September 29, 2002: Things you would
never know if you did
not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – today's headlines:
AL
QAEDA BREEDING KILLER MOSQUITOES
WEST NILE VIRUS
TERROR
PLOT!
[courtesy Weekly World News]
REPORT:
6,000 Bigfoot in North America!
[courtesy National Examiner]
September 22, 2002: Things you would
never know if you did
not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – today's headlines:
FATHER
STRANGLES SON
While teaching
him to put on a tie!
[courtesy Weekly World News]
Apple-shaped women are cancer
prone
[courtesy the Star]
COPS NAB
RAINMAKER FOR DANCING NAKED
[courtesy the Star]
and, this week's special, headline plus article excerpts:
THE AMISH
GUIDE TO BETTER SEX
Turn off all the lights in
your house. The Amish
have no
electricity, which means every sexual encounter takes place
by romantic candlelight.
Wear plain, modest clothing . . . all the more to
intensify
the feeling of discovery when the clothing comes off. . . .
Purchase some farm animals to keep around your yard.
The Amish are constantly around farm animals that are
re-
producing. This reinforces the fact that sex is natural
. . . .
Buy a butter churn. When you see your partner
churn-
ing away, it'll be an erotic sight that you won't
soon forget.
[Weekly World News]
September 15, 2002: Things you would
never know if you did
not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – today's headlines (all courtesy Weekly World News
this week):
Coma drama!
WIFE SELLS HUBBY'S
ORGANS
IN AUCTION ON LINE
DEAD
SEA SCROLL FORESAW INTERNET
. . . and
warns it will wipe out mankind !
Women outraged!
PSYCHIC
USES POWERS
TO LIFT GALS' SKIRTS
and, this week's special, headline plus article excerpts:
GHOST
HOOKERS HAUNT SEX SHOP
'It's sexy, yet
creepy!'
says customer
AMSTERDAM – Customers and
professionals alike in Am-
sterdam's famed red light district are spooked
at reports of
vengeful
prostitute spirits' wreaking havoc in one of the Nether-
lands' most
popular sex shops.
"Several times we have arrived at work . . . to find
the whole
store in disarray," says Betje Valkenburg, owner of the Cuddly
Crypt. "Lingerie, whips, sex toys . . . thrown around . . .
.
We
close up at 2 a.m. and it's neat as a pin . . . ."
Customers also report strange
activities – especially
single
males. "I was browsing through the massage oil
and lubricant
aisle . . . ," says Deehan Adema. "I felt something
nuzzling
my
neck and stroking my thigh. Then I distinctly heard a
woman's
voice ask me if I wanted to have a good time. But there was
no
one close to me . . . ."
Valkenburg is considering enlisting a priest to
perform
an
ex-
orcism, but she's having problems finding one willing to be
seen
in the shop.
[Weekly World News]
September 8, 2002: Things
you would never know
if you did not
browse the tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the
supermarket – today's headlines:
OPRAH
HITS 275 lbs!
BINGE EATING
TURNS DEADLY
[courtesy National Enquirer]
SEX
& THE CITY STAR HAS BRAIN TUMOR!
[courtesy the Star]
OSAMA
BIN LADEN IS DEAD
[courtesy National Examiner]
DISCUSSION GROUP:
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interested
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News Round Table at the offices of Borf Books outside Browns-
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lined up for meetings in the near future include Osama bin Laden.
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