From the Editrix

Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix

Minutes of the July 22 Meeting

CHI EPSILON SIGMA

Terri then announced that Nicole had resigned as Treasurer and that Grace had volunteered to step forward until adjustments can be made. Following up on this, Terri then introduced the current members of the Executive Board--Terri, Mary Alice (Vice Chair) and Becky (Secretary). Participating members on the Board but non-voting members present and introduced included Vicki as the Program Chair, Rachel as the Newsletter Editrix, and Yvonne M. as the new Web-Mistress. Terri also noted that Ashley was the Refreshments Coordinator and deserved our appreciation by bringing everything together via the web. Vicki noted that the program agenda had been pretty well set up for the remainder of the calendar year with only the Christmas Holiday Party being somewhat in the "undefined" category. Laurie then volunteered to host the party at their residence on December 16. She noted that she would need a fairly firm RSVP by about the 14th of November to be able to arrange for the party, given their participation on the Spice Cruise in early December.

Terri then asked Becky to discuss two proposed amendments to the by-laws. The first amendment, among other details, added two Members-at-Large, one representing the crossdressing members of the Chapter and one representing the spouses/SO's, to the Executive Board. This latter Member-at-Large had been suggested to address the recurring issue of reaching out to and supporting spouses and Significant Others. The logic is that a supportive or at least a tolerant wife/SO eases the concerns of the crossdresser as well as leads toward a more stress-free environment for all. Therefore, efforts need to be made to address the concerns of the wife/SO and to permit a venue for their issues. The amendment also combined the positions of Secretary and Treasurer in an effort to increase the confidentiality surrounding the names and addresses of members. The second amendment defined the positions of Program Chair, Newsletter Editrix, and Meeting Coordinator. Both amendments are an effort to use the "lessons learned" from our first thirty months of existence as well as to provide more management and leadership opportunities for our members. Becky noted that she would include the ideas and concepts that were developed during the discussions that had taken place and that the next Newsletter would contain a full write-up of both amendments.

Terri then turned the session over to Rita. Rita provided us with a most entertaining and informative presentation on "Women Soldiers of the Civil War and the 19th Century." It must be noted that Rita didn't leave things to chance--she ensured we also received a detailed handout that added to the information she provided us. Her presentation encouraged a number of insightful and thought-provoking questions that in turn led to even more interesting details and anecdotes. Rita's presentation continued the pattern we have seen of enjoyable, entertaining, and unusual programs. Much credit is due Vicki for her efforts to see to it that we as a Chapter not only provide support to our members but also provide uplifting and informative social occasions.

Following several rounds of well-deserved applause for Rita's efforts, Terri then announced that the "refreshment table" was open. The meeting adjourned without much further ado but with a great deal of very unladylike gusto as the members descended on the table in a manner roughly akin to a horde of descending locusts on a field of corn! And the similarities did not stop there--when finished, the table resembled that field of corn--leveled and empty!

The next meeting will be on August 26 at the usual location.

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Symbiosis

The last time some of us saw the word "symbiosis" was in connection with Patty Hearst and Symbionese Liberation Army…and that was back in the mid-70's. But the word is a perfect fit for the mutual interdependence that exists between--actually to be grammatically correct the word is "among"--Dr. Kate Thomas, the students in her classes on Human Sexuality at Villa Julie College, a number of our Chapter members, and our Chapter as an entity.

Dr. Kate Thomas has been a long time counselor on the issues of gender and sexual identity. And she was kind enough to make a presentation to our fledgling Chapter in the autumn of 1998. The presentation was very well received--not only due to the subject material--crossdressers--but also due to Kate's open, direct, and common sense approach in her presentation. In a discussion that followed that presentation, Kate asked if there might be some Chapter members who would be willing to appear en femme for one of her class sessions that semester. Terri, Grace, and Kim and Lisa volunteered and found the experience to be highly rewarding as well as informative. Kate reported back that many of her students that semester appreciated the courage and honesty of the presentations that these four pioneers made and as a result of that presentation, these students were more receptive and understanding than they might have been learning only from textbooks and lectures.

A symbiotic relationship was thus established…Kate would provide a presentation to our Chapter each fall on a topic related to crossdressing, transgenderism, spousal reactions, and so forth and members of the Chapter would provide a presentation to her class towards the end of each semester her course was presented.

The following spring after that first presentation Rachel, Yvonne S. and Linda provided the second panel. Then last April, Terri, Janet, Marsha, and Becky appeared before a class of 23 students for nearly two hours. And again this past July, Rachel, Janet, Becky, Marsha and Doneene participated with a class of 12 for nearly three hours (without a break!). These were very candid sessions with about an equal amount of nervousness on the parts of the students (usually 80-90% female) and on our part. Using an evolving outline we discuss everything from the profile of the Chapter to very intimate topics such as how we want to be laid out in our coffins--en femme or en homme. There are frequently amusing observations on the part of the students…such as the only dresses and skirts in the room are usually on the crossdressers and that our feminine mannerisms--sitting, standing, walking--are more feminine than any of the students exhibit…and there are some rather heartbreaking ones as well. For example, religious intolerance by parents or close family friends to reports on our participation in class has been a common theme. Another has been the very honest reaction of several young women to the question "how do you think you would respond if your future husband might tell you that he is a crossdresser?" Their response was one of candid apprehension and uncertainty…but with the quick rejoinder on their part that if such an incident occurred then this class session would definitely help them weather such an admission.

We ask for volunteers to participate. Each time we do a presentation, we have had more volunteers than we can accommodate. In an effort to "share the wealth," we are going to try for one panel member with prior experience and the remaining participants as newcomers. Also we always make an effort to have a couple participate, firmly believing that such participation will encourage and permit the students to ask questions they might not otherwise do as well as to add validity to our contention that Chi Epsilon Sigma and Tri-Ess are support groups. Membership participation is en femme for the same reasons--validation of Dr Kate Thomas' instructional material, proof of our seriousness as crossdressers and not as exhibitionists, and public verification of our own personal beliefs…to paraphrase Popeye, each of us can say "I 'yam what I 'yam" and what I claim to be by appearing before them in public as such.

We always end the class with an observation that "believing is seeing" and that if the students really believe--as a result of this class--there are crossdressers in their midst, if they observe closely enough, they will eventually see them in the malls, in the restaurants, and on the streets.

So in every sense of the word, Chi Epsilon Sigma's relationship with Dr. Kate Thomas and her classes is a symbiotic relationship…and we are all stronger and more sure of ourselves as a result of that relationship. p>

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Finally A Barbie I Can Relate To!

At long last, here are some NEW Barbie dolls to coincide with her and OUR aging gracefully. These are a bit more realistic...

1. Bifocals Barbie. Comes with her own set of blended-lens fashion frames in six wild colors (half-frames too!), neck chain and large-print editions of Vogue and Martha Stewart Living.

2. Hot Flash Barbie. Press Barbie's bellybutton and watch her face turn beet red while tiny drops of perspiration appear on her forehead. Comes with hand-held fan and tiny tissues.

3. Facial Hair Barbie. As Barbie's hormone levels shift, see her whiskers grow. Available with teensy tweezers and magnifying mirror.

4. Flabby Arms Barbie. Hide Barbie's droopy triceps with these new, roomier-sleeved gowns. Good news on the tummy front, too-muumuus with tummy-support panels are included.

5. Bunion Barbie. Years of disco dancing in stiletto heels have definitely taken their toll on Barbie's dainty arched feet. Soothe her sores with the pumice stone and plasters, then slip on soft terry mules.

6. No-More-Wrinkles Barbie. Erase those pesky crow's-feet and lip lines with a tube of Skin Sparkle-Spackle, from Barbie's own line of exclusive age-blasting cosmetics.

7. Soccer Mom Barbie. All that experience as a cheerleader is really paying off as Barbie dusts off her old high school megaphone to root for Babs and Ken, Jr. Comes with minivan in robin-egg blue or white, and cooler filled with doughnut holes and fruit punch.

8. Mid-life Crisis Barbie. It's time to ditch Ken. Barbie needs a change, and Alonzo (her personal trainer) is just what the doctor ordered, along with Prozac. They're hopping in her new red Miata and heading for the Napa Valley to open a B&B. Includes a real tape of "Breaking Up Is Hard to Do."

9. Divorced Barbie. Sells for $199.99. Comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, and Ken's boat.

10. Recovery Barbie. Too many parties have finally caught up with the ultimate party girl. Now she does Twelve Steps instead of dance steps. Clean and sober, she's going to meetings religiously. Comes with a little copy of The Big Book and a six-pack of Diet Coke.

11. Post-Menopausal Barbie. This Barbie wets her pants when she sneezes, forgets where she puts things, and cries a lot. She is sick and tired of Ken sitting on the couch watching the tube, clicking through the channels. Comes with Depends and Kleenex. As a bonus this year, the book "Getting In Touch with Your Inner Self" is included.

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Lucy's Window

In June, I wrote that Joan and I have come to realize that my feminine side, of which crossdressing is a manifestation, is a wonderful gift, and I expressed my wish that everyone reading this column would also come to realize their feminine side is a blessing. But after reading it, I felt certain some of you were saying, "Well that was easy enough for Lucy to say, but it sure doesn't seem like a blessing to me." In July, I decided to tell you more about how Joan and I reached this conclusion. This month, as promised, I plan to discuss what I believe to be four essential steps that can change the way you view crossdressing from considering it a curse to realizing that it is a blessing. I hope these steps will be helpful to you as you continue your effort to understand that being a crossdresser and having a feminine side does not have to make you feel like less of a man.

For a crossdresser to view his involvement with crossdressing as anything but a curse, he needs to (1) resolve religious concerns, (2) become reconciled to his second self, (3) negotiate terms and conditions for crossdressing with which both he and his spouse are comfortable, and (4) maintain discretion when dealing with relatives, employers and friends. The whole process requires dedication to change your life. However, to make it work, you must be determined to work your way through each step, and you must set aside all negative feelings regarding your need to crossdress.

Resolve religious concerns. For many of us, this is the essential first step. If you are a religious person, you need to understand that crossdressing is not a sin in the eyes of God. Start by reading what scholars have to say about Deuteronomy 22:5 and other commonly cited biblical passages that refer to crossdressing. Such articles have been published in back issues of The Femme Mirror, and discussions of the subject can be found on the Internet. Except for radical treatises that fail to consider the context of the time and give equal weight to the Ten Commandments and the archaic Hebrew Purity Code (of which Deuteronomy 22:5 is a part) most, discussions stress the intent of the crossdresser. From my exploration in this area, I have come to the conclusion that crossdressing for a purpose that violates one of the Ten Commandments, such as deceiving others during the commission of a crime, is wrong in the eyes of God. However, I did not find credible arguments indicating that crossdressing merely for the purpose of expressing one's feminine feelings is wrong. Of course the conclusion each person reaches with regard to this vital area will be dependent on the exact nature of his religious convictions.

Accept your second self. First of all, most of us are pretty successful in our roles of breadwinners, husbands and fathers. In other words we are pretty successful as men. The fact that we also have a feminine second self and crossdress does not diminish us as men. If we are considerate of our wives and families and responsible in the way we go about it, crossdressing does not lessen our effectiveness in our sex-assigned roles. Rather integration of the sensitive qualities of our feminine second self into our primary roles can be a definite plus.

Take responsibility for your crossdressing as you do for the rest of your life. Each of us must take responsibility for all of our actions in life, and this includes crossdressing. We must be true to ourselves as well as to our wives/SOs. You as a crossdresser have needs, and you must determine what will work for you, as your wife must determine what will work for her. Then both of you need to develop a course of action that will work for both of you. Your wife/SO's level of acceptance will range from her total unwillingness or inability to share this part of your life to total acceptance and support. It is essential that you both work together to determine a course of action that works for both of you. What works for you and your partner today should not be cast in concrete, because your needs and those of your wife/SO probably will change over time. One word of caution, both partners must avoid totally caving in to the desires of the other because the partner whose needs are not being met will have a very hard time carrying out his/her part of the agreement, and neither partner will be satisfied with the outcome.

Maintain discretion when dealing with relatives, employers and friends. Most of us are pretty good at maintaining the proper level of discretion concerning what to tell relatives, employers and friends about our crossdressing. In most cases, the best course of action is to keep crossdressing a secret from everyone except our wives and possibly our children and a few select friends. Guard against the temptation to let your guard down when you start feeling good about yourself.

Once you have worked through each of the steps I have discussed above, it is my hope that you will begin to realize what a wonderful blessing crossdressing can be, and you should be able to get more enjoyment out of your life. Best wishes for your future happiness.

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One Razor Laser: Epilogue

Having my beard removed was an emotional decision, not tempered by rationality about the technical merits of the procedure. I knew that early on, and chose to proceed. Technical literature on the procedure indicated regrowth would occur in six months to two years. I also knew it would do nothing to remove the sprinkling of gray hairs in my beard. One of our sisters had previously tried laser treatments and flatly told me, “Don’t waste your money.” She was disappointed with the lack of permanence. With all of this information, I chose to proceed, hoping somehow my beard would be different, or my plastic surgeon would be better than hers.

As my previous articles detailed, the procedures went very well. I have a relatively light beard, so the procedures seemed to be very effective. After four treatments, 98% of my dark beard was gone. Then we went into additional “touch up” treatments. After a total of seven treatments, I recognized that to maintain a beard-free face, I would have to have maintenance treatments about every six to eight weeks. At $100 per treatment, that was more expensive than I cared to maintain. So I chose to discontinue the treatments. Within six months of ending the treatments, just about all of my beard is back.

The lesson learned here is that laser hair removal is not permanent. It is quick, convenient, and effective. But it isn’t much more permanent than a hair cut. If you can afford $100 haircuts, you may want to consider it.

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Official Draft Amendments To By-Laws Of Chi Epsilon Sigma

A. Amendment regarding restructure of the Executive Committee:

Rationale: Experience over the thirty months of existence suggests that a simplification of the organizational structure can be accomplished that will also permit the exposure of more members to the management and leadership processes of the organization. This exposure will then encourage more members to take an active leadership role and interest in the projected growth of the organization. While not all members of any organization are willing to serve in leadership and management positions, many members are not sure of what is involved and lacking knowledge or exposure will not step forward. The end result is that the same individuals find themselves rotating among the positions and eventually tired of the game of "musical chairs." The result is that the organization suffers and the potential of many members is overlooked and not used for the good of the organization or the individual herself.

The proposed restructure consolidates two positions (Secretary and Treasurer) and adds two Members-at-Large, one crossdresser and one spouse/significant other.

The consolidation of the two positions increases the security around access to the personnel files of the Chapter, allowing only one person--the Secretary/Treasurer--access to the crucial homme-femme name linkages with addresses, telephone numbers, et al.

The use of two Members-at-Large with the single responsibility of representing their constituencies will ensure both a greater sense of participation as well as permit these members to observe and to possibly decide to take yet a more active role in the leadership and management of the organization.

Paragraphs requiring alteration are enumerated below with the proposed wording of said paragraphs in italics.

Section 4. Executive Committee

4.1 General Requirements

4.1.1. Each member of the Executive Committee shall be a member of Chi Epsilon Sigma in good standing and shall remain as such throughout tenure in office.

4.1.2. A member may hold only one office at a time.

4.2 Powers of Executive Committee

4.2.1 The executive and administrative powers of Chi Epsilon Sigma shall be vested in an Executive Committee consisting of the following officers:

Chair

Vice Chair

Secretary/Treasurer

Two Members-at-Large

 One to come from the crossdresser membership of the Chapter.

 One to come from spouses/significant others who are also members of the Chapter.

4.2.2 The Executive Committee reserves the right to restructure offices and officers during a term of office so long as every committee member has been elected by the membership.

4.2.3. The Executive Committee has ultimate authority over any Chapter matters not specifically addressed by these by-laws.

4.3. Duties of the Executive Committee

The Executive Committee shall:

4.3.1. Be responsible for the effective administration of the Chi Epsilon Sigma Chapter.

4.3.2. Hold meetings scheduled at the discretion of the Chair to discuss and act on administrative matters.

4.3.3. Appoint committees and delegate authority as necessary to perform tasks required for the fulfillment of Executive Committee responsibilities.

4.3.4. Make recommendations for action to be voted upon by full members of the Chapter.

4.4. Executive Committee Meetings and Quorum.

4.4.1. The Executive Committee shall meet at least quarterly.

4.4.2. Three members of the Executive Committee being present constitute a Quorum.

Section 5. Chapter Officers

5.1 Duties and responsibilities

5.1.1. The Chair shall preside over all meetings and is responsible for the daily administration of affairs of Chi Epsilon Sigma.

5.1.2. The Vice-Chair shall assist the Chair in matters related to Chapter administration and act on behalf of the Chair during the Chair's absences form any meeting. The Vice-Chair shall become Chair upon completion of the elected term of office as Vice-Chair.

5.1.3. The Secretary/Treasurer shall maintain a file of the proceedings of each meeting of the Chapter and of the Executive Committee and shall be responsible for forwarding a copy of the latter to the newsletter editor in a timely manner for inclusion in the Chapter's Newsletter. The Secretary/Treasurer shall keep an accurate account of Chapter funds, receive all revenues, pay all Chapter expenses, maintain the membership roster, and determine the existence of a quorum prior to the opening of any business meeting.

5.1.4. Members-at-Large shall serve as representatives of their constituencies--crossdressing members and spouses/significant others respectively.

5.1.5. The mailing and membership lists are confidential. Only the Executive Committee shall be permitted access to either list, except in response to duly constituted judicial process. These lists are not to be stored in any electrical format other than on removable media. No member shall reveal any information of another member, except with the other member’s express permission.

5.2 Terms of Office

5.2.1 The Chair serves a one-year term.

5.2.2 The Vice Chair serves a one-year term and then serves as Chair the following year.

5.2.3 The Secretary/Treasurer serves a one-year term.

5.2.4 The Members-at-Large serve a one-year term.

5.3. Elections. The Executive Committee shall present a slate to the Chapter at the November meeting. Nominations can be made from the floor; however, if no nominations are made and seconded, the slate will stand as presented. If nominations for any or all positions are made and seconded, each nominated individual may present points favorable to his/her selection. A vote will then be taken on those positions for which nominations have been made. A simple majority of members present will determine the victor.

B. Amendment regarding the formal establishment of Chapter Administration.

Once again, the experience gained during the previous thirty months of operation has provided us with some significant "lessons learned." Among these are the criticality of both regularly scheduled meetings and the development of an annual pattern. This latter "lesson learned" is helpful in reducing the number of "new" meeting topics that need to be generated over a year's period of time. It also helps those members whose opportunities to attend a Chapter meeting are extremely limited to plan ahead and to know what one can reasonably expect during any given year.

The role of the Program Chair is vital to the health of the Chapter. While the Chapter is first and foremost a support organization, its secondary mission of providing a social venue is significant and must be attended to.

The responsibilities of the Program Chair are focused on the overall annual pattern of activities. She will identify individuals responsible for each month's Chapter activity but the actual coordination and organization of each individual month's activity is the responsibility of the individual noted as the Meeting Coordinator.

The Meeting Coordinator will be responsible for the development of that month's activity, appoint a Scribe to record the activities during the meeting for publication in the Newsletter, run the meeting (a standard script will be provided), and account for funds raised during that meeting.

It has been a "lesson-learned" that the elected leadership is also subject to the same factors that will limit their participation at the monthly Chapter meetings…meeting dues are not collected, minutes of the activities are not recorded, new members are not recognized, etc. So this decentralization (or "power down," if you wish) is designed to ensure that the Chapter is not held to the presence of any one or two individuals but rather becomes over time a collective responsibility.

An organization must grow in membership in order to survive. Attrition is a fact of life. And another fact of life is that there are many, many crossdressers "out there" behind "closet doors" as many of us were once, each of them totally unaware that each of them is not unique. Therefore growth in membership serves both the individual and the organization. In that framework, the role of Membership Representative is given the recognition it deserves.

In the same light it has become readily apparent that the Newsletter and the Web-site are vital means of communication, especially with those who are not able to attend meetings. Therefore, the Newsletter Editor and the Web-Mistress are identified as major elements in the Chapter Administration.

Section 6. Chapter Administration. The following are the basic guidelines for the coordination and conduct of monthly Chapter activities, to include meetings, throughout any given Program Year.

6.1 Program Chair. The Program Chair shall attend all Executive Committee meetings as an observer and non-voting participant. She shall develop an annual program of activities for the Chapter and shall identify using a volunteer approach a responsible Meeting Coordinator for each monthly gathering. She will also use a Refreshment Coordinator who will ensure members provide refreshments for each meeting. The Program Chair's annual list of activities shall receive the Executive Committee's approval prior to implementation.

Meeting Coordinator. The Meeting Coordinator is responsible for the meeting she volunteered to chair. There will be a standard script to follow that will provide a set pattern. (However, the Meeting Coordinator has the freedom to adapt these guidelines to meet any given situation.) This script will allow the Meeting Coordinator to:

 identify a Scribe to record the activities

 the introduction of all present,

 the opportunity to identify new members,

 the collection of meeting dues to defray expenses,

 if needed, the opportunity for new wives/significant others to meet separately with wives/significant others to exchange information, arrange for one-on-one's, or other coordination as desired,

 conduct the programmed activity, and

 conclude the session.

Membership Representative. The Membership Representative will be the initial point of contact for prospective members. She will respond to telephonic, electronic, and postal inquires in a very direct and responsive manner. She will conduct the initial orientation by whatever means is most assuring to the prospective member. Once the initial orientation is complete and the prospective member and the Membership Representative mutually agree, a face-to-face orientation of two or more members with the prospective member will be arranged. One Chapter member participating in that face-to-face orientation will be designated by the Membership representative to provide a short summary of that orientation and the recommendation of the Chapter members present as to whether or not an invitation should be proffered to the prospective member to join.

Newsletter Editor. The Newsletter Editor is encouraged to attend all Executive Committee meetings as an observer and non-voting participant. While the Newsletter allows Chapter members to use their writing talents, the major purpose of the Newsletter is to provide a reliable and meaningful channel of communications concerning Chapter activities to those who may not or might not be able to attend monthly meetings. It is essential that the Newsletter include a monthly Treasurer's report, the minutes of the previous month's meeting, and the minutes of the Executive Committee meeting if one had been held during the previous month.

Web-Mistress. The Web Mistress is essentially responsible for the Chapter's "face" to the electonic world. She will maintain a tasteful and professionally appealing site. The site shall have two segments--one available to the electronic world in general (this segment must not contain any confidential information that could even remotely link male and female personas). The other segment will be for "members only" and will be available only upon entering a secure password. This segment will contain those elements of information that the Executive Board and the membership at large believe is useful to the membership.

Section 7. Amendments of By-laws (1)

7.1. Process.

7.1.1. The By-laws of Chi Epsilon Sigma may be amended as set forth herein, with the exception of Section 2.5.

7.1.2. All voting members must be advised in writing of any proposed amendment a minimum of twenty days prior to the meeting at which the matter is to be voted on.

71.3. Each amendment to be made must be voted on independently.

7.1.4. Members may vote in person or by mail, but voting shall be conducted during the business portion of a Chapter meeting by secret ballot and tabulated by the Treasurer and another person as determined by the members present.

7.1.5. A two-thirds majority vote of votes received shall be required for any amendment to pass.

7.1.6. Typographical or grammatical correctness shall not be considered as amendments.

7.2. Amendments to Section 2.5.

7.2.1. Shall require a two-thirds majority of all of the members eligible to vote.

7.2.2. Shall constitute a withdrawal from membership in Tri-Ess International and will require immediate notification be given to that organization in writing by the Chair or other duly appointed Chapter member.

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As drafted by: Becky Adams, July 17 and July 23, 2000

Presented to the Executive Committee for review and comment:

July 18, 2000; comments received and corrections made.

Presented to a Chapter meeting for review and comment: July 22, 200. Comments received and corrections made.

Presented to the membership via the July Newsletter; comments received and corrections made.

Approved by the membership present on September ____, 2000

1 This had been Section 6; all that is changed herein is the renumbering of the paragraphs to indicate a numerical change from 6 to 7.