Such intensity of spirit,

Of emotion,

Of thought,

Who can understand?

It swirls about inside me,

A mighty storm,

A hurricane,

A tornado,

Raging, destroying.

The entities of spirit

Of mind,

Of soul,

Of heart,

All wage war against each other,

Engaged in a deadly battle,

Tearing me apart

As they argue

for possession of my life.

I look outside

Through eyes filled with despair

And find no light to guide me,

no one to share this with,

No one to walk with.

No one

To comprehend the pain,

The dismal loneliness,

That marks the cornerstone of my existence.

Why must I war against myself thus?

A great shadow covers me

The eyes of my spirit dim,

The ears of my heart dull,

Hearing the voices of life about me

Through the din of the battle raging within.

I measure everything with the cool voice of logic,

And reason,

And I weigh everything

Against the passionate voice of my heart

And the words of my spirit seeking the truth.

I find myself torn,

Despairing to follow these voices

Certain of death

no matter which voice I follow.

I try desperately to do what is right,

But find conflict between the mores of society

And the voices within.

I only long to be loved

As I love.

To be understood,

And apppreciated.

To be free

To explore, to taste, to try, to grow.

To find completion;

To not be alone.

But I am alone, locked inside myself.

Inside I fall down on my knees

And beg forgiveness for my imperfections,

But there are no gods to hear me,

And if any spirits exist

They cannot touch me.

For I am locked within this cage.

A prisoner in a prismatic matrix,

The energy of my own soul

Occluding the light

That would guide me

To my freedom.

Does anyone understand?

I am too much,

Even for myself.

When my spirit soars

I touch the face of the heavens

I can call down the power of the storm

I can draw down the moon

And pulls it's magic into my soul.

When I love,

A great joy resounds through my spirit

A light

A symphony,

A song.

I give,

I create,

I sing songs of praise

And wonder.

When I hate,

It consumes me,

A feverish blaze that consumes,

Ravages,

Only abated by the reign of time.

What I desire, I pursue,

Driving through the darkness of fear,

Of doubt,

Mindless of the voice of caution,

Driven to succeed.

Is it too great?

Is my spirit too intense,

So grand,

It intimidates,

Overwhelms,

Frightens?

Everyone I love

Leaves,

Taking with them

The pieces of me

That I gave of love,

Of my life.

Giving them to another.

Glibly mindless of the sacrifice,

the hollow left in my soul

Never to be filled.

Killing me

In little pieces.

They run away,

And let me perish in the battle

That rages within.

Am I so singular?

Surely it cannot be.

Surely all of life is endowed with such power,

Such desire,

Such passion.

Or is that not so?

Am I so different?

Am I?

Will I always walk alone?

Will I never meet a spirit such as mine

To share my days with,

To share my passion with,

To blend and meld all that I am

Into the core of their existence?

Not to overwhelm

But to partner,

To be led

And to guide,

To walk and to run,

To founder,

And to soar

Together.

I fear it never to be so.

And so I am consumed,

As the battle rages,

The voices of experiences

Warring with the faint cry

Of hope.

The desperate hands of fading dreams

Clinging gently to my soul,

Pulling me from the abyss

That seeks to swallow me.

And so I whisper

In the hollow of my soul.

I am alone.

Does no one understand?