From the Editrix

Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix

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Chi Epsilon Sigma Executive Committee

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December 14 En femme dinner party at a local restaurant

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An evening with Dr. Kate Thomas…what more needs to be said about how energizing the September meeting was? She delivered an outstanding and truly comprehensive survey of crossdressing through history. This presentation didn’t dwell on examples as the framework of the theme, but rather the relatively minor use of well-known historical examples to illustrate her themes. But before we get there, "there" being the synopsis of Dr. Kate’s talk, we need to handle the preliminaries.

We had a near record turn-out at this meeting…literally every seat in the room was filled. Attending* were Barb Van Horn and Roseanna, Barbara, Becky Adams, Chrissy and Pattie (P), Cindy (P), Deb, Diane, Grace, Janet and Mary, Julie, Krystal (P), Leslie and Martha, Marsha and Doneene, Mary Alice, Maureen, Missey and Rene, Pat, Tina (P), Terri, Terry and Mary (P), Tiffany, and Yvonne and Linda. The table was well staffed also; however, there were a few miscues—largely demonstrating that perhaps the feminine multi-tasking abilities were not always present—had to ask Marsha and Doneene to obtain some beverages—we had the extremes of wonderful wines and water (some of the latter colored in the form of coffee) but nothing in between…then Martha had to gather up some plates to forestall us from literally eating "hand-to-mouth" the salads and goodies that were presented. We’ll do better next time! Promise!

Following introductions a short summary of the summer’s activities was given, highlighting the two picnics hosted by Marsha and Doneene and the summer dinner theater. The question of whether or not to continue with the "drab" picnic was tossed out for thought and future discussion…while the original intent of providing one "drab" event a year may have been valid four years ago, the question was essentially about its current validity. This will be discussed over the winter months until a consensus is arrived at about the extent of the overall program. Members were reassured that there will always be a monthly meeting either at the meeting site or at a private residence so that those, for whom this is the only chance to portray their femme side, will have a safe and secure opportunity to do so. Thus the dinner theaters, the Dress Barn trips, the dinners out (other than Christmas) will be in the "extra" category where members can attend if they so desire but these will not take the place of the monthly meetings.

Under New Business Marsha noted that she had flyers on the Rho Tau Halloween Party in Williamsburg for those interested in attending that affair. (For the benefit of the prospective members the close relationship between Rho Tau and Chi Epsilon Sigma was explained with a promise that in March Grace will provide a history of the origins and development of Chi Epsilon Sigma.) We will have our Halloween Party at the regular meeting site on October 26.

A question was raised about the date of the November meeting. Since Thanksgiving will be later this year, the November meeting—originally scheduled for November 16—will be shifted to the November 23.

The Christmas Party will be on December 14 at a restaurant. The room reserved for us will hold 27 so first-come; first-served will be the rule. However, as happened last year, there were more than 27 who wanted to participate. So we maintained two sets of lists, one was a stand-by list in case of cancellations and a second was one of those who were comfortable in eating in public and we arranged to have tables adjacent to the reserved room for those individuals. So we’ll do the same this year—a list for "innies" and a list for "outies."

And with that bit of attempted humor the meeting was handed over to Dr. Thomas for a challenging, interesting, and thought provoking ninety minutes that went by all too fast! No wonder Dr. Thomas’ classes are so popular on campus!

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A Report on Dr. Kate Thomas’ Remarks to Chi Epsilon Sigma

September 28, 2002

Dr. Thomas provided us with much food for thought, which led to spirited discussions. After her program we continued with meaningful exchanges until the late evening hours.

Dr. Thomas described a continuum to illustrate the current thinking on the "frequency" or "desire" to crossdress. That continuum includes the "party" types (Halloween, Fasching, Mardi Gras) at one end and continuing on through theatrical (there are some heterosexual "drag queens"), transvestic fetishism (generally lingerie), crossdressing just "because it feels right", transgender (24/7 with no SRS) ending with the transsexual (24/7 with SRS). She pointed out that regardless of what we may think or say, there is a constant sexual orientation throughout the entire continuum—a two-prong orientation: who I am sexually and who I perceive you to be sexually. She pointed out that there has been very little research done on the heterosexual crossdresser. From her own experiences, she has learned that there are literally thousands of individual crossdressers whose common thread or threads are yet undiscovered.

Dr. Thomas then covered the historical aspects using three themes, not necessarily as reasons "why" people crossdress, but rather as apparent "results" of the human reaction to crossdressing. The dominant theme was that "dress" differentiates sexes within all cultures and at all times throughout recorded history. This concept was fairly well understood and accepted, so little time was spent on it…to use an old math quotation this theme was "QED."

Two secondary themes, however, grew out of that particular fact. One was that women throughout time and in almost all eras, cultures, and societies have been viewed as lesser creatures. The second corollary was that throughout history and in almost all eras, cultures, and societies male-to-female crossdressing has been and is generally viewed as a weakness…but a weakness with a definite link to strength. So the basic question Dr. Thomas attempted to bring forward as the basis for discussion was "why would a man—viewed by society as being in the superior class—want to wear the attire of a woman—viewed by that same society as being in the lesser class?" The group and Dr. Thomas agreed that the crossdressers we know are not effeminate in appearance.

During the discussion that segued into her presentation, there appeared to be one common thread…that crossdressing is seen as a means to attain a "freedom" of action, to break out of the restrictive norm, to cast off the expected role. She argued that perhaps crossdressers were on the brink of assisting society into viewing individuals by the characteristics and talents they possess and display, not by what they wear.

Also during this discussion period, three general "factors" for crossdressing were described.

The first was that a genetic predisposition is now regarded as a definite factor in what society describes as "crossdressing." The factor here may be one of intensity—in other words, this predisposition will vary from individual to individual. An interesting thought about this point is that since all societies use dress to differentiate sexes within society, perhaps this use of dress is a learned behavior and has a tendency to negate or squelch personal growth of the entire person. She used this point as an example of how a limited number of cultures and societies regard the crossdresser in a reverent manner rather than as a target of ridicule. And there was also the issue raised by Jung about all individuals being born with a spiritual twin" of the opposite sex and in a male-dominated society, this feminine twin is squelched by most men.

The second point was that prenatal hormones may stimulate this predisposition to crossdress…this is an area of additional research, but one that is complicated and one that does not receive either attention or funding.

The third point was that socialization and awareness was required for all to obtain a greater understanding of crossdressing. She left us with the intriguing thought that we as heterosexual male-to-female crossdressers indeed might be on the cusp of assisting society in recognizing that dress is not always associated with sex. The full range and use of one’s talents and abilities might well be limited by this association of attire with sex, and that by continuing to meet, continuing to support each other, and continuing to assist in the education of society we are assisting in that socialization and awareness.

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"I learned this, at least by my experiment: that if you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams, and endeavor to live the life which you have imagined, you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. You will put some things behind, you will pass an invisible boundary; new, universal and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within you; or the old laws will be expanded, and interpreted in your favor in a more liberal sense, and you will live with the license of a higher order of beings. In proportion as you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will appear less complex, and solitude will not be solitude, nor poverty, nor weakness. If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost, that is what they should be. Now put foundations under them."

<http://www.bartleby.com/65/th/Thoreau.html>

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After Dr. Kate Thomas’ presentation to Chi Epsilon Sigma, there were a number of interesting sidebar conversations and discussions. The most intriguing centered around a comment that Dr. Thomas made earlier—that crossdressing is regarded in most, if not all, western societies as a sign of weakness.

If that is indeed the case, then the question was asked as to what is the relationship between that perception of weakness and the personal behavior of most crossdressers? Namely many crossdressers are or were engaged in occupations with a great deal of risk and stress, occupations many regarded as "macho" such as police, firefighters, military, FBI, etc. Or many crossdressers are also involved with high-risk avocations and hobbies such as being drag car racers, skydivers, motorcyclists, etc.

The logical conclusion drawn by the individual making the initial observation was that crossdressers—realizing that this was regarded as a sign of weakness—attempted to overcompensate for this weakness by engaging in activities at the opposite end of the spectrum—ultra "macho" vocations and avocations. So she asked "Is this conclusion valid?" At first glance it would appear so, but then I began to wonder, using my own experience as the baseline for measurement so to speak. I was drawn to the service academy routine because it seemed to fit my religious principles of making the best of one’s talents (plus it was a free education). I only eventually and gradually accepted the service as a career when I found out that FTA really did mean "fun, travel, and adventure." My crossdressing had to be—and was successfully—covered up during those 33 years. So I’m not sure that I selected two years in combat, 33 jumps as a parachutist, and a career in tactical and strategic intelligence as a means of compensating for a "perceived" weakness.

But…as Teyvea in "Fiddler on the Roof" would say…on the other hand maybe my efforts at running, at physical training, and at becoming over committed to too many projects were all done in an effort to escape "that devil at my elbow," or as Paul refers to it, "that thorn in my side." (Ever think of it? Maybe St. Paul was a crossdresser. Recognizing the moods of the times and the tendency to relate crossdressing in Roman and Jewish society with homosexuality in the former and immoral acts in the latter, he could have regarded this never-ceasing desire to be a "thorn in [his] side.") If that was indeed the case, all of those efforts didn’t work…as all of us who have been there—from constant prayer through marathon training—the desire is never very far away.

So my original conclusion that my choice of careers was not an over-compensation for my desire to crossdress—and therefore express an acknowledgement of being "weak" has been tempered somewhat by perhaps other things that I did to try and "overcome" this desire. Too bad there isn’t a third hand so I could again say "on the other hand."

1. I have been/am now involved in what our society regards as a "masculine" career such as military, police, firefighter, heavy construction, iron worker, etc. YES NO

2. This career is: ____________________________________

3. I choose this career or job field to demonstrate I was "adequate" as a man to the challenges of the world. YES NO

4. Explain in your own words the reasoning behind your answer to question number 2:

________________________________________________________________________

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5. I believe that my awareness of my crossdressing desires had an impact on my selection or gradual evolution into the career field I am now in. YES NO

6. Explain in your own words the reasoning behind your answer to question number 4:

________________________________________________________________________

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7. What avocations or hobbies are you now involved with?

________________________________________________________________________

________________________________________________________________________

8. I believe that my awareness of my crossdressing desires had an impact on my involvement of these avocations or hobbies . YES NO

9. Explain in your own words the reasoning behind your answer to question number 7:

________________________________________________________________________

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10. Please add any comments or thoughts you might have on this subject of possible over-compensation for crossdressing through either career choices or choices of hobbies and activities.

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The diversity of needs in a Tri-Ess chapter is enough to give its leaders fits! Some sisters enjoy programs on developing their feminine presentation, while others find such programs boring, and prefer seminars on political activism. Singles want programs directed at them. Wives want programs that allow them to express their needs and help them integrate crossdressing into their relationships. But of all the many needs apparent in Tri-Ess chapters, none pose more of a conundrum than the conflict between those who want the meetings to be held in secure places (the "Ins") and those who enjoy going out in public (the "Outs"). The problem is not so much the varying needs, but rather, the intolerance the "Ins" and "Outs" display toward each other.

For the "Ins," security is the all-important consideration. Frequently they are prominent in their professions and local communities, and they fear the consequences of discovery and exposure. Sensitive, they wish to avoid hurtful comments from those who "read" them. Not for them the bar scene, or "hanging ten" by gadding about in the public eye. Some have gathered all their courage to just simply go out of their houses to the relatively sheltered atmosphere of a Tri-Ess chapter. When they hear talk from the "Outs" to the effect that everyone should be out in public, they are horrified. Some perceive the "Outs" as a threat to their peace of mind because they feel constantly prodded past their comfort zone. "Why," they argue, "don’t the ˜Outs" just leave our chapter alone, go out and do their thing, and leave us to do ours?"

The "Outs" feel no such qualms. They believe that the worst fear is that of fear itself. Usually, they have had pleasant experiences out in public. Even when they are "read," they are gratified when people accept them, knowing they are men expressing an inner femininity. They dismiss derogatory comments, realizing that it is the detractors who have the problem. "If only more of these ˜Ins" would realize how much more fun the chapter could be if the group went out in public more! Think of the opportunities for reaching out and educating the public!" To the "Outs" the sheltered atmosphere of the chapter is nothing more than "a bigger closet," and a pretty dull place. Often, "Outs" consider themselves somehow "more advanced" than the "Ins," and are impatient to bring the "Ins" "up" to their level.

Both viewpoints have a certain amount of validity. Both "Ins" and "Outs" have valuable contributions to make to chapter life. It is true that going out in public is a lot less traumatic than it first appears. When one is able to enjoy a variety of experiences out in public, one's feminine life does become richer. On the other hand, security considerations are very real for many, and it is wrong to blithely dismiss them. The "Ins" inject a note of caution, and tone down the tendency to recklessness apparent in some who are "Out." The question is how to bring the "Ins" and "Outs" together.

As usual, the solution entails two parts empathy and one part creativity. Each faction should try to understand the needs of the other, and accept each other as "OK." A productive exercise is for each group to try to think of ways to make the chapter more fulfilling for the other. Perhaps people who are "Out" can conduct a course on feminine presentation for those who do not feel comfortable about venturing into the public. Alpha Zeta Chapter of Arizona has such a course, which is offered outside the time of the main meeting. The novices are free to drink up the knowledge, and even the grizzled veteran can glean something new if her mind is receptive. Those who do not consider these basic programs interesting can enjoy the events that follow.

Some members who are particularly empathic can come up with some amazingly wonderful ideas. In one chapter, a sister who is very much out and about offers her home for small dinner parties, inviting sisters who are just emerging. She has a very fulfilling time exercising her femininity by creating gourmet meals and entertaining at her home, which is in an isolated location and offers no security risks for timid sisters. The reviews of these classy "evenings out" have been ecstatic!

The "Ins" do well to consider carefully ways in which they can stretch their horizons a little without daredeviling. This is where the chapter government can help. By seeking out restaurants where the group can go after a meeting, they can find a surprising number of places that are crossdresser-friendly. Having a waiter address her as a lady can really build the self-esteem of an "In," and light-hearted girl talk at a post-meeting dinner is fun!

Some "Ins" have a tendency to be a bit judgmental of some "Out" activities. Certainly the bars are not everybody’s thing. But they are legitimate fun for many, providing entertainment and the opportunity to meet other people. Some find the smoke or noise bothersome. These should graciously refrain from attending, and avoid condemning those who do.

If chapter leaders are willing to dig, they can find some wonderful meeting places that are out in public, but do not risk members’ security. Some salons will stay open and provide "an evening of beauty." Why not have meetings at a Merle Norman makeup center? Or a sympathetic dress shop or lingerie emporium? Both "Ins" and "Outs" will enjoy shopping in this public, yet secure, atmosphere.

Both "Ins" and "Outs" have valuable contributions to make to the life of a Tri-Ess chapter. By mutual caring, each can maximize the good they can do for their chapter and for themselves. And that’s the feminine way!

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Well, maybe he did and maybe he didn’t…it all depends on which version you saw. But there is no doubt but that fifteen of us had a wonderful time at a recent dinner theater outing organized and arranged for by Marsha. We not only had the opportunity to enjoy an evening out en femme but it was an evening also spent indulging ourselves with an excellent buffet and a most enjoyable "musical" mystery.

Thanks to Marsha and Doneene, there were an additional thirteen of us who participated—Becky Adams, Becky Leight, Chrissie and Pattie (new members), Cindy, Leslie and Martha, Rosemary and Theresa, Tiffany, Tina, and Yvonne and Linda. We all met at the dinner theater at about 6:00 PM so as to be there when the buffet line opened…and while we were all seated together in one general area in this theater-in-the-round, we were called forward to the buffet line in more or less a random basis. So while we took some relief in being there in number, we soon found ourselves intermingled among a good number of patrons, some of whom really weren’t sure of who we were. But we smiled and enjoyed ourselves and I’m sure we were the topic of interest at more than one table throughout the packed house.

We have definite plans on having a similar affair at least once a quarter from now on—the dinner theater enjoys having us (the color of our green is just as bright as anyone else’s…) and we enjoy the hospitality, the food, and the play…both on the stage and in the audience!

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Most of you would think so…but how many of us "type" into a chat room or search the Internet and before we know it, we’re knee-deep in bytes and bites and exchanging all sorts of personal information and feelings and gathering all sorts of information and guidance…and as crossdressers, we’re probably the most prone to do exactly that. We’re still in the closet—gays, lesbians, bi’s, what-have-you are "out" and are becoming gradually accepted by society but not crossdressers. So once we find someone of a kindred spirit on the ‘net, we lock in to that individual and pretty soon we think we’re talking to another bone fide crossdresser. But are we?

Do we know anything reliable about that person on the other end of that stream of electrons? Is that person a he or a she? How do we know—really know? Think about it and think about how trusting you’ve become on the responses on the web.

I bring this up because there’s the potential for a lot of false information and wrong advice in these chat rooms and through these groups. Listening to a couple of crossdressers the other evening and some of the ideas and concepts they were spouting caused me to ask "what’s your source of information on that?" And the response was "another crossdresser I met in a chat room." But when I started to probe a little deeper (sometimes my intel analytical instincts rise to the surface—I really can’t help it). We learned that my friend had no proof at all about the individual with whom she had been exchanging ideas and personal data. It dawned on her that maybe not only the information was bogus (on how to tell one’s spouse about her second self…like leaving books on crossdressing lying around for her to find…).
But maybe the individual had no more experience on this issue than J. Lo does…and maybe this was just a troublemaker in action.

I belonged to a chat room once that ended up being dominated by TS members—to include a good number of "wannabes"—and I was amazed at the susceptibility of most of the chat room participants, especially when it came to HRT, herbal supplements, you fill in the blanks. Some times we end up believing what we want to believe even though all of the facts and logic go against that idea…and when we are hurting for whatever reason, we have a tendency to believe all the more…and this is when we’re most vulnerable. So don’t assume that the other person in the chat room or who is giving advice is who she says she is…just remember how to spell assume…make an "ass" out of "u" and "me." Be careful out there…

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Bud Lite crosses the line

Dear Barbara:

As a matter of fact, Miss Chatelaine spotted this latest one right off the bat, as she is sure did most crossdressers. The beer commercial starts off with a woman calling her boyfriend at work and suggesting this role playing scenario: "I’m thinking blonde wig, a French Maid’s outfit and you holding a six-pack of Bud Lite." Mr. Testosterone, as you might imagine, is quite enthusiastic. In the next scene, he is standing outside the woman’s apartment wearing the aforementioned outfit holding his Bud Lite six-pack.

Dear Anheuser:

Unfortunately, the woman, noticeably upset, slams the door in his face. Most Americans no doubt think she was appalled by her man’s feminine side, but Miss Chatelaine thinks she was just jealous, because he looked pretty hot.

Dear Melina:

Yes they can and the first one is not to tell your girlfriend/ wife about your crossdressing by showing up one day in high heels and a mini-skirt. Unless you work for the electric company, shocking people is ill advised.

Dear Victoria:

Believe it or not, the latest trend in women’s panties is "boyshorts." Designed to eliminate fashionably worrisome panty lines, Miss Chatelaine thinks boyshorts look too much like BVDs. She’s also hoping this is just a passing fad and that women everywhere will come to their collective senses and reject this male influence into feminine fashion. God knows girls already have more than enough ample opportunities to wear masculine garb.

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