From the Editrix

The featured speaker at our September meeting was Dr. Kate Thomas, of Villa Julie College, whose presentations are always interesting and entertaining. Our chapter relationship with Dr. Thomas goes back to shortly after our founding. On several occasions we have provided CES members to speak to Dr. Thomas' classes, and she as returned the favor with her presentations to our membership. Her presentation to our September 23 meeting is summarized in The Wild Rose, and an audio tape of her presentation is available from our CES library. (Contact Becky Adams)

We have begun a similar relationship with Prof. Nelson Kofie of Goucher College. Last spring he spoke at one of our meetings about the research he is doing on crossdressing and the role it plays in the family. On October 10 four of our members had the first opportunity to meet with one of Prof. Kofie's classes, explaining the phenomenon of crossdressing from both the crossdresser's and his spouse's point of view. We found the students had very similar questions to those we have had in other classes. We have listed those questions for you in this edition of The Wild Rose.

This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to RRBoyd@aol.com, or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.

Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix

Minutes of the September 23 Meeting
CHI EPSILON SIGMA

By Becky Adams

Our distinguished speaker, Dr. Kate Thomas, arrived in a punctual manner--too bad the rest of us didn't but…

Anyway, after a delayed start, Terri as the Chapter's First Lady opened the September meeting of the Chi Epsilon Sigma Chapter of Tri-Ess International at 7:20 PM. There were eventually twenty-three members and two guests (prospective members) attending the meeting. Members present included Katherine and spouse (our first-time guests), Becky, Charlotte, Diane and Sharon, Ellen, Emily and Laurie, Kim and Lisa, Leslie and Martha, Marsha and Doneene, Mary Alice, Missey and Rene, Paula Rogers, Terri, Tiffany, Yvonne M., Yvonne and Linda, and Vicki and Cheri.

Terri introduced our prospective members and welcomed them to the group. Following that, Terri asked each person present to introduce herself (this is important because we may show up "drab" or "femme" and may miss a meeting or two_or more_). We had a quick run-down of forthcoming events:

The traditional Halloween Party will be at the normal meeting place at the scheduled time and date;

· Becky will have an "MBTI-type" session in November;

· Emily and Laurie will host the Christmas Party at their place in December;

· Vicki has the January program; and

· Becky will organize a Mardi Gras Party (elaborate costumes and masks!) in February on the usual meeting date and at the normal location.

Terri stressed that Laurie needed to know by November 11 who was coming to the Christmas Party so things could get organized and in place before she and Emily left on a Dignity Cruise. All Chapter members who plan on attending the Christmas Party on December 16 at Emily and Laurie's are to let them know as soon as they can. Please!

Becky distributed the "Please Understand Me" survey needed for the November Chapter meeting. She also announced the details of the Mardi Gras Party, one in keeping with the European tradition of elaborate costume (Yippee-skippee! Another "legal" chance to dress up!) and masks. This party will be on the fourth Saturday of February (the "Spouse Appreciation" cruise is now in July when one doesn't have to worry about the Bay freezing over! To say nothing of one's buns!) at the meeting site.

Terri then introduced Dr. Kate Thomas as our guest speaker for the night. And Kate held us all enthralled for the next hour or so while she addressed spouse concerns and reactions to their awareness of, as Peggy Rudd puts it, My Husband Wears My Clothes! (There will be a separate section to the Newsletter that outlines Dr. Thomas' presentation; in addition, there are audio tapes available from the Chapter Librarian.)

This excellent presentation ended all too soon because Dr. Thomas had another engagement but the discussions went on for an hour or more afterward_over some excellent pot-luck presentations.

As a result of Dr. Thomas' points made during her presentation and as a result of very thoughtful questions from the Chapter members, we have learned new approaches to take in our effort to provide both support to crossdressers and to spouses.

The session terminated close to midnight for the few who were able to linger over the discussions and the entrees.

A minor incident occurred during the meeting that Terri resolved on the spot. We have a sign near the door that welcomes "Tri-Ess" and there is a normal listing of the day's events in the lobby, on which is listed "Tri-Ess" meeting in a specific room. Apparently a couple saw the sign. And as the man explained to Terri, as Terri was escorting them out of the meeting room, he had "surfed" the Net and was aware of Tri-Ess. Since he and his wife were at the hotel and saw the sign, they thought they would stop in and observe a meeting. Terri convinced them that this was not an open meeting and that if they were sincerely interested, to contact Tri-Ess International for details, etc.

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Dr. Kate Thomas' Chi Epsilon Sigma Presentation

September 23, 2000 (1)
Program Notes (2)

Dr. Thomas started by noting that crossdressing has been around throughout history--this fact doesn't explain "why" but does acknowledge that it has been, is, and will be there. However, in recent years we have learned more about the causal influence supporting crossdressing, which helps in understanding it.

According to Dr. Thomas, "gender" has three aspects--one's biological sex (genes and hormones), gender identity (one's personal identity and judgment of who one thinks he/she is), and gender role (how others--mainly society--sees us). In the vast majority of the human race these three aspects are congruent. There are estimates that approximately 10% of us are affected by "gender disphoria," that is, a lack of congruency among the three aspects. And for reasons that are still not well understood, clothing plays an incredibly important role or aspect of gender identification.

In terms of gender identity, "nurture" (socialization) was believed to be a major factor from the turn of the last century (around the 1900's) until the 1970's. Since the 1970's "nature" has been recognized to play a major role, more so than "nurture." However, while "nature" is a major factor, it is not "the" factor. And it is here that genetic factors appear to be playing a role.

She went into a discussion of the "kinship" factor within the genetic arena using the example of homosexuality. If there were a gene specifically related to homosexuality, because of the single sex relationships involved, that gene would select out and expire. But it hasn't. Therefore, there may well be a "kinship" gene that is helpful in caring for the young…parents would carry this gene but would not necessarily activate it in themselves.

In the 1990's the hormonal influence on the brain was noted. While the influence of hormones on the physical development of the fetus had been well known, it was not until recently that a similar influence on the brain was noted. Thus we have the possibility that the body was influenced by the hormones in one direction, but the brain was differentiated in a different direction resulting in an individual that is physically male, but brain-wise female. The bottom line is that there are many variations on a theme and that nothing is simple and direct. There are a vast number of receptors in the brain that can and do influence and affect behavior. People--male and female--crossdress for a variety of reasons. Is this possibly a result of different receptors in the brain responding differently? As she stated, more study is definitely required.

Progesterone counteracts androgens and protects the brain of the female fetus from the masculinizing effect of androgen. But very recently it was learned that there is also a "mullerian" inhibitor hormone that de-feminizes the brain at a certain point, thus negating the estrogen in the male brain. This factor in the hormonal balance may be such that in a crossdresser this inhibitor did not fully function, allowing some or all of the essential receptors to respond in a feminine mode. This impact of this mullerian inhibitor may result in lesbians being defeminized and not masculinized, male homosexuals being unmasculinized and defeminized, and crossdressers (MTF) being masculinized but not defeminized. There are new concepts evolving where gender is no longer bipolar, but may alternate between male and female, or have no polarity at all. Clearly there is a factor of biology (genes and hormones) in play along with culture and socialization in the make-up of a crossdresser.

Enter from stage right the wife! And she is now confronted with the fact that her spouse is a crossdresser…as Peggy Rudd's title puts it "my husband wears my clothes!" Her response? Shock! Dishonesty! "I'm left out!" "Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest (most feminine) of us all?" "You don't turn me on at all!" My image of [you][me] is altered!"

As Kate noted later, one has to remember in all of the statistics she presented are from incomplete samples. There are very few, if any, valid responses from those wives who left the relationship immediately upon hearing her husband was a crossdresser, or who refused to be interviewed, or who refused to respond. Most that has been written has been from the crossdresser's perspective or from the supportive wife's perspective.

The majority of wives were not informed before marriage, mainly because the crossdresser honestly thought that being married would "cure" it. A similar majority were ambivalent about their husbands' crossdressing…20% accepted and 20% were antagonistic about this situation. The common belief was that the earlier in the marriage the spouse learned of this, the better the chances were for a successful marriage.

The common fear of the majority of spouses was that "others will find out." And their most common reaction upon learning of their husband's crossdressing was to "get more information." Across the board, though, the major complaint was that there "was no one to talk to" about their spouses' crossdressing activities.

In terms of feeling left out, the major comment was that the crossdresser was obsessive about crossdressing, that many spouses felt that to the crossdresser crossdressing was more important than the spouse…many wives felt that their husbands spent more money on feminine clothing for themselves than the wives were "allowed" to spend on themselves. The common question here was "is clothing the only expression of femininity?"

Many wives did state, though, that their feelings about their spouses had changed--some in a negative direction and yet others in a positive mode. Much of the change had to do with the quality of the relationship before the spouse's admission of crossdressing. Approximately two-thirds of the wives began to feel comfortable over time with their spouse's crossdressing. Those who did stay married realized that this was an unchangeable part of their husband's make-up.

There was also a significant factor in that the wives who got support generally stayed married. And while Bullough's original theory hypothesized that wives who stayed were those who had a low self-esteem, his research showed the exact opposite--the wives who had a higher self-esteem were more accepting.

However, other research also found that if wives did stay that over time their attitudes changed. They were less fearful but also less supportive, less sympathetic…they would set limits such as no crossdressing in their presence, etc. There is a possibility that this withdrawal of the initial support resulted from the crossdresser having shown obsessive behavior such as in the purchase of clothing and the appearances of femininity but no effort to share the other aspects such as cooking, housekeeping, caring for children, etc…essentially the display of a double standard.

While that is not always the case, there are positive aspects to crossdressing such as expressing a greater sensitivity, and a more understanding nature. Many wives felt that "he no longer loves me, he's fallen in love with himself." And this then leads to the aspect of sexual attraction…or lack thereof.

The majority--if not the totality--of wives did not like having sex with a crossdressed partner nor were they sexually aroused to see their partner crossdressed. Dr. Thomas explained this largely as a reaction to one's love map…what turned you on originally will continue to turn you on.

With that, Dr. Thomas opened the floor for questions.

1. Find someone to share this awareness with…someone you can trust and who will listen.

2. Join a support group (such as CES).

3. Establish parameters/boundaries/compromises…and stick to them!

4. And specifically for CES--and other crossdresser support groups--hold "couples group" discussions on an occasional basis, either at the meeting or in the safe haven of a member's home.

Footnotes:

(1) Dr. Thomas' presentation is available on audiocassette from the Chapter Librarian.

(2) There is a certain bit of editorial license with this set of notes--the key points are not affected but the transition portions are.

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Lucy's Window

Remember how difficult it was when you thought that you were either the only crossdresser or wife/SO of a crossdresser in the whole world? How isolated you felt. Then, you reached out, and found others like yourself. How great it was to learn that you were not alone and others had trod similar paths. Then, you joined Tri-Ess and your local Tri-Ess chapter. Suddenly you had many friends in the crossdressing community and you had the resources of an international organization to help you. But did you ever stop to think where you would be if pioneers like Virginia Prince and Carol Beecroft hadn't laid the groundwork that made Tri-Ess possible today. Over the years, it has taken many others working tirelessly year after year to make our organization what it is today. How fortunate it is for us there are people in this world who took the initiative to start Tri-Ess, and how fortunate we are there are others, who spend long hours year after year to keep our organization going and growing.

Each of us is aware of how good it is to be alive at this time. At no other time in history would we have had so many resources at our disposal to provide each of us, along with our partners, support. Isn't it great that Jane and Mary Fairfax devote long hours to making our organization a success. But why aren't there more members who are willing to give so freely of their time? You are probably thinking something like, they probably have a lot more free time than I do, after all have to work for a living. Well, let's examine the facts. Jane is a well established in her profession and has a large private practice. Mary is a homemaker, the mother of two sons, one in college and one still in high school. In addition to their busy private lives both find time to work many hours, year in and year out, for Tri-Ess. Jane serves as the very active Chairperson of the Board of Directors for Tri-Ess, and in addition to editing The Mirror, Mary very capably assists Jane with all the many Tri-Ess activities with which she is involved.

We all join Tri-Ess and our local chapter because we need the support and social contact with others like ourselves. Over time, most of us become more confidant, and many of us eventually decide we have gotten what we need and stop coming to meetings. Fortunately for those coming behind us there are a few who never forget how difficult their struggle was and feel an obligation to help others. In Joan's and my case, we will never forget how difficult it was to struggle by ourselves for many years to understand and fully come to terms with my need to crossdress. Not only do we want to help others get through this process more quickly and easily than we did, but we feel that continuing to be active in Tri-Ess is a way that we can demonstrate our appreciation for the many blessings that have come to us over the years. Besides, our blessings continue to accrue as the result of many wonderful friends we continue to make.

I hope each of you will seriously reflect upon what Tri-Ess and your local chapter means to you. Then I hope you will be motivated to contribute your time and talent to ensure that our chapter is there for others just as it was there for you. If you do, I am sure that you will get back more than you give just as Joan and I do.

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Girl Talk

Every family has its legends and mythology and ours is no different. However, the art of genealogy strips a good amount of embellishment away from these tales of yore so one has learned not to dig too deep, especially on the parts of the family myth that have an aura of romance about them.

In our case, it was a matter of frequent re-telling around the dinner table when I was a child that we were heirs to Bonnie Prince Charlie of the Scottish Jacobian rebellion. T'was never too clear whether someone 'way back there was an issue of Bonnie Prince Charlie or someone was merely related to the Stuarts and by that relationship we laid claim to the Stuart blood line of the Bonnie Prince. (Who, by the way, escaped and evaded the Hanoverian King George II of England in 1746 only to die many years later a bitter, disillusioned, alcoholic individual in France…not exactly the role model that I would aspire to!)

However, I find I can now claim that my crossdressing interests and desires actually have a historical precedent…which reinforces my personal claim to the blood line. (That and the webbed toes of mine that are also allegedly a genetic marker of the Stuart line…but let's not go there!) It appears as though Bonnie Prince Charlie was dressed as a maid during a portion of his efforts to escape the huntsmen of George II. In fact, there's even a sketch of Prince Charlie dressed as Betty Burke--and "she" does blend rather well. And "she" apparently did pass because Flora MacDonald was able to claim "her" as her maid Betty for some time…a 24/7 situation, I am sure. So I should perhaps change my femme name of Becky Adams to that of Betty Burke to keep historical (hysterical or actually "her"storical) matters straight? I don't think so…but it is an interesting idea!

Whatever! I feel vindicated and I now realize that my crossdressing is also passing on a royal tradition that started away back in 1746! And I do expect to see some deep curtsies at the next Chapter meeting from now on! Royalty is as royalty does!

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Humor from the Web

-Dolly Parton-

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy.

-Erica Jong-

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

-Rita Rudner-

4. I've been on so many blind dates, should get a free dog.

-L Mc Crabb-

5. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.

-Erma Bombeck-

6. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them.

-Barbara Delmar-

7. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

-Roseanne Barr-

8. I think-therefore I'm single.

-L E Brent-

9. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country.

-M A Prentice

10. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.

-A Goodart-

11. I base most of my fashion taste what doesn't itch.

-Gilda Radner-

12. In politics, if you want any thing said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman.

-Margaret Thatcher-

13. I have yet to hear a man ask for on how to combine marriage and a career.

-Gloria Steinem-

14. Some of us are becoming the men wanted to marry.

-Gloria Steinem-

15. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all afternoon, and a cat that comes home late at night.

-D L Minni-

16. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths.

-Baroness C E Sinnott

17. If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck?

-Linda White-

18. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house.

-Zsa Zsa Gabor-

19. Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.

-Eleanor Roosevelt-

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We've Come a Long Way Baby!

There's no longer any question whether transit companies should hire women for jobs formerly held by men. The draft and manpower shortage has settled that point. The important things now are to select the most efficient women available and how to use them to the best advantage.

1. Pick young married women. They usually have more of a sense of responsibility than their unmarried sisters, they're less likely to be flirtatious, they need the work or they wouldn't be doing it, they still have the pep and interest to work hard and to deal with the public efficiently.

2. When you have to use older women, try to get ones who have worked outside the home at some time in their lives. Older women who have never contacted the public have a hard time adapting themselves and are inclined to be cantankerous and fussy. It's always well to impress upon older women the importance of friendliness and courtesy.

3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls -- those who are just a little on the heavy side -- are more even tempered and efficient than their underweight sisters.

4. Retain a physician to give each woman you hire a special physical examination -- one covering female conditions. This step not only protects the property against the possibilities of lawsuit, but reveals whether the employee-to-be has any female weaknesses which would make her mentally or physically unfit for the job.

5. Stress at the outset the importance of time -- the fact that a minute or two lost here and there makes serious inroads on schedules. Until this point is gotten across, service is likely to be slowed up.

6. Give the female employees a definite day-long schedule of duties so that they'll keep busy without bothering the management for instructions every few minutes. Numerous properties say that women make excellent workers when they have their jobs cut out for them, but that they lack initiative in finding work themselves.

7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change.

8. Give every girl an adequate number of rest periods during the day. You have to make some allowances for feminine psychology. A girl has more confidence and is more efficient if she can keep her hair tidied, apply fresh lipstick and wash her hands several times a day.

9. Be tactful when issuing instructions or in making criticisms. Women are often sensitive; they can't shrug off harsh words the way men do. Never ridicule a woman -- it breaks her spirit and cuts off her efficiency.

10. Be reasonably considerate about using strong language around women. Even though a girl's husband or father may swear vociferously, she'll grow to dislike a place of business where she hears too much of this.

11. Get enough size variety in operator's uniforms so that each girl can have a proper fit. This point can't be stressed too much in keeping women happy.