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As a warning however I must say Grendel uses some language that is considered obscene and has been banned because of this so to anyone who is affended easily I discourage you from reading it. If your still interested in reading about Grendel however I have an essay I wrote in English class I would like to share. Essay "Aimlessly wandering through the Great Abyss through the endless rivers of time. Never finding happiness and meaning under such a confusing and brutal existence. Surrounded by infinite space and mystery but so little opportunity to break through the powerful shell of suppression. Yet on we go exploring the meandering paths of destiny into the uncertain future where only those strong enough to weave the fabric of time survive to create hope." The first half of Grendel's life follows this poem I wrote closely. Grendel's childhood is spent "aimlessly wandering" in a very strange world where he doesn't feel like he fits in so he sets out to find what significance his existence has. When he fails in "finding happiness and meaning" Grendel curses the sky, his silent endless tormentor. With no way to channel his anger or find answers to his questions Grendel is rendered helpless against himself. The only thing he can do to treat his very distrubed mind is to spy on the humans in hope they have the answers. When Grendel sees and hears the Shaper for the first time he wants to believe all the silken tongue lyrics he sings but is held back by his own will and experiences with the humans. He knows very well that what the Shaper sings of is false, yet its beauty and reasoning attracts him to visit over and over again like a curious child returning to an area forbidden by his parents. So with the stories of God's and purpose in life the Shaper sparks a glimmer of hope in Grendel's heart but before he can "weave the fabric of time...to create hope" the dragon intercepts. The dragon speaks of forgotten truths and the state of null he claims life to be. Grendel is aware of the dragon's evil but allows himslf to be taken advantage of for the sake of answering his long unaswered question. However after the confrontation Grendel learns nothing about the meaning of his existence and a new idea takes a strangle hold over his mind. There is no meaning to life, just as the dragon had implied. Grendel also discovers a curse the dragon put on him; weapons can't harm him. So Grendel's one escape in life, conflict with the humans, becomes dull and meaningless. So Grendel targeted the humans as the object of his rage in an attempt to regain his former self, what the dragon took from him, his human side. Thus the dragon made Grendel into a completely mindless monster. Grendel mourns this misfortune in life and when his death finally comes, he craves it, to put an end to his miserable existence. After Grendel loses all hope he decides to wage war on Hrothgar to avenge himself and because of his own jealousy. His motive is the humans have something to cling onto in life, even if they just make it up with no proof of the certainty of it, they have a meaning to continue going on living and he doesn't which drives him to insanity. "And out through the dull gray fog and mist he emerged only to find that he had stepped into a dark void with eternal darkness in all directions. With no hope of escape no matter what direction he went he decided to go in every direction at once and thus he burst apart." This continuation of the fist poem I wrote explains the transition of Grendel's adjustment after his encounter with the dragon and his tradgic death. Just when Grendel was beginning to find something to believe in (through the humans) he was torn of any glimmer of hope by the dragon who quite abruptly smashed Grendel's dreams or as is said in the poem "out through the dull gray fog and mist he emerged only to find that he had stepped into a dark void." With nothing left to live for Grendel was defeated, dead on the inside, so Grendel waged his idiotic war on Hrothgar with year after year of meaningless absurdity, for what but hope he might catch the satisfaction he once yearned for before the dragon. Once Beowulf victors over Grendel, (if you really can call it that) Grendel retreats in fear of knowing his death is near. He cries for his mom, much like he did when he was trapped in a tree when he was very young and didn't know what to do because he was confused and afraid. He lived through live lonely, the last of his kind, a hermit in the sense he never had the chance to socialize with anyone else except the humans he terrorized. Sure he had a mother but he could neither communicate with her on an intellectial level nor understand her. So there he was, dying in the cold wintry forest watching the woodland creatures gather around him to bear witness to his death. He had lived miserably in life and now that an end was coming to it, despite his regrets, he embraced the cold shadow knowing the breath he held painfully in his lungs was his last.
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