Holiday Party Notice Reflections of Goucher College Students , from Prof. Nelson Kofie We Need An Annual Girlfriends Day!, by Lucy Stone Girl Talk: Something More to Think About, by Becky Adams How Do You Relate? , by Rachel Rene Boyd Lucy's Window, by Lucy Stone You Are What You Were When... , by Becky Adams Chi Epsilon Sigma (CES), Official Activities Calendar , by Victoria Frost
Rachel Rene Boyd
Once they have a listing of who is attending, Laurie will coordinate the "pot luck" dinner. Actually, it won't be "pot luck" as Laurie always plans these sorts of things and leaves nothing to chance.
The Holiday Party will be December 16 at Emily and Laurie's home. Thanks to Emily and Laurie for opening their home to us again.
Dear Friends:
Let me extend my appreciation, once again, for being generous with your time and resources to engaged my class in a lively discussion. The students' reflections on your presentation are a testimony of how much they learned from you. I have typed the reflections, without alterations, just as the students stated. I hope you enjoy reading them. Here they are:
Today's class was very interesting. I learned a lot about crossdressing from several different types of crossdressers and as I predicted, the destruction of ignorance spelled the destruction of stereotypes.
I found this experience to be very enlightening. The fact that the "girls" still enjoy male bonding, such as football games, changes my whole perception of crossdressing. Also, the comment that they are 95% male, and only female once a month make(s)[sic] me see them in a different light. I have always been an accepting person, but this just opened my mind that much more.
Before listening to these crossdressers speak, I didn't know just how normal they really were. I guess I just kind of assumed that they were very different from other people, but they're not. I think that the reason I thought that was because the crossdressers I had met before were either homosexual or actually wanted to be female. I am glad that they came, though.
This exchange has made me much more an[sic] understanding of crossdressing; that it is often a hobby and not a major driving force, necessarily. It is a compulsion, not an addiction. It has certainly perked my interest (which is often confusion), about gender and gender roles even more so than before.
I am honored that these "girls" took the time to come to our class and let us into their little worlds. This was unlike anything I've seen before—the only transvestites I have ever seen have been the gay, flamboyantly dressed types. These girls had a lot of class. I was surprised how easily these girls could suddenly become stereotypical men, shooting pool and drinking with the guys. I thought that all crossdressers always had to have feminine tendencies all the time. I feel very enlightened.
This was definitely an interesting presentation. It basically served to confirm much of what I thought about crossdressers: that it has nothing to do with sexual orientation; that when they are not crossdressed, they look and act just like other men. It makes me sad to know that Rachel's wife doesn't accept his crossdressing – it makes me think that their relationship will have more problems in the future, unfortunately. It's also sad that crossdressers aren't socially accepted—hopefully they will be in the future. . . .
Today was a very interesting day—It was the first day in which I was ever exposed to crossdressers. It was very interesting to actually learn about the habits of these people. My preconceived notions of homosexuality and "weirdness" were addressed. I feel more comfortable know in dealing with the cross dressing topic.
For me, it was a very interesting class. I am glad to learn about the behavior of others in this world. It was very exciting to be able to talk about a topic that isn't always acceptable in this society. Thank you for allowing us to learn about something that not many of us have had a chance to!
Dear Kim, Rachel, Julie & Yvonne:
Listening to Yvonne, Rachel and Kim, I was struck by the fact that in some ways, their issues and concerns are similar to "regular" people. Kim struggles with whether or not he should reveal his CD to his 15 year old daughter – I wonder if I should reveal my teen-age drug use to mine. In other words, the CD is just one aspect of who they are, but in other ways they are like everyone else. I also think that the fact that their behavior is taboo in our culture very much affect how they live with it.
I thought the whole session was great. It answered a lot of questions that I had about crossdresser and transgender (right word?). It also confirmed some thoughts that I had on the whole topic. It was extremely interesting. I was also glad that Yvonne had such a supportive wife, and that all 3 women have had generally positive experiences. Thank you for inviting them to our class.
The session has alleviated many of my fears and apprehension about crossdressers. I understand the issues and the people more as human beings than concepts. Crossdressing is mainly something which the "girls" are born with, and that this interest is not evil, just different.
I feel very informed even in this short amount of time about the reality of crossdressing. It was interesting to be able to ask questions and see how "the girls" reaction and hear what they had to say. I think it was interesting to hear the differences in their stories, opinions, and attitudes about crossdressing. I also appreciated Julie's contribution, she helped to shed some light on the situation as well.
I think that I have personally gained a new respect for the idea of crossdressing. As was mentioned by many people, the "Jerry Springer" crossdresser is what most people are more familiar with. Growing up spending time in New York City and the Village, there were many very flamboyantly dressed crossdressers and I now understand the differences between some of the groups.
It was interesting to see 3 people who have had such differing experiences, and have such different perspective (age wise, relationships wise). I was surprised that most of the "girls" usually go out as guys.
I am really glad that we had this opportunity to have a conversational exchange with the male heterosexual crossdressers. It really got me thinking about so many issues like gender and how it is learned by society & culture & also about issues related to identity, character & personality. It is so interesting for me too that Julie is able to be so comfortable with her husband as a crossdresser. I think that is a really impressive open-mindedness. I don't know that I would ever be able to be as open-minded about crossdressing for my own personal relationship as I would be really confused and not be able to relate or understand it.
This has really clarified for me the concept of gender being a result of culture, and sex of biology. It reinforces also for me Freud's theory of our sexuality, and the celebration of ourselves simply as sexual beings. Even among non-crossdresser heterosexuals, sexuality manifests itself differently. I no longer feel that crossdressers fall into any separate category. They are just a more extreme on different manifestation of the sexuality we all possess.
This is an amazing experience. My whole perception of crossdressers has been radically altered. I realized now that it's much more than a choice/habit, obviously there are deep psychological needs which urge the crossdressers to do this. I am not sure I understand why they do it but I am not sure they understand why either.
I found this panel very interesting. I realize that just because the people are not technically females, they still share the same type of human thoughts and morals as myself. I was able to open my mind today a little more and really appreciated them opening up to us.
GREAT CLASS! This was a great opportunity. Although I felt that I was open-minded before hand, I am even more now. Reminds me to strive not to judge. Also, I am jealous because my makeup never looks that good.
I thought, at the end that it was a very interesting experience. At first, I was a little nervous, but in the end, I was able to stay open-minded. It was interesting to see crossdressers up close and personal and to learn of their various views on certain issues related to the topic.
I feel that I can speak for the class when I say I really enjoyed this especially concerning the link (or lack there of) between crossdressing and homosexuality. Thank you all for taking the time to share such a personal thing.
I think that a lot of my questions have been answered. I think I learned more about how often one might crossdress. . . Preparations are not something that I had thought about. I also learned that there are some differences between crossdressers and transsexuals, in how they perceive themselves. I think that it was an informative class.
I learned a lot from this morning. I have never seen or talked about crossdressers and now feel impressed with the men and women who came in and thank them for introducing me to something new.
It is hard to imagine what these men are thinking when they dress like women. I have never spoken with a crossdresser before and it is very interesting to hear what their opinions on life in general are. Rachel said that she believes that she was born this way and it is fascinating to hear why she thinks this. Thank you for allowing us to meet these people.
What was so fascinating was hearing real perspectives from the girls and their wives. I came into the class with some misconceptions that are now changed, thankfully.
ALL I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT LIFE I LEARNED FROM MY GIRLFRIENDS
Good times are even better when they're shared. A good long talk can cure almost anything. Everyone needs someone with whom to share her secrets. Listening is just as important as talking. An understanding friend is better than a therapist; and cheaper too! Laughter makes the world a happier place. Friends are like wine; they get better with age. Sometimes you just need a shoulder to cry on. Great minds think alike, especially when they are female! When it comes to "bonding," females do it better.
YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD FOR SLUMBER PARTIES!!!!
Girls just want to have fun. It's important to make time to do "girl things." Calories don't count when you are having lunch (or any other food) with your girlfriends. You can never have too many shoes.
GEMS MAY BE PRECIOUS, BUT FRIENDSHIP IS PRICELESS!!!!!
We have an excellent effort initiated by Rho Tau, working at the present time with Tri-Ess national offices, to provide a standard photo ID card for our use. This card--and I've seen Lucy's-- has both one's drab as well as one's femme photo along with short, explanatory comments and a disclaimer regarding the card bearer's use of the card and femme attire is not to commit fraud, etc. To my way of thinking, this dual photo card is the way to go, especially for those of us who are approaching the 24/7 dream.
However, Delta's almost parenthetical limitation on what photo ID cards are "passable" (couldn't resist the opportunity!) may constitute a speed bump on the way to universal acceptance and use of such a card. I can understand Delta's logic for not only have I seen Lucy's card (and I will gladly testify that "she" is a better looker than "he" is!) but I have also seen a certain unnamed member's collection of ID cards...her cards--all photo--identify "him" as a either a private investigator, a member of the Fourth Estate, or a bone fide (?) member of several more legitimate (?) groups...all of which (cards and groups) were bogus. Seems as though a sum of money and a couple of box tops will get you almost anything these days!
So, to meet the spirit and the letter of the law, Delta is ensuring that they have gone as far as they can go...guess they recognize that the use of fraudulent state or federal ID cards can put one behind bars. But how far can we go, especially those of us who are not in an SRS program where a doctor's certificate can get us a gender change on such cards? How far can we expect Rho Tau's effort--assuming National comes through--help us, especially when we need to produce an ID when en femme?
Something more to think about at 2 am in the morning, I guess.
Most of my en femme contacts with women are the spouses and SOs of other crossdressers. These are a very special group of ladies, having accepted to some degree their partner's crossdressing. So I never knew if they were just being kind, sort of going along with the illusion, or whether it was real. But a Halloween party I attended this year made me think that just maybe it is real. So let me ask, "Ladies (i.e., genetic females), do you feel you relate differently when you are talking with a crossdresser en femme? In some measure, do you react as you would with another woman?"
The Halloween party I attended was with a group of non-crossdressing people. A couple with whom I work were having a party for their friends and neighbors. They invited people from work, their church, and their neighborhood. So it was polyglot of people, many of whom did not know each other prior to the party.
I decided this was an event I could go to en femme without raising undue concern about my "orientation". We can talk later about whether this was a good idea or not. But I wanted to wear the Heidi dress I bought in Germany recently that I had planned to wear to the Chi Epsilon Sigma Halloween party. I was in a major frump about not getting to go to the CES party, so this party became an outlet for my pent up frustrations.
When I arrived at the party there was the expected "Oh, my goodness" reaction from my host and hostess. These are people I have worked with every day for about 10 years. Neither of them could recognize me until I spoke. Oh, how our voices give us away! But they were very gracious and welcoming, introducing me to many of their other friends. There were others there from my office who were also surprised I would be so daring.
The really interesting thing was what happened over and over that night when I was mixing with the other guests, most of whom did not know me. It just seemed easier to talk with the women. The men were polite enough, but the conversation never went anywhere. With the women, our conversation went on and on. I sat at a table with one couple and their four-year-old daughter during dinner. The man barely said, "Hello, how are you?" But the woman and I talked all through dinner, mostly about clothes, children, our communities, and other topics of the day. And that's the way it went through the evening. It just seemed I had more to talk about with the women, and the conversation was more genuine.
At the end of the evening, I sought out my host and hostess to thank them for a wonderful evening. My hostess was getting her two children ready to get out of their costumes and go to bed. We talked for a while. She asked me about my nails, my shoes, and admired my wig and my jewelry. This made me all flush with joy. Then she gave me a great big hug that just warmed my heart! At this moment I knew it was not my imagination. We were relating on a different level. This is a woman I have worked with and socialized with for 10 years. Until that moment we probably had never even shaken hands. With that hug she told me there was now something very different about our relationship.
As Robin Jean Peters said in her article "Woman to Woman Relationships" on TGForum,
"Next to dressing up and being pretty there is nothing more gratifying than establishing woman to woman relationships with genetic females. Complimenting a stranger of the feminine gender about her hair or clothing on an elevator or other chance meeting place while in drab would probably result in a snub or guarded smile at best. On the other hand women are usually quite receptive when we are perceived to be one of them even though they may have guessed the truth. In more intimate relationships they are quite comfortable discussing things which under normal circumstances they would not share with, may I say, an "ordinary" man."
I experienced a glimpse of those woman to woman relationships over and over again at this Halloween party. It convinced me that one of the best things about Tri-Ess and Chi Epsilon Sigma is the opportunity to have those relationships with both my genetic and my gender sisters.
Telling A Teenage Son
Because I had met their son, Steven, over dinner when I was dressed as Don, and he had remarked to them that he thought I was "pretty cool", Joan and I (Lucy) were asked to meet them for dinner at a local restaurant. We would have dinner, and then I would reveal to him that Don and Lucy really are the same person. I cautioned that even though he might accept me, it was possible that he would have a harder time accepting his father, because he considers him to be his role model.
When we met for dinner, the father looked extremely tense. (He later told me that he was so uptight that he thought he would surely throw up.) Dinner started out extremely well. Both Joan and I visited with Steven. He was very polite, and each time he spoke to either of us, he addressed us as ma'am -- so far, so good. When the time came to reveal my secret, I asked him if he remembered meeting an older fellow named Don. He responded that he had recently met one of his folks' friends by that name. Then I told him that Don and I (Lucy) are the same person. What followed was an exchange that I never would have predicted. He exclaimed, "No way!" Then after several further exchanges where he steadfastly refused to accept what I was telling him, he said he was certain that his parents and I had conspired to play a practical joke on him. Several minutes of futile exchanges followed, where each of us tried to convince him that both Don and Lucy are me, depending on how I am dressed. Next, I produced my Transgender ID. It shows pictures of me both en homme and en femme. However, their son dismissed it as a "computer trick." In desperation, I finally resorted to lowering the pitch of my voice, but he still had doubts about whether to believe me. After several further exchanges, where I explained that I am a cross-dresser, he finally accepted what I was telling him.
Now, it was the mother's turn. She explained that Steven's father also crossdresses, and he replied, "So?" His mother then asked him if he was "okay" with this, and he said he was. Steven also assured his parents that it was all right for his dad to dress when he was home. Steven's only condition was that his father refrain from doing so while his friends are at their house. Then, he turned to his father, and reminded him that he had promised to help him with his homework when they got home.
The following day, I talked with both parents. They both said their son's response had been entirely positive after they got home. In fact, Steven had said that he now had more respect for his father for having told him. He further said that he had always considered his father a "geek", and he was glad to discover that his father was a more real person who actually had problems. His only reservation was that his parents should have told him sooner. Steven also told them that before they told him last night, he didn't have the slightest suspicion that his father might be a crossdresser.
If you and your spouse are parents thinking about telling your child that one of you is a cross-dresser, assess his/her maturity to handle such a revelation. You are the ones who know your child best, and you are the ones who are going to be affected by the outcome. Carefully consider the consequences of your intentions. Then if you both feel that your child has sufficient maturity to accept this news and feel that not telling him/her would produce more serious consequences, by all means tell him/her. You will need to consider and be prepared for the whole range of possible reactions of your child to this potentially startling news. Therefore, do your homework first. You will want to take advantage of the experiences of other parents faced with the same situation. Research the subject on the Internet, talk with other parents and you may also want to seek the council of a competent gender therapist.
From the Editrix
My Dear Sisters,
This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to RRBoyd@aol.com, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.
Newsletter Editrix
Holiday Party Notice
Emily and Laurie want to remind all who plan on attending the Holiday Party that they need to RSVP to Emily_Clarke@hotmail.com so they can have a reasonably accurate list and plan the food.
Reflections of Goucher College Students
From Prof. Nelson Kofie
I would like to extend my appreciation and gratitude for your visit to Goucher. I was not very knowledgeable about every aspect of crossdressing, but now I know that it is another example of a stress-relieving hobby – something that I, as a female, take for granted and also enjoy doing. I truly found this interesting, and I hope you can continue to spread more awareness about the crossdressing community, and I regret that society takes the attitude that it does. Thank you again.
PS- Rachel & Yvonne - your make up looks great!!
We Need An Annual Girlfriends Day!
Perhaps it can be in August since there are no major holidays (somebody call Hallmark!). What would most of us do without our sisters, confidantes, and shopping/lunching/traveling/club hopping/dirt-dishing/gym-going-to "gurlz"? Let's celebrate each other for each other's sake!
Girl Talk: Something More to Think About?
by Becky Adams
While traveling this past month I noticed that Delta--as are all airlines--is requiring photo ID cards for its passengers. However, of interest to the CD and TG community is the little caveat Delta has added that only state/federal issued photo IDs are acceptable.
How Do You Relate
by Rachel Rene Boyd
I have always had the feeling that women relate to me differently when I am en femme. It just seems the tone of the conversation is different, as if two women were talking. Call me silly, but it's like I'm getting a glimpse of what it is like to be a woman, with other women. That's one of those euphoric sensations to which we crossdressers constantly aspire.
Lucy's Window
By Lucy Stone
Recently, friends of ours, the mother and father of a seventeen year-old boy asked my wife, Joan and me, to assist them in telling their son that his father is a crossdresser. They had decided that it was essential to tell him because of several of the son's recent remarks, though made in a kidding manner, led them to believe that he was already suspicious. They were concerned that failure to tell him could have serious repercussions on their relationship with him. They said they had considered the possibility that their son could react negatively and impair their relationship with him. However, the boy's mother felt strongly that she knew her son well enough to predict that his response would be positive if he was adequately prepared for this news.
And that brings us to what I see as a real generation gap between crossdressers of my age (fifty-plus) and those who are younger (thirties and younger). When we were growing up maybe the snow wasn't that deep and school wasn't that far away, but there definitely was a stigma attached to being "different". Wanting to wear girl's clothes even though you were a boy was "different!" So we suppressed all such desires and inclinations if we wanted to survive and, in most cases, went "super-macho" to prove to ourselves that we really weren't weird. And now, as we approach the older years, we are tired of hiding and suppressing all that. Yet we find ourselves loaded with guilt and apprehension at even wanting to crossdress or, even more so, opening up to those who are closest and dearest to us. These feelings of "guilt" really inhibit us and in many ways, contribute to stress, withdrawal, and frustration. Those who are younger and who have grown up in a less stereotypical life style, a lifestyle that doesn't look askance at crossdressing (although we're far from being home free on that count!), may not quite understand why we older ones are so hesitant to open up to others on this count.
Simply stated, to copy the title of that training film, "we are what we were when" we were growing up.
CES REGULAR MEETINGS. Our regular monthly meetings will have a program whenever members volunteer to organizing one. Otherwise, there will be no program other than sistership. Some ideas for Monthly Programs are listed on our comprehensive list of possible chapter activities, which is updated and circulated annually. If you would like to have a copy in the interim, please let me know.
CES SPECIAL EVENTS. Some of our sisters have and will continue to organize occasional special events that are in addition to, or sometimes in place of, our regular monthly meetings and programs. Our comprehensive activity list offers some ideas for Special Events that each of us may wish to consider, but anyone may organize any event they wish as long as they notify and schedule it through the CES Activities Coordinator. Vicki Frost is current CES Activities Coordinator. PLEASE NOTE: Special Events held in place of Regular Meetings usually require that members still pay the regular meeting fee. For other Special Events, like our Dinner Dance for spouses, the regular meeting fee may be waived.
OTHER TRANSGENDER EVENTS. Previously, we attempted to include other events in the transgender community herein. However, there are much more comprehensive community calendars maintained on the web, including Tri-Ess' own website, that of the International Foundation of Gender Education (IFGE), and especially the following:
CES ACTIVITIES CALENDAR
11/18/00. CES REGULAR MEETING. Coordinator: Becky Adams. Personality-type test and discussion of human communication in the context of differences in personality types.
12/16/00. CES SPECIAL EVENT: Annual Holiday Party. Coordinators: Laurie and Emily, who have graciously offered to organize a potluck party at their home. All who wish to attend need to RSVP to Laurie and Emily at:
1/13/01. CES REGULAR MEETING. Transgender Rights—Outreach, Education, and Political Advocacy. Program Coordinator: Victoria Frost. The date for this meeting is tentative until we receive dates for 2001 meetings from the CES Executive Committee. This program is envisioned as a roundtable forum in which all members are encouraged to participate. To start everyone thinking about these issues, please send Vicki
2/17/01. CES REGULAR MEETING. Mardi Gras Costume Ball. Coordinator: Becky Adams. Masks are requested and fancy costumes are encouraged.
3/24/01. CES REGULAR MEETING.
4/21/01. CES REGULAR MEETING. Presentation and sales by Trish Sheridan from Lady Remington Jewelry. Program Coordinator: Yvonne Martin. Trish is from New Jersey and has made her presentation to other TG groups in the Baltimore-Washington area for several years. She is very TG friendly and is well aware of the need for confidentiality, including mailing and credit card use. Yvonne has personally dealt with Trish the past three years and has had nothing but the BEST experience with her.
5/19/01. CES REGULAR MEETING. Backup date for Trish Sheridan if she can't make the April meeting.
6/23/01. CES REGULAR MEETING.
7/28/01. CES REGULAR MEETING. DRAB Meeting in appreciation of our spouses and significant others.
8/25/01. CES REGULAR MEETING.
9/22/01. CES REGULAR MEETING.
10/27/01. CES REGULAR MEETING. Halloween Party.
11/17/01. CES REGULAR MEETING.
12/15/01. CES SPECIAL EVENT. Holiday Party.
Page Created: November 9, 2000
[Home] [FAQ] [About CES] [By-Laws] [Newsletters] [Activities] [Album] [SPICE] [Merchants] [Pledge]