This Month's Features:

Epsilon Sigma Executive Committee

Minutes of Chapter Meeting, July 27,2002,

Chi Epsilon Sigma Board Minutes, July 20,2002,

I Only Know What I Read in the Newspapers, By Becky Adams

On Femininity and Masculinity , By Rachel Rene Boyd

Why Is Grandpa Wearing A Dress, By Rosemary McQueen

One Size Does Not Fit All! By Becky Adams

How To Apply Eye Shadow, By Michelle Wilson

Our Panama Canal Cruise, By Joan, Kim, Anya and Lucy

Ask Miss Chatelaine

Minutes of Chapter Meeting, July 27, 2002

The July meeting of CES was a "drab" family picnic held at Marsha and Doneene's. While the turnout was somewhat low in number, those present made up for the numbers in the good times, good conversation, and good food we all shared. Sitting around a number of tables on the patio were Grace (who does her best to make everyone of these outings), Marsha and Doneene, Rosemary and Theresa, Missey and Rene, Becky and Anne, Shana and daughter, and Ellen. We all took turns cooking, harassing "Bill the Goat," or telling stories that make Baron Munchausen look like a stay-at-home. Not that we ever accomplish anything at a chapter meeting except eat-which accounts for our cover name---but this time we did try and outline another dinner party at a local dinner theater, this time for mid-September. Marsha will have additional details on this plan in a separate flyer to chapter members. This is an "add-on" and will not be in lieu of the September meeting night, which will still feature Dr. Thomas as our guest speaker. (Questions have been asked by chapter members as to why more details as to where, when, who, what, and how are not addressed in these minutes-well, dears, you should be aware that the Chapter Newsletters are carried on our web-page and are thus open to anyone who "clicks" on us. We make every effort possible to provide security for all of our members.) Our spirits were not dampened by a passing thunderstorm (although maybe some jeans and motorcycle seats were) and we all appreciated the hospitality shown to us by Marsha and Doneene-truly citizens of Charm City!
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CES Board Minutes, July 20, 2002

The Executive Board of Chi Epsilon Sigma (CES) Chapter of Tri-Ess International met at 4:00 PM on July 20, 2002, at the residence of the President, Marsha Edwards. The following members of the Board were present and constituted a quorum: President Marsha Edwards, Director Becky Adams (also serving as Acting Treasurer), Treasurer Grace Gardner, and Spouse Representative Linda Sullivan. Also present, as a non-voting member of the Board was Editrix Rachel Boyd. Attending as a visitor were Yvonne Sullivan and Doneene Edwards. Absent were Vice President Mary Alice Barrett (voting) and Membership Terri Lynn Andrews (non-voting).

The Acting Treasurer reported that the bank balance on June 28 was $3326.94. Adding the checks received for dues and the hotel fee and subtracting the debt for payment on a web design system the unofficial balance as on July 20 was $3845.94. However, remaining in the unpaid column was a $792.00 payment for the hotel rooms in September, October, and November. The CD balance (reserve for start-up of a new spin-off chapter when membership levels in the York area merit such action) was $1071.35. (This CD was established three years ago using donations from four charter members and designed as a capital reserve fund.) Becky also noted that to date there were only 14 members who had paid dues for 2002-2003. The President asked Becky to contact those who had not paid with a reminder that dues were payable as of July 1.

The minutes of the last Board meeting were not available but there was general agreement that no unfinished issues had been raised at that meeting so there was literally no Old Business to discuss.

President Marsha reminded the Board that a Christmas Dinner Party was on line for December 14, 2002. Once again there was a limit on the number of spaces—that of 27. If more should desire to attend, there are a number of chapter members and spouses who would then volunteer to eat in the main dining room next to the chapter room. Rachel was asked to run a reminder of this dinner in the Newsletter.

When the topic of the Christmas Dinner and its site was raised, Rachel noted that during the last class with Dr. Thomas a student asked if our members ate at a certain restaurant in the Baltimore area. When Rachel acknowledged that was indeed the case, the student commented that she and her family ate there frequently and had seen a "group of crossdressers" there as well. [Ed. Guess we didn’t blend as well as we thought!] Her parents didn’t have any problem with it and when asked the staff at the site professed to have no problem with it either. [Ed redeux: green is green…]

With no further Old or New Business being raised the meeting adjourned at 4:50 PM.

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I Only Know What I Read in the Newspapers

By

Becky Adams with apologies to Will Rogers

It never fails to amaze me what one can find in the newspapers these days. For example, a recent edition of the Baltimore Sun (it’s only spelled "Baltimore," it’s pronounced "Bawl’more") carried an article on the results of an extensive study of why/how marriages survive. One of the four key points is "men with traits stereotyped as ‘feminine’ make better husbands." (Would I lie to you? Check it out — page 8N of the July 21 Sunday edition of the newspaper under the article title of "Will marriage last until ‘death do us part’? Researchers uncover some telltale signs").

So these lists of why it is advantageous to be married to a crossdresser that appear on the back of The Mirror could add a point touting the increased possibility of an enduring marriage.

But what are these "traits stereotyped as feminine" that they are talking about in that article and in that study? In each of us there are some definite masculine and feminine characteristics when it comes to behavior traits. (I’m not talking about being effeminate or being the masculine equivalent for GG’s…does the appropriate term rhyme with "bike?") I’m referring to responses to situations that demonstrate either masculine logic or feminine emotion. (And Monday’s edition of the Washington Post ran an article stating that women’s brains are hardwired for emotions where men’s brains are not…so?) When confronted with a problem, consideration of others and what they are feeling is not known to be a masculine trait. Rather, the masculine approach is generally to avoid personal confrontation through the application of impersonal logic to the problem, regardless of its nature, determine "the" solution and move on to the next problem. Women are more prone to look for the underlying cause, which is usually something of a personal nature and through collaborative effort address the root cause. Does this give you a clue as to why your male-mode response to an issue your spouse has raised is usually appreciated but ignored?

Another masculine trait is not to share confidences, worries, concerns, problems—to share anything besides a noogie is a sign of weakness. I have noticed and so have others in the chapter that many of us have more male friends—even though they are crossdressers—through the chapter than we have or had before we became aware of our second self, Tri-Ess or the chapter. Why? Maybe it’s because we shared our innermost and most hidden secret with others and were accepted for who we are…period. No posturing, no façade, just a man who is willing to share confidences, worries, concerns, and problems with others.

Another masculine trait is to adopt a hierarchical order—General Haig’s "I’m in charge here!" comes to mind where a woman’s approach is once again collaborative and egalitarian. On a road trip you say, "I’m hungry, let’s stop to eat" where she’ll ask "Are you getting hungry?" Note the use and order of pronouns, folks. Tell you something?

If family stability and commitment are important for both ourselves and for society, then maybe having a few feminine traits—along with being a crossdresser—may not be a bad thing for either society or us. What are your thoughts?

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On Femininity and Masculinity

By

Rachel Rene Boyd

Okay, so now I’m going to get on a soapbox. What’s with these people who want to redefine feminine and masculine so there is something in between? I really get tired of hearing about how unfair it is that we live in a society where we have to be either female or male. Some people in the transgender community try to redefine femininity and masculinity so that there is some other option, like a third sex. Let’s face it, except for a very small minority (hermaphrodites), we are all either female or male. And trying to redefine feminine and masculine characteristics is not going to change that.

The American Heritage® Dictionary defines feminine as "characterized by or possessing qualities generally attributed to a woman." That seems to be a very clear and very useful definition. Femininity is all of those characteristics of dress, appearance, and behavior we generally attribute to women. Yes, there is a binary difference between being female and male. But that does not imply all of the characteristics of being feminine or masculine are entirely binary. Notice the definition does say, "generally attributed to".

The same dictionary is not so useful when it defines masculine as "suggestive or characteristic of a man". Well, I suppose that is true, but it’s not as useful a definition as the one for feminine. I’ll take that up with the lexicologist at a later time.

These definitions do not say all women are feminine and all men are masculine. Certainly most females are primarily feminine. That is not to say women don’t have any masculine traits, or that men don't have any feminine traits. I am a male with mostly masculine characteristics. But I also have a number of feminine characteristics, which I enjoy and celebrate.

Androgynous would seem to be the word for people who are in between. But that doesn’t work very well for me. Androgynous is being neither distinguishably masculine nor feminine, as in dress, appearance, or behavior. That’s like being lukewarm – neither hot nor cold. I try to avoid being androgynous. When I am dressed as a male, I appear masculine. When I am dressed as a female, I want to appear and behave in a feminine manner. Transgender probably comes closest to my experience. My definition of transgender is "appearing as, or wishing to be considered as, a member the opposite sex."

From our very earliest upbringing, we are encouraged to display the characteristics that are culturally appropriate for our birth sex. Boys in blue, girls in pink; boys play with trucks, girls play with dolls; etc. That’s how we all learn the characteristics of being feminine or masculine. This feminine/masculine training continues throughout our childhood and even adolescence. It is reinforced in humor, media imagery and cultural practices.

When it comes to crossing the feminine/masculine chasm, females seem to have an easier time of it than males. Women are often admired for having some masculine traits, like pursuing careers that have typically been occupied by males. Women are also perceived as being fashionable when they adopt man-tailored clothing. Men are almost never admired for pursuing female-dominated careers or dressing in feminine clothing. I really don’t know why this is the case. Some have suggested that it may be because of some perceived social status of women versus men. A woman who aspires to look or act like a man is improving herself, while a man acting or dressing like a woman has demeaned himself by accepting a lower status. Personally, I can’t understand that assessment. Being female is the highest form of humanity. I don’t really understand why anyone wouldn’t want to be female.

Prior to age 10, I simply accepted that girls and boys were different. But at that age I began to realize I would really rather be a girl than a boy. The roles in society assigned to girls seemed more interesting to me than those assigned to boys. I began experimenting with crossdressing, trying to assume the roles that seemed more natural to me. Of course that was not successful, except for short periods of time, because my physical body was clearly male, and my socialization told me that somehow it was inappropriate for boys to look or behave like girls.

Consequently, I used to be ashamed of my feminine feelings and desire to be female. The societal messages I acquired during my upbringing taught me it was somehow evil to exhibit characteristics of the opposite sex. We are given the binary understanding that females should be feminine and males should be masculine. As I have learned more about gender variance in the last 10 years, I have also learned to put away that shame and be proud of the person I am. Now I take great joy in expressing both my masculine and my feminine self. And I don’t need anybody trying to redefine me!

 

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Why Is Grandpa Wearing A Dress?

By

Rosemary McQueen

 

This is what one of my grandsons asked my daughter when he saw a photo of me in my red skirt suit that had been taken at the Germanic Club "Masken Ball" in February 2002. It was my wife’s idea, as a joke, that I do that because I have virtually no male hormone as a result of my struggle with cancer. I also wanted to attend this in front of at least one hundred people because then I could point to that in case I was ever accused of being a crossdresser. At a wedding reception in June 2002, I had a wee bit too much of the adult beverages that was available and decided to show one of the pictures of "Cousin Rosemary" to some of my relatives. Some said that they didn’t know that I had a cousin Rosemary. This was new to them and no one read me I then showed the photo to my son-in-law and why I did it, I do not know, but I told him it was me in the photo. With that he didn’t seem very shocked because he knew that I had attended the Costume Ball, but then he wanted to show it to my grandson who was standing nearby. I told him that I did not want him to show my grandson the photo.

Later my wife received a call from my daughter saying that our grandson had asked why Grandpa was wearing a dress and she was upset. My wife explained that it was just a Costume Ball and there was nothing to be concerned about. With that I sent my daughter all of the photos that were taken at the Ball. A few days later, I called my daughter and asked how she liked the photos and she said, "I hate them" in a cold unfriendly manner. She was too used to seeing me in my fight pictures or in war photos.

In any case, I wasn’t "outed" accidentally and next Sunday, my son-in-law, two grandsons and I are going out on a deep sea-fishing trip for Summer Flounder and it should be a nice day. Little do they know that I have been crossdressing for as far back as I can remember, but my wife knows that I have been doing that most of my life. Sometime I will tell them about it, as they will probably find out anyway although my wife wants me to keep it a secret.

The question that I am always asking myself is why do I have this propensity for crossdressing? Obviously, the female clothes, especially soft silky ones, give a pleasant feeling that the mother’s womb once gave. They give a feeling of security that we once got from our mother. Is it possible that when we put on female clothes the subconscious brain mistakes this for being inside the womb, I ask rhetorically? We do other things that give us a feeling of security like the various oral activities we can engage in.

Back in the late 1970’s I was performing a number of experiments while aboard a Sikorsky CH-53 helicopter. One day I was asked if I could build a device that could read the ARINC Bus that carried the various parameters such as altitude, speed, pitch, roll, yaw, etc. for trouble shooting. I designed a computer by first making a flow chart, then choosing the necessary chips from an Intel catalogue such as a CPU, EPROM, Rams, registers etc. I built a "breadboard" model of this computer then wrote a program using the assembly language that is dedicated to the Central Processing Unit chip that I had selected. After much work and frustration, I got the computer to work where it could be used to read the Bus. All that was necessary was to address a particular word by punching in the address on a keyboard such as altitude and it would appear on an LED display. This device was used many times by the people who asked me to build it.

In writing the Assembly language program for this computer and working at this level and the machine code level, moving bits in and out of registers, I thought how the human brain must also have a flow chart. The subconscious mind would be similar to the assembly language program, but in a much more highly complicated way. One bit in the wrong place could cause a huge mistake. In any case, how does our subconscious mind decide what an item of clothing is? Is it lingerie or part of a football uniform? Is a feminine item of clothing an inanimate object or really a human female? The subconscious must decide things like this in the decision boxes of the brain’s flowchart. I will leave this up to the experts, but it is interesting to think about and it is not hard to realize how mistakes can be made in our thinking.

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One Size Does Not Fit All!

By

Becky Adams

While looking for a shift or maybe one of those alluring and ultra-feminine gowns, we often see the label "one size fits all." We know that isn’t true—especially those of us who are a 26W. But still the label is there and we have to apply reasoned judgment before we make the tempting purchase.

Well, gals, the same reasoned judgment needs to be applied to us and to our relationships with others. There are some elements of commonality—heterosexual, male, started when we were about to go through or were going through puberty, thought we were truly unique, a one-of-a-kind till we found each other…but that’s about where it ends. From that point on we’re sort of like the strands of thread that make up the end of a knotted hawser…from the knot on the hawser begins to splay out into individual cables and then each of the cables splays out into individual threads. Just so with us, while we are crossdressers, we are also individuals after a certain point and we all live in and deal with separate and distinct environments.

So what might work in a relationship for one of us and is successful for that individual might not—and most likely would not—work in the same manner for another.

Let me start with a simple example—what does one need to wear to satisfy the desire to be feminine on a regular basis? Some of us are satisfied with getting up each day about an hour before we need to, dressing totally to include make-up and a wig and then changing back to go to work. That is sufficient for at least one member I know. Yet another member obtains satisfaction from dressing totally and spending the day shopping while en femme. That may occur only once a month or so but that is enough for her. And for myself and a couple of others I know, not necessarily chapter members, wearing panties, bra, and nylons under drab business attire is enough to satisfy us—as long as we get a night or two out. But another member, when I told her of wearing lingerie items under my drab attire, said she didn’t feel feminine unless she’s totally decked out—wearing just lingerie was not sufficient.

The trite expression "different strokes for different folks" comes immediately to mind.

Okay then, if we agree on that, then why should we all approach our spouses or significant others in the same way or expect the same reaction when we inform them we are crossdressers? When we tell our best friend that we are a crossdresser, why should we expect that his response to be the same as someone else’s best friend? Why should we expect the reaction of the store clerk, the waitress, the traffic cop, or whoever, to be the same as that we’ve experienced before or that our friends have experienced when these individuals learn we are not what we might appear to be a first glance but that we are a crossdresser?

I think we all understand that our best friend, the store clerk, the waitress, the traffic cop all come from backgrounds and experiences that are unique to them and that their reaction to their discovery of our second self will be based on those experiences and values. The same with our spouses and significant others. Telling anyone is a crapshoot …you roll the dice and you have to live with what turns up. So be sure you are taking a calculated risk and not a gamble…when you take a calculated risk the assumption is that you can live with the results if you lose and that you know or sense what that degree of loss will be—hence the operative word of "calculated". When you gamble on something, there’s an assumption that you can be seriously hurt and lose everything if things go against you.

This is why in telling your spouse there is the one common element—like the common element of cotton thread in a hawser—of "no surprises." No leaving that pair of panties or bra in the dryer, no leaving books about crossdressing lying around, no walking in on her as your femme self (unless you are experienced in CPR and defibrillation), no surprises! A surprise is a definite and defined gamble—there’s no way out.

But barring surprises, you can sometimes turn the gamble involved in disclosing yourself into a calculated risk by having answers to the four questions she will almost always ask.

Are you gay or even bisexual?

Where is this crossdressing going to end?

Is this it—crossdressing—or is there a transition in your future?

What else are you hiding from me?

Have answers—definite and firm answers—to those four questions. Any evasive or insincere responses on your part will be immediately detected on her part—trust me!

And above all rehearse. Think through all of the reactions you can expect from her—you have to consider everything from the threat of an immediate divorce through total and unquestioning acceptance. And you have to rehearse what your response will be to each reaction…remember the Boy Scout’s Marching Song…"Be Prepared!"

Why rehearse? Because this will be an extremely stressful and emotional situation for her and what you say will be forever implanted on her memory! And it will be an equally stressful situation for you and sometimes in emotional situations our choice of words is not always the best. By you accidentally using a poor choice of words even though the intent was correct may leave an impact that you don’t want. So by mentally rehearsing and by applying the masculine logic of what you can expect to the feminine emotion-based situation you will have a better chance of changing the odds of that gamble into a calculated risk.

So do not take word-for-word what someone else used to tell his spouse and use it in your situation. Think through what her background is, consider her experiences, review your past difficult situations together, know what her concerns are, be aware of what scares her and wakes her at 2:00 in the morning and won’t let her get back to sleep. Is it your finances? Is it the kids? Is it your infidelity or evasiveness in the past? Know what it is that scares her more than anything else does and be prepared—if you can—to assure her that your crossdressing will not bring "that" about.

Telling your spouse or significant other that you are a crossdresser is clearly one of those situations where "one size does not fit all!"

 

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How To Apply Eye Shadow

By

Michelle Wilson

Before you start, dust eyelid with a dampened brush and a little face powder. This will help to prevent your shadow from melting. Choose three shades in the same color family - light, medium and a darker shade for contrast.

Apply the lightest shade on the entire lid from brow to lash line. The medium shade is going to bring out the color of your eyes. Apply from lash line to just above the crease. The darkest color is going to be applied close to the lashes. Dampen the brush and then pick up a little color. Smudge it in around the lash base. If you have bags beneath your eyes, you might want to only line the top lashes.

"Hold YOUR beautiful head up high! Poise and inner confidence lend an aura of beauty to every woman who possesses them. Stand up tall, take deep breaths and face the world knowing that YOU are a beautiful person - INSIDE AND OUT!! Put a smile on that beautiful face!"

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Our Panama Canal Cruise

by

Joan, Kim, Anya and Lucy

The four of us have wanted to take a Panama Canal Cruise for a long time, and now we were finally going to do it. Bright and early on Thursday, the fourth of April, Kim and Anya flew from San Diego to Miami. On the fifth, Joan and Lucy, who flew from Richmond, joined them at the budget-priced hotel that Lucy had picked from the Internet because of its location near the pier. We soon learned that the Cuban-Americans running it believed in doing everything in a Cuban minute. As one hotel employee told us. A Cuban minute is about 19 American minutes long. Next time, we may think twice about putting Lucy in charge of pre-cruise lodging.

By the time we met at the hotel and waited several Cuban minutes for our room to be made ready, the four of us were a bit weary. So, we decided to order in a pizza from a nearby pizzeria that was prominently advertised in the room. We chose their "going all the way" special, and soon learned that it was a pizza like none we had ever eaten before. It contained many vegetables that most people don't generally put into a pizza and it was seasoned with Cuban spices. The four of us had not gotten together for several months, and we had a lot to catch up on. It was just after midnight before we stopped talking and finally got to sleep. Unfortunately, the pizza was very heavy, and by four in the morning, we were all awake. We soon picked up our conversation where we had just left off a few hours before. For the rest of the trip, we referred to our pre-cruise night as the night that we went all the way and then had a slumber party.

The next morning, we wisely queued up five Cuban minutes early for the hotel shuttle to take us to the pier. At the pier, boarding was delayed several hours because INS delayed passengers departing from the previous cruise. However, once we got on board ship, we quickly got into the spirit of cruising. From the first moments of boarding until we departed the ship, we had a wonderful time. We met many nice people, visited exotic places, and sailed through the Panama Canal.

Early in the trip, a woman who was traveling with her husband, asked us, how "you four girls managed to get away from your men long enough to go on the cruise." A few days later, she told us that she had never seen four girls that had more fun, and she asked if she could join us on our next cruise. Another woman quickly choose us to be her confidants. She had complaints about just about everything, and her husband "just didn't understand". Throughout the cruise, she sought us out to tell us her problem. We usually chatted with her about her problem, and tried to cheer her up. We apparently were the substitute for the friends in whom she confided at home, but none of us minded. After all, she was a nice lady. Anya also had the opportunity to have a pleasant exchange with her husband a couple of times when she came across him sitting quietly alone. He seemed to be a nice man who just didn't know how to keep his wife happy.

Our first port after several fun-filled days at sea was Ocho Rios, Jamaica. We took a tour to visit Noel Coward's house, but found it to be very disappointing. The tour guides had an attitude, and Coward's estate, like much of Jamaica is poorly maintained. Perhaps the most disappointing part of our tour was seeing the badly decayed piano that Noel Coward used for much of the music he composed.

Next, we sailed to the island of Aruba, which is a delightful place. All of the buildings on the island are stucco painted in pastel colors. This Dutch island was very clean, civilized and tourist friendly. We went on the island tour and soon discovered that it had few rocky cliffs that were inhabited by goats, and much of it was desert like with beautiful cacti and several varieties of sun-loving deciduous trees. The beautiful beaches looked very inviting, and even though the four us only viewed them from a tour bus, we had a delightful time.

When we left Aruba, the ship headed for the Panama Canal, which of course was the main attraction for the cruise. On the way, we learned that NCL had to pay $144,000 to transit the canal, which is a real bargain when you consider the alternative of cruising around the horn of South America. Besides, when you consider that 2,000 passengers paid the cost, it amounted to $72 per person, not a bad price of admission for a scenic shortcut from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean.

Our transit began when our ship attached to four mules, and was towed by the mules into the first of the two eastern locks. The mules are electric locomotive-like machines that travel in pairs along tracks along either side of the locks. Our ship was raised in two stages to the artificial inland lake, across which we must transit to reach the pacific locks. The transit across the lake is 104 miles long and requires the full day. This was the hottest day on our cruise, but it one that we spent much of the time on Kim and Anya's balcony so that we would not miss observing the scenery. On the Pacific side, our ship was again attached to electric mules; it was towed into the lock; and we were lowered in on stage to the Pacific Ocean. As we passed under the Pan American Highway Bridge, Anya quipped that with all of the automobile traffic, she expected to see a sign advertising the Panamanian equivalent of a Taco Bell. The sun was now beginning to set, and we soon passed the many freighters that were queuing up to make the night transit of the canal from the Pacific to the Atlantic. Ocean sunsets are always memorable, but this one was especially so because of the magnitude of the Pan American Bridge with automobile as far as we could see and the long rows of freighters, each accented by their running lights. What a wonderful prelude it made for dinner that evening as we sailed toward Puntarenas, Costa Rica.

On our bus tour of Puntarenas and surrounding areas, we passed through six of the ten Costa Rican provinces. We had a wonderful lunch at a local restaurant, then afterward visited the volcano outside of town. The most interesting part of our trek to the overview was the opportunity to observe the locals that we passed along the way. It was Sunday, and the area was crowded with local recreation seekers. When we arrived at the overview, there was literally nothing to see, dense clouds covered the entire area. We finished the day with a trip to a shopping area where we found some of the best coffee that we have ever tasted. So good, in fact, that we plan to order it periodically from their website. Lucy also found a beautiful purse that she talked herself out of buying and has been regretting it since.

That night, we sailed to Accupulco, Mexico. We started our guided shore tour by going to see the famous cliff divers, who are both, talented at precision diving from high cliffs into the ocean water more than 100 feet below. Wile we were stopped here, both Joan and Lucy bought delightful lace-trimmed sun hats that had wide brims that shielded the necked and added a lovely feminine accent. From the cliffs, we toured the city, viewing the dramatic countryside, and the beautiful seaside beaches and hotels.

We again took the guided tour when Puerto Villarta, which included a drive into the countryside to a typical country town. Here, Kim demonstrated her talent of bargaining. On the sidewalk in front of a local shop, she found a delightful linen dress with a long full skirt. She asked the price and was told that it was $80. When she responded that it was too much, the bargaining began, and when it was all over, Kim got the dress for $15. This feat really seemed whet her appetite for trading, and when we stopped for lunch, she bought several necklaces for her and Anya. Again, she paid less that one-fourth the original asking price. At one stop, the four of us got our picture taken in front of the statue of a child riding a seahorse. The child is said to be symbolic of Puerto Villarta and the seahorse of the sea that sustains it. And the four of us are representative of the prosperity that the city draws from visiting tourists. On the way back to the ship, Lucy and Joan decided that they should try their hand at bargaining. We stopped at a modern shopping center, and Joan and Lucy found a great selection of souvenir tee shirts. However, the only thing they accomplished was inciting the shopkeeper to give them a detailed breakdown of the costs of producing his "excellent product." Oh well, some of us are better traders than others.

On the ship each night at dinner, we got a table for four, and Anya would entertain us with tales she spun about her "ex-husband" and her and my "ex-boyfriends." Anya is a natural comic, and she kept us in stitches, while often dropping choice sound bites when our wait staff was present. The waiters seemed to love us, and we were showered with extra attention. Lucy enjoyed having a cappuccino at the end of the evening meal, and most of the time it appeared without ordering it. One evening as our waiter was approaching the table, Anya fabricated a tale that got Lucy more attention than she wanted. As the waiter approached, Anya said, "Lucy that was some strip tease you did last night in the observation lounge." Our waiter smiled broadly and began telling us how much he liked to go to strip tease shows when the ship was docked in Florida. Not only did Lucy get first-rate service that evening, but the waiter also flirted with her and hinted that she should repeat the strip tease for him. Lucy blushes easily, and her face was a bright red for most of the night.

Anya had an adventure of her own when she decided to take advantage of a good-for-an-hour-only half price Spa special for a pedicure. After Anya telephoned to secure her appointment, she quickly changed into a mid-calf length dress with a full skirt. She figured this would work well to preserve her modesty while the beautician was working on her feet. What she hadn't counted on was the Spa's approach. They had her climb up onto a table and assume a position not to different from that a woman assumes for a gynecological examination. Then, the beautician sat on a low stool at the foot of the table and started massaging her lower legs and ankles. One can only imagine the expression on Anya's face as she tried managing her skirt to maintain her dignity and her secret.

The only uncomfortable moments that Lucy had during the cruise was reboarding the ship at the first ports we visited. Cruise ships now require a picture ID along with the ship ID when passengers reboard the ship, and the first time that she reboarded at Aruba, her drivers license was scrutinized by a humorless security guard who reacted very negatively until she produced her transgender ID. From that point on, she resolved to produce her transgender ID at the same time. However, by the second or third port, the security guard suggested that she use only her transgender ID because her driver's license was a source of confusion that delayed the boarding process.

The four of us have been on other cruises where, Anya and Lucy have crossdressed, and fortunately they are both quite passable. At least, if anyone has ever had any question about our gender, they have kept it to themselves. And our fellow passenger, the woman who said she would like to cruise with us, exchanged email addresses with us and now all four of us correspond regularly. However, occasionally some of her remarks indicate that she questions whether Joan and I and Kim and Anya are two lesbian couples.

 

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ASK MISS CHATELAINE

 

G.I. Joe’s Feminine Side

 

Dear Miss Chatelaine:

Q: Did you ever play with dolls as a boy?

S. Freud, Vienna

Dear Sigmund:

Miss Chatelaine recalls playing alone in the basement of her parents’ home in New England, trying to see if her sister’s Barbie’s panties would fit on G.I. Joe (they didn’t). Miss Chatelaine was about 9 at the time and didn’t realize she had discovered a problem that plagues all crossdressers at some point in their early crossdressing careers — sizing. Why Miss Chatelaine chose at such a young age to expose G.I. Joe to his feminine side remains a mystery, but he never complained, even when he was later discharged after the Army found high heels and bras in his footlocker.

Q: How’s the Lake Erie Gala diet coming?

D. Atkins, NYC

Dear Dr:

Miss Chatelaine has dropped several pounds, but she’s also managed to put a few back on, much to her dieting dismay. With the gala four months away, however, she is determined to find the discipline needed to see it through. The key, of course, is keeping the weight off for good once you’ve lost it. Easier said than done, girls. Easier said than done.

 

Q: What’s the latest with Lake Erie Gala?

T. Cruise, Hollywood

Dear Tom:

Everything is proceeding smoothly as far as Lake Erie Gala is concerned. A vendor or two may not be back (for non gala related reasons), but some others are stepping forward. President Marsha says we may have even found a gala photographer, one of the services girls really missed last year. As always, if you have any suggestions, please feel free to pass them along to us at your earliest convenience.

_____________________________________________________________________________

Miss Chatelaine is a feature of Mirror Images, the newsletter of Erie Sisters Transgender Support Group. Visit them at www.eriesisters.org, or email your own questions to Miss Chatelaine at miss@eriesisters.org.

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