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I actually had a rant in mind for this but hadn't gotten around to writing it. Then I got an inspiration for a new rant but alas I have been silenced. However lest you think I've been slacking, I had planned to paste the blurb I posted to my local NPR station's soapbox but it's GONE! And the e-mail I sent to myself so that I can have it for myself and use it as the basis for a rant ended up being the damn webpage and it changed! Damn it! So there's no rant no nothing. Grrr! So on to the "show."
Jose Chung's From Outer Space: Dead Alien Body: Identified
Abbreviations to date:
Roky : ROK
Harold Lamb: Hsap
Jose Chung (The lech): JC
Scully: S
Chrissy the annoying twit: AT
Irate Father: IF
Mulder: M
Hypnotist (AKA scary looking quack): SLQ
Detective "bleepin'" Manners (AKA Man1):
DetM
Cigarette Smoking Alien: CSA
Man in Black 1: MIB1
Man in Black 2: MIB2
Dr. Bulldog: DBD
Military Man 1: MM1
Military Man 2: MM2
Military Man 3: MM3
Blaine Faulkner: BF
Number of times a question is answered with "How the hell
should I know?": 2
Number of spaceships making an appearance: 2
Number of times Jose Chung grossed me out: 3
Number of (gratuitous?) Krycek mentions: 2
Number of times Mulder calls Scully by her last name:
1
Number of times Scully calls Mulder by his last name:
4
Number of death threats issued or alleged to have been issued:
2 *note: I got ahead of myself in the last count.
Sorry.*
Detective Manners' Filth-o-meter: number of expletives bleeped or blanked: 10
When we last left off, BF was relaying the tale of how he came to meet up with the "men in black" while out looking for life from an uglier planet. S was explaining how the alien autopsy was in fact a human autopsy in an alien costume. This causes DetM with his usual sense of tact to ask who was the bleep? M, didn't have any answer but declared with that Muldersense he has that the answer could be found in the Military Database.
S carries a copy of the identification form while walking towards M in a hallway.
M: Have you seen our video cameraman?
S: No, but I found our alien's I.D. You were right, Mulder. Air Force Major Robert Vallee.
M: That was fast.
S: That's because unlike some people I know *I* actually do the work instead of sitting around watching porn.
M: [whining] I told you those tapes weren't mine.
S: Sure. Fine. Whatever.
Just making sure you were paying attention. The exchange really goes like this:
M: That was fast.
He looks down the hallway at two soldiers being led by a man in an air force uniforms. Tiny Dancer claims he is one of the men described by AT. I don't see the resemblance.
Air Force Officer (AFO): Agent Mulder? [M nods.] We were notified one of our officers was confined here under your custody.
M: Who notified you?
AFO: Major Vallee is AWOL, sir. Our orders are to escort him back to the base. <Notice that AFO never actually answers M's question.>
S: Well, the major is dead. His body is being detained for further investigation.
AFO: Investigation into what, ma'am?
M: Possible kidnapping. <Gee M, unless you've done something you haven't told S about I don't believe you can be properly addressed as ma'am, Punk.>
AFO: May we at least view the body for verification?
S: I don't see why no…
M: [interrupting] No, no, no, but you can talk to the other AWOL pilot that was brought in with him.
AFO: Lieutenant Jack Schaffer is also in your custody?
M: No he's not really. Made you tell! Ha! Ha!
Okay, okay, I'll stop. Here's what really happened.
AFO: Lieutenant Jack Schaffer is also in your custody?
M: That's right. Yeah, he's, he's, he's right down…[He points down the hallway and sees no one.] Here. Oh. He, he was, he was here just a few minutes ago. I, I… I guess he's still AWOL. <Punk!> [AFO glares at him.] You want to take a look at Vallee? [They walk into the autopsy room to find the body gone. M looks genuinely surprised.]
AFO: [snarkily] Hmmm. Guess he's still AWOL. [He walks out.]
S: [disgusted] So what else is new?
M: I've got to find that video guy.
It would appear that the real men in black have been busy. They are the only ones who could have stolen the body. They are smooth. I bet no one even remembers seeing them either.
I guess M just got his for all the times he's participated in campaigns of misinformation. Did you see how smug AFO looked when he said "I guess he's still AWOL?"
I guess the aliens in the teaser were really the air force pilots. So why are they kidnapping people in the first place? Is it that the government is trying to hide the fact that aliens have landed by staging fake abductions?
I wonder why M wanted that tape so badly. Surely S taped her findings as she usually does. Granted it's not video but it's already been established that the alien is fake anyway. Now that he tricked AFO into giving him the other name he could just look him up in the database. What exactly is that tape supposed to prove anyway?
Something I forgot to mention before, if S was doing the autopsy and she sawed the head open why is it that the fake dead alien body a.k.a. Major Robert Vallee has his head intact?
Until next time…
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