I worry when I see my friends from high school.  I'm not the same person I was then and I worry that I'm not as good a person as I was then.

My marriage did make me cynical and living with Wayne hasn't helped.  I find that when I talk to D I judge him according to what I know of the other men in my acquaintance.  I am bitter and I can really be a bitch without too much effort at all.  In fact I slip into bitch mode if I don't make an effort to be nice. 

Me and Wayne recently had an arguement where he accused me of not caring anymore (oh, yeah that's as original as it got).  He said that even if I did care, I didn't show it and I argued that of course I showed it, I was there wasn't I?  Well over the next week I got to thinking.  With Violet's grandbaby in the hospital she was talking about her daughter in law distancing herself from the baby so it wouldn't hurt so much if he died.  I now wonder if I'm doing the same to Wayne.

I will try to be better to him, make more of an effort to be close.  I think that it may be harder than I like tho.  I'm not the same sweet girl the "innocent little flower" that I used to kid about being.  I left that flower behind long ago.