Next was the program on Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI). That session lasted over an hour with the questions, comments, and observations...several present had already taken the MBTI, but had not had the material covered in the way that this session discussion did...and the focus on communications was roundly applauded. An offer remains that another MBTI session can be arranged for on a moment's notice if the membership so desires...so hang on to your forms.

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The Raod Less Traveled

With this audience, that title could mean quite a number of things! What follows is more of a request for input and perspectives from you, rather than an article that will reveal any extraordinary information. The road less traveled…….. For some time now, since joining Chi Epsilon Sigma and having the joy of meeting and getting to know other gender enhanced people like yourselves for the first time in my life, I have begun to examine just who Rita Richards really is. How does she fit into the overall life and psychological mosaic of her 'host'? I have learned much about what it means to be gender enhanced, but I find myself puzzled and occasionally a little concerned that Rita's role in my life does not seem to fit what I'll refer to hereafter as "conventional crossdressing wisdom".

"Conventional crossdressing wisdom" appears (at least the way I understand it) to hold that the woman in us is an extension of our existing personality that, because of restrictions and gender stereotypes foisted on us by society, is usually repressed. It follows, at least in the male-to-female crossdresser, that the ability to 'soften' the harsher aspects of the male psyche with the softer feminine attributes of our en femme selves would allow us to blossom into a better human being. In addition, it seems as though most M to F crossdressers retain many of their 'en homme' personality traits when dressed as a woman. I've heard some of you refer to it as a "guy in a dress" syndrome. "Conventional crossdressing wisdom" seems to state that each of us should be striving to blend our male and female attributes so that we can approach life's situations and challenges in a more measured and relaxed (i.e. "feminine") manner, for the well being of both ourselves and those around us.

For some time now I feel that I've been going down "the road less traveled" in this regard. This introspection began when I realized that, try as I might, I cannot seem to make any significant headway at accomplishing this blending process. When Rita's 'brother' is around, Rita is far, far away, "sipping a Margarita on the beach in Aruba", as my spouse says. When I've donned my woman's clothing, my male alter ego for all intents and purposes disappears. It is only with some difficulty that I can bring myself as Rita to talk about my work, male hobbies, or other similar interests, and I'm never totally comfortable when circumstances call upon me to do so. The "brother and sister" analogy seems to be an appropriate one. Like siblings raised in the same household, Rita and her "brother" share a few attributes, but are quite different in terms of personality. I've tried various things in an effort to blend the two, such as wearing articles of feminine clothing under my male attire and choosing unisex clothing, but it seems rather ineffective.

My spouse says that she can see Rita "peeking through" my male persona when I'm tired or stressed. She says that I begin to use feminine gestures, voice, verbalization, and body language. Although I myself am not aware of doing this, it is apparently evident to the point where Susan expressed some concern that I'd give myself away someday when, for example, I get stressed out at a meeting at work. She theorizes that Rita is always hovering in the background, ready to come forward and 'protect' her 'brother' from perceived threats to his mental well being. Frankly, Susan is a bit uncomfortable with this observation, though not to the point where it poses a problem between us. It's one of the reasons she discourages me from spending long periods (such as a full weekend) en femme, and I accept this minor condition. She has admitted to the fear that one day Rita will come out to stay, and her 'brother' will disappear forever. As she emphatically says, "I don't mind Rita, but I didn't marry Rita; I married you!"

I am quite satisfied with this arrangement; it seems to work for me. As my therapist said when I revealed to him that I was a crossdresser, "If it's not creating a problem, then it's not a problem!" Nonetheless, every time I read an article in the "Femme Mirror" or other publication alluding to the "conventional crossdressing wisdom", or participate in discussions on the subject, I am reminded that mine seems to be the road less traveled. For a short time, I pondered whether I was moving in the direction of true transgenderism. After further reflection, I don't believe so. There are aspects of male life that I thoroughly enjoy and would be difficult or impossible to experience if I were to become a full-time woman. Likewise, though, there are aspects of being a woman that I thoroughly enjoy and that, at least in my view, would be difficult or impossible to fully experience if I thought of myself as a "gender enhanced" man in a dress. Although it does not appear to be affecting me in an unhealthy manner, I wonder if this isn't a case of multiple personality. My therapist feels out of his area of expertise when it comes to multiple personalities, and has declined to make a referral to a specialist in such matters until or unless it becomes a problem for my loved ones or me.

Sisters, am I correctly interpreting this "conventional crossdressing wisdom"? Am I breaking faith with our sisterhood by my lack of success in molding male and female into a blend of the positive attributes of each? Have any of you experienced similar feelings? Is this a case of 'gender enhancement' or dual personality? I truly believe that my approach is a good one as long as the ones I love and respect are all comfortable with it. As we meet at Chapter meetings and other places, or correspond by e-mail, I'd love to hear your opinions and views. After all, there's always something adventurous about a trip down the road less traveled……

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Girl Talk

Loose Lips Sink Slips

Sorry, gals, that title is no typographical error…granted that slogan (in its original form) dates back in our national history but it is still true today. Loose lips can still "sink" a sorority sister.

As we evolve as a sorority more and more may be learned about some of us, especially if we are the "joiner" type and get involved with the Chapter or with Tri-Ess or any of the other organizations. Some times this comes about because we have to use snail-mail to get material back and forth or we have to use the telephone and ask for a sister by her "drab" name or leave our "drab" name and number for a return call. Trust me, over thirty years in the business I can assure you that it would not take one very long to ferret information out about each and every one of us, and enough information that we could be "outed." Of course, that requires the "sneak" (and I'll use the term in the full and nasty meaning of the word…) to have such an intent in mind…for either personal reasons or for blackmail purposes. I can honestly say that I know of no one in our Chapter of whom I would have even the slightest inkling of such an intent…but the possibility and potential is there. As ol' Ben Franklin would say "once a secret is known to another person it is no longer a secret" (am sure he might have said something like that…anyway, even if he didn't, the idea is still sound).

My biggest concern is the unintentional sharing of personal knowledge of or about a third person by a party of the first part to a party of the second part (okay, I am studying for the LSAT…). The scenario is simple…one happens to know a piece of information about a crossdresser that is personal knowledge ("drab" name…occupation…place of employment…previous experiences…and on-and-on…) that either the crossdresser shared with that first person or the knowledge came about through inadvertent disclosure. Then, either by speaking without thinking (Who? Me? I'm not a blonde…) or in an effort to make the point that so-and-so is a good choice for membership or to buttress an argument that crossdressers are all around us ("Well I know a guy who works for XYZ…there's this county commissioner I know…there's this high school teacher I know of…[fill in the blank] who's a crossdresser…), the word gets out. And a career, a life, a family, a person is in a position to be destroyed…because not all of us are ready and willing to confront and face the slings and arrows of an outraged community nor are our innocent spouses or our children.

So, ladies, if the shoe fits, wear it…and button your lips…what you know about a sorority sister is between you and her and no one else!

Post script: This is why the By-Laws specifically state that nothing will ever be entered on a hard drive and that only one person--the Treasurer--has access to drab and femme pairings…and if anyone can think of other steps we need to take to increase our personal security do not hesitate to speak out…please!

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Lucy's Window

Maintaining A Balance

While most of my articles concern crossdressing, I also am aware that it is very important to keep it in balance with other things we hold dear. Uppermost on this list are our families who are very much on all of our minds during the holiday season. Certainly, family was uppermost in my mind, when Joan and I departed Thanksgiving week for a Caribbean cruise with our older son, his wife and their two sons.

Our planning began two years ago when Joan and I sat down with our two sons and their wives to discuss a special celebration for Thanksgiving in 2000. We decided to celebrate aboard a cruise ship in the western Caribbean. Our plans called for leaving Ft. Lauderdale on board the MS Ryndam on November 18 and returning November 25. However, everything didn't go as planned. Our younger son and daughter in law presented us with another grandson in August, and as a result have a baby who is still too small to travel. Since our older son had had to reserve time off for this event many months in advance, we decided to go ahead with the trip with him and his family. (We hope to go with the other family at a later date.)

Earlier this year, I told you how much I enjoyed spending two weeks on a cruise where I was cross-dressed for the entire duration. Now, just eight months later, I was on another cruise. Only this time, I was very much in the drab mode with none of the vestiges of Lucy. Perhaps you are wondering how I faired this time. Well, I had an absolutely wonderful time. After all, I am also a husband, a father and a grandfather, and this cruise provided me with the rare opportunity to spend a week of quality time with my wife, our older son and daughter-in-law and two of our grandsons, ages13 and 9. It was great fun to witness the delight of both grandsons as they discovered ocean cruising. They experienced great delight with the unique features of each port that we visited, took full advantage of the ship's virtually endless supply of food, and occasionally tried to get the best of grandpa.

Joan and I have something to be especially thankful for this Thanksgiving. For God has given us the grace to accept what we cannot change and to get on with life and enjoy it to its fullest.

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Shop 'Til You Drop

Dress Barn Shopping

One of the things every crossdresser dreams of doing is entering a women's clothing store, being totally comfortable to pick out the latest fashions, in different styles, try them on for that perfect fit, BUY, and then go find a pair of shoes to match. Wait a minute......am I dreaming again, NOT! I did just that along with 12 other sisters and a couple of wives at Dress Barn and Payless Shoes on November 5, 2000.

I pre-arranged with a Dress Barn and Payless Shoe stores for them to open before their regular business hours on this particular Sunday just for us girls. From what I could surmise, everyone had a wonderful time. Imagine the entire store along with friendly and very helpful sales associates just for us! They had pastries, donuts, coffee and juice set up for us to make it an even more pleasurable experience for us.

It was a great opportunity to try on many styles to see what looks best on you. It was so much fun coming out of the dressing rooms and getting opinions from the girls. The interaction was fantastic! It didn't take long for holding racks to start filling up with some beautiful selections as each girl found outfits "to die for". I just could not stop finding something else I just had to try on. I should also mention the wives had a good time too, and their superior experience was quite evident. Comparing Sandy's space in our rack to mine, she won hands down! YOU GO GIRL!! The sales women were so nice helping us out with sizes, and accesorizing, with scarves, jewelry, etc. I think we all felt very special and not one bit embarrassed. I know we left them with a better opinion and understanding of what a crossdresser is and what crossdressing is all about. They could not get over how good we all looked and were genuinely sincere with their opinions of what outfit did or did not look good on us.

After gathering all of our selections together, calming down long enough to go to the register we were off to Payless (right next store, how convenient) to get shoes to compliment out new outfits (Is this heaven or what!). Well, I don't know about the rest of the girls, but when I positioned myself in front of a whole rack of shoes in my size, I wasn't going anywhere until I tried on every pair! That's exactly what I did, and I learned more about shoes in 45 minutes than I would have in 5 years buying by mail (or male) order.

At 12:00 or so when we were all done (already?), some of the girls decided to extend the day a little longer and went to an Applebee's for lunch. I had to decline this time, after an exhausting week and looking at a two-hour ride home we thought it best to call it a day.

For all you girls who ever dreamed of doing something like this, but couldn't make this event, don't be disappointed. Dress Barn III is right around the corner (this was the second time). I'll be setting up another one sometime in the March/April time frame and I would love to see you come out and have a good time with us.

I want to thank everyone that participated, you helped make it a fun day!

As an FYI, the corporate headquarters for both stores were most cooperative and the store managers bent over backwards to accommodate or needs (the manager of the Dress Barn has a friend who is a crossdresser). So if you get a chance to support these companies just keep in mind how supportive they were (and will be) to us. We were all ambassadors on that day and if we only changed one person's view (and I think it was six) of crossdressers, we are building acceptance for now and for a better level of public understanding of crossdressing for the future.

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Lake Erie Gala 2000