The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake
Vol. 5, No. 1
January, 2002
This Month's Features:
Chi Epsilon Sigma Executive Committie
Revised CES Meeting Schedule
A Weekend Trip To The Epsilon Mu Gamma, by Rosemary Mac
When You Wish Upon a Star, by Rebecca Adams
Going Out in Public, Part IV, Those Difficult Bathroom Issues, by Rachel Rene Boyd
Kalina's Corner, by Kalina Mirev
A Round Petticoat in a Square Hurdle, by Janet Engerman
Ask Miss Chatelaine, by Miss Chatelaine
From the Editrix
This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to RRBoyd@aol.com, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.
Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix
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Chi Epsilon Sigma Executive Committee
* Non-Voting Members
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Revised CES Meeting Schedule
You may have noticed the meeting schedule in last month's The Wild Rose had several dates on Sunday. We misread our 2002 calendar. Most regular chapter meetings are held on the third or fourth Saturday of each month. Sometimes adjustments are made for holidays, so always consult The Wild Rose for the latest updates. The schedule for 2002 is:
| January 26 |
Fashion Show hosted by Rebecca |
| February 23 |
Program TBA |
| March 23 |
Program TBA |
| April 27 |
Program TBA |
| May 18 |
Program TBA |
| June 22 |
Picnic |
| July and August |
No meetings will be scheduled |
| September 21 |
Dr. Kate Thomas, Gender Therapist |
| October 26 |
Halloween Party |
| November 16 |
Program TBA |
| December 14 |
Program TBA |
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A Weekend Trip To The Epsilon Mu Gamma
By Rosemary Mac
A Star from the Golden State
I am a sister in four Tri-Ess Chapters and they are Sigma Nu Rho, Epsilon Nu Gamma, Chi Delta Mu, and Chi Epsilon Sigma in the order that I joined them. Of these, the most unique chapter is the EMG or Endless Mountain Girls Chapter that meets on October 12, 2001. The meeting place is the second home of Sister Alice, and her wife Judy, in Bradford County, Pennsylvania. It is located in a valley next to a dairy farm in the beautiful Endless Mountains.
When I arrived at the home of Alice and Judy in Hunterdon County from my home in Monmouth County it was about 1700 hours so I quickly changed into my femme clothes suitable for traveling. I was already wearing a bra and panties, a black T-shirt, blue jeans, and white running shoes; all bought in the ladies departments in the stores. All I needed was my wig and some makeup. It is about a four-hour drive to their second home in Bradford County from Hunterdon County, NJ so we had to stop at a restaurant in PA for supper. Alice and Judy chose a buffet style place that was quite crowded and we had to stand in line to get a table. This was only the second time that I was out in public and it made me nervous to have strange people in front and behind me. After we got the table I went up to the salad bar then returned to the table before going back for the main course. What amazed me is that no one stared at me or even gave me a second glance. I smiled a lot and tried to look confident. I became more and more confidence and I thought how great it was to be passed. I felt so feminine and free! I am also into my second year of hormone treatment for prostate cancer, which gives me enlarged breasts and hot flashes, which could have contributed to my success.
When we finally arrived at our destination, we stopped at a large supermarket where we shopped for our morning breakfast. Alice bought cereal, bacon and eggs, but I only bought bran muffins, which is all I usually have for breakfast. There was a group of teenage girls in the market and I purposely avoided them. We had two daughters and I know how curious and silly teen-age girls can be.
We then arrived at their large bi-level home and I met Karen and her wife Rita from Pennsylvania, and Jenny who was from South New Jersey. We enjoyed a glass of Niagara grape wine in their large modern kitchen, conversed awhile then retired for the evening. Judy opened a folding bed for me in an upstairs room and put on the sheets, blankets and a pillow. The bathroom was beautiful with two sinks, lots of mirrors and lights and a large Jacuzzi.
I changed into my pink satin nightgown that my wife had given me last Christmas along with my pink slippers with pink satin bows. I had a wonderful sleep.
In the morning we all congregated in the kitchen while Alice was frying bacon in a large pan. I had my muffins, orange juice and coffee. I then learned that we were all invited to a transgendered wedding in a nearby village. Judy was asked to play a keyboard type of instrument for the backyard wedding because she is the organist in her church in Stockton, NJ. Judy can play Bach, Handel, etc. on a pipe organ. She has an Allen organ in her living room. For the wedding I wore my navy blue jumper with a pink turtleneck sweater with pink beads. Some of the other guests were surprised when I told them that I was married and had children and grandchildren. I told them that I was a heterosexual cross dresser and I was not gay or homosexual. I is hard for some people to understand this, but I do not understand it either.
The reception lasted so long that we didn't need supper that evening. There was much to eat and drink and I, of course, had a little too much. I had a great time talking to the transsexual bride. We were comparing notes about our hormone treatments. All of us had a great time.
In the morning I was invited to go to a Unitarian Church with the rest of the guests. I didn't have to go, but I did and I enjoyed going. I sat in the second row between Jenny and Rita. During the first part of the service the Minister came over and asked who we were. I, of course replied, Rosemary. Later, the Minister asked the members to come forward and tell what good thing happened to them this day. Alice, a Unitarian, said that her good thing was to bring Rosemary to church. I thanked Alice for this later. Normally my wife attends a Roman Catholic Mass. Following the service we had refreshments and conversation In the parish hall.
We then drove to a very nice restaurant in Towanda. I was fascinated with a model of a canal boat in the lobby of the restaurant. Some of my ancestors were involved with the Erie Canal in the early 1800's.
We returned to the home of Alice and Judy then we all pitched in to clean up the place. I vacuumed the living room carpet as well as the carpets in the halls and stairs. Judy washed and dried all of the bed clothes for the next meeting. The bathrooms and kitchen were cleaned and Alice rode around on her lawnmower cutting the grass. After the house was in order I went outside and photographed the mountains, house and the surrounding terrain. I also photographed the herd of cattle who came down to the fence in time to have their pictures taken.
We all said goodbye and headed for our respective homes. Karen and Rita to someplace around Pottstown, PA, Jenny to South, NJ and Alice, Judy and myself to New Jersey. I finally arrived home in Monmouth County and was warmly greeted by my wife and Spuddy, my female Border Collie.
What was the cost of this weekend? I helped to pay for the gas in Alice's paid for my meals in three restaurants. We stopped in one on our way home in PA; I pay for the breakfast, but nothing for staying for the weekend at Alice's and Judy's home in Pennsylvania.
Alice and Judy have invited all members of Tri-Ess to become an Endless Mountain Girl for any second weekend of the month. Their Tri-Ess Charter hangs in the hall and one of the two signers is Marlene, the first one in Tri-Ess to write to me about joining. Alice is the president of EMG and there are no dues. If you attend a weekend meeting you are automatically a member.
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By Rebecca Adams
Have no intentions of treading on our musical expert's toes, so don't consider this a musical treatise...rather regard it as another example of how a mind can wander when confronted with traffic jams on the beltway.
A local station was playing one of my early childhood favorites sung by one of my late adulthood favorites--Disney's "When You Wish Upon a Star" by Linda Ronstadt. Oh the memories that song brought back and the significance it holds for me, especially as I now fully and openly acknowledge that I am a crossdresser!
When you wish upon a star...
Makes no difference who you are...
The song came from a Disney movie that was apparently the first movie my sisters took me to when I was about four...or so they told me in later years. These are the same sisters who acknowledged dressing me as a girl till I was about that same age...I don't remember wearing dresses and there are no pictures in the family album that show me in a dress, but they insist that was the case. I do remember the song and to this day it brings tears to my eyes along the line of Whittiers' "of all the words of tongue and pen/the saddest of these are 'it might have been'".
Anything your heart desires will come to you
When you wish upon a star...
If your heart is in your dreams,
No request is too extreme
When you do like dreamers do.
And now some fifty-five years later and countless stars that have been sighted and wished upon! Dreams do come true...whether it depends on if one wishes upon a star or not is not the case. Some action and deliberation is definitely required on your part, something beyond a wish.
Fate is kind, She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of their secret longing.
Like a bolt out of the blue,
Fate steps in and pulls you through...
Perhaps it was fate but most definitely it was "Love." The love between two people, one of whom was finally courageous enough to admit to himself, and to her, who he was. and the other who was equally courageous in accepting that individual as he is...most definitely not the Knight in Shining Armor she might have wished for (besides it is noisy and cold in bed!...the armor, that is, not the amour...)
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true....
I can now listen to that sweet voice and those resonant words without the tears of frustration that used to come to my eyes whenever I used to hear it. It took years for me to understand why I felt that way about that song but now I do. And I can answer honestly my grandchildren's innocent questions -- "Grandpa, is that really true? Do your dreams come true 'when you wish upon a star?'" But I also tell them that you have to love...as the song says...and you have to have the courage to follow that dream…"to have your heart in your dreams..." as lovers do.
Jiminy Cricket!
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by Rachel Rene Boyd
Tips on how to have fun in public,
while minimizing the possibility of having a bad experience.
This article is the fourth in a series taken from a presentation I made to Chi Epsilon Sigma on June 23, 2001 summarizing what I have found to be true about going out. While drawing on my own experience, it also makes uses of several articles published on TGForum. For publication in The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake, this article is broken into four parts:
Part I Places You Can Go While Crossdressed
Part II Personal Security Precautions
Part III Creating A Passable Image
Part IV Those Difficult Bathroom Issues
Part IV Those Difficult Bathroom Issues
What if I Have to Go?
· Managing your bathroom needs
· In some states (e.g. PA, NJ, OH, TX) it is illegal
Venturing out into public while crossdressed already has a certain amount of inherent risk, but that risk can increase dramatically when nature calls. If you pass flawlessly bathrooms are not that big of an issue, if they are an issue at all. For most of us however, the women's bathroom can be a scary place and even dangerous place. Much of this section came from "Crossdressing and Bathrooms, a Dangerous Combination", by Diane Hutchinson on TGForum. We are indebted to her insights.
There still are many crossdressers out there that feel, or don't think, the bathroom is an issue. They believe that if they are dressed as a female they can freely use the lady's room. What's the big deal, right? If that describes your attitude then perhaps you should consider the following. Not long ago in New Jersey, a transgender person was arrested and charged with lewdness for using the women's restroom while crossdressed.
You can rest assured she was not doing anything lewd, in fact all she did was go into the restroom stall, do her business, wash her hands and promptly leave. Two women spotted her entering the rest room, then they followed her inside to make sure she was a crossdressed male and then called the police. The police arrested her and at the station she had to post $500 bail. The next day the local paper reported the incident using her male name.
Bathroom Basics
· Avoid drinking too many liquids before going out
· Never use a men's room when crossdressed
· Consider unisex bathrooms for the handicapped
· Waiting in line increases the chance of being read
· Monitor bathroom traffic (discretely) before entering
· Ask a female friend to scout or accompany you
· Groups of CDs are easily read, but they can "guard the door"
· Do you business and then leave promptly
· Act like a lady (i.e., sit)
· At TG events, ask, don't assume you can use the ladies
· Keep an emergency "p-bottle" in your car
· Be honest if you encounter a problem
Try to avoid drinking too many liquids before you go out crossdressed and keep a tab on your drink consumption while out.
Unless it is Halloween do not venture into the men's bathroom while crossdressed. The risk for confrontation is just too high. If confronted you are alone, possibly trapped and probably out of the earshot of aid.
Many places these days offer separate bathrooms for the handicapped or for families. These are often ideal because they are unisex and usually have locks on the doors so that only one person or family can use it at a time.
If there is a waiting line for the women's room it is best to avoid it at that time. The longer you are in line the more likely you are to be read and with larger crowds the chance that someone will object is greater.
If you wish to monitor the bathroom traffic before entering the lady's room then do it from a non-conspicuous location. If you are spotted this could seem like lurking and taken the wrong way, so be careful.
If you are out with female friends ask them to scout the bathroom for you and accompany you in when you go. A female companion will help in smoothing possible objections or problems.
When you are out with several crossdressers the odds are greatly increased that someone in the group will be read. Another way to handle this situation is to take turns standing outside the door while each of you go. Be quick and courteous taking care not to have your group hog the bathroom.
What do you do if all of your precautions failed and you are challenged for using the ladies restroom? Be honest and proud. Remember that positive self-image? Tell your challengers you are a crossdresser, you needed to use the facilities, and tried to do so without bothering anyone. It might also help if you had that Transgender ID Card I mentioned earlier.
Fortunately, society is getting additional information on our situation that is leading to greater understanding. Ann Landers was asked recently (June 11, 2001) about encountering a crossdressed man in the ladies room. She answered, "However, if indeed this person was a transvestite, he was not a threat to you. In fact, using the men's room dressed that way could have been dangerous for him. Because women's bathrooms have stalls and there is no need to expose oneself, I say let him use the bathroom he is most comfortable with."
TIP: Its best if you don't use public restrooms, but if you have to, use common sense and trust your instincts.
The Best Approaches to Going Out In Public
This is the final part of the Going Out in Public series. So, let's summarize what we have learned:
· Pick places to go that are fun for you no matter how you are dressed. You need to be relaxed and enjoy yourself. You can't relax if you are going somewhere that isn't fun.
· Dress to fit in where you are going because you want to PASS, not stand out. Take a friend with you if you can. Carry a TG identification card to help explain yourself if you have to. Avoid places where there are teenagers or macho types.
· A passable image comes from a positive self-image, appearance, and deportment. Most of all, have the self-confidence that you are okay with being a crossdresser, and you don't really care who reads you.
· Avoid public restrooms if you can. If you can't, be discreet, be quick, and act like a lady. Have a lady accompany you if possible. If you are challenged, be honest and sincere.
TIP: Your best tool for going out in public is a positive self-image. You go girl!
___________________
Acknowledgements: This presentation was compiled from my own experience and several articles that are available on TG Forum (http://www.tgforum.com) including:
Leslee Anthony, "To Pass or Not To Pass: That is the Question"
Jennifer Blake, "Go Public!"
Diane Hutchinson, "Crossdressing and Bathrooms, a Dangerous Combination?"
Diane Hutchinson, "Passing Is Possible: Follow The Women"
Diane Hutchinson, "Reliving Fear"
Heather Lee , "All Dressed Up And...Everywhere To Go!"
Heather Lee , "Handling the Critical EYE: Take a Lesson from ALLI"
Carolyn Woodward, "Self Image, Appearance, and Deportment"
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By Kalina Mirev
FREE
They say I'll be free
Just after my death
When my sinful soul's
Gonna leave my body
Perished in soil
Eaten by ravens
But now I'm dreaming
And craving of freedom
Tell me, my dear
What's to be free
'Cause I live in frustration
By circumstances pressed
Just show me the way
The way to be free
Of blue rays of freedom
Always I dream
I wanna be free
And I'll be free
Alive, not dead!
En drab and in drag
Just now!
At this moment!
Kalina lives in Bulgaria and has recently found a new significant other, Galya. Kalina is a Tri-Ess International, (BG-5702-M) can be reached at moskvich408@yandex.ru.
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By Janet Engerman
While growing up and attending grammar or elementary school in the 1950's, many girls wore big fluffy skirts with crinolines and/or petticoats supporting the skirts. The sight was virtually always visually attractive. During given periods during the school week we were given dancing lessons, often times square dance lessons. The square dancing seemed fun, but among the boys it was the in thing to say it was not. In any case the girls always seemed to be having more fun and their bouffant skirts seemed to heighten that enjoyment.
During this period, I often wondered what it would be like to wear an outfit with a huge skirt billowing out with crinoline beneath, the sight of ones own feet denied. However, this desire to try on girls clothes was not limited to just bouffant skirts. Even though a very few episodes of wearing my Mom's crinolines occurred while I was sole occupant of the house, it was insufficient to get a real feel of what it was like to wear this type of garment.
Today, one area where bouffant skirts and crinolines are still worn to some degree is in square dancing. As I have begun to feel more comfortable with my cross dressing, it appeared to be a good time to explore the possibility of mixing the wearing of bouffant skirts on a dance floor. The question was how? The answer came through an entry in the Petticoat Pond web site (www.pettipond.com). Indeed, a cross dresser in the upper Midwest (I believe she is also a Tri-Ess member) had gone to a meeting of a gay lesbian square dance group. I was surprised to find that such a group existed and not only that, welcomed crossdressers as well as a diverse spectrum of people. In addition, they even have a web site (www.iagsdc.org)! This group has "chapters" all over the country as well as other countries similar to Tri-Ess. It took a while before corresponding with some of the groups. The overall reaction was come on and join us, we would love to have you and wear whatever you like.
The fateful day came, when oblivious to common sense, I took another first step in this crossdressing odyssey. I went to an introductory dance.
Imagine going into a hall where several people had already gathered. One is fortunate to meet one of the people you know from e-mail - only because of his name tag. You are shown a place where you may change. Then you walk out wearing those beautiful fluffy skirts (to you they are beautiful anyway) into a hall full of strangers! Most of the ladies are wearing pants. At this point you could be laughed into obscurity or perhaps worse. It doesn't happen. You are invited to join in that first dance. You stumble along through the elementary dance steps, which relate to those grammar school experiences so many years ago. You find out that the girls indeed were having more fun dancing. A few but very quick hours later the lesson is over. The veiled memories of the past are a little clearer but mostly replaced with new experiences. You have met new people, forgotten the names of most, have had a lot of exercise and enjoyed oneself to the fullest.
Yes, there are some who probably wonder, what is this guy doing prancing around in a "dress". As several sessions go by and you get to know these new friends better, some do indeed pose that question. You respond "I really don't know, but I very much enjoy wearing it both while dancing and even when not dancing". Usually the questioner leaves with the impression that you are doing "your own thing".
On other occasions compliments are received from both men and women on your outfits. It is amazing how much that is appreciated (think of your wives and SO's). It is inspiring to hear comments from some of the ladies saying ‘you look great' or ‘when you twirl you look awesome'. One lady mentioned she was influenced by my outfit to make her own square dance dress. She plans to wear it one night but she is concerned how she will look to the other folks and whether she will appear "out of place". Still another girl indicates an interest in making square dance clothes hopefully, she will. It would be nice to be joined by other traditionally attired square dancers ( yes it can still be lonely out there).
So what do these ramblings of a mind, which questions it's sanity on the day of the weekly lesson mean? In this dance experience, another hurdle has been overcome in our attempt to live our lives as we see fit. As we have read so frequently in these pages, joy abounds and somehow in our own unique way we feel closer to that fulfillment of being a total human being.
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"Welcome to Lake Erie Gala Survivor"
Dear Miss Chatelaine:
I heard someone was voted out of this year's Lake Erie Gala. Sounds like fun. What happened?
J. Probst, Africa
Dear Jeff:
After leaving The Village on Saturday a dozen girls continued to party in Melina and Lisa's hotel room. To make a long story short, Melina and Roberta were up all night. As the two self-proclaimed "survivors," the girls voted out Laura Stone (Miss Dominick in the Fashion Show). As the runner-up in the show, Melina — assuming no lawsuits are filed — will now assume all of Laura's duties and commitments as Miss Dominick.
Q: I've got a problem. I'm supposed to appear as Miss Dominick at a Taco Bell reopening in January. Since I live in Florida, could you fill in for me?
Melina, Fort Lauderdale
Dear Melina:
Miss Chatelaine can't help, but Laura Stone, who lives in Buffalo, has graciously agreed to fill in for you as Miss Dominick whenever you can't make an appearance. I love it when a plan comes together.
Q: In light of tighter airport security and luggage checks, do you think CDs are flying any less?
G. Mode, Erie
Dear Guy:
Miss Chatelaine doesn't think crossdressers are flying less, but she does suspect they're leaving their feminine wardrobes at home. It's a shame, because crossdressers need more reasons to dress, not more excuses as to why they shouldn't. The next time you're flying out of town, remember this: If you don't pack your sexy teddy, pink panties, garter belt, stockings and heels, the terrorists win.
Q: What do recent world events say about our species?
S. J. Gould, Boston
Dear Stephen:
Nothing new, that's for sure. Collectively speaking, the human race is still as nutty as your grandmother's fruitcake. The Germans wanted to kill us, but now we're friends. The Japanese wanted to kill us, but now we're friends. No matter how former enemies we turn into allies, someone new always seems to come along to take their place. The lesson here: Enjoy life and be honest with yourself, because we rarely know when life's wonderous journey will end.
mailto:
Q: Did you make any important New Year's resolutions?
L. Welk, Hades
Dear Larry:
Miss Chatelaine, like most people, is fond of starting out the new year resolving to improve all sorts of things about her so-called life. For once, she thinks she may actually try to accomplish one or two of them. It could be interesting. Stay tuned, girls.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Miss Chatelaine is a feature of Mirror Images, the newsletter of Erie Sisters Transgender Support Group. Visit them at www.geocities.com/eriesisters, or email your own questions to Miss Chatelaine at eriesisters@yahoo.com.
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