Tri-Ess Announces Online Forum for Children, by Jane Ellen and Mary Frances Fairfax
Lucy's Window, by Lucy Stone
Girl Talk, The Wear of Pantyhose, by Becky Adams
A Wife's Suggestion to Crossdressers, by Joan Stone
Random Musings: A Year in the Life, by Nicole Thomas
Big Rocks, from Yvonne Sullivan
Girl Talk, Playing Cards and Crossdressing, by Becky Adams
My Experience With Acrylic Nail Tips, by Marlene Reimann
Tacy's Story, by Michael Ollove
The Dignity 11 Cruise -- A Wonderful Experience, by Lucy and Joan Stone
The Laser Razor, Part III, by Rachel Rene Boyd
My Dear Sisters,
All too often, the children of crossdressers are the forgotten ones. Like crossdressers and their spouses, they often live in lonely isolation, unable to talk over their thoughts and feelings with friends who have "been there." If only they could make contact with others like themselves, and understand that they are not alone!
Now it is time to meet that need. We are pleased to announce the inauguration on December 12 of our new CD-KIDS forum for the children of crossdressers. It is moderated by Arienne, a young adult daughter of a crossdresser, and is open to children of crossdressers, 10 years of age and older, at least one of whose parents is a current member of Tri-Ess. Documentation of parental permission to participate is required for all who are under the age of 18.
You may reach Arienne as follows:
Love to all of you, and best wishes to Arienne and all whose lives she will touch!
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Page Created: January 12, 2000
Wow! We did it again. Twelve of the articles in the Winter 1999 issue of The Femme Mirror
originally appeared in The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake
. Our Contributing Editrixes who were published included:
Lucy Stone
Terri Lynn Andrews
Becky Adams
Samantha
Brandi Miller
Liz Henley
We also got notice for Paula's musical presentation of Rock and Gender Roles; Mitch Tries on the Blue Dress
. I thought our Chairlady, Yvonne Sullivan, was published too, but it turned out there is another Yvonne Sullivan.
This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to RRBoyd@aol.com
, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.
Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix
Tri-Ess Announces Online Forum for Children
ByJane Ellen and Mary Frances Fairfax
For three years, Tri-Ess has been operating online forums that have been very successful in supporting people in need. We now have available online forums for spouses and partners, crossdressers and couples.
E-Mail:
evry1needsafriend@yahoo.com
Website:
http://www.geocities.com/SouthBeach/Plateau/2476/
Lucy's Window
ByLucy Stone
We all have heard CDs stating there is no way they could pass because they are too tall or too fat or any number of other reasons. Yet afterward, we often have seen someone else on the street in feminine dress who is at least as tall, or fat, or whatever, and said something like, "that woman is so feminine it obvious she is a genetic female." So what are the traits that distinguishes someone who is perceived as being a genetic female from someone who is always "read".
First of all, it is attitude. Most women appear confident and at ease. They show by their attitude that everything is all right and they are doing what they should be doing. As a result they call far less attention to themselves than someone who appears to be insecure and feeling out of place does. For it is human nature to question what is wrong, and look more closely to find out what is causing that person to look and feel insecure.
Next comes appearance. Women start with characteristic shapes that most CDs do pretty well imitating. Important here is taking care to choose breast forms, waist cinchers and hip pads that produce believable proportions. Most of us also get pretty good at getting women (SOs, retailers, hair stylists and cosmetologists) to assist us in choosing wigs, developing makeup techniques and learning color coordination.
If we have learned our lessons well up to this point, and go no further, we may blend in, but we certainly will not pass. For though we may appear feminine at first glance, ur movements and our voices still give us away. This being the case, what must we still do to pass?
First, we must learn to walk and move like the women we are emulating. Start by observing the people around you. Pay close attention to the way women walk and gesture compared to men. Not only must you develop an awareness of the movements and gestures of the ladies, but also you must become especially sensitive to your unmodified actions that, should they randomly reemerge while you are dressed en femme, will at the least cast doubt. You will observe that the differences are the bigger
when women and men are dressed up. The differences tend to be less distinct as dress becomes more casual and unisex. The differences in shoes and clothing make men and women walk differently. However, even when men and women are wearing similar shoes and virtually unisex casual clothing, there are marked differences. Women roll their hips and step more on the inside of their feet. They keep their elbows close to their bodies. They allow their arms to swing fairly freely from the elbow, and the palms of their hands are turned inward. As they walk and gesture, their movements are more
fluid and tend to flow gracefully.
.
The most common deficiency that ultimately keeps CDs from passing is not having a voice. Probably the most commonly used argument is, "my voice is too low, and there is no way I can develop a believable feminine voice." I will have to agree with the last part of this statement because the CD who uses this excuse has already closed his mind to being able to do it. However, in most cases, the outcome can be quite different if development of a feminine voice is approached with an open mind and the determination to succeed. Start by learning from experts. Two valuable sources of information
on the Internet can be found at http://heartcorps.com/journeys/voice.htm
and http://www.looking-glass.greenend.org.uk/voice.htm. Study both sites and practice what you learn. As you work on developing your voice,
get critiques from others who can help you. I have found that one valuable way of developing my voice was to make information requests and motel reservations over the telephone using my feminine voice. If the person to whom I was talking used ma'am when talking to me, it was an indication that my voice was working the way that I wanted. This is an especially effective test for evaluating how you are doing because it is more difficult to have a convincing voice on the telephone than when talking face to face. One word of caution when developing a feminine voice, use a pitch near
the top of your normal range so that you won't strain your vocal chords.
I agree with crossdressers who proclaim emphatically that there is no way they can pass. Of course, there is no way that they can pass because they have closed their minds to trying. However, I am convinced that most of us can pass if we apply ourselves. It may take a very long time, but after all, being a crossdresser lasts a lifetime.
Girl Talk
The Wear of Pantyhose
ByBecky Adams
No, gals, this is not about the "how to" but rather "why" doing so makes one appreciate the lot of GG's when it comes to rest room facilities. And therein lies a tale...
Have been wearing lingerie items under my normal "drab" outerwear for some period of time now so when it came time to take a plane trip on business, literally without thinking I pulled on a pair of pantyhose as I got dressed. (I do have to admit that the pantyhose were a recent addition now that cool weather is here--up to this point it had been knee-highs or thigh highs...)
Dressed rather casually--jeans, collared shirt, and loafers--for it was going to be an all-day trip. The trip would start at the house, to the airport, one leg of the flight, a second airport and layover, a second leg, the destination airport, rental car pickup and a short (?) trip to the hotel...rather simple and nothing extraordinary. Did not wear an underwire bra as I had heard on several occasions that "some" metal detectors picked up the "wire." And I was sure that a steely-eyed matron with a wand might find my lame excuse that I was wearing a Vassarette underwire a bit much! (Granted, I've also heard that the "wire" is actually plastic but haven't got the courage to try it out on my own...so wore a sports bra instead.)
Downing the last of my coffee I started for the airport, a short 45-minute drive away. Arrived at the satellite parking in plenty of time, but standing waiting for the shuttle bus, I began to feel some bladder pressure. Was sure it was the chilly air...but then I wasn't due to get to the hotel until about 6 that evening and it was only 10! Get the picture? That last swig of coffee--in fact, that whole cup of coffee, was beginning to expand.
As we finally approached the terminal, my focus became more and more centered on the first available men's room. As I rounded the corner there were several vertical receptacles available, but as I unzipped my jeans I suddenly realized that there was a thin--but impenetrable--barrier between instant relief and me! I had to use a stall and all five were occupied--at least the doors were closed. And there were feet showing under them--I know! I looked!
After what seemed to be forever, one stall emptied out and I was able to drop my jeans, pull the pantyhose down (but not too far, no telling who else might look under the door!) and get relief! The simple addition of pantyhose as a piece of attire had drastically altered my timing and my usual "in-and-out" procedures!
But how quickly we forget! On the first leg of the trip, essentially two-thirds of the way, I was offered a choice of beverages. Without thinking I asked for a Diet Coke...and as soon as I took the first sip, I remembered that here was another diuretic! No sweat! No bladder pressure yet and plenty of time to get to the rest rooms on the plane. Just about the time when I was ready to swing out of my middle seat and make my way back, the pilot announced that we were encountering some turbulence--so return to your seats and buckle up! And the good news was that we were going to make it on time! Well, with a twenty-minute gap between planes, I could make it...I thought!
Then I find out we're landing at Terminal C and the next flight was taking off from Terminal B! Had to take the train between terminals and the time was so short that as I got to the departure gate they were about to assign the stand-bys! No time to go potty! Maybe I could make a visit to the lavatory on the 50-minute flight. But then as we taxied out, we found out we had to change planes...and we returned to Terminal C where I had originally landed and once again had to go to Terminal B again...mach schnell!
I was able to schedule a potty run this time, but once again it took three times as long as the normal male "stand up and unzip routine!"
From that point on till I arrived at the hotel some two hours behind schedule because of flight problems, I had to carefully consider how much I drank, when I drank it, and how much time I had between arrival at a location and departure from that same spot. And how much time it would take me to go to a men's room, find an available stall, disrobe to the "necessary" level and complete the necessary bodily functions, reassemble my attire, and move out!
Now I really know what my wife--and every other GG--has to take into consideration when traveling or going out for any period of time. And I can assure you that you will never, ever hear another joke about the "waiting line at the women's room" cross my lips! Nor will that "extra" cup of coffee before setting out on a trip.
A Wife's Suggestion to Crossdressers
By Joan Stone
A new year is upon us. What are you going to do to improve your second self? Are your goals for 2000, a new wig, new make up, new fashions? Whatever they are, now is the time to plan and start looking around you. Do you know what the most popular new color is this year? Will it look good on you?
Books, magazines and just plain observation of others can give you some great ideas. Then it becomes a time for trying out these new ideas. Purchase a new skirt and try it with an unusual blouse or sweater that you may already have hanging in your closet. Or if you are fortunate enough to be able to exchange articles with your wife, ask her to let you try one of those items you have been looking at, but didn't think it would look good on you. You just might be surprised.
If you are going for a new look, how about taking your wife or SO along and both of you get into looking at something new and different? Makeovers can do wonders for both of your outlooks. It doesn't have to be expensive or total. Thrift shops have a wealth of clothing ideas without a great deal of cost. Wig shops are fun places to try on all kinds of styles and colors without having to decide right that minute on the one you want.
Any one of these adventures can be done at minimum cost, but with a lot of fun, especially if you have someone with whom to share the fun. So relax and go have some fun while shopping for that new look. And just maybe you will discover you already have the best for yourself. Who knows until you try something different!
Random Musings: A Year in the Life
By
Nicole Thomas
1999 was quite a year for me. Year one of Nicole. It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.
The year started out on a high note. I came out to my wife on December 14th, 1998, after 12 years of marriage. After her initial confusion, my wife was very supportive (and actually turned on by the concept). We were able to unload some baggage we had been carrying, and our marriage was stronger, and happier, than ever.
This all began to change after January 18, 1999, the first time my wife saw me dressed. Until this point, my crossdressing was an abstract concept. After she saw me for he first time, she was unable to get the picture of Nicole out of her head. I didn't learn this until a month or so later, so I continued to explore the femme side of life, thinking that I was the luckiest crossdresser alive. By the end of March, I had gone from Heaven to Hell. On March 30 I learned how much of a problem my wife was having with my crossdressing, only after I asked her about her relationship with a male coworker.
By now I had made contact with CES and was looking forward to my first meeting, the April dinner at Central Station. I did not let my marriage problems deter me from this. This meeting was quite an event for me. It was the first time I had ever left the house dressed. It was also the first time I had ever met another crossdresser. To walk into a room full of people and be accepted without question was amazing!
We started into marriage counseling about this time, at my insistence. In counseling, it soon became apparent that my wife was (unwilling and) unable to deal with my crossdressing ("I would have no trouble being friends with a crossdresser, but it's just not what I want for a husband"). It was equally apparent that I was not going back into the closet. The door had been opened and was going to stay that way. By the end of July the marriage was over. By then I was comfortable with the idea, so rather than being the downer you might expect, it was liberating. We separated our bank accounts, leaving me free to spend "my money" however I pleased. My wardrobe blossomed (of
course, I've bought too much too fast!) With my wife out of the picture there was no stopping me!
Through continued counseling, and the support of all of you, I've come to be very comfortable with my crossdressing. Even with my marriage over, I've been happier than I can ever remember being. I only regret that I can't explain to more people what's going on in my life. I feel almost guilty that I should be so happy at the same time that my marriage has ended. I can't explain this to co-workers or relatives.
Unfortunately, our financial status dictated that we keep living together until we could sell the house. It was amazingly awkward to continue sharing a house (and bed). I began to prefer it when she wasn't home.
We put the house on the market in the beginning of October and looked like we had it sold within 48 hours. Two days later I found a townhouse I wanted, and made an offer that was accepted. Then hell broke loose--our buyers got cold feet and used the house inspection to back out of the deal. This left me with an accepted purchase offer, and the possibility of two concurrent mortgages. We waited four agonizing weeks before
receiving a second offer on the house. Thankfully this one went through without a hitch. I closed on my house on December 15th and began moving in the same day. For reasons both prudent and symbolic, the first items I moved were my femme wardrobe and accessories. I didn't finish moving all of my stuff until 10:30 PM on December 19th. I was beyond exhausted, and needed to take an extra day off work to get the place ready for the kids to come stay with me.
As a final exclamation point for the year, on December 31st I traded in my 1990 Geo Metro for a 1996 Dodge Caravan. Quite a big step up in size, power, and quality!
Life is a journey. In the last year I covered more ground than ever before. I passed through amazing lows, but reached amazing new heights of happiness. In part, I owe this to your support. I hope I can return the favor.
Big Rocks
FromYvonne Sullivan
Yvonne provided us with this article. We talked about whether it has anything to do with crossdressing. Perhaps not, unless crossdressing is one of the Big Rocks in your life. Ed.
One day an expert in time management was speaking to a group of business students, and to drive home a point, used an illustration those students will never forget. As he stood in front of the group of high-powered overachievers he said, "Okay, it's time for a quiz."
Then he pulled out a one gallon, wide mouthed Mason jar and set it on the table in front of him. Then he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, into the jar. When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, "Is this jar full?"
Everyone in the class said, "Yes."
"Really?"
He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the space between the big rocks. Then he asked the group once more, "Is the jar full?"
By this time the class was on to him. "Probably not," one of them answered.
"Good!" he replied.
He reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He started dumping the sand in the jar, and it went into all of the spaces left between the rocks and the gravel. Once more he asked the question, "Is this jar full?"
"No!" the class shouted.
Once again he said, "Good."
Then he grabbed a pitcher of water and began to pour water in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he looked at the class and asked, "What is the point of this illustration?"
One eager beaver raised his hand and said, "The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you try really hard you can always fit some more things in it!"
"No," the speaker replied, "that's not the point. The truth this illustration teaches us is: If you don't put the big rocks in first, you'll never get them in at all."
What are the 'big rocks' in your life? Your children; your loved ones; your education; your dreams; a worthy cause; teaching or mentoring others; doing things that you love; time for yourself; your health; your significant other?
Remember to put these BIG ROCKS in first or you'll never get them in at all. If you sweat the little stuff (the gravel, the sand) then you'll fill your life with little things you worry about that don't really matter, and you'll never have the real quality time you need to spend on the big, important stuff (the big rocks).
So, tonight, or in the morning, when you are reflecting on this short story, ask yourself this question: What are the 'big rocks' in my life? Then, put those in your jar first.
Girl Talk
Playing Cards and Crossdressing
ByBecky Adams
Don't look for the rules of strip poker in this article, girls...they won't be here!
Actually this is a rather philosophical piece...and why are you not surprised?
Well, I have been doing some watching and listening and observing for several months now, actually for more than three years. I've come to the observation that learning to play cards really prepared me to accept and live with my crossdressing interests.
And how's that?
Well, one learns that there's a lot of pleasure to be derived from playing cards. Except for solitaire, when you are playing cards there is a great deal of interchange and companionship with like-minded people. Usually it is the playing of the game that counts, not always the end results, tabulated in the win-loss column.
One learns to play by the rules for each particular card game. And rules that apply in one game do not always apply in another game. There are some basic rules...like one doesn't cheat, you play to win, you play with the cards held close to the chest (breast?), and you don't show any more cards than required by the rules of the game.
One has to play with the hand that has been dealt...if you don't like that hand, you can't ask for a re-deal, you have to play it through. (Think about that last point...how many times some of us might have wished we could have asked for a re-deal on possessing this "second self?" But then we give some thought as to what might have ensued from that re-deal...)
One has to do the best with what has been dealt. It really does matter how you play the game, because some times masterful play of a rather mediocre hand may result in a winning hand because the other side played so poorly.
In my mind there are very compelling and interesting relationships between playing cards, living with being a crossdresser, and life in general.
So shuffle the cards and deal!
My Experience With Acrylic Nail Tips
ByMarlene Reimann, MD-5002-S
I have always admired women with long elegant nails. Over the years, I have tried a number of nail tips, the temporary kind that used adhesive strips or glue, with varying success. However, they all suffered from looking somewhat fake. It happened to pass that I would be alone for the weekend as my wife would be with her parents in Pennsylvania. Driving around that Saturday, I drove by one of many nail shops in town. A thought crept into my mind; what about walking in and asking to have a set of nail tips applied? The idea excited me and I made a turn at the next intersection and came back.
I parked at the shopping center and walked into the nail salon. It had two women having their nails done at the time. I was dressed en homme
(drab) at the time. I approached the receptionist and asked if they would take a walk in. She said yes. At this time, I still did not have the courage to openly say that I was a crossdresser. I must admit that I made up a story about getting into a discussion with my wife about long nails and having her tell me to get them myself. That this was a gag on her. In reality I did not need to say anything since money is money. Since I was asking for long extensions, it would cost me $30.00.
I sat down at a station and the first thing was to take a dremel type tool and run an abrasive wheel over my nail bed to roughen the surface. After cleaning the nail dust off the fingers, the next step was to apply glue to the tips and let them set for a couple of seconds. I was then asked what length I wanted, and I said about 3/4 of an inch. After using a cutting tool, the nail technician used the dremel type tool to round out the nails. It was really an interesting feeling the extra weight on my fingertips. The next step was when the acrylic was applied. Solvent was mixed with the acrylic powder to form the overlay. This really thickens the nail and as it hardens and makes
the nail really strong. After this step the overlays are shaped and polished. I had fire engine red nail polish applied. Two coats of polish and a clear coat were applied and my hands were put under a dryer. The whole process took about 90 minutes. One woman looked over and complemented me about the nails. The feeling was most different.
I now got a rude awakening about using my hands with these new nails as I went to pay for them. My usual movements were made quite clumsy. The next part of this little adventure came as I reached into my pocket for the car keys. I had to struggle more than usual to put the key in the door. In fact using the steering wheel was a new experience. I could not grip the wheel, as I would usually attempt to do it. The tips were digging into my palms!
I parked the car and entered the house. It was becoming obvious that I would have to relearn how to handle a number of items. As I began to dress en femme, it really became a struggle to handle things. I constantly had to hold things in a totally new way. These nails were on like no other I had ever worn. No matter how hard I gripped anything, these nails did not yield at all and I could feel the pressure on the cuticles. However, they really looked great. The long nails go a long way to feminize your hands.
On Sunday, I woke up and got a reminder that I had to be careful. I almost scratched my face as I woke up running the nails over my face. Since my wife was coming home late that day, I decided to remove the nails. I was again rudely awakened to the fact that acrylic overlays really want to stay intact. They were not coming off! I found myself stuck in them! Finally, I found a nail shop that was open Sunday. I went in and asked them to remove the overlays. After a lot of soaking my hands in acetone, and a lot of grinding with the hand held dremel type tool, I was free again. It was not painless
and my nails broke easily for the next few months until my nails grew back in with the full thickness.
The moral of the story is that unless your going to have these nails permanently installed and filled in every two weeks, the effort is not worth carrying out. Unless you are going to wear them for two weeks or more, the best thing to do is to apply nail tips without the overlay. They can be removed far easier.
Tacy's Story
ByMichael Ollove
Last month
The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake noted the tragic loss of Taci Raino Ranta. The following is a follow-up article published in the Baltimore Sun December 15, 1999 about Taci and her life.
She fought hard for equal treatment of transgendered people. But a robber's bullet denied her the chance to enjoy the rewards of her labor.
One day this autumn, a Maryland citizen walked into the Motor Vehicle Administration's Frederick branch carrying a driver's license marked "M" for "male." A short time later, that same person emerged from the office with a new license that carried the designation "F" for "female."
This event occurred with virtually no outside notice or fanfare. The individual wants to remain anonymous. Yet those belonging to one of Maryland's tiniest minorities -- at least the few "transgendered people" who have even heard about it -- believe they achieved a significant civil rights milestone that day.
What happened in Frederick is that a person who was born male but living as a woman
was now officially recognized by the State of Maryland as female. And the state acceded
to this request even though the applicant had not yet undergone gender surgery.
Some might regard the MVA's change in policy as bizarre; some as blasphemy. Yet to
Tacy Ranta, it was a hard-earned triumph. Thirteen months ago, she was among those
who paid a visit to Glen Burnie to propose this very policy change to Anne Ferro,
the MVA's top official. Ferro listened to Ranta and two others in her party and then conceded
the logic in their request. This fall, Ferro ordered the new policy put into effect.
"When we walked out, I remember Tacy looking at me and saying, `Oh, my God, this might
actually happen,' " said Mark Scurti, a Baltimore lawyer who helped make the presentation
that day. "Her eyes were filled with tears."
A few nights before Thanksgiving, a homicide detective stood in a light drizzle on
a Belair-Edison street examining Tacy's belongings. Tacy's body lay crumpled nearby,
only a block from her home across from Herring Run Park. She was face up and still
in her work clothes -- navy blazer and skirt and red pumps to match her decorously drawn
lipstick.
Understandably, the detective was surprised to find in Tacy's purse a driver's license
issued to a man named Thomas Craan. It was a corollary indignity of Tacy's murder.
She'd been deprived of the chance to take advantage of the MVA policy change she
herself helped bring about. It was on her to-do list when she died.
Hate crime
Tacy was killed by thugs in what was called a "crime spree." Five people were arrested
and charged in her murder. Because Tacy was the only one to die in the series of
carjackings and muggings, some transgendered people believe she was the victim of
a hate crime. According to this thinking, Tacy must have said something to her attackers
in her bass voice, which she'd been unable to lighten even with voice lessons. They
killed her, some of Tacy's friends believe, because they realized she was a transsexual.
The detective on the case, Irvin Bradley, doesn't think so. He believes Tacy was murdered
-- a single shot to the chest -- because she resisted the robbery. Nevertheless,
according to Bradley, one of her assailants asked the shooter why he had shot "that
lady."
"The other said, `That was no lady, that was a faggot,' " Bradley says.
By all accounts, Tacy would have been disappointed by that remark. Not angry. She
was too equable for that. She also would have been saddened by this newspaper's story
reporting her death, the one that used male pronouns in referring to her.
"She was," says her minister, David Smith, "very much a lady."
Which is not to say she was a pushover. Family and friends often use the word "fearless"
to describe Tacy. For her, that meant not only living as a woman, but publicly advocating
for anyone's right to live as the opposite gender. It also meant traveling on foot, bus or bike all over her hometown, day or night. "She would say, `I have God
with me wherever I go,' " says a close friend, Ava Chandler.
Tacy's transformation into a transsexual (the preferred term of those who are living
full-time in the opposite gender, possibly including physical alterations) followed
a common pattern. It was only after Thomas Craan reached his 40s, after his second
marriage fell apart, that he started to fully embrace a new life.
Jessica Xavier, a friend of Tacy's and another transgendered activist, says it is
not unusual that transsexuals such as herself and Tacy only come out in middle age.
"Around 40, many of us say, `We've got this one life to live, one chance to be happy.
We can't waste it any more living a lie.' "
Xavier describes the transformation as less a choice than an imperative. "It becomes
this force that builds in you and you can't live without it anymore. Most of us look
at it as life and death. After all, if it were a choice, who would choose to face
universal disapproval and discrimination?"
An active life
As Thomas Craan, Tacy's life had been outwardly conventional, though with a sad start.
His father died when Tom was 2. The family lived in Highlandtown until he was 10,
when his mother remarried and the family moved to Hamilton. Everyone marveled about
what doting parents his mother and stepfather were. Tom did not lack for love.
As an adult, his life was full and commendable: Church-goer, stepfather, foster parent,
Boy Scout leader, swimming meet judge, election day judge, chess player. When he
and his second wife lived in Bolton Hill, he was a regular performer in the annual
follies. To most acquaintances, the most unusual thing about him was his fascination with
science-fiction fantasy.
Described by friends as a mathematical wizard, he graduated from Polytechnic High
School and won a scholarship to the Case Institute of Technology (homesick after
a year, he returned here to finish his education at University of Maryland, Baltimore.
He taught public high school a year and worked for a time in the family business, a television
repair shop on Eastern Avenue. In recent years, he made his living as a self-taught
software engineer. Tacy was working for a Greenbelt firm at the time of her death.
On the wane
About three or four years ago, Thomas Craan started to disappear entirely except in
his work life. Tacy began showing up regularly at the Stagecoach, a downtown bar
where she took country-and-western dance lessons. She dressed tastefully. She favored
winter colors, although she painted her nails pink. She let her gray hair grow long, but
usually wore it up in a bun. Her legs were her greatest vanity. She wore short skirts
to show them off.
Like many transsexuals, she wasn't able to do anything about her height. She was 5-feet-11,
but, because she always carried herself so erect, she seemed even taller.
"She wanted people to see her as a woman," says Chandler. "She didn't want to stick
out in a crowd and she didn't."
Tacy switched from her family's Lutheran church in Highlandtown to the Metropolitan
Community Church, which caters to a congregation that is largely gay bisexual or
transgendered. For the last two years, Tacy was the clerk on Metropolitan's board
of directors.
Around the same time, she became a fixture at the Gay and Lesbian Community Center
downtown. It was there that she became co-founder of a transgender support group
known as Tran*Quility.
She had a knack for picking out and nurturing the most vulnerable attendees. "At the
meetings, she always had a sense of who was new and needed to be protected and always
reached out to that person," says her friend Tammy Lippert.
She also threw herself into politics. She became one of the most recognizable leaders
of It's Time, Maryland! a transgendered political organization closely aligned with
Free State Justice, a coalition that also represents gays, lesbians and bisexuals.
For several years, Free State has pushed in Annapolis for the passage of legislation
relating to hate crimes and anti-discrimination. Tacy testified on behalf of the
bills and met with individual legislators.
"She was always incredibly brave in stepping forward and trying to help others," says
Del. Sharon Grosfeld, a Democrat from Montgomery County who co-sponsored the bills.
"By testifying she undoubtedly put herself at risk, as doing so would put any transsexual at risk because they have no rights under the law."
The handling of the bills caused friction within Free State Justice. In each of the
last years, the organization has agreed to strip the legislation of language specific
to transgendered people to improve its chances of passage.
But the bills never have passed, anyway and the tactics left hard feelings. "They
tanked on us," Xavier says bluntly. Many transgendered people abandoned politics.
Tacy was one of the few still willing to make the political fight.
"She had this really charming naivete that to be a change agent, you really have to
believe your voice counts."
The transgendered activists had better luck with the MVA, where the standard was not
to change the gender on a driver's license unless there had been "gender reassignment"
surgery. But to qualify for that surgery, doctors usually require the patient to
first live for an entire year in the opposite gender.
At the meeting with the MVA in November 1998, Tacy, Xavier and the lawyer Mark Scurti
argued that the MVA policy put transsexuals at risk, forcing them to carry identification
as one gender while living as another. Transsexuals were often hassled when they presented identification that conflicted with their appearance. Some were even jailed.
The MVA's Ferro was impressed by the argument, an MVA spokesman said recently, and
referred the matter to her staff. Months later, she ordered the policy change.
Leaving Thomas behind
Tacy would have qualified for the license change. Some time in the last two years,
she began undergoing hormonal treatments to alter her body. She was having painful
electrolysis treatments every week to remove facial hair. Friends say she was planning
on gender surgery.
About a year ago, she virtually obliterated Thomas Craan's existence. She had her
name changed in court, and began showing up at work as Tacy. Now she was Tacy everywhere.
She had prepared people at her office for months, and even showed up at Halloween
as Tacy.
"We would talk frankly before she did it," says her friend Tammy Lippert. "There was
never a time when she said she was scared or couldn't do it. When it came to being
a transgendered woman, she was the one to follow."
She was more fortunate than many others. Her transition to Tacy did not cost her important
relationships. Her marriages were long over by the time she became Tacy. She had
an older brother and an elderly mother who both accepted her decision. Only last
week, her mother, Ellen Craan Smith, remembered her son as "a beautiful woman."
Those close to Tacy say she was happy in the weeks before her death. Her transition
at work had gone well. She'd been a big hit on Halloween at the Stagecoach when she
had shown up as Eve. And, in the fall, she'd had a whirlwind romance, her first as
Tacy. Though, the relationship ended, Tacy appreciated its significance.
"A week before she died," said Chandler, "while we were talking on the phone, she
told me what a wonderful feeling it had been to find someone who loved her back."
A good night
The last night of her life, she was in high spirits. After finishing work, she had
taken the train home to Baltimore as was her custom. (Tacy didn't like driving.)
She grabbed a bus for Mount Washington and her weekly electrolysis appointment, then
took another bus home to Belair-Edison. She got off on Belair Road, five blocks from her
rowhouse. But before walking home, she decided to duck into an Irish pub on the corner
where she sometimes got a bite to eat and a Harp's beer. She ran into a friend, Rich
Price, who is Ava Chandler's fiancé. Tacy had introduced them.
Cheerful as usual, she told Rich how much she was looking forward to going to her
high school reunion two days later.
"You think anyone will notice me?" she asked.
Confused, Rich said, "Why do you say that, Tacy?"
"Because," she answered, "I went to an all-boys school."
She was laughing as she walked out the door, heading home.
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To view this story, and a picture of Taci, point your browser to
http://www.sunspot.net/cgi-bin/editorial/story.cgi?storyid=1150190208632
The Dignity 11 Cruise -- A Wonderful Experience
By Lucy and Joan Stone
We were very privileged to have the opportunity to be part of the Tri-Ess Dignity 11 Cruise that left Houston on November 14 to sail southward for a week's cruise with port calls at Cancun and Cozumel, Mexico and Roatan, Honduras. The cruise provided the opportunity for personal discovery and growth, developing lasting friendships with and providing support for other Tri-Ess sisters (both CDs and SOs), as well as outreach to other members on the ship. There were many happy moments and a few sad moments,
the worst being when we all had to say good-bye. The cruise made for a very special week one that was very much a high point for us. Peggy Rudd worked very hard to put this cruise together, and she continued to work hard right through the cruise to make it a wonderful success.
We traveled to Houston on Thursday, November 11. While our cruise was not to begin until the following Sunday, we traveled as soon as our schedules would permit so that we could at least catch some of the Femme Holiday activities. Lucy left home dressed en femme and dressed en femme for most of the trip. The only exceptions were a side trip to the NASA manned Space Center on Friday, November 12, and a morning of shopping in Cozumel on the following Wednesday. That meant flying both ways, boarding the ship, going ashore in Honduras, boarding the ship afterwards, reentering the US at the end of the cruise and returning
home while being dressed en femme. The only problem we encountered was when we checked in at the start of the trip. The ticket agent, a pleasant middle-aged woman did not believe that Lucy and the picture of Don on the driver's license was the same person. However, the problem
quickly went away when Lucy produced an ID that had the same picture and information contained on Don's driver's license and also a picture dressed as Lucy. It also explained that the bearer is a member of Tri-Ess and that she is a crossdresser. For the remainder of the trip, Lucy provided both the Tri-Ess, ID whenever she had to produce either her driver's license or passport for identification, and no further problems were encountered.
Our first meeting as a group occurred in the Le Bistro Restaurant up on Deck 10. Peggy Rudd arranged for us all to get acquainted here on our first night at sea. It was the highlight of our wonderful first evening at sea. We had time to begin the process of getting acquainted while enjoying a very wonderful meal. We look forward in years to come to seeing again the friends that we began making that night.
Monday, we culminated our first full day at sea, by getting dressed "to the nines" in our formal dresses. Then, it was off to the Captain's Cocktail Party. As everyone entered the cocktail lounge the obligatory photos with the captain were taken. When our turn came, we were directed to positions on either side of the captain. As we took our places the captain put his arms around us and pulled us close to him for the picture. It all happened so fast that the picture was taken while Lucy was still realizing what had just happened and before her startled expression could develop. In the photograph the Captain looked as if he was really enjoying holding us. We're not certain why.
Lucy was not dressed when we went ashore at Cozumel. She had dressed for each of the five previous days, and on the evening before Joan had expressed reservations about not getting to see her husband en homme for that length of time. The next morning, she realized that her negative feelings
had been more a product of fatigue than anything else. She told Lucy to go ahead and dress en femme, but Lucy felt that it would be better to spend the morning en homme (as Don). After lunch, Don returned to being Lucy. Dressing en homme that morning, after spending five days en femme had been an interesting experience. The en femme mode had become so familiar that Lucy felt cross-dressed all morning in the Don mode. Perhaps this feeling resulted from the confidence that comes from having the opportunity to comfortably dress en femme for a number of days, or more likely it was crossdressing that had become routine. Several times during the morning, Don had instinctively reached for Lucy's purse and started to adjust his clothes as Lucy does with the result that he was less self-assured than normal.
We felt that Dignity Cruise 11 was a fantastic experience, and Joan as well as Don feels that it was the highlight of a year when we traveled extensively. Not only did we have a wonderful time with everyone in the group, but the people we met and the friends we made are a lasting bonus. It was so great to be able to visit with other wives and CDs at almost any hour we were awake. Joan especially enjoyed the opportunity to talk with other wives about families and friends, as well as each of their special CDs. There were many opportunities for everyone to exchange information, address each
other's doubts and problems. Everyone strived to help everyone else, and individual problems were responded to with well thought out answers that drew upon past experiences. The atmosphere was relaxed and our group was an interesting cross-section of Americana.
For the first time in our forty plus years of marriage, we freely shared items from our individual wardrobes on this trip. It was not planned ahead of time so that made it more fun. We had each shopped for and selected our own formal wardrobes. Then one evening as we were dressing for dinner, Lucy looked at the outfit that Joan had selected for the evening and said, "Why don't you try my black top with that skirt. I think you might like it better." Joan agreed, and the result turned out to be spectacular.
Several nights later, Joan suggested that Lucy would look better in the top Joan had originally selected for her formal skirt. Lucy tried it on, and sure enough it looked better with her skirt. From then on, we have been experimenting with different looks. And for the first time, Joan is really enjoying having one wardrobe with Lucy, rather than hers and hers! We have always shared jewelry and scarves, but never much clothing. Joan says that she has found this to be a lot fun, which is quite a change for her because she has always been a person who has fiercely guarded her own wardrobe.
We have made wonderful friends on this trip, especially one couple with whom we seem to have a special affinity. When we first met, it was as if we had always known each other. The bonds of friendship were immediate and strong. We are looking forward to seeing them very soon and we hope often over the years, even though we do not live in the same part of the country. If it had not been for this cruise, we might not have ever met them and our lives would have the poorer.
Joan says that, being in contact with this wonderful group of people gave her the opportunity to relax and really begin to enjoy her crossdresser. Not that we have not had some really great times over the years, but this trip put into perspective a lot of thoughts that had been floating around in her head for long time, which she was not fully able to express. We urge everyone to seriously consider a dignity cruise. They are wonderful. You will get the opportunity to discuss any and all problems in a relaxed and non-threatening atmosphere. As we all know crossdressers and their significant others are wonderful people. So go along and enjoy being with each other. It is an
experience you will never regret.
The Laser Razor, Part III
ByRachel Rene Boyd
This is the third in a series of articles about Rachel's experience with laser beard removal. In these articles she traces both the technological and emotional aspects of the process. Last month she told us about the first of four scheduled treatments. This month she describes her reaction to the second and third treatments.
Decisions are never easy. About two weeks after my agonizing decision about whether to continue, I read another article about laser hair removal. It said that laser treatment is not really permanent. Most people experience grow-back in six months to two years. Hmm. So that's why the plastic surgeon said, "It depends on what you call permanent". To me, permanent is never having to shave again. So there is a little snake oil salesman in this 30-something, dark haired, drop dead gorgeous
Mediterranean type!
But something else has happened. It is now five weeks since my first treatment. Initially, I was not impressed with how much hair was removed by the first treatment. However, in the last few weeks, my beard has lightened considerably. During my most recent outing as Rachel, I used hardly any beard cover under my makeup. Dr. Gorgeous did say it would take a few weeks to have full effect. This is great progress. So I rationalize and make another emotional decision. Laser treatment is having the effect I had hoped for. Even if it doesn't last forever, I can always come back for follow-up treatments!
Today I had my second laser treatment, six weeks after the first treatment. The treatment was relatively straight forward, now that I know what to expect. I didn't shave the morning of the treatment. Then I applied the anesthetic topical cream (Lidocaine with Prilocaine) about 30 minutes before my appointment. So I was ready upon arrival. The doctor's assistant cooled my face with a wet washcloth and began the treatment.
I had been told that the second treatment would be the most uncomfortable. The skin is sensitized by the first treatment, but there is still a lot of beard to be removed. That was certainly true. Even with the topical anesthetic, the stinging seemed sharper this time, especially around the lips and in the moustache area. The treatment only takes 10-12 minutes, but I was certainly glad when we finished.
My skin showed a little redness after the treatment this time, but it was not pronounced. The doctor's assistant did not apply the greasy looking cream after the treatment this time, so I felt comfortable going back to my office immediately after the treatment. After 30 minutes, even the redness disappeared, so I am sure no one could have guessed I just had a laser treatment.
While getting my treatment, I asked the assistant about the potential for grow back in six months to two years. He said the treatment is so new, there is not much information on what proportion of the patients experience grow back. This is especially true of men's facial hair removal, because relatively few men have had the procedure. This plastic surgeon has been doing laser hair removal for about four years, and I am his first male patient to have complete beard removal. He has treated a few men for neck and back hair removal, but I'm the first for facial hair removal. So it appears I am out there on the cutting edge .so to speak.
It takes about two weeks after a treatment before the full effect of the treatment is seen. After my second treatment, it appeared to me that about 70-80 percent of my beard was now gone. That's impressive success. I can now skip a day shaving without it being noticeable. However, now I notice that much of the remainder of my beard is either blond or gray (I prefer to think it is blond). The laser treatment is totally ineffective on light colored hair. So I am going to have a little stubble, no matter what. There goes my dream of not shaving at all. Fortunately, the blond hair does not appear to be very course, and being light in color, is very easy to hide under
makeup.
The third treatment was much like the second. It had been five weeks between treatments this time. I did not shave for two days prior to the treatment to maximize the amount of hair available to absorb and conduct the heat into the follicle. The doctor also increased the intensity of the laser this time to achieve more complete results. That also increases the discomfort, as well as the potential for blisters and burning. However, I had only a little redness above the upper lip that disappeared after a couple of hours.
Only one more treatment to go!