Executive Committee Announces 2001 Schedule NOVA CES Happy Hour, by Leslie King Meeting Minutes, January 13, 2001 Heartfelt Wisdom of Solomon, by Becky Adams How It Was, Is, by Barbara Jane Carter Skin Care, by Heather Anne Our Thoughts on Crossdressing, by Lucy and Joan Stone "Locked" in a Gray Flannel Suit, by Becky Adams
This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to RRBoyd@aol.com, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.
Rachel Rene Boyd
The Chi Epsilon Sigma regular meetings will be held on the following Saturdays in 2001. Please note that the July 28th meeting will be a non-dressing event to express our appreciation to our spouses and S.O.s for their understanding and support throughout the year.
Terri Lynn Andrews, Chairperson
Becky Adams, Vice Chairperson
Grace Gardener, Secretary/Treasurer
Yvonne Sullivan, Past Chairperson
Donnene Edwards, Spouse Representative
Mary Alice Barrett, Membership*
Victoria Frost, Programs Director*
Rachel Rene Boyd, Newsletter Editrix*
*Non-voting members
Well, its that time again, for the NOVA CES monthly happy hour (every 2nd Friday). If you are planning to attend please RSVP by Thursday afternoon leslie150@hotmail.com. I will send you directions and phone numbers on how to get there.
Thanks,
Terri as the Chapter's First Lady opened the January meeting of the Chi Epsilon Sigma Chapter of Tri-Ess International at 7:20 PM. There were eventually fifteen members and five guests (prospective members and spouses) attending the meeting. Members present included Danielle, Becky and spouse and Julie and spouse (our first-time guests), Becky and Anne, Emily and Laurie, Martha and Leslie, Marsha and Doneene, Mary Alice, Terri and Cindi, Tiffany, Yvonne M., and Vicki and Cheri.
Terri introduced our prospective members and welcomed them to the group. Following that, Terri asked each person present to introduce herself (this is important because we may show up "drab" or "femme" and may miss a meeting or two or more).
Terri distributed flyers from Rho Tau. These flyers announced the establishment of a joint (drab/femme) identification card and included an application for it.
We then broke for about fifteen minutes to allow some free discussion on several matters that were of interest and concern on the part of the prospective members' spouses. Following that session, all gathered a plate of goodies and settled down to listen to this evening's program.
Vicki then introduced Tammy Lippert as our guest speaker for the night. Tammy, as a member of Tranquility and the Maryland Free State Justice organizations spoke to the group on outreach education and advocacy activities.
Tammy's goal that evening--a goal she attained--was to inform us about what is going on within Maryland in terms of the transgender community. As she put it very well, it is only common sense as a crossdresser to be aware of what is going on regardless of where one is personally on the spectrum of either being transgendered or being an activist.
The situation within Maryland was explored at length (Tammy was not aware of activities in New Jersey, Delaware, Virginia or Pennsylvania on this matter of anti-discrimination and hate bills before the respective state legislatures and/or governors). There is also apparently a great deal of internal confusion within the gay and lesbian communities about the position and role, if any, of transgender groups, whether they are transsexuals or crossdressers. The wording of bills is extremely delicate in terms of race, color, creed, religion, and sexual orientation - all of which leave gender variance as the major issue and the sticking point.
The Minnesota Model uses the term "gender variance" within its anti-discrimination provisions and is the only state to do so at this point. ("Gender variance" is keyed on the phrases of "protection of presentation or how one is perceived as being of a gender other than their sex.")
There have been some six attempts within the past eight years in Maryland under Governor Glendenning but the language has always eschewed "gender variance" in favor of sexual orientation. The Archdiocese and the Chamber of Commerce have been the major obstacles to the passing of such laws with "gender variance." The Chamber is hanging its hat on the problems perceived in the workplace and apparently the Archdiocese has adopted an over-all "anti" position on the matter. Therefore the provisions are generally killed within the committee arrangement.
Even though the 2000 Commission directed by the governor resulted in numerous transgender presentations, the Commission did not include the terms "gender variance" within its final report. However, in that the topic was discussed openly and at length within the Commission hearings and in final discussion, the "door" is perceived as being opened for future inclusion.
The bottom line--which no one could answer--was that all segments of the population are "scared" of crossdressers. And until that fear is dissipated there will be a refusal to include us or to include gender variance. It was also agreed that the presentations in Dr. Thomas's and in Dr. Kofie's classes were direct steps at gradually educating the younger generations.
Following a question-and-answer session with Tammy Vickie presented a short "civics" class on how to reach out and influence members of those committees that have been so adept in killing the bills on "gender variance" before them.
The meeting adjourned about 10:00 p.m. with all parties devouring what ever had been left on the "pot-luck" table--another good time (and good eats) was had by all!
Found a Sunday's First Reading at Mass to be a real thought provoker. Solomon has just taken over from David as King of the Israelites and Yahweh asks Solomon what he wants...and Solomon asks for wisdom rather than power. (Granted, it's a modern cliche that knowledge is power, but knowledge and wisdom are not synonymous! Trust me...I can cite you chapter and verse on that one!)
Yahweh congratulates Solomon on his choice and promises Solomon the "wisdom of the heart to rule His people..."
Wait a minute! Wisdom of the what? The heart? Every medical person and scientist would tell you that it is the brain that is the center of thinking...well, that may be the case but maybe, just maybe, wisdom does come from the heart. And maybe, just maybe, the scientific revolution started by Newton (a man...) and continued on by a predominantly male society has confused knowledge with wisdom.
And what's the big complaint about most "genetic girls?" Isn't it that they let their hearts over rule their brains? That they're too emotional? Remember? Wasn't that the old argument against women getting the vote? (Some of you might not remember, but am sure Grace remembers that far back...)
But maybe the First Reading had it right after all...regardless of the fact that the original Torah was a story reiterated by story tellers and then, once in written form, it went through numerous translations...and here it is "wisdom of the heart!" And my argument is that those of us blessed (?) by recognizing and empowering our second feminine selves have "the best of all possible worlds," to quote Dr. Pangloss. We can use the knowledge we possess in the brain and, at the same time, use the wisdom that comes from the heart--and recognize it as such.
Many times in a prior life I was criticized as "not being hard," that I would "have to be hard to be a success." Well folks, I didn't change...because I couldn't...even then I knew there was a "certain self" that only I was aware of...and the naysayers just shook their heads as all of their predictions came to naught and we succeeded. And now I am beginning to realize that what I--and others--interpreted as "softness" was really Solomon's promised "wisdom of the heart." Let's not get confused now...wisdom means the smarts when to say "no" or "don't do that" or "I'm not accepting that" whatever it is...God didn't say "soft-hearted," He said "wisdom of the heart." There's a difference.
Wisdom of the heart means that sense of empathy, that sense of compassion, of understanding, of rightful and measured justice, of forgiveness when appropriate, of acceptance. So maybe we are indeed fortunate that when dressed en drab we can also knowingly exercise those characteristics that the modern world attributes as "being feminine." If someone comments about that, just grin inwardly, and say, "Yes, I guess so...am trying to exercise my 'wisdom of the heart'"
by Barbara Jane Carter
I must have been three or four years old. It was naptime, my younger sister already had fallen asleep, and my mother was in the front part of the house. It was surely safe to get up quietly, take one of my sister's dresses into the bathroom across the hall, and see how the dress might fit me. We shared a room in those days and I had easy access to her clothes, which I thought so much prettier than what I was required to wear. She was only a year younger than I, and we were sometimes taken for twins, but she was smaller and of course the dress didn't fit. As I struggled awkwardly to force the buttons in back to reach their impossibly tiny buttonholes, my mother found me. She rebuked me--gently enough, in my memory--but later I was teased about it by my father and my sisters in the company of friends or relatives. To this day, it amuses my sister to bring it up.
Also during those early years, I began to play dress-up with my sister and cousin. Wearing the same things they did, old dresses and shoes and hats that must have once been my mother's or my aunt's, I felt as if I were a little girl too. Once, after finishing playing dress-up, my cousin let me wear a pair of her shoes, black and white saddle oxfords. They fit me, and I liked wearing them. She said I could have the shoes if I wanted them because she was getting a new pair for school. I did want them. But when I showed them to my parents and explained that the shoes fit me and that my cousin said I could have them, they said no. Boys couldn't wear girls' shoes. They weren't mean about it, but I felt keenly the injustice, believing I could have worn the shoes, even worn them to school, to first grade.
So along with the feeling of embarrassment and humiliation from having been discovered trying on my sister's dress, I now felt keenly a sense of frustration and injustice. What seemed natural to me--pretending with my sister and cousin to be a grownup lady, wanting to accept the gift of my cousin's shoes--was forbidden.
I began, then, to sneak into my mother's closet and put on her shoes. I did it secretly, without even my sister's knowing, for I knew now that it was "wrong" for me to do this. Still, it was a fairly innocent pleasure, a sense of excitement due to the secrecy, a feeling that this was something all of my own. In adolescence the feeling became less innocent--that is, more sexually arousing and more aggressively experimental as I began to delve into the dirty clothes hamper and pull forth bras and girdles, skirts and blouses. I was a skinny kid and self-conscious around boys who seemed to me to be growing so much faster, and I remember feeling somehow vindicated, special, in on the secret of how it felt to be a girl. Still, I assured myself that I would likely grow out of this, and, in time, feel whatever it was that gave boys the satisfaction of being male.
I had girlfriends aplenty, I should point out. I fell in love regularly and frequently, from the first grade on, thrilled by the touch of a girl's lips, amazed and grateful that she would permit me to kiss her.
In adolescence I longed to lose my virginity but this was the fifties and I accepted the rules, the limits. You might sit in a parked car on some dark street and kiss and embrace until the wee hours of the morning, you might even touch a girl's breasts (or at least the outline of them encased in a stiff bra), but what came next was reserved for marriage. Several of my friends had not had such scruples, and I feared for their souls, while at the same time envying them and also wondering if I was different from them. When the time came, would I rise to the occasion?
I began to practice masturbating while thinking of my girlfriend. This was somewhat reassuring, but the secret excursions into femininity didn't stop. I had read of Christine Jorgensen's surgical transformation. Could it be that I, too, was somehow meant to be female? The idea both appealed to me and troubled me. I could not imagine giving up the pleasure my penis gave me, though. So what was I? Why couldn't I just be like other boys? It didn't occur to me that other boys might have feelings similar to my own--or, for that matter, that they might have confusions and obsessions far more destructive and legitimately troubling (years later, a member of my high school class, a former football player, shot and killed a dozen of his fellow postal employees before taking his own life).
In time, thanks to considerable reading as well as to the invaluable experience of making friends in Tri-Ess, I came to learn that I wasn't alone. I began to feel better about exploring this feminine side of myself. I've concluded that my instincts were right all along and that it's quite rational to want to be a woman—-not just for the clothes, but to cultivate freely the interests and sensibilities that seem to characterize the experience of womanliness.
But it's the irrational that continues to tug at me, the mystery of selfhood itself. When I disguise my body, my soul shows forth, and, miracle of miracles, I'm the lady that little boy with his sister and cousin pretended to be. I thumb my powdered nose at the accidental junctures of muscle and blood and genes that have conspired to trap us in our bodies. Walking into the world as a woman, I step swiftly, with grace, into the ineffable. I tell you, there's no turning back.
From the Editrix
Newsletter Editrix
Executive Committee Announces 2001 Schedule
January 13
February 17
March 24
April 21
May 19
June 23
July 28 (DRAB)
August 25
September 22
October 27
November 17
December 15
Chi Epsilon Sigma Executive Committee
terrilynna@hotmail.com
beckyxd@hotmail.com
grace-gardener@home.com
yvonne@netrax.net
doneene373@aol.com
zoom@paonline.com
victoriafrost@earthlink.net
RRBoyd@aol.com
NOVA CES Happy Hour
by Leslie King
Leslie
Meeting Minutes, January 13, 2001
Chi Epsilon Sigma
Heartfelt Wisdom of Solomon
by Becky Adams
How It Was, Is
How can I promote healthy glowing skin while aging and furthermore start a skin care program after the age of 40? While wrinkles form easier on dry skin, heredity factors also add insult to injury—therefore healthy vital skin is only achieved when a couple of factors are in sync, but skin never looks it's best without proper skincare.
Facts About Skin
The skin is the largest organ of the human body. Its function is to protect the body from infection, injury, dehydration, and harmful UV rays. The skin consists of two main layers: an outer layer (epidermis) and an inner layer (dermis). The skin is in a constant action of regenerating itself. The more nutrients the cells receive from an outside source, the longer the cells take to degenerate, therefore leaving your skin appearing more healthy and youthful. This is why the skin needs a deeply penetrating moisturizer to nourish the cells where they divide and form.
The skin should be exfoliated often to aid in the removal of dead skin cells on the surface. With an effective moisturizer you will assist nature to stimulate new cell growth.
The dermis gives the skin its elasticity and strength. That is why it is important to protect it as much as possible from the sin and other environmental elements.
Cleansing
Any good skin care regiment begins with proper cleansing. The main purpose here is to remove dirt on the surface of the skin that is picked up from cosmetics or environmental pollutants. To clean skin, select a hypoallergenic, PH-balanced cream, lotion or gel designed to help dissolve surface dirt, make-up and remove dead skin. Try to avoid harsh soaps, as they tend to dry the skin.
To aid in cleansing, try a towel steam before hand for extra benefits. There are several added benefits in adding this step to your cleansing routine once a week. Get yourself two hand towels. Fill your washbasin with warm water – never HOT! (Hot water is harsh on the skin! Try to avoid extremely hot water even when showering.) Soak the towels for a few minutes - remove and squeeze out excess water. Lay flat and wrap one towel from below your chin over face up to forehead covering one side of the face. Do the same with the second towel. These are the benefits of a towel steam:
1) Opens follicles to deepen the cleansing of dirt, grease, blackheads and other debris from deep within the skin.
2) Helps to soften the surface dead cells to aid in their removal.
3) Helps to stimulate the sebaceous glands (oil glands). Nature's own moisturizer.
4) Helps to aid the sweat glands in ridding themselves of toxins and other impurities.
5) Increases the circulation of blood to the surface of the tissues giving the skin a healthy glow.
6) Leaves skin soft and glowing.
Remember that after cleansing the face and before moving on to moisturizing, it is nice to give a splash of cool water on the face. This helps to close the pores and trap in natural oils before moving on to creams and then cosmetics.
Moisturizing
The single disadvantage of cleansing your skin is the removal of essential natural oils. These oils help retain precious moisture and form a barrier between the polluted environment and the body. This drawback is easily off set by using moisturizers. When applying, dab on to fingers and gently massage into face in small circular motion.
There are many products on the market today to choose from when looking for skincare systems. Be wise, just because something costs more doesn't necessarily mean it works better. Choose skin care products designed for your specific needs and skin type.
For the mature skin, look for products containing cytophylatic oil, these are indicated to stimulate new cell growth and prevent wrinkling. Also, pure JoJoba oil can achieve great effects at little cost. Try creams rich in Vitamin E. These are especially beneficial in cell regeneration.
Two other skin care steps that I would like to mention are exfoliating with a scrub and/or the use of a mask. Although these are usually only done every 7-10 days, it can be an important part of the skin care regiment.
Scrubs are designed to aid in the sloughing of old dead cells. Masks are used to restore tone and softness to the skin.
There are many cosmetics companies that manufacturer and sell facial scrubs and masks. Here are a few of my favorite CUSTOM design recipes that work Great! Give them a try!
Milk and Fruit Mask
Combine powdered milk with one of the following: ½ ripe banana, ½ strained avocado, ½ fresh peach, 1 whole apricot. If skin is oily, use fruit with astringent properties. (i.e. ½ cup fresh strawberries) Apply to face. Leave for 10 minutes. Rinse.
Almond–Oat Scrub
Three teaspoons pulverized oatmeal (protein, abrasive for soap and water mix) 1 teaspoon castile soap (drying agent), 1-teaspoon water, 1 teaspoon almond extract (scent). Pulverize oatmeal in blender or mash fine. Add soap and pour into mixture, mixing well a little at a time until paste is formed. Blend Almond extract. Apply to face and let remain for 20 minutes. When removing with warm water, use a gentle circular motion to benefit from the slight abrasive action of the oatmeal. Rinse with cool water.
Herbal Teas for Masks and Compresses
Make a cup of herbal tea using an herb that will be beneficial for the type of skin that is being treated. For example, use chamomile tea for calming, soothing and softening properties. It helps reduce swelling and relieves irritations and is excellent for a dry sensitive skin. Peppermint tea is also rich in Vitamin A and C and is especially good for an oily skin. For acne, use comfrey root tea for its healing, astringent, soothing, and softening qualities. Comfrey root is a source from which "Allantoin" comes. Allantoin increases cell growth. Allantoin is used in many cosmetics, such as cream, hand lotions, and aftershave to heal wounds, skin ulcers, and soothe skin.
Finally, I would like to talk about a few other things that greatly influence the appearance of our skin. First, cigarette smoking leaves skin depleted of vital nutrients and oxygen. This promotes premature wrinkling and a pallid complexion. Secondly, excessive alcohol consumption can dehydrate the skin and impede circulation robbing the skin of precious moisture and vital nutrients! Thirdly, Exercise benefits the skin by helping to maintain a clear circulation, calming the nerves and promoting a deeper more restful sleep. And lastly, water is the essential ingredient for the hydration of skin! The average person needs to drink 6-8 glasses of clean, pure water each day.
In conclusion; it is never too late to begin taking care of your skin. Remember, everything discussed here about the face also can be used on the entire body!
Because we have been happily married for 42 years and coping with crossdressing for 41 years, we are frequently asked how different aspects of crossdressing appear to us. We decided to compile a list of questions we frequently have been asked by both CD's and wives, and to provide our views. For each question, each of us has expressed our individual opinions. We hope our thoughts will help others who are currently trying to cope with the reality of crossdressing in their lives.
Question: What differences do you see in the personalities of Don and Lucy?
Joan: I don't see any difference in personality as such. His voice and gestures are softer, but that is not a change in personality. I just know I can get his attention much quicker when he is dressed as Lucy.
Lucy: I am very much the same person. The only thing I have ever done is try to make certain my mannerisms and voice fit with the way I'm dressed. When I was an army officer, I tried to walk with a military bearing and conduct myself as such. When I was a graduate student, I dressed like one and had long hair. In the same way when I am dressed as a woman, I try to look and act very much like a lady.
Question: When Joan and Lucy are out together, how do you feel when people say they don't know which one of you is the genetic woman?
Joan: I am very glad because that means Lucy is doing a good job projecting her femme persona. It also makes me feel good that all the time we spent to help her learn how to express herself is paying off.
Lucy: For a long time, I was concerned that Joan would be offended. However, she is very secure in her femininity. I was doing her an injustice when I thought it would bother her. Now, I feel that it is a form of validation that my appearance is that of a woman.
Question: How did you feel about going out in public before Lucy could readily "pass?"
Joan: I don't remember going out when Lucy did not pass. She worked very hard to pass so she did not embarrass herself or me.
Lucy: Until I really gained confidence, I sometimes felt insecure and always was a little concerned that I might be "outed". However, I don't ever remember being concerned enough to not want to dress unless there was not an obvious reason that I shouldn't.
Question: When you are out together as two women, does it takes away from your capability to enjoy each other's company?
Joan: No. I really enjoy being with Lucy. When we go out together it is as if we are best friends (which we are.) She has some great ideas of things to do and places to go. Most of them much better than I would suggest. There are times, however, that I really do enjoy being escorted by Don. Lucy is very good at letting this happen frequently. And his children and grandchildren all enjoy Don very much. He is their buddy, mentor and friend.
Lucy: We have had and continue to have great times together, both when I am dressed as Don and when I am dressed as Lucy, and I would never want to miss out on any of them.
Question: Do you consider crossdressing to be a blessing or a curse?
Joan: A little of both. When we were younger and had no one to talk with except each other, it seemed as if this was a curse. And I worried that if he did not pass that we would be discovered and we would loose everything. However, as time has passed and we made a lot of wonderful friends in the CD community it has turned into a beautiful blessing. I now can say that I truly enjoy Lucy as much as Don.
Lucy: For too long, it seemed like a curse because I felt guilty that I was not the "man" that my wife deserved. When I finally listened to her, the situation began to change, and I now give thanks to God in my daily prayers for this wonderful blessing.
Question: Do Lucy's feminine gestures and feminine voice cause problems in your relationship?
Joan: No. I am glad when she dresses as Lucy that her gestures and voice are feminine. However, when it comes to romantic moments I am glad that Lucy can go away and leave Don. He is very good at knowing when I need Don and when Lucy can come forth. Plus we discuss all our outings well ahead of time so we know exactly what we are going to do.
Lucy: No. In fact, I think Joan and I both are more comfortable knowing that I appear to be a "normal" woman when I am wearing my "Lucy clothes". Besides, we both are secure in our relationship to each other. Our happy marriage and our relationship with our two sons and six grandsons are the best evidence of this.
Question: Do you think that it is possible for Lucy to have any idea how a genetic female feels?
Joan: Not really. She does try. When we were growing up society kept the boundaries of male and females so far apart that it was difficult to even try to understand the others feelings. Now, we both try and I think we come close, but not fully on the mark.
Lucy: Not fully. I have never experienced the bodily functions that are unique to a genetic female, nor did I have to grow up with the limitations with which Joan had to cope, but my desire to dress in pretty clothes and emotional sensitivity appear to be little different.
Question: How would you feel about Lucy crossdressing full time?
Joan: I would not like that at all. I think that we would miss out on a lot of wonderful times with our children and grandchildren. I think some of our friends might not be in the least understanding about crossdressing. There is too much enjoyment on both the male and female side that it would not be at all good for him to only express one side at the expense of the other.
Lucy: I think it would be terrible. I never want to bar myself from experiencing the wonderful enjoyment that I derive from being a husband, father and grandfather. It would be as bad as not expressing my feminine side by not crossdressing and losing out on the wonderful times that Joan and I have when we go out as two women who are best friends.
Question: Do you feel that a male who wears feminine clothing is making a mockery of femininity?
Joan: Not in the least. I think a crossdresser is only dressing to express his feminine side. This is something that our society has denied, and a crossdresser needs to express it in the best possible way, crossdressed.
Lucy: I don't and that certainly is not my intention when I cross dress. I enjoy wearing feminine clothing, and by wearing it, I can give expression to my feminine side
Question: Do you believe that your relationship has suffered because of crossdressing?
Joan: Not in the least. I feel that ours has actually been strengthened as we have struggled with the crossdressing issue. We have been come closer to each other in our strengths and have learned lessons from the crossdressing experience that have helped us in all aspects of our lives.
Lucy: No. Our relationship has grown closer over the years, and I feel that crossdressing was just one of the many challenges with which we have had to cope.
Question: If you knew when you were young what you know now, what would you have done differently?
Joan: I hope I would have relaxed and enjoyed his crossdressing ever so much sooner. Perhaps, I would even have helped our sons to acknowledge and accept it sooner.
Don: I would not have spent so many years feeling guilty about being less of man because of it. Rather, I would have been able to acknowledge my feminine side as an asset and more fully benefited and permitted my family to benefit from my appreciation of the sensitivity that accompanies it.
Some correspondence I've had over this past week caused me to look at the masculine-feminine dichotomy from a slightly different perspective. In some ways I am now beginning to believe that the male of the homo sapiens species really isn't very intelligent and that most of us, especially our non-crossdressing brothers, have been the victims of a classic "double-think" campaign by our GG sisters!
According to the feminist writers of late women have been the subjects of classic put-downs by the male of the species. And for the past fifty or so years the drums of this campaign have been keeping up a steady beat. It has been effective like the classic Chinese Water Torture in that most men (outside of selected counties in West Virginia and most of Utah) would now agree that women have been definitely discriminated against. Women are denied their rights, subject to a glass ceiling, made to do double duty (be a breadwinner as well as a bread-maker…) and so on. Now I do not deny that that has occurred in our past and I agree that there are more than just vestiges of such discrimination still around us…from a total perspective there is very little equality between the sexes.
But let's look at it from a slightly different view…
Long time observers of the "male thing" such as Deborah Tannen acknowledge that men are loners--for starters, we don't ask for directions when we are obviously lost because that would relinquish power to the one we asked. We lack the ability to share with others--men or women--our worries, our fears, and our joys. Why? "Because boys [men] don't do things like that!" "Because boys [men] don't cry!" We don't trust other men with our hidden feelings and worries as women do with other women. We essentially don't trust…period. Why? Because we're afraid that if another guy knows we might be a little shaky or weak in a certain area, we'll lose out to him in a contest and no longer be the Alpha Male.
One of the truly femme characteristics is learning to trust one another and asking for assistance when appropriate and truly needed. To be inclusive is definitely a feminine characteristic. As is being caring and compassionate. It's a macho thing to "do it all myself" and to be hard-nosed and pragmatic. But that sort of approach doesn't allow any of us to get to where we need to be. However, as members of Tri-Ess and Chi Epsilon Sigma and as crossdressers we--unlike most of our sex--have learned to trust, to share, to be inclusive, to be compassionate, and to listen. And especially when it comes to using makeup we have learned that it definitely isn't a "macho thing" (nor is it smart) to "do it all myself!"
'Tis an interesting world for crossdressers in that we possess and acknowledge qualities of both genders. Surprisingly most American women today already possess and acknowledge that possession of qualities and characteristics of both genders, they just don't openly admit it (hence my opening argument that we males aren't too smart…). Only macho males insist on not acknowledging that they might actually possess (horror of horrors!) femme characteristics. My argument is that to a certain extent males are indeed the imprisoned and discriminated against sex. Take clothing for an instance. Society strictly dictates what "men" are to wear and not to wear.
For example, take a look at the selection of men's suits…limited to single and double breasted in style, maybe pin stripes come extra, maybe not…and the colors range from dark blue through gray to a medium brown. Hardly a peacock's colors, are they? And how about enhancement of the facial features or the hands? Festive jewelry or accoutrements? Surely you jest! Hair styles? Shall the part be on the left or are we daring this month and switch it to the right? Drab, drab, drab…even the slang has it correct…dressed as a boy. No more needs to be said, does it? But also in a very personal and private way, society also dictates what "men" are to say and not to say, how "men" are to feel and not to feel, and how "men" are to express those feelings and how not to express them...and men let society do that!
Women can wear whatever they want in terms of color, style, and fabric, decorate themselves with jewelry and make-up when they feel like it, change their hairstyle and color to fit their moods, in short, they have freedom of expression and emotion. Granted, there are the normal consequences to pay if one strays too far from the fold but still, when compared to the limited range men have to operate in, women are permitted a great deal more freedom of personal expression.
I wonder, is it the recognition that a crossdresser has acknowledged and accepted that wider range of expression and feeling and that we are taking it that allows us to be accepted by many women and to be resented by many men? Whatever, as crossdressers we can be thankful that we do possess characteristics of both genders because that way we might avoid being completely "locked" in the gray flannel suit and "saddled" with all of the emotional and psychological baggage that goes with it.
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