is, I can't do a Hand of Fate. I do everything just like you do, but it always fails, and then people begin to stare, as if I'm weird or something. Can you teach me how to do it?

Chibi_Piedmon

A: <This is disturbing...> Little Piedmon, have you ever considered what attributes you have? You're a virus-type Digimon, therefore unable to perform a vaccine's attack. If anyone asks about your odd behavior, however, mabye you can give them one of these feeble excuses:
--I'm drunk, don't worry about me.
--It was a dare.
--Start singing a Brittney Spears song.
As for the staring, I really can't blame them....

A: Dear Angemon,
Ever since a so-called "Queen Kari" came through the sewers, Numemon have come out and paraded through my garden. Now they're following me around and won't leave me alone, claiming that I am related to their Queen. The stench is really starting to get to me and I can't take much more of their annoying voices. Are there any thoughts on how to get rid of them for good?

WhiteRosemon

A: At last, a fun and intellegent question! I've learned from experience, Rosemon, that salt is a miracle worker against the Numemon. If you thought ice melted fast in 100 degree weather, just wait until you see this...

Q: Dear Angemon,
I am a Mega Digimon about the size of a three story apartment building. I have tough armor, but I don't quite fit in it, and I'm pretty weak physicly. Why just yesterday I was outrun by a Tortomon! What can I do?

Annonymous

A: Hmmm....It sounds like somebody hasn't been eating their Wheaties.

Q: Dear Angemon,
I like, have, like, this, like, problem, like, that I, like, say the word 'like' after like, every word. It's, like, annoying my like, friends. Is there any way to like, stop it?

Barbie

A: Just four little words, Barbie: get in the microwave.

Q: Dear Angemon:
Hi, it's me again, and this time I'm having an even bigger problem. I'm in my room right now, and I can't get out! I've been stuck in here for four days, and I really need to go to the bathroom, plus I'm just plain hungery! I can't find a way out! Can you help me?

Kelly

A: Try the door. It's so simple to use, even you can figure it out. All you do is reach for the knob (the little round thing sticking out the side) and turn it. Now just pull out and the door will open. See how easy that was?

Q: Dear Angemon,
Can I ask you a question? <message is interrupted here>

A: No.

Q: Dear Angemon:
Are you and Angewomon really involved in a relationship? If so, why?

JealousLillymon3002

A: Yes. You can use your imagination on the rest.

Q: Dear Angemon,
Do you have ICQ? AIM? MIM? YIM? Let's talk sometime!

Seadramon17

A: I got lost after the word "have". Even if I do have the mumbo-jumbo mentioned above (hope it's not some disease...) I wouldn't talk with one who asks so many pointless questions.

Q: Dear Angemon,
Were you refering to me in the above message?

Kelly

A: Err. Heh. No comment... ^_^

Q: Dear Angemon:
Okay, spill it. How come you're able to Digivolve normally and I'm not? My partner's relationship with Angewomon's partner is depending on every little positive thing, and you're ruining it! Show off! Stay as Pegasmon and let me get the action!

Flamedramon

A: I've been in the business longer than you have, pal. I'm much more experienced than you in the first place, but secondly, you can't evolve if you're standing near a black tower...you're standing right next to one right now, aren't you?

Q: Dear Angemon:
Yes.

Flamedramon

A: Thought so. Move away from it, stupid. As I recall, you didn't even try to Digivolve normally in the first place. And besides, I think Kari likes TK anyways.

Q: Dear Angemon,
Yesterday I got in a bit of a quarrel with Angewomon. Well, one thing led to another and it nearly spawned into a cat fight. I left her house in a huff, but soon I realized that she was firing an arrow at me. I'm a very swift and agile Digimon, so I should have been able to dodge it, but I couldn't. Am I getting slow? Do I need to excercise more? What should I do?

Kestremon

A: The laws of physics clearly state that it is impossible to outrun a Celestial Arrow. Lay off the happy sticks and eat your Wheaties however, and you might come close...

Q: Dear Angemon,
I am an evil, evil person...but I'm obsessed with Beanie Babies. I don't want anybody near them within a whole ten mile radius. I always play with them when I get home from my, uhm, job, and on Sundays and rainy days I always have tea parties with them. Is that wrong?

Ken

A: Naw, don't be ashamed! Beanie Babies are great! (I personally own "Hope" and "Halo") As for the tea party...well, if you live in Japan or England, that really isn't all that out of place. As long as you don't wear a pink, floral-print dress when you're actually having the tea party, I'm sure you're quite alright. You're a freak, but you're an OK freak...

Q: Dear Angemon
Were you refering to me again in the above message?

Kelly

Q: Will you ever leave me alone?!?

Q: Dear Angemon:
Are you a member of any Digimon RPG's? If so, can you give me an example of one?

Curious_Little_Gatomon

A: Why yes, more than you think and probably more than you realize. I have many online alias'. I'm a proud member of DigimonRPG, for example, as well as the RPG going on in the Unofficial Angemon Fan Club, although the founders don't know that....

(Note from Digi_Angel: We do now!!!)

Q: Dear Angemon,
What would you do for a Klondike bar?

Eskimon

A: I'd dress up like Piedmon and sing the hampster dance song using only the word "Pika"...now that's scarey!

Q: Dear Angemon...

I've been lost...for quite a while now. About 4 days at least. I started to look for a vacant lot behind my house and used a compass so I could find my way. As told by my father, "N" means not that way! But for some reason it keeps pointing at that darn "N"! That's why I've been lost 4 days in Tokyo looking for a vacant lot behind my house....could you please spare me a word of advice? Please help, I'm dehydrating and my hiking backpack is low on food...I feel dizzy too.

Ryoga-san

A: It sounds to me like old pops was a few pints short of a six pack. Contrary to his belief, the N actually stands for "nitwit", the longer version of that being "this way, nitwit". In other words, that part refers to you. Follow the direction that arrow is pointing and eventually you should come to that lot of yours...if not, well, at least the wild buzzards won't starve anymore.

Q: Hey Angemon, is it fall yet?

DarkDeadmon

A: It is if you're cliff-diving with Gazimon

Q: Dear Angemon,

Have you ever been to a Germaphobic Digidoctor who mentions Canibalistic Hebavors and / or Hydrophobic Fish? If so, what did you do?

~ Gluestick

A: No, I haven't, but my good friend (I won't use names to save him the embarrassment) has. Lemme collar him here...

"I have. Two, in fact. All that talk really hurt my head...plus it was just plain freaky! I finally got fed up with it and knocked him out with one of my attacks. It taught him to shut up, but I wouldn't try it if he's a level higher than you are. I learned that the hard way. However, I've found that anyone who even mentions Hydrophobic Fish always seems to be allergic to pepper....Perhaps you should bring some along, just in case."

*coughs* Does that help?

Q: Dear Angemon,

Elecmon is my 2nd best Digimon role model( your my best role modle). I try to be like him but I can't do his Super Thunder Strike attack. I get very close though. Can you tell me why I can't do it?

P1000pikachu

A: Are you red with purple stripes? You have to be red with purple stripes, or else you won't do a proper Super Thunder Strike. And I mean, you must have the exact number of stripes that he has. A Pikachu (I assume that's what you are) only has three, so don't count on it to work. I think it's time to see a Digi-hairdresser....

Q: Hey Angemon,

I was wondering, do you have any other attacks besides "Hand of Fate?"

DigiDavis86

A: At last, another intellegent person! Actually, I do have another attack, but it's only a physical one, which is why I don't call it out like I do Hand of Fate. It is called the Angel Rod, where I simply weild my staff as a weapon.

Q: Dear Angemon,

If run I into a Gazimon and he asks me to dive off a cliff with him, what do I do??

Gatomon122

A: Do it! ^_^

Q: Dear Angemon,

Hey! You are the best Digimon there is!!! I'm a fairly new Digidestined and I would like to know some things about a Digimon's health and behavior. Do Digimon need rabies shots? Since you are a Digimon I thought that you might know. Also when a Digimon misbehaves, what do you do? Oh by the way, I think your wings are soooo beautiful! ^_^ I also love your hair!

ANONYMOUS

A: No, we Digimon are all very healthy, (Well, not all of us...some are very sick in the head, although I won't mention any names) but we don't need rabies shots at all. We also are perfect Angels, if you pardon the expression, but if we do do something bad, the worst thing you can do to us is not give us food. >_< "Time outs" work especially well with baby and In-Training Digimon, however. Oh, and thank you for the comments! ^-^

Dear Angemon,

I have a big problem. I was flying over File Island when a stray Celestial Arrow hit me. Well me being an angel, I didn't mind, but now I'm starting to have prblems. The feathers on that wing are falling out, and it's really annoying me. Since you know Angewomon better than me, can you tell me how to stop this. If this keeps up I won't be able to do my hobby anymore, jumping out windows, and I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't do that.

ArcAngemon

A: Don't take it out on Angewomon. She has been known to have a temper, but I do know that she has nothing against you. The fact of the matter is that you're suffering from molting...or perhaps Angel Pattern Baldness. It was just coincidence that the arrow struck that same wing, but hey, it happens to the best of us. I wouldn't sweat it if I were you, but if it is Angel Pattern Baldness and you can't jump out windows, mabye you can jump off of cliffs instead!

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Well, I'm sure you've had quite enough "wisdom" from the intricately delicate mind (*cough*) of Angemon. If you have a question you need answered, you can submit your cry for help by clicking HERE. I will review all messages before forewarding them to Angemon@heavensgate.com.