Act I -- pg 7

(Sally appears at Snoopy's doghouse and blows a horn. Snoopy screams.)
SALLY:
Alright, everybody out for rabbit chasing.

SNOOPY:
Oh good grief.

(She blows a horn again and Snoopy screams again.)

SALLY:
Come on Snoopy. Up and attum! It's a magnificent day for chasing rabbits. The air is clear, the sun is shining, the fields and woodlands lie open and inviting.

SNOOPY:
If it's such a magnificent day why spoil it for the rabbits?

(She blows the horn.)

SALLY:
Come on Snoopy. Where's that old thrill of the chase? Where's your spirit of adventure? What kind of dog are you anyway?

SNOOPY:
I'm a sleeping dog... you take it from there.

SALLY:
You should be ashamed of yourself, wasting a perfectly good day like this. The scent is fresh, The trail is clear. Let's get out there and track us down a big ol'rabbit.

SNOOPY:
Well, I get the feeling she's determined. Okay, if that's what she wants, she might as well get her money's worth.

SALLY:
Atta boy Snoopy, We autta see lots of game today.

(They begin the rabbit chase... first to the tune of the William Tell Overture, then the Peter Gunn Theme song, next CHASING, WE'RE BOTH RABBIT CHASING (to the tune of the Lawrence of Arabia theme song.) Then that mystery music. Then the Bunny Hop.)

CHARLIE BROWN:
Sometimes when you're depressed, all you want to do is nothing. All you want to do is lean your head on you arm and stare into space. Sometimes this can go on for hours. If your unusually depressed you may have to change arms.
(The Mission Impossible theme starts playing.)

SALLY:
Go, go, go, go, go, go, go!

SNOOPY:
Ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, ro, ro!

SALLY:
Look out... Look out...

LUCY:
Schroeder, what did you do with that picture I gave you?

SCHROEDER:
I threw it away.

LUCY:
With your own hands?

SCHROEDER:
Of course.

LUCY:
He touched my picture.

(The theme music from Hawaii 5/0 plays and Sally and Snoopy surf across the stage.)

CHARLIE BROWN:
This has been a bad time for me. Maybe if I'm lucky, tomorrow will be a better day.

LINUS:
In some parts of the world tomorrow is already today, and today is yesterday. If tomorrow is already today Charlie Brown, there's no way that tomorrow could be a better day.

CHARLIE BROWN:
You're a lot of fun to have around.

SONG: BOOK REPORT

SALLY AND SNOOPY:
CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS,
CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS,
CHASING RABBITS, CHASING RABBITS....

LINUS:
Rabbits!

SCHROEDER:
Rabbits!

LUCY:
Rabbits!

CHARLIE BROWN:
Rabbits!

LUCY:
A BOOK REPORT ON PETER RABBIT, PETER RABBIT, PETER RA-

LINUS:
A BOOK REPORT ON PETER RABBIT, PETER RA-

SCHROEDER:
A BOOK REPORT ON PETER RABBIT, RA-

CHARLIE BROWN:
A BOOK REPORT ON PETER RA-

ALL:
-ABBIT

LUCY:
PETER RABBIT. . .
IS THIS STUPID BOOK
ABOUT THIS STUPID RABBIT WHO STEALS
VEGETABLES FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S GARDENS.

One, two, three, four. five , six seven , eight,
nine, ten, eleven, twelve thirteen ,
fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen.
Eighty-three to go.

SCHROEDER:
THE NAME OF THE BOOK ABOUT WHICH,
THIS BOOK REPORT IS ABOUT IS,
PETER RABBIT,
WHICH IS ABOUT THIS
RABBIT.
I FOUND IT VERY...
I LIKED THE PART WHERE...
IT WAS A...
IT REMINDED ME OF ROBIN HOOD.
AND THE PART WHERE LITTLE JOHN JUMPED FROM THE ROCK
TO THE SHERIFF OF NOTTINGHAM'S BACK.
AND THEN ROBIN AND EVERYONE SWUNG FROM THE TREES
IN A SUDDEN SURPRISE ATTACK.
AND THEY CAPTURED THE SHERIFF AND ALL OF HIS GOODS,
AND THEY CARRIED HIM BACK TO THEIR CAMP IN THE WOODS,
AND THE SHERIFF WAS GUEST AT THEIR DINNER AND ALL,
BUT HE WRIGGLED AWAY AND HE SOUNDED THE CALL
AND HIS MEN RUSHED IN AND THE ARROWS FLEW
PETER RABBIT DID SORT OF THAT KIND OF THING TOO.

LUCY:
THE OTHER PEOPLE'S NAME WAS MACGREGOR.

Eighteen, nineteen, twenty,
twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three.
Hmmm.

LINUS:
 In examining a work such as Peter Rabbit, it is important that the superficial characteristics of its deceptively simple plot should not be allowed to blind the reader to the more substantial fabric of its deeper motivations. In this report, I plan to discuss the sociological implications of family pressures so great as to drive an otherwise moral rabbit to perform acts of thievery which he consciously knew were against the law. I also hope to explore the personality of Mr. MacGregor in his conflicting roles as farmer and humanitarian. Peter Rabbit is established from the start as a benevolent hero. . .

CHARLIE BROWN:
IF I START WRITING NOW
WHEN I'M NOT REALLY RESTED
IT COULD UPSET MY THINKING
WHICH IS NOT GOOD AT ALL.
I'LL GET A FRESH START TOMORROW
AND IT'S NOT DUE TILL WEDNESDAY,
SO I'LL HAVE ALL OF TUESDAY,
UNLESS SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN.
WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN
I SHOULD BE OUTSIDE PLAYING,
GETTING FRESH AIR AND SUNSHINE,
I WORK BEST UNDER PRESSURE
AND THERE'LL BE LOTS OF PRESSURE
IF I WAIT TILL TOMORROW,
I SHOULD START WRITING NOW.
BUT IF I START WRITING NOW WHEN
I'M NOT REALLY RESTED,
IT COULD UPSET MY THINKING WHICH IS NO GOOD AT ALL.

LUCY:
THE NAME OF THE RABBIT WAS PETER.

Twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six,
Twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine,
Thirty. Yes!!

SCHROEDER:
DOWN CAME THE STAFF ON HIS HEAD
SMASH!
AND ROBIN FELL LIKE A SACK FULL OF LEAD
CRASH!
THE SHERIFF LAUGHED AND HE LEFT HIM FOR DEAD
HA!
BUT HE WAS WRONG.

LUCY:
Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty-seven, thirty-eight, thirty-nine, forty. . .

SCHROEDER:
JUST THEN AN ARROW FLEW IN.
WHING!
IT WAS THE SIGN FOR THE FIGHT TO BEGIN
ZING!
AND THEN IT LOOKED LIKE THE SHERIFF WOULD WIN
AH!
BUT NOT FOR LONG.
AWAY THEY RAN.
JUST LIKE RABBITS,
WHO RUN A LOT,
AS YOU CAN TELL
FROM THE STORY
OF PETER RABBIT.
WHICH THIS REPORT
IS ABOUT.

SALLY AND SNOOPY:
(Running across the stage singing)

RABBITS RABBITS RABBITS RABBITS CHASING RABBITS

CHARLIE BROWN: (who is by this time a mess from all the tension)
HOW DO THEY EXPECT US TO WRITE A BOOK REPORT . . .

LUCY:
THERE WERE VEGETABLES IN THE GARDEN....

CHARLIE BROWN:
 ...OF ANY QUALITY
IN JUST TWO DAYS.

LUCY:
SUCH AS CARROTS AND SPINACH
AND ONIONS

CHARLIE BROWN:
HOW CAN THEY
CONSPIRE TO MAKE LIFE SO MISERABLE
AND SO EFFECTIVELY
IN SO MANY WAYS. 

LUCY: 
AND LETTUCE
AND TURNIPS AND PARSLEY
AND OKRA AND CABBAGE
AND STRING BEANS AND PARSNIPS
TOMATOES, POTATOES, ASPARAGUS
CAULIFLOWER, RHUBARB, AND CHIVES..

LINUS: 
Not to mention the extreme pressure exerted on him by his deeply rooted rivalry with Flopsy, Mopsy, and Cottontail!!! 

LUCY:  
PETER RABBIT IS THIS
STUPID BOOK
ABOUT A STUPID RABBIT
WHO STEALS VEGETABLES
FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S GARDENS.
GARDENS, GARDENS.

Seventy-five, seventy-six,
Seventy-seven, seventy-eight,
Seventy-nine, Eighty
Eighty-one, Eighty-two. 

CHARLIE BROWN:
IF I START WRITING NOW
WHEN I'M NOT REALLY RESTED
IT COULD UPSET MY THINKING
WHICH IS NOT GOOD AT ALL.
NOT GOOD AT ALL.
OH
FIRST THING AFTER DINNER
I'LL START. 

SCHROEDER:
THE NAME OF THIS BOOK ABOUT WHICH
THIS BOOK REPORT IS ABOUT IS
PETER RABBIT, PETER RABBIT.
ALL FOR ONE,
EVERY MAN DOES HIS PART.
OH

LUCY:
AND THEY WERE VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY
VERY, VERY HAPPY TO BE HOME  

SCHROEDER/ SALLY/ SNOOPY: 
THE END. 

LUCY:  
Ninety-four, ninety-five. . .

THE VERY, VERY, VERY END. 

LINUS:
AMEN. 

CHARLIE BROWN:
A BOOK REPORT ON PETER RAB. . . . 

CHARLIE BROWN:
...BIT

JUST START WRITING
YOU CAN DO IT
NOTHING TO IT
GOT TO START....

SCHROEDER:
PETER RABBIT WAS A LOT LIKE ROBIN HOOD
PETER RABBIT WAS A LOT LIKE ROBIN HOOD.....

LINUS:
SOCIOLOGICAL IMPLICATIONS
JOINED WITH FAMILIAL CONDEMNATIONS....

LUCY:
PETER RABBIT (8 times)....

SALLY AND SNOOPY:
RABBIT (4 times)....

ALL:
RABBIT (7 times)....

CHARLIE BROWN:
I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET!

ALL:
PETER RABBIT!

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