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1995 1. five, eight and ten 2. gloria 3. slower 4. dolorosa 5. 80 - 37 6. if i could 7. july 8. silver 9. take the picture now 10. parking lot |
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| the humble and righteous and meek are teaching me who's will to seek but who really knows how to speak about these things questions of where can he go when he is feeling so low and kicking himself just to show how he still bleeds and i want to know the difference between what sparkles and what is gold i wonder how many eyes are fixed like a vultures on me now i wonder if i can even move or breath without disappointing someone and i know what they call themselves but i don't remember inviting them to put me on this pedestal and make me feel so naked afraid to look down afraid to turn around i bring it on myself i know i bring it on myself and i want to know the difference between what sparkles and what is gold i walked along beside the purple mountains beneath the orange sky imagined what it all might look like with these planks out of my eyes i wondered if the big white horse was coming down tonight i wanted to taste that victory but my mouth was dry (there is only tonight and the light that bleeds from your heart makes me want to try and start again). |
gloria.
| a brave morning thought flap their wings and fly and i can still taste defeat on my lips bright tie fish fly i have not yet arrived how can i not admit i need to know you cause i just want to be something more than the mud in your eyes i want to be the clay in your hands hey sorrow where are you tomorrow just won't be the same without you here I'll wish for shoulders bold and broad to bear and strength to hold my head above them cause i just want to be something more than the mud in your eyes i want to be the clay in your hands cause gloria is silent and glory is a silent thing. |
slower.
| it's been so long since i've been by myself and i need this more than you will ever know people like you and me never feel the breeze people like you and me will never know the easy way i scream into the wind and laugh as the words slap me in the face i would glady trade a lifetime of convenience for an honest day or two it's just not the same when your staring into a perfect golden sunset and thinking about how you sold your soul to send the rain away it's been so long since i've stood on my two feet i'd really rather lay here and pretend but people like you and me never get that peace it comes from denying that everything is so screwed up it's so screwed up i stand on a building and throw up my arms to the sky i swallow my pride and admit that it's not always best to understand the reason why it's just not the same when you wake up in the morning with a smile on your face when you know you lied yourself to sleep to make it better [make it better]. |
dolorosa.
| rejoice my soul how long will you wait? rejoice my soul how long will you fear? i long to touch your face (may i?) jesus i hope your coming back soon. |
80 - 37.
| lemonade stands and memories of innocence and purity and the noon day sun at ninety degrees (the things i carry with me) the ice cream man at four or five how we'd flag him down and ask for rides and evenings when we'd sit outside and name the cloud shapes in the sky those days are gone now and we must carry on but i will not forget the things i learned on your front lawn and how we rode those dusty trails on huffys and schwinns from christmas sales made forts out of crates with rusty nails and only came home when our stomachs failed those days are gone now and we must move forward still but i will not forget the things i understood at your window sill i walked your street again last night and laughed to dull the sting of spite but your door was dark and it made me cry cause mother always kept you shining bright but things they change and people grow and move in step with the green paper flow but deep inside i wonder or maybe i already know that they never really find the answers. |
if i could.
| she stepped outside into the morning air to watch the cars go by and let the sun dry her hair i wanted to tell her how beautiful she was but i just stared i sat behind the wheel and watched the raindrops as they gathered on the windshield and raced down into the humming motor and she folded up her fears like paper airplanes and lost them in the trees and i know i don't deserve this: the capacity to feel (to laugh and to cry and to praise) for that i live and breath and wake each day is nothing less than your grace (in awkward and glorious movement). |
july.
| the sun fell down again last night on my anger the sun fell down again last night on my frustration and on my spite and i didn't even cry i didn't even try to stop it at all i just stood there and watched it fall and this is the last song that i should ever sing just one more time and i'll shut my mouth forever. |
silver.
| and happiness is just a dream or so it seems it's something that i can never see and i just want to lay my head in your arms and bleed awhile sunshine go away i don't want to play come back again some other day when i've got something beautiful to say and stay awhile. |
take the picture now.
| there are blue skies in my dreams and laughter that seems unending there are green grass fields there and happiness and hope for tomorrow my cup is full and my heart spills awkward and embarrasing blood onto white golden streets and i am unashamed of the stains my steps leave tears stream down my cheeks only to meet their redeemer and be wiped away and there is joy. |
parking lot.
| i wouldn't mind if you took me in my sleep tonight i wouldn't even put up a fight i wouldn't care if you took it all away today i'm sure i wouldn't even miss the pain but i know i've got to live my life and roll around on the ground and feel the strife and realize along the way that i'm nothing more than a grain of salt in the salt of the earth and everything is grace so come on with the darkness come on with the fear cause i've got to start somewhere and it might as well be here and when i'm finally naked and standing in the sunlight i'll look back at all this selfishness and foolish pride and laugh at myself. |
