October 20, 2019:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

"The stress is unbearable," First Lady Melania BREAKS HER SILENCE (IT); Angelina most hated woman in Hollywood! (Enquirer); Why they said "I DON'T", Stars who never married, Diane Keaton, Jacqueline Bisset, Matthew Perry, Al Pacino, Sheryl Crow (Examiner); Prince Andrew teen sex slave tells all! (Globe)
"The stress is unbearable," First Lady Melania BREAKS HER SILENCE (IT); Angelina most hated woman in Hollywood! (Enquirer); Why they said "I DON'T", Stars who never married, Diane Keaton, Jacqueline Bisset, Matthew Perry, Al Pacino, Sheryl Crow (Examiner); Prince Andrew teen sex slave tells all! (Globe)
LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Jane Etta Darrig wrote Sun 10/13/19 @10:10 CDT re Indi-
ana's "nonbinary gender" driver's license issue:

Just drop 'em!  I'll tell you what your "gender" is!

rayblagg.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted fugitivees of the week): Ronald Ray Blagg, WM, 62, 5'7", 165 lbs, DUI x3; Angel Roman Medina, HM, 21, 5'10", 180 lbs, vehicle burglary x3; KaylaJones, BF, 21, 5'3", 230 lbs, Yorkshire hog x3, controlled substs.; Stephen Rodriguez, HM, 41, 6'0", 200 lbs, theft x3; Jeremy Thomas Ostovich, WM, 35, 5'7", 175 lbs, theft by check x3 (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
rayblagg.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas) (Texoma's most wanted fugitivees of the week): Ronald Ray Blagg, WM, 62, 5'7", 165 lbs, DUI x3; Angel Roman Medina, HM, 21, 5'10", 180 lbs, vehicle burglary x3; KaylaJones, BF, 21, 5'3", 230 lbs, Yorkshire hog x3, controlled substs.; Stephen Rodriguez, HM, 41, 6'0", 200 lbs, theft x3; Jeremy Thomas Ostovich, WM, 35, 5'7", 175 lbs, theft by check x3 (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
       tederick.jpg Wanted in Waco: Tederick Bessie, BM, 36, 5'11", 175 lbs, robbery (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Johanna Michelle Basks, WF, 52, 5'4", 50 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Krystal Dawn Anderson, BF, 36, 5'7", 290 lbs (Yorkshire hog), tattoos right eyebrow, left shoulder, right leg & arm, prob. viol. (aggr. assault) (Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
tederick.jpg Wanted in Waco: Tederick Bessie, BM, 36, 5'11", 175 lbs, robbery (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Johanna Michelle Basks, WF, 52, 5'4", 50 lbs, probation violation (burglary); Krystal Dawn Anderson, BF, 36, 5'7", 290 lbs (Yorkshire hog), tattoos right eyebrow, left shoulder, right leg & arm, prob. viol. (aggr. assault) (Sedgwick County (Kansas) Sheriff)
Dumb news from Indiana:
An Indianapolis woman said she was being harassed for  con-
tinuing  to search for her baby  who  has  been  missing  since
March,  when she was 8 months old. . . .

A boy found a newborn baby in a plastic bag, alive, under a tree
in Seymour. . . .

A  Richmond  woman  who warned a school last year  that  her
14- year-old son was on the way to shoot up the school (not his
school) was arrested on
six felony charges including dangerous
control of a child and five counts of neglect of a dependent (the
boy turned his gun on himself and died when police confronted
him at the school).
                                                                            [courtesy LEX18]

A fire in a large barn loft in LaPorte County killed about 2,000 ra-
cing pigeons
.
                                                          [courtesy Columbus Republic]
kwansydo.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Reginald Brown, BM, 5'9", 130 lbs, counerfeiting; Cynthia Kwansy, WF, 5'6", 130 lbs, meth, paraphernalia; Dominique Lockard, WM, 5'0", 120 lbs, child molesting (Michiana Crime Stoppers)        
kwansydo.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Reginald Brown, BM, 5'9", 130 lbs, counerfeiting; Cynthia Kwansy, WF, 5'6", 130 lbs, meth, paraphernalia; Dominique Lockard, WM, 5'0", 120 lbs, child molesting (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
christim.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Dominique and Cynthia, Chrisi and Malachi
christim.jpg Celebrity lookalikes: Dominique and Cynthia, Chrisi and Malachi

Three students were hospitalized for "vaping" an unknown "Dab
Pen
" substance in Leitchfield, and three more were treated. . . .

Footage  from a 2016 event  at  the  Knob Creek Range
Machine
Gun
Night (near Fort Knox)  was used in a bogus video of Turks
slaying Kurds broadcast on ABC television.
                
                                                                [courtesy LEX18]
jamauryo.jpg Bluegrass Crime Stoppers wanted person of the week, Jamaur Yocum, 31, 5' 10", 160 lbs, residential burglary, 859-253-2020
jamauryo.jpg Bluegrass Crime Stoppers wanted person of the week, Jamaur Yocum, 31, 5' 10", 160 lbs, residential burglary, 859-253-2020

pamleca.jpg Pamela Callahan, WF, 50, 5'7", 130 lbs, criminal ingratiation; Christina Alexander, WF, 26, 110 lbs, pushing her dog to poop in front of the postman and then spreading the rresults on his face after he placed bills in her mailbox; Oddessey Howard, BF, 27, 5'6", 110 lbs, criminal ingratiation; Misty Wilson, WF, 36, 5'1", 150 lbs, attempted prostitution; Kendra Palmer, WF, 44, criminal idolatry; Torrey Philon, BF, 25, 5'4", 215 lbs (Yorkshire hog of the week), avenue walking) (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)  
pamleca.jpg Pamela Callahan, WF, 50, 5'7", 130 lbs, criminal ingratiation; Christina Alexander, WF, 26, 110 lbs, pushing her dog to poop in front of the postman and then spreading the rresults on his face after he placed bills in her mailbox; Oddessey Howard, BF, 27, 5'6", 110 lbs, criminal ingratiation; Misty Wilson, WF, 36, 5'1", 150 lbs, attempted prostitution; Kendra Palmer, WF, 44, criminal idolatry; Torrey Philon, BF, 25, 5'4", 215 lbs (Yorkshire hog of the week), avenue walking) (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)
                                cynthiaa.jpg Perps of Paducah: Anthony Lynn, 32, bail jumping, 3 counties; Cynthia A. Javor, 56, meth; Corey K. Copeland, 18, bail jumping, meth (McCracken County Sheriff)
cynthiaa.jpg Perps of Paducah: Anthony Lynn, 32, bail jumping, 3 counties; Cynthia A. Javor, 56, meth; Corey K. Copeland, 18, bail jumping, meth (McCracken County Sheriff)
Quotation of the week:
                                        "It doesn't make America great again; it makes Russia great
                                          again."
                                                          – Amy Klobuchar, in the latest Democratic presiden-
                                                              tial debate, referring to recent U.S. foreign policy


Quotation of the weak
:
                                        "
They didn’t help us in the Second World War."
                                                                                                                       Donald Strump,
                                                                                                                         
speaking of Kurds

Quotation of the Wheat (offered the Queen Latifah awarrd):

                                                            "I would rather fuck my wife.
"

                                                                                                              
– Leonard Simon
Birthdays:
                    October 14:  Natalie Maines, 45
                                         Cliff Richard, 79
                                         Ralph Lauren, 80
                                         Gary Graffman, 91
                                         Mobutu Sese Seko (1930-1997)

                    October 15:  Barry McGuire, 84
                    October 16: 
Angela Lansbury, 94
                    October 17:  Gary Puckett, 77
                    October 18:  Martina Navratilova, 63
                                         Mike Ditka, 80
                                         Lee Harvey Oswald (1939-1963)
                                         Pierre Trudeau (1919-2000)
                    October 19:  Peter Max, 82
                                         David John Moore Cornwell ("John Le Carré"), 88
                    October 20:  Wanda Jackson, 82
Deaths:
              Harold Bloom, 89

              Elijah Cummings, 68
              Eugene "Gene" Carta, 87

                   
                                        [Louisville Courier-Journal]




Borf 's weekly BONUS:
A tanker truck flipped in Wooster, Ohio,  spilling 6,000 gallons of milk.
. . . A Michigan judge enjoined enforcement of the state's "vaping" ban.
. . . A 12-year-old boy was suspended from school
  in  Worster,  Massa-
chusetts
for hugging his woman gym teacher. . . . A waitress was fired
from
Fat Joe's Bar & Grill in Fond du Lac, Wisconsin,  for  refusing  to
serve patrons disparaging a "transgender woman"  (check out the video
– what's that black spot beneath the waitress' nose?  – she shoulda been
fired for that alone). . . .  A U.S. judge ruled unconstitutional a Virginia
law requiring couples applying for marriage licenses  to  disclose  their
races. . . . A woman in West Valley City, Utah, was charged with lewd-
ness before children  for baring her chest in front of her stepchildren at
her home.  .  .  .  A woman was shot in the leg in a pickup truck,  while
waiting for a train to pass in  Enid, Oklahoma,  by a Labrador retriever
that stepped on the trigger of a .22 pistol on the seat of the cab. .  .  . A
woman was found living in her van with more than 300 pet rats in San
Diego, California. . . . A man spread 12,000 sheet rock screws on roads
in Sherburne County, Minnesota, between his former girl friend's home
and  the  home  of a man with whom she was in a new relationship  (he
screwed the public with an epidemic of flat tires). . . . Jennifer Aniston
nosed out Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan as the  fastest  to  gain  a
million followers on Instantspam  Instagram,  in 5 hours 16 minutes, o-
ver their 5:45.

                                                               [courtesy Harper's,
LEX18, AP]

Unopened e-mail last week included five messages in one minute from "dwright@pemb.org,"
        three with titles beginning "Hello, there!", one titled "Hi, there! . . . " and one titled "Hey
        there! He shall not come inside the camp, but!"
and three more messages from "Clutterbook"
        "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


 

DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events are invi-
ted  to attend the Weekly World News Round Table at the  offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
ville, Kentucky, just after church every Sunday.  Guest speakers lined up for meetings in the near
future include
hongramy.jpg   and   
tawfeeqm.jpg
hongramy.jpg Hong Ramy tawfeeqm.jpg Mariam Tawfeeq Matlaq

Dear Eleanor:
                            My best friend and I are both male and 25.   We
                            have been friends since third grade.   We were a-
                            part for four years of college and two years after
                            because we worked in different states.  He's now
                            been transferred and lives and works a few miles
                            from where I do.  We  see  each  other  frequently
                            and often double date.

                            But he recently shared a secret after pledging me
                            to secrecy.  He's a cross-dresser.  He says he's not
                            gay, and I believe him.  He has pictures he had ta-
                            ken professionally in which he is completely fem-
                            inine and even beautiful.  He says he's been dress-
                            ing up since the age of 12.

                            Now he wants us to go out in public as  a  couple.
                            He's small and would easily pass, but I'm just not
                            into it.  And what would I tell my girl friend?  He
                            says if I won't, I'm not a true friend;  I say he isn't.
                            Is there a way to resolve this?

                                                                                 Tested in Tampa
Dear Testicles:
                            If he's not gay, you reckon he might be "trans"?

                            Hell, no, don't go!  What would you tell your girl
                            friend?

                            And if you're sworn  to  secrecy,  how  could  you

                            write me that letter?  Get a life.


shatarao.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Shatara Oshunkentan, 31, family violance; Taneshay Newsome, 26; Irma Borders, 34, marijuana, paraphernalia; Leslie Lacy, 31, controlled substances; Selina Parsons, 25, assault w/ deadly weapon; Briana Adams, 25; Beatriz Bolina, 35; Ashley Holcomb, 27, burglary
shatarao.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Shatara Oshunkentan, 31, family violance; Taneshay Newsome, 26; Irma Borders, 34, marijuana, paraphernalia; Leslie Lacy, 31, controlled substances; Selina Parsons, 25, assault w/ deadly weapon; Briana Adams, 25; Beatriz Bolina, 35; Ashley Holcomb, 27, burglary

The sports:
The New York Yankees  accused the Houston Astros
of whistling from the dugout to signal pitches thrown
to their teammates  in the first game  of the American
League  baseball  championship  series  (won  by  the
Yankees, 7-0;  the Astros won the series,  4 games  to
2, and will go on to the Whirled Ceres against the Na-
tional Expos). . . . Another horse died at Keeneland.

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:

      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without  quotation  marks,  and  without
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have a special filter to detect that.)


lifelead.jpg "Take us to your leader" "Only if you promise to take him back with you" Life Saver Dude: Who needs impeachment?
lifelead.jpg "Take us to your leader" "Only if you promise to take him back with you" Life Saver Dude: Who needs impeachment?

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

  270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



October 13, 2019:   Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:

VA hospital horror, war hero eaten by ants (Enquirer); Queen Elizabeth's amazing marriage secret, the reason her love affair with Prince Philip has lasted 72 years (Examiner); 'Friends' tell all! 'Why we hated Jen' (Star); Kelly & Ellen: Ugly feud explodes (Globe); RFK Jr. finds dad's real killer (Enquirer)

VA hospital horror, war hero eaten by ants (Enquirer); Queen Elizabeth's amazing marriage secret, the reason her love affair with Prince Philip has lasted 72 years (Examiner); 'Friends' tell all! 'Why we hated Jen' (Star); Kelly & Ellen: Ugly feud explodes (Globe); RFK Jr. finds dad's real killer (Enquirer)
Dumb news from Indiana:
Wabash College quit printing diplomas on sheepskin. . . .

The man accused of abandoning his adopted daughter in Lafayette
after having her age changed says the girl was really an adult who
had tried to hurt and kill him and his wife on multiple occasions. . . .

A school bus with 30
pupils aboard drove off a road in Noble Coun-
ty road and tipped over (only three were injured). . . .

The state put on hold a plan for "nonbinary gender" designations on
driver's licenses.
                                                             [courtesy Columbus Republic]
  montygei.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Monty Geier, WM, 5'9", 140 lbs, meth, common nuisance; Rachael Boggs, WF, 5'5", 120 lbs, meth; Devin Rios, WM, 5'8", 145 lbs, theft (Michiana Crimes Stoppers - thank GAWD for the return of the hopeless whites)
montygei.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Monty Geier, WM, 5'9", 140 lbs, meth, common nuisance; Rachael Boggs, WF, 5'5", 120 lbs, meth; Devin Rios, WM, 5'8", 145 lbs, theft (Michiana Crimes Stoppers - thank GAWD for the return of the hopeless whites)
Dumb news from Kentucky:
The  Edmonson  County  News  reported  an  indictment  for
"tampering with sexual abuse." . . .

Fitz, Rocket and Walt are the finalists  among  15,000  entries
submitted to name the newborn elephant calf at the Louisville
Zoo.
               
                                                           [courtesy LEX18]

lincolns.jpg
    The ugliest President in U.S. history was five-upped at the annual Lin-
    coln Days Festival in Hodgenville, where it is said he was born. . . .

                  marytodd.jpg
             And here are the Mary Todd Lincoln lookalike contestants. . . .

                                    [photos by Gabi Broekema,  College Heights Her-
                                     ald, Western Kentucky University, Bowling Green
]

baughman.jpg Lexington's most wanted (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader): Ralph Baughman Jr., WM, 37. 5'9", 145 lbs, hiding from police; Gretchen Lunsford, WF, 3, 200 lbs (height not listed, but she sure looks like a Yorkshire hog), invading a barnyard & wallowing; Tracy Phelps, WF, 35, 4'10", 105 lbs, looking for love in all the wrong places; Jaime Thornton, WF, 42, 5'10", 130 lbs, breaking mirrors in department stores; Nicholas Stone, WM, 28, 5'7", 195 lbs, stealing kids' dope

baughman.jpg Lexington's most wanted (dragged kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader): Ralph Baughman Jr., WM, 37. 5'9", 145 lbs, hiding from police; Gretchen Lunsford, WF, 3, 200 lbs (height not listed, but she sure looks like a Yorkshire hog), invading a barnyard & wallowing; Tracy Phelps, WF, 35, 4'10", 105 lbs, looking for love in all the wrong places; Jaime Thornton, WF, 42, 5'10", 130 lbs, breaking mirrors in department stores; Nicholas Stone, WM, 28, 5'7", 195 lbs, stealing kids' dope

Quotation of the week:
                                        "Just marry one woman."
                                                                                      Elizabeth Warren


Quotation of the Wheat
     (on a rainy day):
                                          "Well, dam the creeks up."
                                                                                         – Leonard Simon


angelrom.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week): Angel Roman Medina, HM, 21, 5'10", 180 lbs, burglary; Shannon Allen, WF, 38, 5'5", 127 lbs, unauthorized use of motor vehic.; Patrick Michael Rogers, 52, 5'5", 151 lbs, DUIx3; Carlos Byrd, BM, 26, 6'4", 250 lbs, probation violation (marijuana); Jaden Green, BF 22, 5'7", 135 lbs, Surety off bond (con. sub.) (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)
angelrom.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week): Angel Roman Medina, HM, 21, 5'10", 180 lbs, burglary; Shannon Allen, WF, 38, 5'5", 127 lbs, unauthorized use of motor vehic.; Patrick Michael Rogers, 52, 5'5", 151 lbs, DUIx3; Carlos Byrd, BM, 26, 6'4", 250 lbs, probation violation (marijuana); Jaden Green, BF 22, 5'7", 135 lbs, Surety off bond (con. sub.) (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

Birthdays: 
                    October 7:  Vladimir Putin, 67
                                       John Mellencamp, 68
                                       Desmond Tutu, 88
                                       Joel Emmanuel Hägglund ("Joe Hill," 1879-1915)
                    October 8:  Soon-Yi Previn, 49
                                       Sigourney Weaver, 70
                                       Susan Raye, 75
                                       Jesse Jackson, 78
                    October 9:  Sean Lennon, 44
                                       Sharon Osbourne, 67
                                       Dionysius the Justified (1261-1325)
                    October 10:  Dale Earnhardt Jr., 45
                                         Tanya Tucker, 61
                                         Ben Vereen, 73
                                         John Prine,73
                                         Adlai E. Stevenson III, 89
                                         Thelonius Monk (1917-1982)
                    October 11:  Michelle Wie, 30
                                         Art Blakey (1919-1990)
                                         Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962)
                    October 12:  Nancy Kerrigan, 50
                                        
Tony Kubek, 84
                    October 13:  Tiffany Trump, 26
                                         Marie Osmond, 60
                                         Lacy J. Dalton, 73
                                         Paul Simon, 78
                                         Pharoah Sanders, 79
                                         Jamal Khashoggi (1958-2018)
Deaths:
              Peter Edward "Ginger" Baker
, 80
              Mouseketeer Karen Pendleton, 73
              Lometta French, 80
              Kei'andre Grinstead
             
Ann Luella "Momma Ann" Grundy Pope, 80
             
Jane Louise Lewis (Janie Lou) Tandy
  
                                                                             [Louisville Courier-Journal]


markdanl.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Mark Daniel Sears, WM, 55, 5'10", 175 lbs, endangering a child, false egg head; Ntimoirangeza Busago, BF, 28, 5'3", 140 lbs, injury to a child; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Carlos Amando Flores, WM, 20, 5'9", 170 lbs, tattoos left temple, cursive "Y", neck "Familia" and lips, right forearm Mexican eagle, right wrist "JOSUE" and flower, probation violation (multiple offenses); Larry Allen Hooper, WM, a/k/a Larry Shuler, 52, 6'0", 160 lbs, tattoos left arm Batman symbol, right arm "Devil", right shouldeer cowboy & skull, probation violation (burglary); Travis Eugene Head, WM, 39, 5'11", 175 lbs, tattoo on right shoulder "Joker", probation violation (opiates, escape (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Kansas Sheriff)
markdanl.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Mark Daniel Sears, WM, 55, 5'10", 175 lbs, endangering a child, false egg head; Ntimoirangeza Busago, BF, 28, 5'3", 140 lbs, injury to a child; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Carlos Amando Flores, WM, 20, 5'9", 170 lbs, tattoos left temple, cursive "Y", neck "Familia" and lips, right forearm Mexican eagle, right wrist "JOSUE" and flower, probation violation (multiple offenses); Larry Allen Hooper, WM, a/k/a Larry Shuler, 52, 6'0", 160 lbs, tattoos left arm Batman symbol, right arm "Devil", right shouldeer cowboy & skull, probation violation (burglary); Travis Eugene Head, WM, 39, 5'11", 175 lbs, tattoo on right shoulder "Joker", probation violation (opiates, escape (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Kansas Sheriff)

Borf 's weekly BONUS:
Hunters were warned of stumbling, drooling "zombie" deer with chron-
ic wasting disease in 24 states. . . . Mattel unveiled a Judge Barbie doll,
in a variety of skin tones and hair styles. . . .  A bridegroom was charg-
ed with sexual assault of a bridesmaid  at a prenuptial party in Monroe
County, Pennsylvania (they were caught by the bride  –  but the couple
did get married). . . . A bride-to-be in Crockett, Texas, ratted out her fi-
ancée for robbing a bank to buy her wedding ring  (he's in jail; so they
haven't married yet). . . . Garfield,  New  Jersey,  was having problems
with feral cats. .  .  .
A woman sued police for forcibly baptizing her in
Soddy Lake, Tennessee, after a traffic stop and a drug search. . . . Que-
bec was cracking down on the bilingual greeting "Bon jour!  Hi!" . . .
A woman in Macomb County,  Michigan,  was sued by a local heating
and air conditioning company for a bad review she gave it on Yelp. . . .
A new ordinance in Cincinnati, Oho, prohibits discrimination based on
natural hair styles (more on "natural hair" in the sports). . . . A northern
snakehead 
fish  that can breathe air and survive on land  was  found  in
Georgia,  and is not wanted there. . . . Snow  fell  on Denver,  Colorado,
Thursday as temperatures dropped 64 degrees in less than 24 hours. . . .
Jane Fonda was arrested protesting at the U.S. Capitol.

                                                                
[courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

codyhugh.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Cody Hughes, WM, 30; Jennifer Word, WF; Britney Chandler, WF, 32; Rosaelia Zapata, WF, 30; Terry Isheanna, BF, 24; Bessie Limuel, BF, 53; Shelby Baker, WF, 27; Roseanda Morales, WF, 41; Cruz Montez, WM, 62
codyhugh.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Cody Hughes, WM, 30; Jennifer Word, WF; Britney Chandler, WF, 32; Rosaelia Zapata, WF, 30; Terry Isheanna, BF, 24; Bessie Limuel, BF, 53; Shelby Baker, WF, 27; Roseanda Morales, WF, 41; Cruz Montez, WM, 62
The sports:
A Pennsylvania State University football safety received
a letter from two alumni criticizing his dreadlocks.  .  .  .
A third race horse died at Keeneland's fall meet in Lexing-
ton, Kentucky. . . .


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "maalrizuan@yes.my
" titled
        "Intersex children and their parents?
" and another message from "Clutterbook"
        "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."




People who invited us to be their "friends" on Clutterbook Facebook in the last week included
       
jaranegar.jpg   and        rustisil.jpg Elizabethtown High School  .
Jaran Negar, Rusti Silverthorn, Elizabethtown High School


Dear Eleanor:
                            As a woman I am infuriated by men of all ages
                            who have to adjust their crotches  all  the  time.
                            Is there any way we can tell these men that this
                            is vulgar  and embarrassing,  and it's rude to do
                            in public? I'm tempted to caress my breasts with
                            both hands and push upward.  Any ideas?

                                                                           Infuriated in Topeka

Dear Pekie:
                         Yeah!  Boost them boobies!  And give the men a
                         lift while you're at it. . . .


DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't  forget!  Readers  interested  in
intellectual dissection of important cur-
rent  events  are  invited  to  attend  the
Weekly World News  Round  Table  at
the  offices  of   Borf   Books   outside
Brownsville,    Kentucky,    just   after
church  every  Sunday.    Guest  speak-
ers lined up for  meetings  in  the  near
future include Dr. James P. Allison.
candersn.jpg

candersn.jpg

lifetaur.jpg According to Greek mthology, Chiron was a half horse, half human doctor Life Saver Dude: He's the Centaur for disease control
lifetaur.jpg According to Greek mthology, Chiron was a half horse, half human doctor Life Saver Dude: He's the Centaur for disease control

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exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
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have a special filter to detect that.)


"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


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Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

 
270-597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor



October 6, 2019:    Things you would never know if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in
the supermarket –“ this week's headlines
:
New York - Caribbean - New Mexico, inside Epstein's houses of horror, torture chamber, dead animals & sex toys, kinky paintings of famous pals (Enquirer); Beating, cheating and lies! Sarah Palin's ugly divorce (Enquirer); $150M Obama divorce! Michelle storms out (Globe); Royal nanny tells all, Monster Meghan exposed, Insults Kate and her kids, Demands separate bedrooms, Uses baby to get her way (Enquirer); Love rivals both pregnant, Due the same day! Gwen - mom again at 50, Miranda - asks Blake to be godfather (Life & Style)

New York - Caribbean - New Mexico, inside Epstein's houses of horror, torture chamber, dead animals & sex toys, kinky paintings of famous pals (Enquirer); Beating, cheating and lies! Sarah Palin's ugly divorce (Enquirer); $150M Obama divorce! Michelle storms out (Globe); Royal nanny tells all, Monster Meghan exposed, Insults Kate and her kids, Demands separate bedrooms, Uses baby to get her way (Enquirer); Love rivals both pregnant, Due the same day! Gwen - mom again at 50, Miranda - asks Blake to be godfather (Life & Style)
hedblake.jpg

LETTERS to the EDITOR:
Fred Dean wrote Mon 9/30/19 @08:04 PDT
re last week's Lexington's most wanted:
Suggestions for captions for the unidentified perps:

    Female:  "Allowing local dogs to lick her slit."

    Male:  "Watching as she allowed dogs to lick."
Thanks!  But we need names, ages, heights and weights, too.  How
'bout:  "Mar ni Hooker, 42, 5' 6", 130 lbs.,"  and "Rufus Doubtfoot,
30, 6' 2", 170 lbs."?    – Editor

Dumb news from Indiana:
mathnath.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Matthew Dean, WM, 6'0", 200 lbs, meth; Nathan Milligan, BM, 5'9", 140 lbs, meth; Robert Carter,BM, 6'1", 165 lbs, intimidation; Robert Jones, BM, 5'6", 150 lbs, rape x3; Ian McQueen, WM, 6'0", 200 lbs, auto theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)
mathnath.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Matthew Dean, WM, 6'0", 200 lbs, meth; Nathan Milligan, BM, 5'9", 140 lbs, meth; Robert Carter,BM, 6'1", 165 lbs, intimidation; Robert Jones, BM, 5'6", 150 lbs, rape x3; Ian McQueen, WM, 6'0", 200 lbs, auto theft (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Dating by fifth-graders was prohibited at a
Jeffersonville school. . . .

State officials approved the new application to exhume the grave
of John Dillinger. . . .

A couple who adopted an 8-year-old girl with dwarfism  in  2010
and were accused of abandoning her in an apartment in Lafayette
when they moved to Canada in 2013 appeared in court. . . .

The University of Saint Francis, in Fort Wayne, founded by the
Sisters of Saint Francis of Perpetual Adoration as Saint Francis
Normal School in 1890, accredited as a college in 1923 but not
open to woman students until 1939,  got its first male president,
the Rev. Eric Albert Zimmer.
                                                         [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Quotation of the week
:
                                        "Fuck 'em.  Fuck 'em."
                                                                                    Robert De Niro
Quotation of the weak:
                                            "
In the future voice connectivity will be in every room and almost every
                                              object:  Your mattress will monitor your nightmares;  your fridge will
                                              beep for more cheese"
                                                                                       – Boris Johnson

Dumb news from Kentucky (see also the sports):

        Campaigning  for the re-election of
        Governor Selfie. . . .                  ––>

        Three  thousand  quails,  a thousand
        chukars   and  a   hundred   chickens
        were killed in a barn fire in Greenup
        County. . . .

         
Alex-Shae Horn was crowned home-
        coming queen  of Edmonson County
        High School. . . .
 bevinman.jpg
A former Daviess County deputy sheriff pleaded guilty to threatening
to kill his ex-wife and two judges. . . .

A Nelson County Sheriff's lieutenant and his girl friend were arrested
for shoplifting.   
lieutgal.jpg Kaelen Matthews, Lora Armstrong, Nelson Sheriff's Lieutenant Arrested For Shoplifting LEX18 News
lieutgal.jpg Kaelen Matthews, Lora Armstrong, Nelson Sheriff's Lieutenant Arrested For Shoplifting LEX18 News

adolfoar.jpg
 barbakay.jpg Wanted in Louisville: Adolfo Araujo, HM, 57, 5'6", 150 lbs, DUI; Alicia Marie Batovsky, WF, 37, 5'1", 130 lbs, Escape, probation violation (nonsupport): Alan Thad Ernster, WM, 40. 5'8", 150 lbs, assault on police; April Lanette Jefferson, BF, 27, 5'5", 165 lbs, complicity to burglary & credit card abuse; Barbara Kay Browning, WF, 41, 5'1", 125 lbs, flagrant nonsupport; Christopher Logan Kidd, WM, 32, 6'3", 165 lbs, burglary; Chasity Gilstrap, WF, 39, 5'4", 140 lbs, auto theft (Louisivlle Police Dept.)
barbakay.jpg Wanted in Louisville: Adolfo Araujo, HM, 57, 5'6", 150 lbs, DUI; Alicia Marie Batovsky, WF, 37, 5'1", 130 lbs, Escape, probation violation (nonsupport): Alan Thad Ernster, WM, 40. 5'8", 150 lbs, assault on police; April Lanette Jefferson, BF, 27, 5'5", 165 lbs, complicity to burglary & credit card abuse; Barbara Kay Browning, WF, 41, 5'1", 125 lbs, flagrant nonsupport; Christopher Logan Kidd, WM, 32, 6'3", 165 lbs, burglary; Chasity Gilstrap, WF, 39, 5'4", 140 lbs, auto theft (Louisivlle Police Dept.)
Birthdays:
                    September 30:  Martina Hingis, 39
                                             Jill Corey, 84
                                             Johnny Mathis, 84
                    October 1:  Julie Andrews, 84
                                       Jimmy Carter, 95
                    October 2: 
Kelly Ripa, 49
                                       Gillian Welch, 52
                                       Theresa May, 63
                                       Gina Haspel, 63
                                      
Gordon Sumner ("Sting"), 68
                                       Annie Leibowitz, 70
                                       Maury Wills, 87
                    October 3:  Gwen Stefani, 50
                                       Al Sharpton, 65
                                       Ernest Evans ("Chubby Checker"), 78
                    October 4:  Tony La Russa, 75
                                       Anne Rice, 78
                                       Leroy Van Dyke, 90
                                       Louis the Stubborn (1289-1316)
                    October 5: 
Kate Winslet, 44
                    October 6:  Little Millie Small, 73
                                       Britt Ekland, 77
Deaths:
              Diahann Carroll, 84
              Larry Willis, 76
              Jessye Norman, 74
             
José José José José José José José José José , 71
              Emelene "Jim" Knoop, 94

                                                            [Louisville Courier-Journal]

Borf 's weekly BONUS:

More than three feet of snow on fell  on  Montana  the next-to-last day of
September. . . .
Merriam-Webster added "they" to the dictionary as a sing-
ular pronoun. . . .  A pit bull puppy in Webster,  Florida, 
died protecting a
10-year-old boy from a venomous coral snake. . . . Four persons in  a wed-
ding  party,  including the bride and groom,  were arrested in a scuffle at a
business in Prescrott, Arizona, started by the bride in her wedding dress. . . .
Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross  slept through the President's speech  at
the United Nations. . . . Abraham Shears and Donte Slash were arrested in
a knife murder in Columbus,  Ohio. .  .  .  A woman jumped into the lions'
den in the Bronx Zoo, just for fun. . . . Prince Harry and Duchess Meghan
sued  three  British  tabloids  –  the  Mail, the Mirror and the Sun. . . .  Fat
Bear Week began Wednesday at
Katmai National Park in Alaska.  . . . An
escaped zebra was shot dead on a German highway  for causing traffic ac-
cidents. . . . A woman was indicted in  Thomasville,  North  Carolina,  for
trading her 2-year-old child for a car (the adoptive parents also were indic-
ted). . . .  A woman suggested to Congresswoman
Alexandria Ocasio-Cor-
tez at a town hall meeting that people should start eating babies to combat
the climate crisis (AOC did not respond).
 
                                                                   [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]
The sports:
trumpats.jpg
   Anderson County cheerleaders at a Kentucky high school foot-
   ball game with the Lincoln County Patriots strutted with
an A-
   merican flag saying,  "Make  America  Great  Again  –  Trump
   Those  Patriots." . . .  A vendor was arrested for charging a fan
   $724 for two beers at a Miami Dolphins football game. . . . An-
   other  horse  died  at  Santa  Anita. . . . And one died at Keene-
   land, in Lexington, Kentucky.

amberose.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Amber Rose Smith, WF, 27, 5'9", 186 lbs, prob. viol. (theft); Alexandro Amaya Jr., HM, 36, 5'11", c.s.; Billy Brook Jameson,BM, 23, 6'3", 200 lbs, family viol.; Keisha Williams, 5'2", 105 lbs, child abandonment; Jackie Evette Green, BF, 49, 5'1", 136 lbs, prob. viol. (c.s.) (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppeers)
amberose.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Amber Rose Smith, WF, 27, 5'9", 186 lbs, prob. viol. (theft); Alexandro Amaya Jr., HM, 36, 5'11", c.s.; Billy Brook Jameson,BM, 23, 6'3", 200 lbs, family viol.; Keisha Williams, 5'2", 105 lbs, child abandonment; Jackie Evette Green, BF, 49, 5'1", 136 lbs, prob. viol. (c.s.) (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppeers)

cortneyj.jpg Arrested in Abilene: Charles Weaver, WM, 48, 5'9", 200 lbs, failure to register; Cortney Paige Stiles, WF, 21, 5'6", 150 lbs, child endangerment; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Marvell Nichols Correia, BM, 32, 5'6", 190 lbs, burglary (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Kansas Sheriff)
cortneyj.jpg Arrested in Abilene: Charles Weaver, WM, 48, 5'9", 200 lbs, failure to register; Cortney Paige Stiles, WF, 21, 5'6", 150 lbs, child endangerment; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Marvell Nichols Correia, BM, 32, 5'6", 190 lbs, burglary (Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Kansas Sheriff) 

Dear Eleanor:

                            I have been employed at a fine restaurant for
                            30 years. I love my job.

                            New owners bought it eight years ago.  One
                            owner  had an affair with an employee,  and
                            her  schedule and treatment  became  insane.
                            She didn't have to work as hard as the rest of
                            us, and treated everyone she worked with hor-
                            ribly; and nothing was done about it.  She and
                            her family suddenly moved out of state a short
                            while ago, and nothing was said about her again.

                            Recently we found out he's having an affair with
                            another worker, and the rest of the staff is discou-
                            raged and angry. Both of our bosses, husband and
                            wife, seem OK with these affairs and act like noth-
                            ing is wrong!  Morale is at an all-time low, and the
                            anger and frustration are at an all-time high.  I'm try-
                            ing to ride this out,  but  I'm  frustrated  and  want to
                            quit.  My heart is heavy  because  I  love  my job and
                            my customers.  Do you have any suggestions?

                                                                        Confounded in California

Dear Confound:
                                Yes.  Seduce one of the bosses.  Your choice.


DISCUSSION GROUP:

   Don't  forget!  Readers  interested  in
intellectual dissection of important cur-
rent  events  are  invited  to  attend  the
Weekly World News  Round  Table  at
the  offices  of   Borf   Books   outside
Brownsville,    Kentucky,    just   after
church  every  Sunday.    Guest  speak-
ers lined up for  meetings  in  the  near
future include Alex-Shae Horn.
alexshae


Unopened e-mail last week included a message from "Two Sides North America
        <info@twosidesna.org>" titled "Paper receipts preferred by consumers despite
        environmental misconceptions
" and three more messages from "Clutterbook"
        "Facebook" titled "See Stephen Yates's message and other notifications you've missed
."


sanfuckd.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Tom Green County Sheriff; None identifiable because the turnover at the jail in San Angelo is too rapid to track - good luck, Texas!
sanfuckd.jpg Locked up in San Angelo by the Tom Green County Sheriff; None identifiable because the turnover at the jail in San Angelo is too rapid to track - good luck, Texas!

HOW TO UNSUBSCRIBE:


      Remember, if you don't want to receive any more of this inane crap,
just hit your "Reply" button and type in the subject line, "GET THESE
TABLOID HEADLINES OUT OF MY LIFE AND FUCK OFF!"

      But remember also, you have to spell and punctuate the message
exactly as it appears above €“ without quotation marks, and without
that redundant "Re: " that appears in so many subject lines €“ or you
will keep getting this shit!  ("Cut and paste" won't work, either.  We
have a special filter to detect that.)

lifehima.jpg Life Saver Dude: It's an ancient Himalayan cure for constipation
lifehima.jpg Life Saver Dude: It's an ancient Himalayan cure for constipation

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" €“ Karen Crockett


Previous issue

Next issue

Archives index
Borf Books       borf@borfents.com           Ideas for a Better America
Box 413                                                   The Columbus Book of Euchre
Brownsville KY 42210     War Stories:  The Memoirs of a Country Lawyer

 (270) 597-2187   Hank T. Hebhoe, publisher   Natty Bumppo, writer/editor