Michigan Militia

Jockey Full of Bourbon
Edna Million in a drop dead suit
Dutch Pink on a downtown train
Two-dollar pistol but the gun won't shoot
I'm in the corner on the pouring rain
Sixteen men on a dead man's chest
And I've been drinking from a broken cup
Two pairs of pants and a mohair vest
I'm full of bourbon, I can't stand up

Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, children are alone
Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, your children are alone

Schiffer broke a bottle on Morgan's head
And I'm stepping from the dead man's tail
Across the line of a full moon's head
And through the bars of a Cuban jail
Bloody fingers on a purple knife
Flamingo drinking from a cocktail glass
I'm on the lawn with someone else's wife
Check the view from up on top of the mast

Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, children are alone
Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, your children are alone

Schiffer broke a bottle on Morgan's head
And I'm stepping from the dead man's tail
Across the line of a full moon's head
And through the bars of a Cuban jail
Bloody fingers on a purple knife
Flamingo drinking from a cocktail glass
I'm on the lawn with someone else's wife
Check the view from up on top of the mast

Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, children are alone
Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, your children are alone

Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, children are alone (your children are alone)
Hey little bird, fly away home
Your house is on fire, your children are alone


Intra-Pennsylvania Rivalry
(Jian)
Well, thank you very much everybody. What a thrill it is to be back in Pittsburgh...what? oh sorry, I mean uh Phila-Philadelphia. Well, we figured for the live album, it'd be cooler...Pittsburgh'd be a cooler city to be in.

(Murray)
Yes, so *laugh*

(Jian)
So, thanks Pittsburgh.
Keep it up, man. Ah...it's great walking around in the Steel City.

(Dave)
I love the way the rivers merge in the town. It's so nice. So many levels.

(Jian)
Aw - just kidding. We hate Pittsburgh. This is exactly what we hoped to created which is an Intra-Pennsylvania rivalry - which probably already exists, I know. but you know, we just wanna fan the flames as Canadians who really have nothing to do with this. You know? Philadelphia should take...I mean, why haven't you, you know, marched on Pittsburgh. And taken it with. You know? I figure, you know... I mean I'm not talking about nuclear weapons, chemical weapons, I'm not talking about any of that. I'm talking an agrairian revolt. Pitchfolks, a spade. Go after those Pittsburgh people. What's your problem?


Horseshoes

Good Date Band
(murray)
In the interim while we have a moment, while I have a moment with you... I was just... I was just struck with this question earlier in the set. And I wanted to put it to you. Is uh...in your opinion, is Moxy Fruvous a good date band? Are we like a good date band? yeah? Well, now, that doesn't sound...that sounds half hearted.
(Jian)
Can I ask you a question, Murray? (Murray: yeah) By asking you a question. I think we're *not* a good date band. (Murray: Yeah, that was my opinion...) You know why? Because we... a) we have lyrics and we don't have uhhh we don't have that incessant, we don't have like a groove, we don't have a deejay groove going on where you could just slide up to your partner....
(Dave)
Yes, we do.
(Mike)
Dis-moi, c'est quoi?
Dis-moi, c'est quoi?
Dis-moi, c'est quoi?
Dis-moi, c'est quoi?
Dis-moi, c'est quoi?
Dis-moi, c'est quoi?
(Jian)
Ecstasy
(Dave)
My God
(Mike)
the Egyptian girls
(jian, howling)
Ah -roo
(Mike)
the Hawaiian girls
(jian, howling)
Ah -roo
(Mike)
the American girls
(jian, howling)
Ah -roo
(Mike)
Boom Shakalaka and everybody's styling
Boom Shakalaka and a wide 60s pants styling and wide wale courd.

(jian, fading out)
But we don't have. See that's classic date band stuff.


Fly

Boo Time

Kirk King Intro
(Jian)
It's Jim Kirk, Live again at the Mercury Lounge.
(Mike - in Kirk voice)
I'd - to tell you - about -
Things that would blow your mind, Scotty.
Starships run with engines the size of a walnut.
Walnuts run with engines the size of starships.
A man barely alive. We can rebuild him.
We can make him better, bigger, stronger, faster - the King of Spain!


King of Spain
Once I was the King of Spain(The King of Spain, live in Buffalo)
Oh... my unspeakable wife, Queen Lisa(Don't mention Lisa)
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain(The King a former conehead}
And now I work at the Pizza Pizza

1 2 3 4!

Royalty, lord it looked good on me
Buried in silk in the royal boudoir or going nuclear free
Or playing Crokinole with the Princess of Monaco
Telling my jokes to the OPEC leaders, getting it all on video

Once I was the King of Spain(now I eat humble pie)
A palatial palace, that was my home(now I eat humble pie)
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain(now I eat humble pie)
And now I vacuum the turf at SkyDome(Once he was the King of Spain)

I can't wait, I'm lowering interest rates, my people say:
"King, how are you such a genius?
There's a cone on your head.
Bonita!"

It's laissez-faire, I don't even give a care
Let's make Friday part of the weekend
And give all of these people chocolate eclair

Once I was the King of Spain(now I eat humble pie)
Hey Clinton! Hey Yeltsin! Got problems? You phone me(now I eat humble pie)
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain(now I eat humble pie)
Now the Leafs call me up to drive the Zamboni(Once he was the King of Spain)

Ladies and Gentlemen, I introduce to you Stan Makita and the Players!

Now some of you are probably very curious how the King of Spain came to be living in North America, working at these minimum wage jobs.
How did it happen, King?
Yes, everybody wants to know, don't they?
Most people.
And as literary convention would have it, this song has an epilogue.
Are you curious about the epilogue?
Do you want to know?
Tell us, King!
Do you want to know?
Tell us, King!
Do you want to know?
Tell us, King!
Should I tell them then, guys?
Tell us, King!
You see late one night when the palace was asleep
Out of my royal chambers and into the garden I creep
And I wait till the appointed time, when the moon is lighting the pitch
At which point my peasant friend, who looks just like me
Arrives and we make switch!
[gasp]
Prince and pauper, junior and whopper
World made up of silver and copper
Under my own volition, I took a change of position
So next time you drool in the pizza line
Remember, slower pizza's more luscious
The King of Spain never rushes!!!

Once I was the King of Spain(now I eat humble pie)
I was lookin' for off-handed ways to improve us(now I eat humble pie)
I'm telling you I was the King of Spain(now I eat humble pie)
And now I'm jamming with Moxy Fruvous!(Once he was the King of Spain)

Give it up for the King of Spain


The Lowest Highest Point
(Mike)
Which state has the lowest highest point? Eh?
Florida? I guessed Florida or Louisiana, I was wrong.
Jian got it on his second guess.
No..New York? It's got fuckin' mountains.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
the lowest highest point.
(Murray)
Two words that shouldn't go together. Lowest and highest.
(Mike)
Virginia's got mountains, too. Like are you not thinking?
(Mike and Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian, starting a beat)
The lowest highest point.
(Dave)
The lowest highest point.
[Dave and Murray create a backgroud part, alternating the
rhythm on the words "lowest highest point"]
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
Is in the prairies rolling hills?
Or is out on the left coast?
Maybe something down south where they've got lots of marshes
Maybe it's the fucking District of Columbia
All that hot air's gotta sink that city
Maybe it's somewhere up North
(Dave)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
Laid Back.
(Jian)
Kissinger
(Dave)
Gin and juice!
(Mike)
Do we have a guess from the audience, an educated guess, not a fucking state with mountains. Think about this one, Cheloveks.
[audience makes guesses]
(Mike)
What?
(Dave)
I haven't heard it.
(Jian)
It's not Arizona.
(Mike)
Arizona has mountains.
(Jian)
Not Arizona. Not New York. Not Missouri or Indiana.
Not Illinois. Not Idaho. Not Montana.
(Mike)
It's not even Maine. They've got Mount Washington. Fucking Mount Washington. Mount Washington, up in Maine. It's got a bit of elevation.
(note: Mt. Washington is actually in New Hampshire)
It's not fucking New Hampshire.
They got skiing.
This has gotta be a state without fucking skiing. The state...
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian)
Keep trying! It's not Alabama.
(Dave)
It's not Iowa.
(Mike)
Ow! Did somebody get it? I think somebody got it.
(Jian)
Come on up on stage. Come on up on stage.
(Mike)
Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on.
He's got the Woodie Guthrie style of hat, cause he's been thinking.
Ain't thinking about fucking mountains. Tell Us!
(Audience Member)
Delaware.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
(Mike)
The lowest highest point.
(Jian)
The lowest highest point.
It's Delaware!


B.J. Don't Cry

Johnny Saucep'n

Nature Sounds
(Murray)
Play and record again.
(Dave)
Play and record at the same time.
(Jian)
Actually, do that shhhhh again.
That's good. If we...if we record enough of that, we can release one of those Nature Sounds tapes. There's a big market for that, you know? You go into the drug store. $20, you pick up sounds of the loon.
(Mike)
[hoot owl sound]
"Honey, you look so calm."
"It's the tape. It's the audio cassette."
(Murray)
Better than real nature.
(Jian)
I've been listening to Lake Erie. Sweetheart?


I've Gotta Get a Message to You

My Baby Loves a Bunch of Authors

Naked Puppets
(Jian)
...just happens to like being naked. There's nothing wrong with that.
(Dave)
Who doesn't like being naked?
(Mike)
So did Adam and Eve.
(Audience member)
So does Grover!
(Dave)
So does Grover.
(Murray)
Grover is...
(Jian)
Now, you're talking, you fucking beastiality nut... you crazy guy.
[pause - everyone laughs]
(Murray)
Well. You came back at him, didn't ya? You told him.
(Jian)
Ah, sure. I taught him a lesson, huh?
(Murray)
There's no...
(Mike)
Anybody else? Anybody else got something to say here?
(Jian)
Well, who thinks...who thinks of Grover as naked?
(Murray)
I mean, Grover is naked.
(Jian)
That's sacrosant.
(Murray)
Does anybody else wanna point out a naked puppet? Alrighty. No? Okay.
(Jian)
And I guess Kermit's naked? Let's talk about that.
(Dave)
Is Barney naked?
(Jian)
Is nothing sacred?
(Mike)
Am I sick?
I always wanted to hear Oscar the Grouch, you know how he comes out? I always wanted him one time to just to come out and go "motherfucker" He's got the perfect mouth for it.
(Jian)
Just come out of the gar... he's pissed off for being in the garbage can.
(Mike)
Motherfucker. But uh, you know...it's never gonna happen.
(Jian)
What can you do? And then Liddie Dole intervened...


No No Raja

Video Bargainville

Kasparov vs. Deep Blue
(Murray)
Well, I... I do have a question. How many people were voting for Deep Blue? And how many people were voting for Kasparov? Ah.....humanity has hope - still, I suppose.
(Jian)
How many people are like actually disappointed that the human lost.
No no, disappointed I mean. Duh! No, Because like I just don't get it, you know? I mean, you know? What's the fucking big deal, you know? It's a machine, right? I don't know. I made the point in Albany the other day which apparently lost on all the Albanians.
(Murray)
I didn't get it either.
[laughter]
(Dave)
That's not all that was lost on the Albanians.
(Jian)
There still behind the times.
(Dave)
There's a lot of foreign aid going on there.
(Jian)
So, uh...
(Murray)
Your point was if there's a fire, Deep Blue wouldn't run out of the room.
(Jian)
Exactly!
(Mike)
Couldn't run out of the room.
(Jian)
That's exactly my point. If an attractive person walks into the room, a person that would be attractive to Deep Blue, it can't do anything about it. That's my point. Kasparov can approach the person.
(Murray)
The attractive person.
(Jian)
No! Here's my point. My point is a calculator. That's my point. Right?
(Murray)
No, let's get back the fire.
(Jian)
No, hang on. No, no, the calc...forget the fire, because apparently it's, you know, I'm talking on a different level.
(Murray)
I - Clearly!
(Jian)
Here's the thing. Here's the thing. A calculator, right, a common everyday calculator.
(Murray)
I'm with you.
(Jian)
A calculator will, you know, it...let's say, let's play the adding game, right? Who can add faster a calculator or a woman or man? A calculator can, right? So what's the big deal? We know that there are instruments... we know that there are are machines... we know that there are computers, etcetera.
(Murray)
Right.
(Jian)
that can do things that. It's just because the the thing won at chess, right? I don't understand what the big deal is.
(Murray)
Your point is if you light a match near your calculator, it's not going to scurry away. It's all relative.
(Jian)
No, my point is...My point is if there's a calculator. My point is... oh alright, okay, I'll bring it back to the fire for you, because I know you're obsessed. If there's a fire in my living room, where me and my calculator are sitting, I can escape the fire.
(Dave)
Yeah, but...
(Jian)
But my calculator can't.
(Murray)
Is there a logic course here that one of us can enroll in?
(Jian)
Well, I think, I think they know what I'm talking about.
I'm talking about the fact that the machine is programmed to only do one thing. It can't do anything else. The fire was just one example. Pick anything, anything.
(Mike)
Locusts.
(Murray)
A flood. How about a flood? Can he escape a flood?
(Dave)
Buddy boy...
(Jian, laughing)
Kasparov can....
(Mike)
A plague of frogs.
[laughter]
(Jian)
No, say there's an, say there's an earthquake. Right.
(Murray)
Now, there's a good one.
(Jian)
There's an earthquake doen the middle of the room, the chess room.
Kasparov can get up and move. Deep Blue can't.
(Murray)
It falls into the chasm.
(Jian)
That's my point.
(Murray)
Right.
(Dave)
But if they built Deep Blue in a door frame then there's no room for Kasparov to stand... to fight the earthquake. Then they're doubly screwed.
(Jian)
See...see...they'd have to program Deep Blue to escape the fire. That's my thing.
(Murray)
But they can do that in a couple of years.
(Mike)
You know we were talking about... we were talking about disaster movies. This would be the perfect disaster movie. Just have an endless succession of these scenes where Deep Blue is just sitting there. "It's the locusts" or whatever and Kasparov is just running his little piggy legs out of the room. "I'm free again, you fucker."
(Jian, fading)
Here's the...I just think....


Psycho Killer
(by David Byrne/Talking Heads)
I can't seem to face up to the facts
I'm tense and nervous and I
Can't relax
I can't sleep 'cause my bed's on fire
Don't touch me I'm a real live wire
well...
Psycho Killer
Qu'est Que C'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
oh oh oh
Psycho Killer
Qu'est Que C'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
oh oh oh ohhhhhh - ai yi yi yi ya
You start a conversation you can't even finish.
You're talkin' a lot, but you're not sayin' anything.
Got nothing to say? My lips are sealed.
Say something once, why say it again?
Psycho Killer,
Qu'est Que C'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
oh oh oh
Psycho Killer
Qu'est Que C'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
oh oh oh ohhhhh - ai yi yi ya
Ce que j'ai fais, ce soir la
Ce Cal Stanutz, ce soir la
Realisant mon espoir
Je me lance, vers la gloire ... OK
We are vain and we are blind
I hate people when they're too polite
Psycho Killer,
Qu'est Que C'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away
oh oh oh
Psycho Killer,
Qu'est Que C'est
fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
Run run run run run run run away

oh oh oh oh.... ai yi yi ya


Losers
(Jian)
How many people, uh, how many people here would consider themselves a loser?
[applause]


King of Spain [Cranky Monarch Version]

The Drinking Song


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