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Today Bibi ji left for her home.
It's strange how empty everything's feels.
She just came to us and said, "I have been called home."
My wife nearly broke down, She clung to her for the longest
time. They clung to each other. Bibi ji said, "I've been happy here," looking around. "Many changes have
happened, I have to return, I have my duty to serve, we are all bound by our karma's," and smiled. It was an ironic,
sort of sideways, half smile, but a smile none the less.
We even managed to learn do small keertan while she was here,
a start, like a tiny seed, that if watered, will grow. Not that I expect we will ever be able to do much more than satisfy
the longing of our own soul to taste Gurbani.
Still inspite of everything, all the progress we have made, there is
a gap, a big hole, I didn't realize until she was gone how much a
part of everything she was. Well to be sure we'll see
her at the next smagham.
I spent the afternoon with Sat Kartar Singh, he too is leaving. He has duties to serve
Singhs in other parts of the country. I never really realized how important he was. He was so humble and treated
us just like his own, always kept us close. It turns out that he is one of the most highly respected Singhs alive at this
time. I didn't find that out from him, rather some very self important fellows who came to collect him. He cleaned their
shoes, when they
were busy with arrangements.
Something inside has changed, even though Ifeel like a river that
is running dry. There is a feeling inside. Some other members of the sangat asked to come by later this week. We made
some plans for keertan. I'm not sure wahe they asked us, but it seemed to comfort them to do so. It comforted
me too. And my wife is already busy with the ladies, making plans for the langer.
I'm not sure wahe i feel like
weeping so much. Everything is here. Baba ji is here. We get up everyday, do paath, keertan. Life is full. My
heart is full, so full it is spilling over again and I can't stop the tears from flowing.
Maybe I need to get
a dog.
Maybe I just need a hug.
Maybe,... I just need Waheguru.
Waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru
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