October, 1999

October, 1999 October, 1999

The Wild Rose of the Chesapeake

Vol. 2, No. 7

Reciprocal Agreement with Rho Tau
Lucy's Window, by Lucy Stone
Four Daughters, by Rachel Rene Boyd
Random Musings: Nicole is Busting Out All Over, by Nicole Thomas
Girl Talk, Are You an Exhibitionist? by Becky Adams
Book Worm Becky, by Becky Adams
Hey, Good Looking!
Kate Thomas Visits CES

From the Editrix

My Dear Sisters,

Did you notice that the Fall 1999 edition of the Femme Mirror has eleven (11) articles from our own Chi Epsilon Sigma newsletter? There are articles written by Lucy, Becky, Kim and Lisa, Paula, Diane, and yours truly. Lucy and Becky even had multiple entries.

Once again, CES is in the forefront of Tri-Ess. Congratulations and thanks to all!

This newsletter is a labor of love for each of our contributing editrixes. Please join the staff by submitting your own insights into the world of crossdressing. You can send your input to BoydRachel@aol.com , or R. R. Boyd, P.O. Box 2252, Ashburn, VA 20146-9152.

Rachel Rene Boyd
Newsletter Editrix

Reciprocal Agreement with Rho Tau Chapter

We have reciprocal arrangement with our sisters at Rho Tau, the Richmond Tidewater Chapter, which allows us to attend each other's meeting and events at member costs. However, we are not considered voting members with respect to chapter business. The cost is half the normal membership rate, in other words $18/$24 individual/couple. If you are interested in being an affiliate member of Rho Tau please send your check to Rho Tau, PO Box 13244, Chesapeake, VA 23325-0244. Rho Tau meets the third Saturday of each month.

Lucy's Window

By Lucy Stone

How wonderful it is now that I have stopped beating myself up for not fitting the popular stereotype for a man. As with every other CD, cross-dressing is a part of my basic fabric. I finally have relaxed and begun having fun. For me that means going places and doing things while always working to improve the image that I project while cross-dressed.

As a part of improving my image, I recently purchased a beautiful lady's topaz ring from Columbia Emeralds while my wife, Joan, and I were on a cruise. However, they did not have the capability to size it for me. So, when we returned home, I went to see John, a local jeweler with whom we deal regularly. Because I didn't want to have to tell him why I was having it altered to fit, I went to see him dressed as Lucy. I figured the worse that could happen was that John would recognize me.

The next morning, I went to the jewelry store. One of John's sales clerks, a woman about 40, initially waited on me, but John soon came out, took over the process of establishing my ring size, giving me a price for increasing the size of the ring from 6 to 8 _. He told me that I could have the ring on Saturday, but I was distressed as I replied that I was going to Baltimore for the weekend and would be unable to pick it up. I added that I had so hoped that I could get it before I left because I was going to a party where I had hoped to wear it. (I didn't tell him it was actually the monthly meeting of Chi Epsilon Sigma). He became very sympathetic and said, "Dear, don't fret. We will have it for you by Friday at 4 PM." I smiled and thanked him, and he replied, "Dear, We'll make sure you have your ring so that you can enjoy it over the week end. Now, don't worry about it, and go have a wonderful day." (Gee, he has never been that accommodating for Don, I thought as I left the store.)

When Friday came, I discovered that I had scheduled myself too tightly. Joan and I were supposed to meet another couple at 5 PM. This did not leave much time for picking up my ring en femme assuming it was ready on time, and then drive home and change clothes. I decided to call the Jewelry store and see if they would give it to me early. At 10 AM, I made my call, and in my Lucy voice asked the woman that answered if my ring might be done earlier in the afternoon. She summarily dismissed me, saying that the order form stated that it would be ready after four, and I could pick it up then. However, I no more than hung up the phone when it began to ring. Joan answered it, and it was John asking for Lucy. When I answered as Lucy, he said he had talked to their jeweler and told him that I needed the ring earlier, and his jeweler agreed to have it by noon. I thanked him sweetly, and he reassured me that my ring would be ready, adding that he always liked to help a lady. Since I was going to have to pick up my ring right after lunch, I went ahead and got dressed and went out to lunch with Joan and her mother. (I am not only blessed with a wonderful supportive wife, but also a supportive mother-in-law.)

After lunch, I returned to the jewelry store while Joan and her mother went to a nearby shop. I gave my claim check to the sales lady who waited on me, and she quickly retrieved my ring. I put it on, and expressed my delight with the results. Then, while the sales clerk was using my "Lucy" credit card to put a credit against my account, John emerged from the back room and asked me if the size was right. I gave him a big smile, held up my hand with fingers extended to show him how lovely it looked on my hand, and thanked him profusely for helping me. He reached out and took my hand to look at the ring. Then, he continued to hold my hand and began patting it, while he said, "Dear, it makes me so happy to be able to get this ring done for you so that you will have it for the party tomorrow. Now you go and have a wonderful weekend." All the while he was talking to me he continued to hold my hand and pat it. While I could have done without the hand patting, I'll have to admit that it was very gratifying to have been perceived as the senior lady that is my second self.

Four Daughters

By Rachel Rene Boyd

We have all wondered what caused us to become crossdressers. No one really knows what genetic disposition or life experience stimulates a person to become a crossdresser. But we continue to ask ourselves, Why? In my search for the source of my behavior, I consulted a psychiatrist several years ago to get some help in dealing with my Second Self. After probing my childhood for several sessions, he finally concluded there was nothing in my upbringing that would have stimulated crossdressing. My own analysis made me think my parents raised four daughters. It just so happened their fourth child was a boy.

My childhood was normal and happy. Two parents. Loving family. There were no incidents that some crossdressers have reported of having been forced to wear girl's clothes at an early age. The reason I think my parents raised four daughters is that I was a late arrival. My parents were already in their forties when I was born. They had two grown daughters and another 11-year-old daughter going on 20. By the time I was born, my parents were already accustomed to raising daughters. They may have related to me in much the same way they reared their three previous daughters.

There were no attempts to feminize me (at least that I can remember). Nobody bought me dolls, or dressed me in girl clothes. I grew up with Erector sets, electric trains, and baseball bats. But I have always wondered if there were some subtle suggestions in my upbringing that no one noticed. Think about it. With a mother and three sisters in the house, Dad probably never had a chance to "bond" with me. I have been kidded by my sisters that I was spoiled rotten by all of the attention. Perhaps all of that female attention created a love and admiration in me for all things female.

We have all heard how a dominant mother and an ineffectual father can contribute to the development of homosexuality. That clearly does not describe my parents, or myself. My father was there, and clearly "wore the pants in the family". But he and I were never very close until I was older, maybe 10 or 12. That's when I was old enough to help on the family farm. Dad and I did a lot of "guy" things after that age fishing, hunting, and working on cars. It was just that my early years were spent mostly with my mother and sisters. Perhaps if I had not been so totally surrounded with women during my early years, I would not have developed the passions I have today for "sugar and spice and everything nice".

Random Musings

"Nicole is Busting Out All Over"

By Nicole Thomas

Hi all. I hope that this will be the first of a monthly regular contribution to the newsletter. It will be similar to the "Bumps in the Road" section of my web site: whatever topic interests me at the moment.

In the last newsletter I related the story about how and why I came out to my brother, and how he took it. This month I can tell you about my coming out to my parents. As my CD friend Theresa put it: "Yikes!"

The idea of coming out to my parents has been a common topic between my counselor and me. One of her questions to help me decide if the time was right was, "What do you hope to accomplish, and how likely is it to occur?" When we first stared talking, my motivation in telling anyone was to have my crossdressing "validated" by a "straight" person. While the support of my sisters has been instrumental in helping me to accept my cross dressing, I seemed to feel the need for someone else to tell me that it was okay. With this as a motivation for coming out, the likelihood for success was poor.

A few weeks ago, out of the blue, my mother asked me why I was so secretive about where I have been going out. For my mother, who is the world's most accepting person, to bring up the subject, it must have really been bothering her. I replied that I wasn't ready to tell her where I had been going, and she responded, "Fair enough". This started to weigh on me. I don't like having secrets from my parents. So, I decided to tell them. My only motivation was to get my crossdressing out in the open. I called my parents on a Saturday and told them that if they had me to dinner on Tuesday, I would tell them everything that had been going on.

That Monday I told my counselor of my plans. We talked about my motivations, and then she ran me through a simulated coming out, with her playing the role of my parents. She got angry and upset and asked some tough questions. When the session was over, she sent me off with a hug, the first time that had happened.

On Tuesday, I arrived at my parents' house, and after some normal chitchat, we sat down to dinner. A few minutes in, my dad couldn't contain himself any longer and asked my to tell all. I started by assuring them that everything that they had been told about the situation between my wife and me was accurate, but what they didn't know was what had stirred things up. I then told them about how I came out to my wife in December, how things were good at first, and then went down hill, eventually bringing us to this point. I told them that I feel that the marriage would have come crashing down eventually, and my coming out only accelerated things. I assured them that I'm not gay, and don't want to become a woman.

To be honest, they weren't completely surprised. Back when I still lived at home, my mother caught me with some fake nails. I never really gave her an explanation, and always wondered if she told my dad. It turns out that she had, but not until several years later, fearing that he wouldn't take it well. So, they were carrying this info around in the backs of their heads, without really knowing what it meant. As my counselor had predicted, they were expecting me to tell them that I was gay. My father said how he didn't really believe this to be true, as we had recently discussed my attempt to get a female friend to go with me to a concert, so he figured I must like women. However, he couldn't think of any other possibility than gay.

To cut to the chase, the entire event was easier than the rehearsal with my counselor. My mother's opinion is that a person should be able to do whatever makes them happy. If there's a more accepting person than my mother I haven't met them. My dad doesn't understand, but says that he is behind me in everything. I got very lucky when it came to parents!

One last little tidbit before I'm done. I told my parents that the outings that I wasn't speaking about were to support meetings. They accepted this pretty much without comment. Later, they asked me when I had chance to crossdress. I told them that in the past I rarely had any chance, just an hour or two here and there, but now I dress at least twice a month to attend my meetings. I think my Dad nearly choked when he realized that I go to meetings dressed! I still chuckle thinking about his reaction. : )

Until next month, take care.

Girl Talk

Are You an Exhibitionist?

By Becky Adams

That's exactly what my wife asked the other day as I started to walk out shopping with her. I happened to be wearing women's slacks and a blouse...albeit the clothes were almost gender-neutral except for the button arrangement on the blouse. Living in a small community, she rightfully and properly is aware of being "read" and what that might mean. And she occasionally has to rein me in from pushing the envelope too much or taking outlandish chances...for her safety as well as mine.

And her not-so-innocuous question raised a valid point.

Go way-way-way back to when your dreams of femininity started to take on a realistic hue and you started to buy what you had once only dreamed about. Have you ever noticed that once we did what we originally thought was "impossible" (like actually buying a bra) that we expanded our interests? We were no longer satisfied in just wearing that bra in the deepest darkest secret times of our personal lives but now wanted to wear it more frequently! More brazenly! We were actually trying to push the envelope, as the saying goes...

Why? Is there a hidden agenda here? Do we harbor a secret desire to be "read?" To be "outed" as the expression goes? What connection, if any, exists between our stated rationale for wanting to wear feminine attire and this parallel never-ending push towards "showing off?"

I don't know...and I don't pretend to be able to rationalize my behavior...but it is there. I know it and I sense it. And in consideration for others, especially my wife, and the potentially harmful impact that being "read" would have on her, I must control it. But I still wonder why I want to push the envelope in being more and more feminine in appearance and in taking what some see as unnecessary risks.

Anyone want to answer?

Book Worm Becky

by Becky Adams

Read any good books lately? Let me rephrase that...read any good books about crossdressing lately? I would answer "yes" to the first but I would also have to beg off on the rephrased one... Granted, Borders or Barnes and Noble haven't quite moved far enough ahead in this "politically correct world" to set up a section entitled "Crossdressing" (although they do have one on "Gender" or "Gender Issues"). So one has to look elsewhere.

But even if some store manager was prescient enough to establish a "Crossdressing" section, how many titles could she stock it with? And where would she go to learn more? Aye, there's the rub...

While we at CES aren't looking to rival any bookstore, we would like to build up our lending library with books on the subject--keeping in mind that we all have different tastes. So if you have or are aware of some written material, please let me know and we'll see what we can do about adding titles to our shelves. (And the Chapter will gladly accept donations...and we'll even put a note on the title page informing all readers of who our benefactress is!)

Hey, Good Looking!

Here are a couple of catalogs with fashions to help you look your best. Our thanks to Ellen Yeti for sending in these suggestions.

Name of Catalog: Brownstone Studio
Product Offered: Ladies fashions
Why I like this Catalog: Very large selection of clothes and sizes and a size chart for their line
Prices: Fairly expensive
Telephone Number: 1-800-221-2468

Name of Catalog: The Body Shop
Product Offered: Hair, face & body care, make-up
Why I like this Catalog: Semi-large selection with items that are hard to find
Prices: More normal than cheaper
Telephone Number: 1-800-263-9746

Kate Thomas Visits CES

Many of us have been anxiously awaiting the September meeting of CES for a return presentation by Dr. Kate Thomas, Ph.D., R.N., C.S.-P., F.A.A.C.S.. Our anticipation was rewarded with a very interesting presentation. Dr. Thomas is a clinical sexologist and psychotherapist specializing in sexual and gender concerns. She regularly counsels crossdressers and their partners in dealing with the complex issues surrounding transgender behavior.

"The Wild Rose" would like to have provided a complete transcript of Dr. Thomas' presentation. We couldn't do that, so here is an annotated outline of her presentation. Her bibliography contains titles that should be on every crossdresser's recommended reading list. All but one is available on Amazon.com.

Highlights of history and culture of cross dressing (examples of crossdressing throughout history, and some cultures that embrace it more fully than our own)

What's the difference between a boy and a girl? (an exercise in identifying the defining differences, and recognizing the cultural interpretations of what a boy and a girl should be)

What causes it? (sorry, still no answer to this one)

My background How I got my start (Dr. Thomas' professional path followed an inherent interest in sexology from her earliest recognition of sexual differences)

Types of people I see (mostly crossdressers and their partners who are having difficulty coming to terms with transgender behavior)

Some problems in the lives of people who cross dress (you can guess these)

Questions and comments .

Bibliography

Bornstein, K. (1995). Gender Outlaw. New York: Vintage Books

Bullough, V. and Bullough, B. (1993). Crossdressing, Sex and Gender. Philadelphia: University of Pennsylvania Press.

Ettner, R. (1999). Gender Loving Care: A Guide to Counseling Gender-Variant Clients. New York: W. W. Norton and Company.

Talamini, J. (1982). Boys Will Be Girls: The Hidden World of the Heterosexual Male Transvestite. Lanham, MD: University Press of America.

Contact Information

Dr. Kate Thomas
Human Ecology Center
4419 Falls Road
Baltimore, MD 21211
410 625-1095

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Page Created: October 4, 1999
Page Updated: October 8, 1999