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I was born and raised in a United Pentecostal Church pastor's home, so I have attended church
my whole life. At around the age of 8 years old, I was exposed to pornography. That image has never left me. I am now 36 years
old. From the age of 8 until I was 18, I saw pornography occasionally, usually supplied by others. This was primarily in magazine
form but not limited to magazines. I remember nearing my 18th birthday and thinking that I would be able to purchase pornography
for myself. I would not have to rely on others. Shortly after my 18th birthday, I made my way into a store that sold porn
and I purchased my first magazine. Soon, I began to rent videos whenever I had the chance. I would wait for my parents to
go out of town to view the videos.
God directed me to go to Bible school. I knew I had a problem with porn, and I knew
I needed help. I thought since God wanted me to go to Bible school that He would automatically take the desire for porn away
when I went. He did not. While at Bible College, my porn habit went into hibernation. But when I returned home, I went and
purchased it. I thought God was not holding up His end of things. I did what He wanted, but He did not give me victory.
After
I returned home my problems with porn only got bigger. One year after attending a power packed Family Camp, I drove back home.
But instead of going straight home, I stopped at an adult bookstore. I had gone for a whole week without a "fix," and I just
had to get one.
God led me to the love of my life, Angela. We were married, and I once again thought that the problems
with porn would be gone. I now had the God-given right to have sex with my marriage partner, so I would no longer desire pornography.
I was wrong. Due to the easy access on the internet, I got to the point that I viewed pornography daily. When my children
were born, I thought, "Okay, now I have children, I have to stop." Well, I didn't.
Over the years I heard this subject
discussed on several occasions. It was only mentioned as something that should be avoided or as a problem of the world. "Don't
look at pornography, it isn't good for you." Pornography was rarely discussed as a real problem that could find its way into
men's lives in the church. It was always, "out there." It seemed as if the subject was glossed over because no one really
wanted to talk about it.
One of the times I heard it talked about was at Bible School. A student had purchased a pornographic
magazine and slid it under another student's door as a practical joke. All the men were called into a special chapel service.
We were told that pornography was to be avoided because of the dangers involved. In all of the times I heard it mentioned,
I never heard how to get set free if you were bound.
Throughout this entire time I knew God could deliver me from
my bondage, but I did not know where to turn for help or what else I needed to do. I only mentioned my problem to one or two
people. But I never asked for help because I didn't know who to ask or how to ask. I felt like I was drifting aimlessly, as
though I were surrounded by a cloud that I could not get out of. I asked God many times to clear the fog out of my mind. I
could not think straight.
Finally, God answered my prayer. It was a long time in coming, but God always has a purpose
behind what He does. I wish God would have answered sooner, but now I feel that this ministry is the reason.
A minister
came to our church in 1999. During a family meeting with him, he made me open up and tell my wife what I had, for so long,
tried to hide from her. I had to admit to her that I was hooked on pornography. From that time on, with her help and prayers,
I began my struggle for victory. It was not easy, but I made it. It took some time for me to overcome it, but God had a lot
to teach me.
In getting victory, I realized there is a vast lack of information on the subject of overcoming pornography
and sexual temptation. It was then that God placed the burden on me to make myself available to other men who have found themselves
in the same condition that I was in. I felt the need to research pornography from the standpoint of its negative effects on
individuals and on society as a whole. I want those of you who are struggling with it to know that victory is possible.
Sadly,
we have done a disservice by not talking about it. But I want to change that. My prayer is that I can help someone overcome
pornography and the bondage associated with it. Also, I want to show you that there is a need to discuss this in our churches.
Pornography is something that is affecting our world. Men and women are being affected by it, and the church must know how
to deal with it. We all know who to send the newly saved alcoholic to in our church. We send him/her to the people in our
church who God saved from alcohol. But, if we don't learn how to confront pornography, we will not know how to help those
who so desperately need it.
I have compiled much of what I learned through
this process onto this website. This is in no way everything that God showed me. Learning how to overcome pornography
takes time, patience, and determination. It also takes knowledge. More information is shared in the section called
"The Problem."
If I can do anything
for you, please feel free to ask. I believe in confidentiality. I will divulge nothing you say to me to anyone. I am here
to help you.
Rev. Steven L. Showalter
LISTEN TO STEVE'S
TESTIMONY
(Recorded live at The Church of Omaha, April 21, 2005)
Please excuse the openness and honesty. This may not
be appropriate for everyone due to the nature of the subject matter covered.
Each segment is approximately twenty minutes long.
Segment 1
Segment 2
Segment 3
Segment 4 |
