November, 1999
November, 1999
The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake
Vol. 2, No. 8
This Month's Features:
Reciprocal Agreement with Rho Tau Chapter
In Memorium: Brandi V. Miller
High Holy Days Party
Book Discussion
Bookworm Becky,
by Becky Adams
You Never Can Tell
Only A Person Who Risks Is Free
Girl Talk, by Becky Adams
The Laser Razor, by Rachel Rene Boyd
Lucy's Window, by Lucy Stone
Random Musings: On Being Well Read, by Nicole Thomas
From the Editrix
My Dear Sisters,
It's another jam-packed edition of The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake. Our regular contributing editrixes continue to provide us with great material. And I am happy to announce that Tammy Thomas joins the staff as Managing Editrix (Oh, I love making up these titles!). Tammy has graciously agreed to help edit and assemble the newsletter. Welcome aboard, Tammy!
This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of cross dressing.
You can send your input to BoydRachel@aol.com, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.
Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix
Reciprocal Agreement with Rho Tau Chapter
We have reciprocal arrangement with our sisters at Rho Tau, the Richmond Tidewater Chapter, which allows us to attend each other's meeting and events at member costs. However, we are not considered voting members with respect to chapter business. The cost is half the normal membership rate, in other words $18/$24 individual/couple. If you are interested in being an affiliate member of Rho Tau please send your check to Rho Tau, PO Box 13244, Chesapeake, VA 23325-0244. Rho Tau meets the third Saturday of each month.
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In Memorium: Brandi V. Miller
Chi Epsilon Sigma lost a sister last month. Brandi joined us less than a year ago, and now she is gone. She provided the following article to The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake earlier this year. It was originally published in the newsletter of the Transgender Education Association (TGEA). We were planning to include the article in an upcoming edition of The Wild Rose. Now we include it in memory of the sister we knew only too briefly.
I had cautiously offered to help at Baltimore's GLBT Pride Festival at Druid Hill Park. When Jessy and I arrived, we found there was no booth set aside for us. We inquired at the Tranquility Booth. Tracy, who was manning their booth--bless her heart, was more than willing to share the spot with us. Tranquility had no literature other than a very nice color bi-fold, which opened to say how they could help the TG community. Jessy spread out the many TGEA folders, then she disappeared, basically leaving me on my own--for the very first time. Fear not, the ultra (you know what) didn't come and drag me away. Probably 2,000 people passed by, but they were mostly gay or lesbian and not really interested in TG issues. No, I'm not downing them at all. I just wished some of them were straight people seeking information. After all, that's what we were there for!
But the Lord be praised, I truly believed we helped four people. Two future social workers came by and asked if we could provide a speaker for one of their college classes. It was left to me to reply and say, "YES! I'll do it." But they really wanted a transsexual. Luckily, the girl sitting with us agreed to do it. So while she and one student talked, I talked with the other student for about 40 minutes. She took back to her class a lot of thoughts about the TG community. I rambled on, as only I can do, with her interrupting occasionally with a pointed question. Of course, this was all from my own perspective.
Later, a lady wandered along videotaping each booth. She stopped at ours and seemed to hesitate. I asked her if I could help her. Before long we were talking about her problem--she wasn't sure who she was or what she should be. We talked a while--I said I could only vaguely understand the ordeal she was suffering, but allowed her to videotape me as I picked out various brochures which may have been helpful to her. She seemed very grateful. While she was still there, another lady came up and stated her problem--a teenage boy with apparent gender problems. He had visited the clinic where she worked. She too was glad to talk with someone about a difficult issue.
I felt very proud of my efforts that day, my first adventure in outreach.
Hugs and Kisses,
Brandi Victoria Miller
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Halloween season is certainly the High Holy Days for cross dressers when we can celebrate with impunity. For the second year in a row, Emily and Laurie opened their home to us for our celebration. We are indebted to them for their graciousness and hospitality.
This year's party had over forty people in costume. And there were some very creative costumes. The French Maids retired, but we did have two nurses, two flappers, a rabbit, a cat, G. I. Jane, Raggedy Ann, a dominatrix, a Goddess, someone confused about her/his identity, and a cereal killer!
The People's Choice Awards went to:
Most Original
- Kim for her/his bi-gender presentation
Sexiest
Tammy and Sandy Thomas, the twin flappers
Most Glamorous
Rachel Boyd, the Southern Belle
It's never too early to plan for this important holiday. There was some discussion that we might have our Halloween celebration in Ocean City, Maryland next year with Rho Tau. Vicki Frost and the program committee would welcome your thoughts and/or assistance on this idea.
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Book Discussion
The Man in the Red Velvet Dress
The first weekend in October, several CES sisters met at Grace's home to discuss, J. J. Allen's, The Man in the Red Velvet Dress
, Carol Publishing Group, New York, NY, 1996. Bookworm Becky has coordinated this and other book discussions of interest to our special community. The discussions are open to all CES sisters (including GGs), but physical space limitations has dictated that it be on a first come, first served basis. We encourage you to make your reservation early the next time we have a book discussion.
As it says in the dust cover, J. J. Allen provides an insider's view of a world most have seen only on talk shows. The author details the intricacies of transsexual surgery, and takes the reader on a tour of the underground sexual scene in Los Angeles, behind the closed doors of the secretive clubs and societies and into the psyche, sexuality, and social life of male cross dressers.
One of the more interesting parts of the book is Allen's characterization of cross dressers in four different categories, and nine individual expressions within those types.
The Peripheral CD
Slave
Exhibitionist
Female Impersonator
The Fetishistic CD
Fetishist
Transitional Fetishist
Drag Queen
The Cosmetic CD
Closet CD
Social CD
She Male
The Full-Time CD
Transgenderist
Transsexual
We decided that in large measure, the author's descriptions match our experiences and understanding of others. Members of Tri-Ess are primarily cosmetic cross dressers, who are Social CDs in Allen's taxonomy. There was some objection voiced at putting She-Males in the same category as Social CDs. That was a little too close for comfort for us, but we understand Allen did this because she-males, closet CDs, and social CDs are all cosmetic cross dressers because they do not resort to chemicals like hormones to change their appearance.
Another area of great interest to us was Allen's listing of nine motivations or rationales that cross dressers give for their cross dressing:
- "I was born this way."
- Masculine failure, including:
disappointment with masculinity;
jealousy, or envy of females and female privileges;
the idealization of femininity.
- A heightened sense of aesthetic and tactile response (often falsely characterized
as fetishism)
- "Cross dressing makes me feel good."
- Childhood humiliation involving women's clothing
- "I'm a woman who was born in a man's body."
- "I was a woman in a past life."
- Cross dressing as part of another sexual avenue
- "I have an irresistible urge to dress like a woman. I can neither understand nor control it."
Everyone in the discussion group could relate to at least one of these reasons, and most of us could relate to three or four of them as being important in our expression of cross dressing. The one that no one could identify with was that of being "born in the wrong body." That seems to be a feeling that is limited to transsexuals.
Was the book offensive? Would you recommend it to a friend? Allen does a very thorough survey of the wide variety of individual expressions of cross dressing. Some of those expressions can be a little disturbing. There are also some pictures in the book that might be provocative. Some of our discussion group admitted to being a little uneasy reading certain sections that did not pertain to us. We found the lifestyles described were offensive to our own sensibilities. Consequently, we agreed we could not recommend this book as a good introduction to the whole topic of cross dressing. It is a little too blunt about some subjects to be a first reader. But it is an interesting book to those of us who have read a number of other texts on cross dressing.
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By
Becky Adams
I have been interested in doing some reading on the lives of the early women on the western frontier and it confirmed the quote on an apron our children gave my wife many years ago "Army Wife World's Toughest Job." Ironically only laundresses were authorized and paid for by the Frontier Army on the basis of one per 25 men. And with the uniforms being wool serge, long johns, and the like, these women earned their pay! And then some
One of the most interesting stories, though, of the laundresses of the Indian Wars era was that of Mrs. Nash of the 7th Cavalry (of Custer fame ). "Old Nash," as she was known, was known throughout the regiment because of her prowess as a midwife her skills were greatly appreciated by all concerned. (Enlisted men could not marry during their enlistment. Officers could marry, but officers' wives traveled at their own expense ) As the author of Glittering Misery, Patricia Stallard, put it;
While the soldier [Mrs. Nash's fourth husband] campaigned with his unit, Mrs. Nash became ill and died. Just before her death she begged the women in attendance to disregard the last rites and bury her immediately. The women found it unthinkable not to pay respects to a person who for so many years had cared for the sick and dressed the dead. In preparing the body for burial, her friends discovered the secret the laundress had jealously guarded for many years. In truth, Mrs. Nash was a man. [Reportedly, her husband committed suicide when he returned from his foray into Indian Territory.]
One does not have to think very hard about what a life Mrs. Nash led and how much on the margin that person lived but at the same time how much she embodied the feminine qualities of selflessness, caring, compassion, inclusion. No mention is made of how Mrs. Nash was perceived after she was "outed." But think about it there were many children and many mothers who were alive because "she" was there and what difference did it make in the grand scheme of things of life and death of survival on the Great Plains?
Are we any different because of the clothes we wear of the persona
we occasionally exhibit? Hopefully, we exhibit and practice en drab the same qualities we attempt to achieve en femme.
Mrs. Nash was able to affect peoples' lives in a greatly different--and positive--manner as Mrs. Nash, than possibly "he" could have affected otherwise.
[Two good books are Stallard's Glittering Misery
and Rothschild and Hronek's Doing What the Day Brought
recommend them both to all Chapter members, wives, and SO's.]
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You Never Can Tell
A nun gets into a cab and gives the cabby the desired destination. The cabby continues to look in the rearview mirror until the nun gets uncomfortable.
"What? What is it?" asks the nun.
The cabby looks embarrassed and apologizes. "I'm sorry," he says, "it just wouldn't be right for me to say."
"I don't think you would shock me," answers the nun.
The cabby begins slowly, "Well, it's just that I've always wondered what it would be like to kiss a nun."
The nun makes no response, but then a small smile appears. "Are you catholic?"
"Yes," the cabby answers.
"And are you single, so as not to be betraying a wife?"
"Yes," says the cabby, his enthusiasm obviously growing.
"Well, pull over somewhere out of sight. A kiss can't do any harm."
The cabby pulls into an alley, gets his kiss, and then pulls back on to the main road. After a few minutes, he looks back at the nun in the rearview mirror and confesses: "I'm really sorry, but I have to tell you truth. I'm actually Protestant and I'm married."
"That's alright," answers the nun. "Actually, my name is Kevin, and I'm on my way to a Halloween party."
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Only A Person Who Risks Is Free
Ellen Yeti provided us with the following poem. I'm not sure of its original author. But it certainly speaks to those of us who have taken the risks of coming out to ourselves and to our partners.
To laugh is to risk appearing a fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk revealing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams, before a crowd is to risk rejection.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk disappointment.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
Those who risk nothing, do nothing, have nothing, and become nothing.
They may avoid present suffering and sorrow, but they will not learn, feel, change, grow, love, or live.
Chained by their fear, they are slaves who have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
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By Becky Adams
There's been a flurry of e-mail generated by an innocent letter from a Sorority Sister who inquired about some basic things she noticed and that might be a bit adrift to use a Chesapeake Bay term.
One of which was "security" and the accountability and identification of "visitors" to the Chapter meetings. I tossed my two cents in, coming down hard on the conservative side of the issue almost like we can't be too secure so don't relax! After I hit the "send" button I got the famous "remorse" feeling like I should have slept on it before sending it
Then I saw the pickets in front of the courthouse in Laramie, Wyoming, at the trial of one of the alleged murderers of Matthew Shepard and then I read the music review of a transsexual pianist who gave a concert at Goucher. What got my attention was the following paragraph at the bottom of the first page in the Baltimore Sun
,
" Last year, in California alone, five men were beaten almost to the point of death simply because they were dressed as women "
Gets your attention, doesn't it?
The desk clerks at the hotel know who--and what--we are and so do the van drivers who ferry clients back and forth to the airport and other points. And it doesn't take much to imagine a conversation between a couple of hotel patrons and a van driver over "what's interesting around here?" And then a couple of six packs later these same patrons deciding that they'll "bash some fags for Christ." And they don't think they have to go very far to do that .just down the hall
It may be a cliché but being a cliché doesn't make it wrong security is everyone's
concern.
Think about it I have.
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By Rachel Rene Boyd
This is the first of a series of articles about Rachel's experience with laser beard removal. The process takes about four months. So will these articles. Laser hair removal is a relatively new process, and is not always successful. These articles will trace both the technological and emotional aspects of the process.
For quite some time I have thought that I would like to rid myself of my beard. I've never liked shaving. It is rather brutal on the skin, especially when you have shave in the early morning before you are fully awake. And it would be nice to not to wear as much beard shadow cover and makeup when going out as Rachel.
Electrolysis was always out of the question. It is expensive, time consuming, painful, and can produce scaring. However, laser hair removal has sparked my interest. In the last three years laser hair removal has entered the market, offering a safer, more convenient removal of unwanted hair. The prospect of never having to shave again is quite attractive if hair removal can be done in a few simple treatments.
After reading with great interest everything I could find about laser hair removal, I found one of my Tri-Ess sisters had tried it. She had been in electrolysis for some time, and tried laser removal to finish the job all at once. However, she was disappointed with the results, because she had significant grow back. As I understand the process, it takes multiple laser treatments (usually about four) to completely remove the hair. Apparently multiple treatments are needed because not all of the hair follicles are growing at any one time. So you have to go back about every six weeks to get those that were not active during the previous treatments. She had all of her treatments, but still experienced some additional grow back.
So I shelved the laser idea for some time. But the idea kept coming back to me.
You know how it is. Like a purge, you can never put the idea completely out of your head. Finally, I decided that I should go to a plastic surgeon, get an evaluation, and ask the hard questions.
Visiting the plastic surgeon's office was certainly an experience in itself. This was a doctor's office unlike any other I have visited. On the wall in the waiting room, there were bias relief molds of an eye, a nose, a pair of lips, and an ear. The magazines were all of the usual glamour magazines, but not a Sports Illustrated, or even a Good Housekeeping in sight! Then there was this 18-inch bronze sculpture of the female form right there on the coffee table. No question about the mission of this office!
I was invited into the interview room for my consultation. This was clearly not a traditional medical examining room. It had a wood grained desk, two easy chairs, a floor length mirror ..and there was that 18-inch bronze sculpture on the end table! The doctor himself looked more like a model than a physician. Being genetically male, it is hard for me to judge masculine beauty, but I would venture a guess this 30-something, dark haired, Mediterranean type was drop dead gorgeous! I felt feminized just by visiting the office, and we hadn't even talked about any procedures yet.
But we did talk about the process of laser hair removal. The doctor and his assistant didn't get too technical, but basically the light from the laser selectively heats the dark colored hair, but not the light colored skin. That's why it works best on people with dark hair and light skin. The heat penetrates down into the hair follicle and kills the root zone where growth occurs. If the laser is applied too hot, the skin can be burned. If it is applied too lightly, there will be insufficient heat to kill all of the hair.
Treatments take about an hour. There is some discomfort, described as about like snapping a rubber band on your skin. They apply a topical antiseptic prior to treatment to minimize the discomfort. After treatment, the treated area will be a little red. In about fifty percent of the cases, some very small blisters can occur. They recommend about four treatments, four to six weeks apart. This particular doctor did not have a lot of experience with men's beards, so he suggested that the density of the beard might call for more than four treatments.
The cost of a single treatment is $350. This doctor offers a discount package of four treatments for $1,000. He says that encourages people to take the full four treatments. He finds that some people will not come back on a regular schedule if they haven't prepaid, and so they have less than complete results. In my particular case, I decided to take one treatment, and then decide whether to proceed with a package. After the experience of my sister, I don't want to commit to the full treatment if there is a significant chance I won't be happy with it. After one treatment, I should know whether it is effective for my particular skin and hair color, and can decide then whether to proceed.
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Lucy's Window
By Lucy Stone
Your Second Self: Blessing or Curse?
It is wonderful to be alive. God has been very good to me, and it feels great to have finally realized that having a second self doesn't mean that I am burdened with some awful curse. In fact I have come to feel that my feminine self is a blessing. However, it has taken me a very long time to get to this point.
After many futile attempts to purge the love of feminine clothing from my life. I finally realized that my feminine side is always going to be a part of me. Though, I am very much a heterosexual male, my interests scatter across the spectrum of what is defined as "male interests" and those that are defined as "female interests". So what was I to do? Wring my hands and say "I am cursed" over and over to anyone who would listen, or try to come to terms with myself and get on with life. For me, the only choice was the second one, and that was when I turned to the Internet.
After devoting a considerable amount of time on the internet researching cross-dressing and related topics, I began to realize that I had no more control over whether I was going to be a cross-dresser than I had over being a south paw. The trait was inborn, as was my preference for using my left hand. Therefore, it made no sense to continue feeling bad about something I couldn't change.
Still needing to reconcile my newly found understanding and my religious beliefs, I researched biblical references and learned there is little substance in the Bible for condemnation of cross-dressing. It was then that I was able to begin casting off my feelings of guilt.
As a result of my association with Tri-Ess and the never wavering support of my wife Joan, I have been able to "accentuate the positive," as an old song goes, and leave behind any traces of the guilt and other negative feelings that have plagued me for so many years. The best part is that it feels so good, and life keeps getting better.
Now I've made a case for getting rid of guilt and other negative feelings, but you are probably wondering why I have gone so far as to say having a second self is a blessing. It is based on the improvement of my relationship with my wife and my greatly improved view of the world in general, now that I am no longer distracted by guilt and other negative feelings. Without the guilt, it doesn't matter that I am not a macho male. For me, part of the progressive buildup of guilt, that preceded each purge was the assumption that being married to a macho male was what was best for every woman, and by not "measuring up", I was forcing my wife to settle for less, much less.
After I was able to dismantle this elaborate guilt mechanism, I really began to hear what my wife was saying. Instead of assuming how she feels on any issue, I seek her opinion. I am very much enjoying her advice concerning my en femme appearance. Because I feel good about myself, I do a better job of cross-dressing. Joan is more comfortable when we go out, and while it is not her favorite activity, we still have lots of fun. We have always enjoyed doing things together, but I was never a very good shopper. However, now I very much enjoy shopping, and she says that I probably enjoy it more than she does.
What my second self now means to both of us is that we have a broader base of things in common. Her interests are very broad and include stereotypically male traits (watching sports and driving fast cars), and my interests include several stereotypically female traits (dressing in feminine finery and collecting porcelain dolls). The bottom line for me is that as long as I maintain a reasonable balance between cross-dressing and other activities, my second self has definitely become a blessing. And I am certain, that what your second self has, or can become, is up to you. If you now feel that you are cursed, get help to reorder your life so your second self can become a blessing. On the other hand, if you are already fortunate enough to have your life aligned so that you can view it as a blessing, my only advice is, be vigilant in maintaining the balance between your masculine and feminine selves and enjoy.
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Random Musings: On Being Well Read
By Nicole Thomas
I'd like to recount to you an occurrence from last month.
October 4th was the night for my last TGEA meeting. As is usually the case, I was car pooling with my friend Theresa. She picked me up around 7 p.m. and we set out for the meeting. At a stop light a 30-40 year old car (restored) filled with 6-8 people (who looked like the type from West Virginia--no offense please! Just trying to set a picture) pulled up along side. Theresa made eye contact with the two (unbelted) kids in the front seat. The next thing you know, these kids are screaming out the window "Why are you dressed as women?"!! We were horrified and scared. We switched lanes, from the center to the right, and thankfully, the other car made no effort to move back over next to us. Unfortunately, they continued to parallel our course for a few miles. Every time we got near, these kids would go back to shouting out their window "Why are you dressed like women?"!! Of course, I had to wonder how the other cars around us were reacting. Did they have a clue about what was going on? Were they now checking us out, too? Eventually we tuned and they went straight. We were able to start breathing again!
As you might expect, this shook me. Considering that it was already getting dark and we're both fairly passable, I wonder how we were read so easily. I've heard that children can be especially good at reading cross dressers, but this seemed like too much to believe. I'm similarly amazed that someone would let their kids carry on that way.
This was my first experience at getting read. I guess I should be grateful that it didn't turn into anything uglier. The whole thing really saddens me.
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