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I'd originally gone off on a mini-rant that I've spared you from.
So what does any of this have to do with this segment of "Detour?" Not a damn thing but I got to get it off my chest.
Now on to the "show."
Detour (8): In a forest without a clue
Abbreviations to date:
Sloan (the real moron): RM
Marty (the tree-hugger): TH
Papa Asekoff: PA
Louis Asekoff (PA's annoying
git of a son): AG
Agent Kinsey (aka Agent Brown-Noser): AgtBN
Agent Stonecypher (aka Agent Suck-Up): AgtSU
Agent Mulder: M
Agent Scully: S
Nameless Officer: NO
Mama Asekoff: MA
Officer Fazekas (aka Nature Chick): NC
Jeff Glaser the techhead: TG
Number of Incredulous references to location: 11
Number of times Mulder calls Scully by her last name:
3
Number of times Scully calls Mulder by his last name: 6
When we last saw M and S they were still in what is purported to be the forests of Western Florida. The only person who is remotely competent in the wilderness has disappeared and S is left by herself. Despite the fact that S was on the phone while NC was giving her speech on what to do if they got separated S manages to do what she is supposed to do. Make oral contact.
[M and come TG running.]
M: Scully!!
S: [voice] Over here!
M: [voice] Scully!
S: Over here!
M: What happened? <Your side trip to the forest has claimed your Nature Chick. You're screwed!>
S: I don't know.
TG: Where's Fazekas?
S: She was walking right ahead of me. She was right here, and then she was just gone. <I don't suppose anyone tried looking for a rabbit hole. They have a habit of being in the middle of nowhere and leading to Wonderland.>
TG: I'm getting no reading. <Of course not. If someone disappears looking as though they fell down a hole it makes perfect sense to point the FLIR around you above ground.>
S: What the hell's happening here?
M: They separated us. That was on purpose. They divided us so they could go after her. She was in the lead and presumably the strongest. They take the strongest first.
TG: They take them where? That doesn't make any sense. You can't just disappear out here.
M: You're right. We got to find her.
TG: How we gonna do that? <Usually one does that by looking around one's surroundings. For starters, you could try pointing that FLIR thing down to check for holes that the woman could have fallen in.>
M: I don't know! We'll form a line and beat the bushes. Maybe you'll pick up a signal.
TG: No, we need help. We need man power. [S pulls out cell phone.] That's not going to work out here! <Well it couldn't hurt. I've seen these FBI cell phones work in train cars underground. That's no more unbelievable than the phone working in the middle of the (supposedly) Floridian forest.> We need to get out of here. Listen to me!
M: The longer we wait, the less chance we have of finding her.
TG: This is nuts. This is loony tune, man. <Welcome to the wonderful world of M and S.> We got to go back out of the woods before it gets dark.
M: Okay. You're right. You go back. You leave me the FLIR and you go back. <Oh that's a smart move Mr. Indian Guide.>
TG: We got to go together.
M: We have to find her.
TG: Yeah, but if we stay here, they may not find any of us. <Nothing ruins the day more than becoming Mothman food.>
S: Mulder, he's right. We weren't prepared for this. We have no way of telling them where we are. We don't have any food. Michelle had our only water. Look, I'd like to find her, too, but I think the risks of that are just way too foolish. <Considering the litany of what they don't have I'm inclined to think this whole trip into the forest was a very, very bad idea. One would think that they would have learned by now what with that Darkness Falls trip and all.>
M: [pauses] All right. We all go then. [to TG] You lead the way. <Nice way to endanger the civilian M!>
Walking back.
S: [to M] I don't have much faith that this device will do us any good.
M: So far all it's done is split us up. <Excuse me but I don't recall the FLIR saying "M, you and TG go one way while NC and S go the other instead of all chasing after one entity at a time. Don't go blaming the machine for your lapse in memory, Mr. Bootleg Indian Guide.>
S: Whatever it is that we were chasing did show up on the screen at first.
M: What does that tell you? <That you deserve a bitch slap for dragging S out to this forest which someone lied and told you was in Florida instead of going to the boring conference in the first place?>
S: Nothing.
M: Mm hmm. <Oh spill it already!>
S: Except that we're going in the right direction.
M: Maybe it can regulate its temperature. <Show-off!> Do you know of any animal that can?
S: Ticks. I've heard that they can halt their metabolism for up to 18 years, essentially going into suspended animation until something warm-blooded comes along. <As if we needed another reason to hate the little buggers.>
M: That's interesting. <M has got to get out more on non X-Files outings.>
S: Why is that interesting?
M: Thirty years ago, the, uh, the town of Point Pleasant, West Virginia was terrorized for over a year by something - killing livestock and terrorizing the people. Witnesses described them as primitive looking men with red piercing eyes. Became known as the "moth men." I've got an X-File dating back to 1952 on it.
S: What would that be filed next to - - "The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnati?"
M: No, "The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnati" is in the C's. "Moth Men's" over in the M's. <And M is under "P" for PUNK!>
TG: This isn't the way.
S: What do you mean?
TG: Michelle always marks her route with little white stones. <Easily stolen white stones.>
M: This is the same path. This is the way we came. <He may be right. But since his photographic memory only kicks in when it's convenient you can't count on that.>
TG: I haven't seen one of her stones for twenty minutes.
M: That's because you've had your nose glued to that screen the whole time.
TG: I'm telling you - we're on the wrong trail! Somehow, we got off track. Oh man, this is not happening. This is not happening.
S: [Seeing movement in the trees] Everybody stand still. There's something out there. <Of course there is. I hear it's The Truth.>
M and S draw their guns.
M: Where?
S: About 40 or 50 yards out.
M: Jeff?
TG: Nothing. [Checks FLIR]
S: I saw it. The woods have gone silent again.
Rustling behind them makes the turn.
TG: I got it!
M: Where?
TG: I got it on my screen!
M: Where?
TG: About 30 yards ahead. It's just sitting there. [M enters trees.] What is he doing?
S: Talk to him.
TG: This is not a good idea!
S: Talk to him, Jeff!
TG: Uh, go to your right. [Creature is hidden against tree.] It just disappeared.
S: Mulder, it's not on the screen.
M sees camouflaged creature near a log. It runs. M pursues, fires five shots. <With no regard to how many bullets are in a clip.>
M: Scully, I lost it.
S: I got it.
M: Did you hit it?
S: I don't know. It just stopped.
M: Where's Glaser? <Off hand I'd say he's about to become mothman food. Why oh why couldn't AgtSU and AgtBN be here. Now there's a pair I wouldn't mind seeing the mothmen take a bite out of.>
S doesn't see TG.
TG, running through woods disappears just like NC.
M: How many shots did you fire?
S: Six, maybe seven.
M: Is that your only clip?
S: Yep.
M: Don't fire again unless you're sure you're gonna hit it. It may be trying to spend our advantage.
S: What the hell is it, Mulder?
M: I don't know. But what ever it is, it's smarter than us - at least out here.
M gets jerked down.
S: Mulder? Mulder!! [Runs toward where he was.]
M: [voice in pain] Scully! Scully!
S: Mulder!!
M: Scully!
S sees M wrestling with a creature. She fires four shots. creature runs off. S goes to M. He is bleeding from the left shoulder. She stands over him, gun drawn.
S: You okay?
M nods, weakly. <Give him a couple of minutes I'm sure he'll start whining.>
Did you not just last installment speak of how these things like to divide and conquer? Why is it that M never learns anything from the info he gets?
With NC down the mothman hole I bet she's in there right at this point wishing she had brought a DOG with her instead of TG and his overpriced toy. Some pair of hands TG turned out to be. All he did was spend the whole time with his nose in the FLIR and he didn't even have enough sense to point the darn thing down while searching for NC. NC is not going to be accused of being too brainy after this failed excursion.
M is so special. How is it that the FLIR sees nothing, S sees nothing, TG and NC who are now residing in the Mothmen cave or whatever they call it, see nothing but M, Mr. Bootleg Indian Guide manages to see the darn thing. (Yet he doesn't manage to see when his partner's irritated, when Skinner doesn't want to be bothered, or the clues that everyone else sees that would tell an otherwise semi-normal person to be quiet.)
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