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The Mushroom Wars
The Story of The Mushroom Wars

This story begins deep in Campbell's soup labs, where Dr. Guggenheim was working on a new substance that kept Cream of Mushroom Soup from rotting. Unfortunately, he didn't realize that this mixture also made the soup extremely toxic, so the factory's employees had to wear full body suits and carry compressed air tanks at all times. The soup was transferred to a top secret Campbell's Soup research facility in the Southwestern US. The mixture also caused an interdimensional link to The Mushroom Zone, where giant (slightly smaller than human), walking, talking mushrooms with arms and legs run amok (Descriptions and Pictures of the Mushrooms). The Mushrooms made their purpose clear by using their Anti-Human rays to turn all of the factory's workers into mushrooms. They went on to declare the facility their base.

And so begins the story of The Mushroom Wars,
a twisted tale of human vs. mushroom, skull tank vs. Smithmobile, and Anti-Human Ray vs. Anti-Mushroom Ray. This bizarre tale begins in late 1998 A.D., and continues into 2080 M.E. (Mushroom Empire). But this is not all. Part Two, Mushroom Wars: Aftermath, is still being written. Will the madness ever end? Stay tuned.
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The Battle Continues

After The Mushrooms declared the facility their base, they went about constructing a Mushroom Portal, which is a permanent version of the blip that brought them to earth. Through the portal they brought more mushrooms and Skull Warriors, a special type of mushroom with roots that are used as a stick figure body. With their new army, The Mushrooms attacked the neighboring towns and turned all of the inhabitants into lifeless, Portabella mushrooms. The humans' future did not look good, for The Mushrooms were wiping out more and more towns and cities, and it appeared as if no one could stop them. But then, some Campbell's Soup employees who just happened to have had the week off put on their body suits and air tanks and attacked The Mushrooms. Using their knowledge of Cream of Mushroom Soup and other areas of mushroom physics, the humans invented the Anti-Mushroom Ray, which turned mushrooms into harmless cherries. It also had a strange effect on the Skull Warriors. The Mushrooms finally had some competition.

The Mushrooms soon brought reinforcements from The Mushroom Zone, and they began to overpower the renegade humans. The humans further used their scientific knowledge to create such weapons as the Desint-o-Ray (pronounced dee sin + t  oh ray), the Vac-o-Matic, the Toast-o-Matic, and the Mutate-o-Ray. (Descriptions and Pictures of these weapons), but The Mushrooms outnumbered them 8,000 to 1. The humans enlisted more people to join their Anti-Mushroom army, including an insane attempted suicide bomber named Reeman, a fool named Ericson, a (very) heavy weapons expert named Smith, the constantly dying Johnson (or at least they keep cloning him and the clones keep dying), and a chef named Pierre (Descriptions and Pictures of the humans). With their new forces and a leader simply known as Commander, the humans were able to hold back The Mushrooms' forces for a while. The Mushrooms, however, once again brought reinforcements, this time with bigger guns. The Mushrooms finally gained control of the world in 2030 A.D., when they declared the planet Earth to be "The Mushroom Empire". Many humans were killed off in the battle, and most were mushroomized when The Mushrooms conquered the world. Some people, such as Smith (Please Note: even though all humans who fought at the beginning of The Mushroom Wars were dead long before the end of it and  were replaced by clones, the same name is used throughout this story, so it may seem that Smith lived to be 2,080 years old. Only his genetic code lasted that long. Or longer.) and Pierre didn't want to let The Mushrooms take over (for obvious reasons.) Smith became famous for jumping out of nowhere into battles the humans were loosing and shooting all of the mushrooms there. He modified a rocket launcher to fit his liking and caused The Mushrooms major losses. Pierre, on the other hand, opened up a fine eatery, invited cherries to dine, and served up sliced, burnt mushrooms by the basketfull. This was a great advantage to the humans, because Pierre used only the finest evil mushrooms in his meals. The cherries always nodded yes when presented with a plate of fried fungus.

 And so the fifteen fighting humans left (there were still thousands more hiding away in major cities and towns where The Mushrooms had overlooked them) were able to hold their ground.

The Final Battles


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