The Real Me

No one knows the real me, deep down inside where the real me lives No one understands me. It's like there's two of me: The one everyone sees, and the one deep down in my soul that no one ever sees. I can't talk to anyone about it, either, because no one understands the real me that lives deep in my soul, because they only see the me that I show to everyone else. I know I always seem like I'm happy-go-lucky, without a care in the world, but deep in my heart I am an orphan crying in the darkness, with no friends or life or family.

It's like I have two identities, and I never know what to do because most of the time one will go to work or some party with my friends, while the other just wants to sit at home alone and ponder the universe. In case you've lost track, the one going out to parties is the one I talked about earlier who everyone sees all the time, and the one sitting at home alone pondering the universe is the orphan crying in the darkness who no one ever sees living deep down in my soul.

I feel so alone, like I'm all by myself, and there's no one else there and everyone else is gone. And sometimes, I just feel so redundant, like my whole life I'm just repeating myself over and over and over, or just saying the same things again and again and again. I really hate it because it's like I'm never saying anything new or original, like everything I say has been said before and now I'm just saying them over again.

Why does life have to be so hard, and complicated? Why does everyone have to wear masks all the time? Why can't people just be who they are, without having to pretend to be who they're not?

You see, I may seem caustic and obnoxious, but underneath all that I'm lonely and vulnerable and caring. Underneath that, though, I'm caustic and obnoxious.

The Conspiracy

In 1958, a 4 year old boy was pronounced dead in a New Mexico Intensive Care Unit. Two days later, the same young boy was signed out of the hospital by his father, millionaire industrialist Jonthan Baxter. The death certificate vanished.

In 1996, the Republican National Committe was voting on a candidate to run against Bill Clinton. The frontrunner at the time was a young New Mexico Senator named Jonathan Baxter, Jr. Baxter was first elected to Congress in 1980 and had served two terms on the House Armed Services Committee. He was young, handsome, charasmatic, and very conservative. The night before the Republican Primaries, however, he vanished.

When I say he vanished, I mean completely. You won't find any mention of him anywhere on the internet, in any back issue of any newspaper anywhere in the world, or in any Congressional Record.

Baxter had served a number of years as head of the International Security Commission. Founded as part of the charter of the United Nations in 1948, the ICS was given given far-reaching discretion in dealing with threats to international security, and yet continues to operate independently of any overseeing committee of agency. Not much is known abot their activites, but what is know is dark and disturbing.

The Commission began genetic engineering research soon after it was formed in 1948. One of its early successes was in the creation of a mutant strain of spinach that would allow them to genetically "tag" large populations. To encourage worldwide spinach consumption, the ICS authorized its agents in Hollywood to create a cartoon character that would come to be closely associated with spinach, while at the same time building public trust in a militaristic image. Thus, Popeye was born.

The recipe for Coca-Cola? They know it. It includes mind-control compounds developed in Nazi Germany. McDonald's secret sauce? They made it. It contains radioactive isotopes that allow the Commision to study the effects of Theta radiation on humans. The one-armed man on "The Fugitive" was one of their agents, as was Maxwell Smart, Inspector Gadget, and the Gilligan look-alike that spoke with a Russian accent. Where do you think the ladies on Gilligan's Island got all their clothes from?

They faked the moon landing. They had a hand in every assassination since the 1950's, including MLK, Sadat, both Kennedys, Netenyahu, Batista, and Somoza. No movie or TV show gets made without their approval. They pre-select the winners of every World Cup, World Series, Super Bowl, and Stanley Cup. They engineered the incidents at Three-Mile Island, the Love Canal, and Chernobyl. They even have huge warehouses full of mismatched socks and kid's retainers.

They're everywhere. They see and hear all. They know where you live, they control what you see and do, and they exercise absolute control over every living being on earth. They can make empires and topple civilizations.

That's why I'm applying for a job with them. Wish me luck.