From the Editrix

This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to RRBoyd@aol.com, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.

Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix

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Chi Epsilon Sigma Executive Committee

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CES Meeting Schedule

Most regular chapter meetings are held on the third or fourth Saturday of each month. Sometimes adjustments are made for holidays, so always consult The Wild Rose for the latest updates. The schedule for the remainder of 2002 is:

December 14 En femme dinner party at a local restaurant

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Minutes of Chapter Meeting April 27,2002

It was a dark and gloomy night…but that was outside. Inside our meeting place twenty-six of us visited and chatted from about five in the evening till well after ten. In attendance—for at least part if not all of the evening—were Barb Van (I lost my key again) Horn, Becky Adams, Charlotte, Danielle, Diane and Sharon, Dianna, Ellen, Janet, Julie C, Julie F, Kelsey, Leslie and Martha, Mary Alice, Maureen, Mikki, Rachel, Rosemary and Theresa, Shana, Sue and Terry, Tiffany, and Yvonne and Linda.

We started with an informal "happy hour" about five as members drifted in, some already dressed but most standing in line to get to one of the three available locations to make that critical transformation from the drab world of the everyday life to an en femme evening of enjoyment. There were plenty of eats, ranging from chicken and honey-baked ham sandwiches through quiche tarts to salad and finally desserts. There were several varieties of wine as well as soft drinks and coffee available and all had the opportunity to enjoy the products of a "groaning board."

About 7:30 Becky attempted to bring order out of chaos and finally after several lady-like tries, reverted to form and got the group’s attention. There weren’t too many announcements—she let the group know of Grace’s continuing development as well as her appreciation for the support from the chapter members. She also mentioned that the chapter broke even on the dinner theater—which was our objective to begin with—and that there would be additional opportunities to attend future dinner theater offerings but that these would not be on meeting nights. She also gave a quick run-down on the next five meetings—May would be elections and a panel discussion on "balance," June would be a panel discussion on "Telling the spouse," July would be an en drab family picnic, August would be an en femme lawn party, and September would be Dr. Thomas’ visit to discuss the advances in CD research since 1998.

Becky announced the slate of officers the members would be voting on at the May meeting:

• Vice President—Mary Alice
• Spouse Representative—Linda
• Secretary/Treasurer—Grace

Becky reminded the group that, in accordance with the by-laws, Marsha would move up to President while she, Becky, would become Director and Terri would move from Director to Membership Chair. Rachel would remain as Editrix and Ashley as WebMistress.

Following a spot announcement referencing Heather’s work on developing a CD Bed and Breakfast visit (Friday through Sunday) in the area—more to be published as more is developed—Becky introduced Heather who proceeded to give an very hair-raising talk on wig selection, care, and feeding. Heather used Janet as a model and in ten minutes literally transformed Janet’s appearance by trimming, teasing, and styling Janet’s wig. The presentation was very well received and several members besieged Heather to do the same for their wigs—some were so entranced with the new appearance that they went home en femme ‘cause they just couldn’t bear to end the evening any sooner than they had to.

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The Pierced Ear .... Wants to Know

Which chapter member was seen driving a John Deere farm tractor while dressed in a frilly nightgown and wearing breast forms? Gee, Ma, no wonder the cows were giving sour milk!

Then there’s the chapter member who’s making a habit of losing her room key—which she obtained as "he" when she got the room—but now, as "she" has locked herself out of the room, now has to see the desk clerk and try and convince the desk clerk to give "her" another room key…just who, ladies, might that "forget-me-not" be?

What chapter member always carries three pair (or more) of panty hose with her when she comes to chapter meetings? More importantly, which brand does she use so we can buy stock in that brand!

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New in the CES Library

Out and About: The Emancipated Crossdresser by Ms. Lacey Leigh...presents itself as a "survival guide for men who enjoy looking and dressing like women." While highly recommended by Jane Ellen Fairfax as "...the best book I have ever read on crossdressing...written by a crossdresser". Good and factual? Definitely. A good supplement to what you have read in The Mirror, and The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake.

The Lazy Crossdresser by Mr. Charles Anders, however, is also a good text. Updates the old Chevalier publications on what to wear, how to wear it, and how to use cosmetics, etc. The subtitle of "how to dress like a girl without working like a dog" sort of says it all. This is the book to help you select the right style of wigs, clothes, cosmetics, shoes, etc. As with Lacey's book, this one is good and factual--even though written in double-spaced and wide margin format (makes one think of reading newspaper columns...) but in my mind the better of the two.

Both are available through Amazon as well as through the Chapter library.

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Every year in the latter part of February, a Germanic Club in New Jersey holds it's "Masken Ball", which is the Germanic version of Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday). Guests are asked to come in costume, but it is not required. I once came as a Civil War Soldier because I am a member of a large Civil War organization, but this time I wanted to be different. My wife, Theresa, suggested, as a joke, that I come as a lady since I am under hormone treatment for cancer where my Testosterone level is only 13.4 when it would, normally, be between 421 and 827. I replied that I would not do this, but then I said that I might consider it if my Vietnam War Veteran friend, Don, would come with me. Theresa didn't think that Don or I would do this and neither did I.

Don agreed to do this so we began planning for the "Masken Ball" that always takes place in late February. We had about two months to prepare for this and Theresa took advantage of the post Christmas sales to buy me a blue velvet evening gown and a red skirt suit. A Police Officer advised us to get Transgender ID cards in the event that we were stopped on a road for any reason. The Police are concerned about terrorists or robbers who might be disguising themselves as females. This required two photos, one en femme and one en drab. Don bought a black lace dress at a rummage sale from a transsexual lady who nearly went bankrupt after she lost most of her customers following her surgery.

Don decided to be Donna Marie for the event and I chose Rosemary for Robert (Bob). We agreed to meet in the parking lot of the Germanic Club at about 1945 hours on the evening of the Ball. Theresa and I decided to give this a test run prior to the event by driving to a large shopping Mall some distance from our home. We walked around the Mall, looked at clothes and jewelry, ate in a restaurant then visited the ladies' room. Theresa accompanied me there and as a result of visiting the Mall we concluded that I passed very well and that I would at the Germanic Club as well. Theresa decided not to attend because she felt that her presence would cause people, who know her, to look for me. I needed a good makeover and because Theresa has poor eyesight she got Tara Geraghty, a Mary Kay Cosmetologist to make me up and she did an exemplary job. I was going to wear the long blue velvet gown, but when Theresa learned that Don, or now Donna Marie, was wearing a dress with a short skirt, we decided to switch to the red skirt suit.

On the afternoon of the Ball and after being made up by Tara, I began dressing. Theresa loaned to me a beautiful black satin slip that she had for many years and I put it on. I pulled over my black, turtleneck sweater and it felt wonderful as it slid over the satin slip. The same was true for my, black, thigh high stockings. I had to be careful that I didn't smear my makeup. I put on my red skirt suit then my jewelry which consisted of a gold female wrist watch, gold earrings, gold ring with a cubic zirconia stone and finally my one Troy ounce, gold, Chinese Panda that hung from a gold chain around my neck. I combed out my wig and after placing it over my head I carefully combed the bangs down over my forehead. I got out my Mary Kay lipstick and did my lips once more. Finally, I placed the strap of my black suede handbag over my shoulder and Rosemary McQueen was ready to walk out of the front door of our home.

I drove to the Germanic Club without any problem. It was now dark, but I saw Donna Marie standing there in the lot. She looked statuesque, as she is over six feet tall compared to my five foot six and one half inches. Here we are two ex-U.S. Navy Machinist Mates who earned war medals with Battle Stars and New Jersey's highest award, the "Distinguished Service Medal" for having been combat Veterans in the Vietnam and Korean Wars, respectively. I also was an amateur boxer having fought seventeen contests.

We entered the Clubhouse and presented our tickets to Fred who was collecting them. He told us that we were at table seven so we proceeded to that table and introduced ourselves as Rosemary and Donna Marie to the two couples that were seated there. Two hours later they still didn't know that we were really men. We were passing quite well! The guests were called, by the table, to receive their food and it was a kind of beef stew on spaetzle. I was hungry, but I had to eat in a slow, ladylike, manner. I then walked around the many tables and no one thought that I was anyone, but a woman. Next, I went to the bar to buy some Merlot wine. I asked for a half of a carafe and that made, Helmut, suspicious for some reason. He had been selling only full carafes. He then turned his back toward me to get the wine when he, suddenly, turned around and stared at my Gold Chinese Panda that was hanging from my neck. Then he said, "I know who you are". With that, and like a child who just found a new toy under the Christmas Tree, he told some of the members, who were nearby, who I was. That news circulated around like wild fire. I saw my Germanic friend, Tina, but she didn't recognize me. I identified myself and she was both amazed and delighted. I saw Hilda, who didn't recognize me either until I told her who I was. She said that I really looked like a woman. From behind the bar, Werner seemed confused then he told me that I had nice legs and that I looked better as a lady than as a man. It made it convenient for Donna Marie and me that at least one half of the members and guests were only part Germanic or not at all and only American English is spoken here. Back at our table, the President of the Club was passing by when I stood up to greet him and he did not know who I was. When I told him he was he was amazed and asked me to sit down. He then asked me to dance, but I, of course, refused. He then asked Donna Marie who also refused.

Later, the costume judging began so Donna Marie and I got into the line that passed by the judges. For some unknown reason Donna Marie sat down so I did too. Some thought that we would have won a prize, but Tina did win the First Prize in her red Devil's costume and we were glad that she did. I had to use a restroom and I could not use the men's room so I asked Tina if she would accompany me to the ladies' room. She escorted me there, pointed to a stall, and guarded me until I was finished. Donna Marie used the ladies' room later.

For our participation in the costume party, we each received one bottle of wine and we both agreed that we had a great time and that it was a lot of fun. It was the Gold, Chinese Panda coin that bit us that evening because if I had not worn it we may have pulled off a great deception! Donna Marie looked very attractive in her long blond wig and black lace dress with black panty hose. She would like to do this again next year, but Theresa is not agreeable to my doing it again.

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Okay, Okay. The Pierced Ear wants to know. So here is my story.

As most of you know I managed to get locked out of my hotel room a few months ago after changing to en femme for the C E S meeting. Well, if this kind of trouble comes in threes, I’ve only got one more event like this to go. At the April meeting I managed to simply race out of the room without my key card. I actually blame the US government and their daylight savings time for this. You see, my "Barbara" watch was still on standard time. I thought I had another hour to "transform." When I realized my watch was an hour behind, I panicked and turned blond. So I spent a little effort during the evening envisioning how I was going to deal with the desk clerk back at the hotel. I decide that my last line of defense would be to say, "Don’t make me take off this wig. I can get really ugly." Fortunately it didn’t come to that. In fact, it all turned out rather nicely.

I got back to the Red Roof and went into the lobby. There's a woman working the counter who is pleasant and mid-fifties. There are several folks ahead of me and I waited a few minutes for my turn. In my best voice (that's not to say "good") I confessed I had locked myself out of 102. The lady asked what my last name was (she could tell my first name since I was still wearing my C E S nametag) and I told her. I watched very intently for a flicker of "Ah hah!" when she checked the computer. But NOTHING! She said, "No problem. We'll fix you right up." Then she made a new card and handed it to me. I wanted to scream, "That's it?! Are you sure? Can't you make this into a life affirming experience for me?" Then I realized that without knowing it she had. So, I resisted the urge to ask her if she thought my lipstick was too dark and simply thanked her. I took the key card and walked out of the lobby and back to my room feeling just fine.

Every foray in public emboldens me for more. Last month I wrote about attending a concert at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. This month I attended an exhibit at the Corcoran Gallery of Art.

This time it was the event that drew me out. A new exhibit just opened at the Corcoran showing the fashions Jackie Kennedy wore when she and her husband lived in the White House, just across the street from the Corcoran. "Jacqueline Kennedy: The White House Years" is a touring show of about 70 fashions worn by Jackie over the thousand days of her husband’s administration. In the words of the curator, Hamish Bowles, Jackie "was at once a paradigm of old-fashioned dignity, sharing with her husband a love of history and a keen appreciation of ceremony, and a reluctant pop-culture icon, who like John F. Kennedy, had an intuitive understanding of the power of image in an age when television was becoming a potent medium." When I was a young girl, Jackie was to me the pinnacle of high fashion. So I could not wait to see this exhibit.

I set out to visit the exhibition on the second day of its opening, a Sunday afternoon. Normally Metro is the easiest way to get around in downtown DC, but being a Sunday I chose to drive. I discovered that many of the pay lots that are open during the week are closed on Sunday. After searching for some time, I found one open about six blocks from the Corcoran. The parking attendant, a courteous gentleman in his 40s, suggested I park my car in a nicely protected spot. He was very sweet. But that’s another story I’ll tell you at another time.

It was sunny, but a little cool for an April afternoon. However, I had dressed appropriately and enjoyed my six-block walk to the gallery. Not wanting to draw attention to myself, I had tried to wear what I thought most other women would be wearing. My selection was a cotton sweater over slacks and my most comfortable Naturalizer^® flats. Since it was cool, I added a short black jacket.

Once inside the gallery I faced what had once been one of my greatest fears—a serpentine waiting line that turns back on itself many times. I knew the exhibition would be crowded, so I was mentally prepared to be in close proximity to a lot of other people. I purchased my ticket, then rented the audio tour (wondering if I would mess up my hair with the headset), and stepped into the line. There I stood with a couple hundred other people, weaving back and forth as the line progressed for nearly 45 minutes. When I first starting going out in public five years ago, I would usually notice people staring at me, averting their eyes when they caught my glance. But not this time. I watched people in the line intently, and never once noticed an untoward stare. I would like to think my presentation has improved to where I am not that noticeable. Whatever the reason, no one seemed to mind my presence this afternoon.

Once inside, all of my expectations for the Jackie fashion show were fulfilled. The review of the show in the Washington Post was critical of the event because it was limited to the fashions of just one person, not all fashions of that age. Even so, the Post said Jackie was not a woman who was, after all, a "fashion forward" trendsetter. The Post accused the curator of staging a show that was intended just to sell a lot of tickets, and not offer memorable works of art or craft or high fashion. This writer must have been too young to know how influential both Jack and Jackie were in setting trends in America in the early 1960s.

Here were all of the elegant dresses, evening gowns, and coats that we all remember as Jackie, the First Lady. Given her French background, she understandably preferred the Parisian designers of the time—Chanel, Balenciaga, and Givenchy. But after some politically inspired comments on Capitol Hill about buying American, she was forced to switch to American designers like Oleg Cassini and others who imitated the French style. In fact, it seemed to me the exhibit had so many Oleg Cassini items, it could easily have been a show for Oleg Cassini himself.

There was the jacket dress she wore for the inauguration. From the trip to India in 1962, there was a fitted summer dress in bright pink silk. Then Jackie chose a black Cassini dress in silk and wool for a papal audience that seemed to blend in harmoniously with all of the priests in attendance. All had simple lines, solid colors, large buttons, hats tilted on the back of her head, and seemingly always with three stands of pearls.

Maybe the art critics think this is not a collection worthy of the Corcoran. But count me among those populists who just don’t know enough about fashion history to understand that we shouldn’t just love it. I’m going back again!

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As crossdressers we live a life that is usually on the knife’s edge…and that ranges from "whom should I tell?" through "can they see I’m wearing a bra under this shirt?" to "am I going to be read as I’m going into this mall?" To some of us that’s all part and parcel of the challenge of living who we are…to others it is the other extreme of living a life of constant concern and worry that if we continue to deny our second selves then sooner or later "something" is going to happen, and whatever ‘it’ is, is usually not nice. So we have to maintain a sense of balance to avoid totally falling off of that knife’s edge.

One of the usual feelings of a recently self-admitted crossdresser is that of a sense of euphoria, sort of a "free, free at last" feeling. After hiding and denying this compunction for a number of years, after a number of purges, finally there is the self-realization and acceptance as to who we really are and that there is no going back. Sometimes that feeling of euphoria is tempered because, while we may accept who we are as a crossdresser, we still haven’t told our SO or spouse. So that realization sort of helps us maintain that balance…true to the philosopher’s dictum of "moderation in all things."

But when we have taken that final step and we have told our spouse or SO who we really are and they have recovered from that initial sense of shock, that sense of a betrayal of trust, and have either voiced (or at least thought it) the question "what else are you hiding from me?" then the need for balance is even greater. However, quiet talks and tearful discussions with a number of spouses indicate that the sense of balance on the part of the crossdresser is frequently gone…completely out the window! The sense of euphoria that comes from finally ridding one’s conscience of this terrible burden wells up in a never-diminishing fountain that threatens to overflow the landscape. The newly "revealed" crossdresser usually pushes the envelope of acceptance. Rather than sitting down and carving out and sticking to a number of compromises—assuming that the spouse is either tolerant or supportive of one’s crossdressing—the crossdresser rides roughshod over the concerns—and sometimes the budget—of the spouse.

Compromises—like "when I buy a pair of shoes, honey, I want you to buy a pair" or "when I get new bras and panties, why don’t you do the same?"—help maintain that sense of balance that is needed for all to walk upright. Maybe we have forgotten that in our euphoria, but our habits are costly—a couple is no longer buying clothes for two out of the budget, but for three…there’s a 33% increase on the family clothing budget. So compromises or restraints in activities are definitely needed to keep that balance.

You’ve lived with this as long as you remember—it helped you fall asleep at night, it was with you in your dreams, it was there when you woke in the morning—so you are familiar with it. She isn’t…and she hasn’t the foggiest idea of what it means to you. But if you self-indulge to the point of things getting out of balance then how can you expect her to try and understand? She doesn’t see a "new gender-enhanced-male," she sees a selfish and self-centered "man-in-a-dress." So get some balance—be considerate—be thoughtful—be feminine.

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Our presentation is designed to answer two questions:

• What is crossdressing?
• Why does it exist?

After introductory remarks about these two questions, each of the crossdressers participating describes his/her personal experiences with crossdressing. We then have an open question and answer period that often lasts more than two hours.

Our organization is The Society for the Second Self, Inc. (Tri-Ess). We provide Support, Serenity, and Service (SSS) to the heterosexual crossdresser and his/her family. Tri-Ess is an international organization founded in 1961 by Virginia Prince in California, as the Hose and Heels Club, which later became Phi Pi Epsilon (Full Personality Expression). Later this group became the alpha chapter of Tri-Ess. Virginia Prince gave voice to heterosexual crossdressers and stimulated the development of crossdressing clubs throughout the country.

Tri-Ess has about 35 local chapters, mostly in the U.S. We represent Chi Epsilon Sigma (C E S ), the Baltimore/Chesapeake Bay region chapter. We have a sister chapter (Rho Tau) in the Richmond-Tidewater area of Virginia. C E S has members of from Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland, Delaware, West Virginia, and Virginia. We meet monthly at a location in the Baltimore area.

There are resources available on the Internet for additional information about Tri-Ess and CES:

In the simplest of terms, a crossdresser is a person who dresses in the clothes of the opposite sex. But people crossdress for a variety of reasons, and in a variety of different ways. Consequently there are several terms that are used to describe various different expressions of crossdressing.

The term, transvestite, was coined by German physician and researcher Magnus Hirshfield in 1910 (The Transvestites: An Investigation of the Erotic Desire to Cross Dress). He meant the term to literally mean cross-dress, i.e., trans-vest. Today the term. transvestite, has a more pejorative connotation, and is used for those who crossdress primarily for fetishistic reasons. Tri-Ess prefers the more genteel term of crossdresser because our motivations for crossdressing typically include quite a number of reasons other than fetishism.

The definition of crossdressing that seems to fit Tri-Ess members best was offered by J.J. Allen in his/her book, The Man in the Red Velvet Dress. Allen describes the cosmetic crossdresser as:

In fact, Allen has described eleven distinct expressions of crossdressing behavior, within four main types.

Closet

Social

She-male

Impersonator

Slave

Fetishist

Transitional Fetishist

Drag Queen

Transsexual

Transgenderist

We have already reviewed Allen’s definition of the cosmetic crossdresser. This type is further subdivided into three subtypes. Closet crossdressers are those who dress en femme only within their own homes. Social crossdressers, like many Tri-Ess members, go out in public or to crossdressing club meetings while dressed en femme. She-males are cosmetic crossdressers who are actively bisexual.

Peripheral crossdressers are not sexually excited by women’s clothing and do not use crossdressing to express an inner feminine self. Their crossdressing is peripheral to some other activity. An example is the female impersonator who dresses as a woman only for the sake of performance. The exhibitionist dresses as a woman to expose himself and startle others, while the slave dresses as part of a submissive role-playing scene.

Fetishists are motivated by the compulsion to masturbate with a given article of women’s apparel. Except for the drag queen, they seldom dress fully as a woman. The transitional fetishist is Allen’s term for someone who is progressing out of strict, one-object fetishism into complete crossdressing. Drag queens are transvestite prostitutes who typically dress in a highly fetishistic fashion.

Full-time crossdressers adopt a complete feminine lifestyle and live full-time in feminine role. Transsexuals have an inner sense that they are indeed female and were born in the wrong body. That inner sense is so overwhelming that they often take female hormones to feminize their bodies and seek sexual reassignment surgery (sex change). Transgenderists are those who live full time in female role, but do not seek surgery, although they may feminize their bodies with hormones. They see themselves as something of a third gender somewhere between male and female.

As you can see, there is a fine line between some of these definitions. The wise person would not take any of them too literally.

No one really knows what causes crossdressing. What we do know is that it has existed in virtually every culture, in all parts of the world, and through out the centuries. There is something very universal and very timeless about crossdressing that suggests there is a definable cause.

Current thinking is that it is caused by some combination of:

• Prenatal female to male development process, and/or
• Psychosexual conditioning during puberty.

The prenatal development theory holds that cross gender behavior may be caused by something that occurs in the first six weeks of fetal development. During this time the fetus, which is initially female, develops into either male or female under the influence of hormones and androgens. The theory is that something goes wrong during this process and the brain of the soon-to-be male is not completely transformed. This leaves the resulting child with some measure of gender dysphoria, that is, having a feminine self-image within a male body. This theory has been given credence by recent research that shows distinct differences in the brains of adult males and females. The central subdivision of the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc) is an area of the brain that is essential to sexual behavior, and is smaller in women than in men. J.-N Zhou, et. al., ("A Sex Difference in the Human Brain and its Relations to Transsexuality", The International Journal of Transgenderism), have reported that a female-sized BSTc was found in male-to-female transsexuals. Zhou concludes this supports the hypothesis that gender identity develops as a result of an interaction between the developing brain and sex hormones.

The psychosexual conditioning theory holds that crossdressing behavior is something that gets imprinted during puberty. Sometimes adolescent boys will try on female clothing out of curiosity, or some other reasons we don’t really understand. If the boy finds it pleasurable to masturbate while wearing female clothing, this triggers a psychosexual connection between female clothing and sexual pleasure that is impossible to reverse. Many crossdressers report they experienced this phenomenon during adolescence, but were convinced they would "grow out of it" as adults. While some crossdressers can suppress crossdressing for many months, even years, we find the desire to crossdress intensifies with age, even when it is no longer associated with masturbation.

After physicians Magnus Hirshfield and Havelock Ellis first described crossdressing in 1910 and 1913, respectively, social scientists began compiling information on the subject. "Those who wrote about the phenomenon after them were for many years dominated by psychotherapists of one kind of another whose mission was to find "cures" or "treatment" for those with gender dysphoria." (V. Bullough, "Transgenderism and the Concept of Gender", The International Journal of Transgenderism). The psychoanalysis field was heavily influenced by Sigmund Freud’s theories, and looked for all manner of causative factors that seem bizarre to today’s observer. Harry Benjamin brought some order to this discussion with the publication of "Trans-sexualism and Transvestism," in Transvestism: Men in Female Dress in 1964. Benjamin said there is a continuum of transgender behavior of which transvestism is on one end and transsexualism is on the other. He also developed the standards of care that the medical community now uses when treating transsexuals who are seeking sexual reassignment surgery.

Taking all of this into account, Bonnie Bullough developed the theory for formation of gender identities and sexual preferences that is the prevailing theory today.

That is all a very scholarly explanation of crossdressing behavior. What we can tell you for our own experience is that crossdressing is not simply a lifestyle choice. It is something innate within us that we cannot change, no matter how hard we try. When we crossdress, we have a feeling of general well being that is both exciting and relaxing. It just feels right.

And besides, getting dressed up is just plain FUN! Given the wider choices of styles, colors, and jewelry, it is just a lot more fun to dress as woman than as a man.

Crossdressers who are members of Tri-Ess share many characteristics. First and foremost we are heterosexual. We are normal men in every respect, who enjoy being feminine on an occasional basis (2-8 times/month). Typically, our members have a very high degree of regard for women and are very protective of women.

Most of our members are married or have been married, and most have children. We are very similar to the population at large in this respect.

We have members of all adult ages, but there is a preponderance of people in their 40s and 50s. This is likely because after years fighting the need to crossdress, we feel a little more freedom to do so after our children are older and we are more established in our careers. The urge to crossdress also seems to increase with age. With the advent of Internet communication, we are seeing more people "coming out" at an earlier age.

Bullough and Bullough (Cross Dressing, Sex, and Gender, 1993). summarized the findings of six major studies of male crossdressers conducted in the U.S. and Australia:

• 72-97% were heterosexual
• 3-9% were exclusively homosexual
• 78-88% were married, or had been married
• 80-85% came from two-parent homes
• Median age was 39-47 years
• Median occupational level was upper-middle to high
• Median age to first crossdress was 8-11 years

Behavior varies in any population. Not everyone has the same experiences with crossdressing or expresses it in exactly the same way, but there are some similarities.

Typically crossdressing begins about age 10 at the onset of puberty. Transsexuals, however, usually become aware of their transgender nature at a much earlier age. There are also a few crossdressers who do not begin until well into adulthood.

Those who begin during adolescence often think the urge to crossdress will go away in adulthood. We often marry with the expectation that marriage will "cure" it. When marriage doesn’t relieve the urge to crossdress, we become even more conflicted. Some hide our crossdressing from our wives for many years. It is not unusual to keep the secret for 20 or 30 years before it comes out.

When it does come out, the wife’s response varies, but is usually negative. Some wives cope with it, some acknowledge it but don’t want to be a part of it, and others seek divorce immediately.

The crossdresser typically tries to stop crossdressing many times, before and after telling his wife. Societal and spousal disapproval of crossdressing brings intense feelings of guilt. The crossdresser responds to this guilt by discarding his collection of feminine things and vowing never again to crossdress. Eventually he succumbs to the compulsion to crossdress.

Eventually we come to a realization of the permanence of our cross gender behavior. For many of us, that realization has come in our forties or fifties.

We have had many and varied comments by the students to our appearance in their class. There are, however, certain typical responses that we hear most every time. Most have never met a crossdresser (that they know of). Almost uniformly they say they say they thought all crossdressers were homosexual, and they expected to see a RuPaul type of person. Typical of the questions that we get is:

How long does it take to get dressed?

Do we go shopping en femme?

Do we use of public restrooms?

What about crossdressing in the bedroom?

It is always interesting to interact with the students, mostly because they are inquisitive and open to new ideas. If you have the opportunity to speak to a class, you should try it. After all, what can be more fun for a crossdresser than to dress up and talk about him/herself!

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