Welcome to Insomniac OD

This is the Integra part of a special Hellsing series created for Valentines ... click here for Alucard's version





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Comments by: YACCS

I want a Clow shaped chocolate!
So obsessed with
Clow Read
PS: And there are
Clow is my
ABB / SG blogs
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tragically yours: Cho Hakkai

Little bites
A Midsummer's Nightmare -
Long live "Alucard x Integral"

Fics on FF Net
My private collection of fanart etc.

Thanks to Val for help with
the blog's code.

Dry your tears milady
Call on me if you need
I will be your comfort,
Oh my love, remember me ...


Bravenet makes great counters



Oniichan will be transferring to a branch nearer to my house than Boon Lay - I've got mixed feelings.

(1) Good coz since shop is nearer house (will probably follow oniichan to new branch coz he's the reason I'm buying my books at Boon Lay altho there's another 3 branches nearer to my house)

(2) Very near 2 close cousins' place so good for that too

(3) New shop is as well stocked as Boon Lay - neutral factor

(4) Have actually grown fond of Boon Lay, the ride on 154 home and will not see Vel anymore - not good

(5) No more sitting in Boon Lay coffee bean / the MRT train and gabbing about manga with oniichan and Vel after shop closes ~___~;; (it won't be the same without Vel)

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/29/2003 01:57:30 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...

Ugoku, all I will say is Genjo is as Genjo does.

*takes puff from pipe*

Ahhh ... I see temple library associate and IC of temple entertainments will be joining us on Thursday. Check the temple gutter news.

Announcements: If you ever wanted to visit the Liang Court Kino, do so between today and 1 May. You won't regret it.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/29/2003 09:55:21 AM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


Haven't read Saiyuki fics in a long time but this my friends is something you might just want to see.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/28/2003 09:59:42 AM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


I do realise that I have a thing for blue tops and cream bottoms. I tend to buy blue tops and black bottoms which are fine for work but too severe for casual wear ... Stop laughing pupil-san and breadtalk-fan-san.

I need to go bug onii-chan for stuff soon. He really really has a thing for keeping his books in perfect condition ... finally someone as occ as me. But I dented vol 13 of my newly acquired "Youth Gone Wild" so I'm crying ...

Yesterday was a day I kept spilling milk on my hands ... bad bad bad ... and yelling itai (painful), (yameru) stop it and certain other words during such situations made for bad bad thoughts.

*collapses* Em, I've passed your stuff to Ange seeing you're likely to meet her sooner than me.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/27/2003 03:45:52 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


I can't really figure out whether to be (a) amused (b) slightly cheesed or (c) borchup (heck care).

I just received a fanfic review along the lines of I should stop referring to Romania in my Hellsing fanfics because the reviewer is cheesed off at people who have confused Vlad T with "pop culture" Dracula.

Now before I go off sounding like some petty snarky person, I must point out that I did have a slight discussion of sorts for that particular fic with the origin of the name "Dracula" so I’m not unused to disagreement. The other reviewers were however a lot more polite although I did wish they would read the notes properly before commenting coz that reflects on them more than me.

The debate started over the meaning of “Dracula”. Now I know Dracula was really a reference to the fact Vlad's father Dracul was of the order of the Dragon. Nothing sinister initially coz it was a holy order of sorts and Dracula simply means Son of Dracul. I wrote that in my initial author’s notes and pointed out that the name took on a double meaning i.e. son of the devil as the nobles in his time demonised his name in revenge for the harsh manner in which he dealt with them.

The strange thing I can't quite figure out is why Dracul was of order of the dragon in the first place. For those who might not realise, the Dragon is used to represent the devil in Christianity. While I might understand if Europeans adapted their original pre-Christian beliefs to their new faith such that the unicorn and phoenix might have been used to represent symbols of goodness etc. for knights, the reference to the Dragon no matter how brave it was thought to have been is rather weird.

That aside, the nobles of the time of VT hated VT and they suffered at his hands. They obviously seeing the connection between the Dragon and the devil started calling VT the "Son of the Devil" instead.

I had used the candle legend surrounding Merlin’s birth in the said fanfic which was a POV. The fic is not meant to be a history lesson, just an introspect of sorts. Integra in my view is tempted by Alucard's offer of power. The only thing that barely keeps her from accepting the dark side is her sense of family honor. However, just like the maiden who gave birth to Merlin, she sees her last anchor of sanity grow weaker day by day. Again some background info: there was a virtuous maid who at confession sought help from the priest that she had been troubled by the most impure thoughts night after night of late. The priest told her that a devil (or was it THE devil) had taken a fancy to her and was seeking to consummate his desires. The priest then advised the woman to light a candle and to pray until the attacks ended that her guardian angels would protect her virginity and virtue. Unfortunately each nightly attack lasted longer and longer each time until the tired maiden could not keep the candle and her prayers lasting long enuff. She was raped one fateful night by the devil when the candle was snuffed that night before the attacks ended. The product of her misfortunate incident was Merlin. Born with great demonic powers, Merlin chose however to use his powers for good. I see a parallel here as I tend to believe that even if Integra ever gave in to the nightlife, she would continue to protect Hellsing and England – possibly even better than as a human altho it would revile her at first. I'm losing my thread here - sumimasen but it's late.

So it puzzles me to no end when people suddenly treat my fics as (a) a history lesson or (b) a writeup or thesis of sorts on European myth. People hello, can we say "fanfiction"?

I know fanfiction is no excuse to write badly but since when did history become so crucial to the story?

And since I have Hellsing on the brain, I shall rattle on.

Alucard is Dracula. I know KH has not printed that out and plastered it at the beginning of each manga but the references in the manga and anime are a bit obvious? In this light, I was pretty amused one day to see someone on the hellsing fandom asking "Is Alucard Dracula?"

Being a little bored, I wrote back to point out:

(i) if you spell Dracula backwards you get Alucard
(ii) in the manga (volume 3) Alucard dreams of Abraham van Helsing and how he mocked him at his capture by telling him the mark of the communion wafer has faded on his lovely victim – if you read Bram S, that was used to mark Mina after she was “tainted”
(iii) the fact the anime literally plasters half of Alucard's face VT style after he impales Incognito.

I then asked our fanboy whether he should seriously consider if KH is hinting that Alucard is the infamous bloodsucker etc. etc. The joker reverts to proclaim "no you're wrong, you're wrong" and points out - duh Dracula's powers and Alucard's don't exactly match and therefore D not equals A.

I wrote back to point out if you took Bram S's book as biblical truth, there is no way Alucard is Dracula coz Drac was obviously killed by Helsing and Harker etc. Or for that matter, Helsing's only son had died so where in the world did Arthur and Integra Hellsing come from? This brilliant joker then replies saying “ah so Alucard must be some bastard son of Dracula right?”

*slaps forehead* I gave up after that. He wasn't going to accept my point and didn't sound like he was even trying to keep an objective mind on the matter. To me, it looked just like he was wanting to pick a fight with fans who took the view Alucard was really Drac – not my problem. It's his right to believe what he wants and I was only trying to answer his question which I had already done so.

KH didn't write Dracula, Bram did but there's nothing to stop people from adapting popular classics or legends into their works right? If the manga had to follow the inspiring story so strictly, someone called Minekura would be in deep shit with the government of China. For one, Sanzo was a wuss not a gun tottering foul mouth with attitude. Cho Hakkai was a pig – a real lazy lusty bugger and Gojyo was as exciting as the last character of his name – sand.

Goku was no little confused boy. He was one hell of a cool monkey king and Kou got less than 1 episode in the original series.

I don’t see anyone bitching against Saiyuki.

Sheeshhh ...

So what's wrong with me referring to Romania? I wrote Marked with the idea of swishing Integra from scene to scene in Romania and the Czech republic. I haven't been to Romania but am planning to (wanted to go last spring but mummy was a bit queasy about going to somewhere I could not guarantee we would not get lost - getting her to agree to include Paris, Vienna and Prague in the holiday was tough - the woman just wanted to visit England but that's expensive yoh). Anyhow I digress. The point is, I just want to write to indulge myself in memories of the times I spent in the Czech Republic and those lovely images of Romania I have in my Lonely Planet. It was extremely useful that if you put enuff links via Bram S's and VT’s alley and / or literally adopted wholesale what is suggested in anime episode 13 aka quick lightning flash, you could have your fanfic set in Romania ...

The story was meant to amuse me and people who enjoyed the fic. Read if you want and if you disagree with me, there are nicer ways to point things out especially when your complaint against me is not grammar, cannon or style but the fact your history professor would not give you an A if you used my fanfic as a history essay.

Hmm ... I apologise, that was bitchy but I'm not retracting it.

Look Missy, if KH and Minekura can pervert legends so can I. Dracula was based on VT but he's NOT VT - or at least no one has tried to take that as gospel truth. This is fanfic, deal with it. There are no such thing as vampires (or not at least the way Dracula was supposed to be - yes all you vampire fanatics out there it ain't real and you are not about to become cool and immortal by sharpening your canines - NOT counting vampire bats which are real bats) and as much as I wished on my collection of Hellsing stuff that Integra was a real life 3D woman, she isn't.

In the same vein, as much as you want it little girl, neither Alucard nor Dracula exist and they sure as hell won't be suing me for taking liberties with their / his "lineage". I don’t hear VT complaining either (not that I want to).

So leave me to my fantasies and I'll leave you to your history homework.

And with that I bid all goodnite.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/25/2003 12:31:56 AM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/22/2003 05:59:21 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


Ok, I know some of you out there read this blog trying to find out the lifestyle of a law practioner in Singapore.

Repeat after me, "Lawyers are human. Two eyes, two ears, one nose and one mouth. You are not a god."

Repeat often as necessary.

It's disgusting when you have people ride roughshod over others on the basis "I'm the lawyer and you're the secretary."

It's very sad this post is up in the first place.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/21/2003 09:04:01 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...

You're the smirk,a frown-smile hybrid that's a
little bit cocky and usually associated with
evil or arrogant,but attractive people.You
probably just don't give a damn,but it's
everyone else's fault if you don't because
you're too awesome to have any real faults.

What Kind of Smile are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/21/2003 05:10:41 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...

Whooo hooo ...

SF you're right. This is damn funny.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/21/2003 01:54:20 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...

Help ... am seriously addicted to Devil May Cry 2!

*runs off*

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/21/2003 01:44:43 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


I look back at yesterday's post with amusement and with some pain.

On a side issue, it was fun getting colleagues addicted to my fav curry puff store and fav cake place.

To me it's simple. Those 2 stores are good. They lack customers simply because of a lack of publicity. If left as status quo, there is a high possibility that they may go under due to lack of business. The risk to them receiving publicity is the fact they might raise prices and become snooty.

But in this respect I would rather be short-sighted and I'll deal with things as they come.

As I told my mum yesterday: as long as there is breathe in the body, one can go on ... problems can be defeated or assimilated to a tolerable level.

All these sounds much better in Cantonese I promise.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/17/2003 05:33:59 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


I've got work but I'm catching a breather.


RANTS (don't worry I just need to yell at something, even if that something is my blog):

I can't decide. The call to do photography is scratching at the back of my head. I won't say I'm great at photography but it's something that I really love and something that I can cope with (done it before, physically tiring but manageable). I love the law tho' but the hours and intense heart attacks that come along with it especially in my field are whittling away at my love for the subject. While photography pays peanuts, the idea of taking one year out to do it is tempting - just how the hell do you explain your one year sabbathical? Plus this place is great training - it's popular judging from the interviews they've been having recently. Something tells me that while a break is good, if I leave down, I won't get a shot again at this. And that's what I want from my job - good learning more so than anything else.

Money is required to keep alive but I don't think I would be that devastated if I had less.

Afterall, I've learned on many ocassions that too much money can be a curse.

I don't suggest anyone read this, I'm just rambling but ... I guess my confusion and frustration comes from the fact I don't feel very smart or confident of late. I don't think I'm qualified to say I'm "smart" or "confident" in the first place but I just feel so lousy about myself of late that it sucks. I have told my friends often that if one does not love oneself, almost no one else will - yet sticking to your own mantra at times is one of the hardest thing you will be called upon to do.

But I suppose my friend, I do know what is my archilles heel - the fear of failure and not meeting standards. My folks have told me to take it easy and try my best - but what do you do when your best doesn't seem good enuff?

I really feel like an idiot - part of me, refuses to give up and maintains that I should stick at it until I get the hang - no one is born perfect it says. I know my faults - I tend to be fast in getting things done but that is my downfall as I tend to be much less meticulous than I should be.

Afterall, it is quality we seek not quantity. Especially if I plan to do international practice.

But the other part of me just wants to curl up somewhere and die in peace. I hate feeling so dumb.

Is this what drives people to hurt themselves? An utter lack of self worth?

I don't know what to think anymore but I've got to stick it out just to prove to myself I ain't a wash out. No worries, I rant but I ain't about to roll over and die yet.

But I've thought about scaling down. Sure I love big time practice but I can't help wondering if it would be better if I took a step back, practiced more "easy" cases. That would leave me more time for my hobbies but I suspect I would be bored in no time.

Unfortunately, I'm in a position where I am confused and uncertain about what I myself want to do - do I practice at a level below my comfort zone and live in quiet contentment for another 30 years? Or do I continue my fight to better myself? The latter gives more mental satisfaction - but is the uncertainty that it brings worth it?


There is no such as a perfect world. Sacrifice must be made for every goal attained.

But when does it become totally meaningless?

Something tells me I need to see the BOSS for this. Not the ones I work for but the ONE I WORK for.


And perhaps that is the real reason I have stumbled these last few years.

~ And so another solique ends.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/16/2003 01:15:49 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


Ugh ... *screams and dies*

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/15/2003 05:50:40 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


Man I pooped. Started work yesterday at 4 and got home late. The way I go to KL is the way people take a longer ride to work. Good thing I can sleep thru takeoff and landing ...

Couldn't resist running to oniichan's at nite tho'. Was real cool coz hung out with him, Vel, his brother and MS (not Mary Sue ^ ^;;). Dragged corpse to piano this morning but was awfully bad at the pieces today so popped by Meiya-da supermarket that replaced Daimaru to do some shopping. Place is cool tho' so no worries about losing a place to buy Jap food (one of the fortunate cruisines without garlic :P). So I shall do some work before trudging home with my spoils.

*hugs SF* I think my two esteemed colleagues have said what I feel too.

Am rambling ... need to do some work and run home to sleep *dies*

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/12/2003 12:21:02 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


Star dates

Entered Clow's likely stats and got G Clooney. Entered Integra's and got Beyonce Knowles.

Hmmm ... altho really I had to lie for Inte's hair and eye colors why not blondes with striking blue eyes?

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/10/2003 03:27:59 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


Well according to EK who went to the same place as I did on Sunday this afternoon for lunch, guess wat ... they remember the two of us and our orders.

WT Heck? Must speak to her tomorrow ... as am sleeping at home again

~ the lazy kitten

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/9/2003 03:03:39 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


I'm sorry if I've missed any social blogging.

If I missed your birthdays feel free to holler and kick me for being a heartless bastard.

I give up, I'm going home for Earl Gray tea. Strangely, my mother was actually saying my collection of toys and manga was really quite pretty even tho she resented the volume amassed.

*shrugs* but yes being shameless, it's damn cool to actually put it all together and gawk. I'm talking rubbish, I'm hungry and I've got no money - thank goodness I still have my pass card at least, I'm not about to walk home ~___~ altho I could walk to my uncle's and beg for financial assistance.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/7/2003 07:48:37 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...

Have not blogged in a gazillion years :P

Ah well. Shigoto shigoto shimasu yo! BIG - Will be late on Mokuyoubi.

Met folks for dinner at Nooch yesterday and then went on to Pacific Coffee for hazelnut coffee. Met my sensei at the washroom and turns out she was having dinner there with the other teachers too. It was quite cute as the teachers were each with a date. Whether it was their beaus or kinda like a blind date I don't know but the sight of all the girls on one side of the table and the guys on the other was amusing.

Quite interesting my sensei still remembered me. She taught me in Elementary 2 about almost a year back and she had no problems remembering me and figuring out the fact I should be in M sensei's Intermediate 4 class.

And yes, SF-chan and I now share the same teacher, M sensei. Pupil san stop blaming me for everything. Sanzo and the Chamber of Pot is so unrelated to me.

Had a bit of time to kill yesterday. Pity couldn't go bug Alex-chan and SF-chan so went shopping for threads at Zara before walking to City Hall and indulging in my new fav drink: anything with Earl Gray in it ^ ^;;

Reached restaurant and asked for a seat by the fountain. Was told by waiter with a wink that the special was a seat in the fountain if I was keen.

*guffaws* Considering I was in a T-shirt and jeans and holding a JLPT 4 question book, they must have thought me younger than I was.

The strange thing was when the waiter asked me later whether I was having my usual Earl Gray with mango syrup. I know I have been drinking that since I found it there but considering I've only been there 4 times in the last 3 months, either that drink is not so commonly sold or I must have done something really evil the last time I went there ^ ^;;

I'm innocent whatever that was.

Sometimes it scares me people seem to remember or know me when I can't reciprocate the same. Is there some unwanted poster of me out there?

SARS anxiety aside, we're fine. Except it worries me I don't quite give a shit if I caught it and died, I only worry that if I did I could affect my folks and friends.

Considering SARS is atypical pneumonia, I would have you know, I had pneumonia 3 times last year but am obviously alive to tell the tale. So does that make me more susceptible or less i.e. my antibodies are not foreign to pneumonia.

I'm rambling again ain't I?

Ugh, spent most of my loose yen coz I paid a seller for a customer today with all my spare coins. The payment so had to go today and I left my wallet at home.

Strangely my loose 50-yen coins were available but paying the seller 700 yen in that manner was no joke. I need more yen coins. Can people who go to Japan sell me their 100 yens etc. when they return?

Work rant:

Grumble. Sent in a draft letter which was called messy. Did not amend it as evil kid here was of the opinion the complaints were unfounded. Broke letter into more paragraphs and handed up same thing that was approved immediately with no further complaints. WT heck? Makes me feel like the waiter who spits in food the customer complains is too dry behind their back ~___~;; only to watch the customer then announce that "this is much better".


Am packing my house. *looks around at gasps of surprise*

Yes, I'm busy but mummy dearest has bought me 3 cupboards and begged me to remember I live in a house with other people so what else can I do but try to pack a little each day.

Good gracious tho, I do have quite a bit of manga.

Does anyone want to buy anything off me? Some of my titles are out of print so *dangles book tantalisingly*

Need to sort documents so I can bring some home to do. I'm not as miserable as say a week or two back but the amount of work as trial nears is scary.

And well, I still feel a bit miffed.

Was not meant to work. Am horribly lazy by nature :P

~ listening to Nora Jones

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/7/2003 07:29:53 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...


Fishy problems?

More silliness to be found here and here.

kiddo and Clow played "trick or treat" at
4/1/2003 07:24:52 PM [link | | ]

... there is a monster ...
... imprisoned within my blood ...

... how long will it be before I lose control
... how long will it be before he finds me?
... oh preserve my soul, preserve my pride
Preserve my sanity thru this nite ...