Redemption Part 3

Redemption
Part 3: Dilemmas
By SJ 12-23-01/05-02 (skyjade@globetrotter.net)

________________
Disclaimers: Nothing in the Star Wars Universe belong to me; everything belongs
to George Lucas. I'm only writing stories for fun.
See my homepage for more details.
http://www.geocities.com/Area51/Quasar/3702

Special thanks to my shy, secret beta-reader and best friend, Adrianne, for her
help with the final editing of my new stories. (Eh, I have no choice but to
mention you, my friend ; your secret is still safe though ;) Thanks for giving
me some of your precious time, my friend :)
__________________

As 'her' shuttle ceremoniously docked in the main hangar of the Annihilator,
Mara continued to reflect on the events of two nights ago.

She still couldn't understand what had made her dear boyfriend cry for so long;
even during the twilight of Leia's death, he hadn't had nearly that much tears
to shed, and Force knew that the loss of his sister had been a major blow to
him.

So what could it be, she wondered worriedly.

Had something happened between himself and his father?.. Or the Emperor?..

Unless, she thought seriously, he was finally allowing himself to grieve Leia.

Yes, she nodded to herself, it was probably what had happened.

Ever since that faithful day, Luke had devoted every minute of his life to his
revenge against the Rebels, never giving himself the time to come to grip with
the fact that his sister was gone forever.

Thanks to her basic training in psychological matters, she knew, just like her
lover should, that this kind of attitude wasn't healthy for him. But now, she
sighed in relief, he was dealing with his loss, in an un-dark-lord fashion, she
conceded, but his own fashion nonetheless. She could only offer him her
presence and understanding until he recovered.

The shuttle finally set down on the metallic deck; she gathered her gown and
richly-made shawl, then regally stood to her feet.

Her Lord was waiting for her.

While Luke awaited for Mara's 'arrival', he slightly smirked to himself in
satisfaction. For two trained agents such as they were, it hadn't been
difficult at all to whisk Mara away from his quarters then into a ship before
she had arranged for her return to him... in her guise of Lady Vader.

With her hair pulled up in an artful arrangement of gems and ribbons and her
glamorous gowns, they both knew that no one would recognize her as the furious,
disheveled rebel scum whom he had 'finished' in his quarters two days ago.

The shuttle finally settled down, then its ramp slowly lowered.

Unlike when his father or the Emperor came aboard, only two squads of troopers
as well as the highest ranking officers were gathered to welcome her aboard.

And unlike the two afore-mentioned men, Luke thought to himself as he gazed
lustfully at his lover, she could use the landing plank as more than a plank;
she managed to make all her curves reveal themselves on the way down to the
deck.

Luke, the ever-gallant gentleman with his lady, offered her his hand; she
accepted it. He kissed her knuckles.

"I am delighted to be with you again, my Lord," she smiled softly, then bowed
deferentially.

Luke hid his smirk at that. To anyone who watched them closely, Mara appeared
to be submitted to him.

*Only in public, Farmboy,* she sent him coolly.

"And it's a pleasure to have you once again at my side, my Lady," he returned
coolly.

Mara beautifully welcomed his comment with another bow, then turned her
attention toward the nearby officers who bid her welcome.

After the proper pleasantries were exchanged, Luke offered his bent arm to his
lover, then they walked away from the disassembling group.

*That went even better than I estimated,* he finally sent her once they were
walking down the corridors.

*It had better work,* she sent him back mock-seriously. *I spent enough time on
that hairdo to make me more than unhappy if someone figures out my secret.*
Luke gazed sideways at her at that, taking in the detail of her hair.

*You sure outdid yourself this time, Jade,* he commented, then hurried to add:
*it's amazingly beautiful.*

Mara's glare cooled down at his compliment, then she merely nodded in thanks.

*It's almost a shame that it won't last,* he added lustfully.

*And why is that?* she asked him, warning under-lacing her thoughts once again.
While surprised by her tone of voice, Luke ignored it, estimating that it was
yet another one of her jokes.

*Do you really think that it will survive once we're out of sight?* he asked her
while sending her an image of what he had in mind.

This time, she openly glared at him.

*If you think that I'll spend another two hours redoing this hair just for the
evening meal, think again, Farmboy,* she growled menacingly, using his hated
moniker from when he had been a rebel.

It was a bad sign; she was dead serious about this. He decided not to press
the point and instead adapted his plans so that they matched with hers.

*Well,* he conceded, *we can always adjust of course. However,* he added with
all his love, *I still prefer your hair when they are down,* he admitted.

They reached their quarters, stepped inside and the doors closed--- then it was
Mara's turn to pull him into a ravenous kiss even as she attacked his clothes
with her hands.

*Remember,* she sent to him when he began to move her hands away from her hips,
*no playing in my hair,* she smiled lovingly at him.

"No problem," he answered in a breath. "I know a few other places where I can
play safely."

They then resumed their wild kissing.

******

Nearly three hours later, Luke left his quarters to accomplish his very
important duty of the day: brainwash his rebel prisoners.

Ever since he had woken up the previous day, he had been procrastinating it, but
now, he couldn't do so anymore. They were mere hours away from returning them
to their families. He had no choice but to proceed with his plan. However,
unlike when he had decided with his father to use this tactic to save more
sorrow for the parent-bereft children, he never expected to be as uneasy as he
felt with the procedure.

What didn't help, he reflected seriously as he made his way toward the detention
area, was that he 'knew' what a mindwipe did to someone. He had used this
tactic countless times when he had been an agent; he knew the torture that it
caused to one's mind... and right now, he admitted to himself, he didn't want to
cause such pain to anyone.

On the other hand, if he didn't do it, he would either have to kill them, which
was worse, or he would have to release them as they were, which was
inconceivable given his service to the Emperor.

He didn't want to lose his favor, he told himself as he brought to mind his most
recent memories of his time with his beloved Mara. He would do anything to be
with her. He would kill those rebels' minds, he decided, still ambivalent,
then steeled himself for the unpleasant experience.

He finally reached his destination and stepped inside the main hallway of the
detention area. Unlike all the other times that he had stood in such a place,
his senses were instantly assaulted by all the suffering and despair that was
permeating the place; he hurried to block out his sixth sense while retaining
his cold composure.

"My Lord," the officer in charge bowed to him.
"I need the list of the cells of the rebel sympathizers who were arrested on
Carlama," he answered without preamble, then crossed his arms in impatience.

It also helped him to resist the emotional onslaught that was still trying to
assail him unlike anything before.

A card was finally produced by the data bank; a trooper charged it in a reader,
then headed toward the cells.

Luke silently followed him... toward his first victim.

As he finished with his last prisoner, he promised himself to never rely on this
strategy ever again.

And with that though, he knew...

He wasn't a dark lord anymore, he reluctantly admitted to himself, then stilled
in fear. He was in danger if he didn't regain his former attitude and devotion
to his goals, he thought seriously, desperately.

On the conscious plane, he exited the last cell he had to visit.

"Gather them in the main hangar bay," he snapped to the nearby trooper, more
irritated at himself than at his troops. "A transport is organized for them."

"Yes, my Lord," the man bowed, then used his comlink to require help for the
next phase of the operation.

Meanwhile, Luke stormed toward the bridge, the only place where he would find
something to do to keep himself from being filled with doubts and confusion
which only grew in strength with his self-questioning.

Overseeing the ships' locations and reports would keep his head clear, he
reflected.

******

Hours later, aboard the Executor, Vader, who had also found refuge on the bridge
of his ship to forget his inner dilemma, finally returned to his quarters,
admitting defeat.

When his daughter had appeared to him, she had known what she had been doing, he
admitted with a touch of resent. She had known that she would throw him off the
carefully-maintained balance of coolness and self-control which had kept him
from feeling too much ever since... the change. She had known, he thought
glumly, that he would fall back into the Light, the care and love that were the
enemies of his actual life. Even worse, he now understood with a great deal of
unease, she had known... that he wouldn't recover from her intervention... That
Anakin would return after so many years of imprisonment---

No!, he suddenly objected with all his spiritual strength. He would not allow
this to happen. He might become less and less interested to serve the Emperor,
and he might also grow more and more caring about the fates of even his
'innocent' enemies, but he couldn't, 'wouldn't' repeat the mistakes of the past.

Anakin Skywalker had been a weak-minded fool, a man without control, without
wisdom... without power. Now, he had achieved all that, and it allowed him to
be a good protector of the galaxy; so, for the galaxy, he wouldn't regress back
into the puny Jedi that he had once been.

Convinced that his decision was final this time, he headed for his office where
reports were waiting for him.

He would find a way to do his job while sticking to his 'new' values, he
decided, but he would 'never', 'ever' turn back to the Light.

He entered his lavishly yet conservatively furnished office,--- and missed the
cleaning droid which was rolling near the corner of his desk.

For one of the first time in nearly twenty years, Lord Vader tripped most
ungracefully and unceremoniously crashed on the floor, his powerful shoulder
ramming straight into the drawers of his desk.

Shaken by his rough landing, he glared at the scurrying droid which swiftly
disappeared inside its cubicle; once he was alone, he took a moment to shake his
head clear.

He then happened to notice what had stopped his fall.

While he slowly stood back to his feet, he dimly reflected that he hadn't used
those compartments of his desk for years now, except when...

Suddenly remembering when was the last time that he had opened the last drawer,
he tried to key it open, then, when it failed to open, knelt back beside it and
used the Force to open it.

The moment that the content of the drawer became visible, an image of a younger
Darth Vader came back to his mind.

Approximately two years after his accident, he had been more wiry and stronger
than he now was, and on a 'that' faithful, horrible day, he had also been filled
with a dark anger which had blotted out any other feeling that he might have
felt...

Except his love for his lost angel... Padme, who had just died back then.

Even then, the mere thought of her name had been enough to drive a lit-
lightsaber through his heart. They could have had so much, could have been so
happy together, but no... The Jedis had had to intervene yet again in his life,
keeping them apart even though they had joined their lives together... And then
she had died, he remembered sadly.

After witnessing her death, holding her as she had died in his arms thanks to
injuries that he couldn't heal even with the Force, he had returned aboard his
ship, swearing to the Force that he would avenge her death at the Jedis' hands.
Then, almost ceremoniously, he had taken a last look at the Jappor Snipper that
he had once carved for her as a reminder of their care for one another... and
had laid it in the last drawer of his desk before closing it up and locking it
forever.

The pendant was still there today.

Delicately, he took it out of its 'tomb', then laid it in his large, leather-
covered hand. How different it was compared to his small hand when he had given
it to her, he reflected sadly, and how different he himself was compared to the
child that he had once been... Would she still love him, he found himself
wondering as he stood to his feet, then sat in his plush chair; his gaze
remained locked on the memento from the past.

He would understand if she didn't, he admitted sadly. He had become a monster,
a destroyer of life, and even if he would try to hurt less people from now on,
the past would always remain; dark, blood-stained...

Soulless.

Except for his son, he shamefully admitted to himself that he wasn't proud of
what he had done, of how he had behaved. He slowly turned the pendant around
with his fingers--- and noticed the presence of small hinges on one side.

Reflexively, he focused his attention on the other side of the pendant, noticed
the seam, then tried to open it.

Since his fingers were too big, he changed tactics and called on the Force...
then stopped. Something was telling him to open it with his real hands, not his
mental ones. Slowly, almost reluctantly, he laid the pendant on his desk, then
pulled his gloves off of his hands... revealing his pale-skinned, real hands.

The moment that he gazed at them, flashes of his old self, of when he had met
again with Padme as a youth came back to him.

He had loved, back then, had cared and had meant to right the wrongs of the
universe... He had been a good man, despite his boldness... his recklessness
which had cost him everyone and everything he cared for. Could he still be that
good man, but more mature?, he wondered dimly as he resumed his attempt to open
the pendant.

Unlike his previous attempt, this one worked almost instantly, giving him access
to the small storage carving that had been added into the pendant. A microchip
was safely ensconced in the porous material. Carefully yet eagerly, Vader
pulled the customized disk out of its slit, then loaded it in a nearby reader.

He didn't know what to expect, but he certainly didn't expect an holo of Padme,
his angel...

He caught his breath in shock.

"Anakin," she began gently yet sadly, "my love, if you see this, then it means
that I am no longer alive," she continued, bitter-sweet. "It also means," she
went on, "that your goodness isn't completely gone from you for the Jedi lock of
the pendant couldn't be open by a Dark Lord of the Sith."

Anakin was shocked by her revelation; he hadn't even felt such a lock on the
memento, but true, it had opened without much prying from his part.

"You were once a great man, Ani," she continued, beseechingly this time, "a man
filled with love, care, hope, morale and Light. I know that Palpatine hasn't
driven you completely away, Anakin. Please, come back; you can do it. As you
proved already with our wedding, your love is stronger than even the choices
that you've made in life," she gently reminded him.

Vader felt himself wilt in defeat as Anakin grew stronger and stronger in
himself. Yes, he reminded himself, he still felt love, felt it for his
children, for his lost wife... and now for Life itself, in all its forms.

"Palpatine knows this, my love... That is why he sent assassins after me,
because he knew that as long as I lived, he would never completely own you. But
please," she hurried to add, as if knowing how angry this revelation would make
him, "don't be angry. You will only allow him to win," she explained with her
usual wisdom.

And indeed, he admitted to himself, the old despot had won for years now... but
no more.

"Fight him with your love and care, Ani; it is the only way to vanquish him and
make the wrongs right in the Galaxy. You are the greatest Jedi ever, my love.
You can defeat him and he knows it."

And that was why he kept him and his son on such short leashes, he realized.

The Emperor was afraid of them.

"Until we are reunited at last, Ani, I will be watching over you... and our
children," she finished wistfully, locking her warm gaze on his... then she
disappeared in static.

Anakin sat still in his chair, shocked, confused, and awed by what he had just
discovered and heard. Padme had known that he would someday return, and that
when he would do so, he would be stronger than ever 'because' of his time in the
service of the Dark Side. She had even felt confident enough in her knowledge
of him that she had revealed the truth about their twins.

And she had said that she would always be with him.

Slowly, he gazed over his left shoulder, saw nothing but the cool lights of the
stars that were shining through his huge viewport, but he knew.

She was there, with their daughter.

"I will defeat him the right way this time, my angels," he promised to both his
daughter and wife. "I am back now, thanks to you two."

In the realm of the Force, Leia and her mother exchanged a tear-filled gaze of
happiness.

One of them was saved now, at least as far as his soul went.

"You might not be a Jedi, Mother," she told her wistfully, "but you certainly
have their wisdom."

Her mother remained silent but nodded in agreement as her gaze remained on her
beloved husband.

"If Father has returned," Leia commented, now hopeful, "then Luke will
undoubtedly also return; he's spent less time than Father in the Dark Side."

"He isn't saved yet though," Padme gently reminded her.

"I know," the younger spirit nodded, "but we will win him back, I can feel it."

"Then, it will only leave their physical safety from the Emperor's malevolence
to insure," she reminded her seriously.

Leia remained silent at that, aware that this would indeed be quite a tough
challenge.

******

Parsecs away, aboard the Annihilator, Lord and Lady Vader had retired for the
night, and Luke was undoing her intricate hairdo.

As Mara sat quietly on an armless bench in front of him, she admitted that the
feeling of her boyfriend's hands as they gently undid her hair was very sensual;
he gently freed each curl from its ribbon and pin before slowly unraveling it to
its full length. Then he delicately brushed any unpleasant locks from it before
doing the same thing with her next curl.

Aside from the hair massage she was undergoing though, there was something more
important on her mind. It was one of the first time since her return that she
could really talk with him. She gazed up at him, took a moment to appreciate
the reflection of his bare torso in the mirror before she focused on his serious
face.

"What were you thinking about during diner?" she asked him gently.

Since she was watching him very closely, she caught the hint of a wince before
he managed to recover his cool composure.

"Why do you say this?" he answered, flicking a gaze at her in her mirror before
refocusing on her hair.

"Remember that I almost know you as well as your father does, flyboy," she
lightly scolded him. "I 'saw' your expression of disgust when General Veers
gave details about the last attack on the Rebels."

"Well, we were talking about rebels," he answered quickly while he laid yet
another one of her pin on the vanity in front of her. "I still despise them."

"But they were being dealt with in Veers' accounting, Luke," she reminded him,
shifting her position on the bench until she was facing him. She gazed straight
in his eyes, not sparing a moment to admire his half-chiseled stomach and chest
although this was hard to accomplish.

Luke knew that he wasn't fooling her; he met her gaze straight on to alleviate
her worry. If he tried to hide from her, he knew that he wouldn't be able to
hide his truly distraught state to her... and he would lose her forever.

But what could he say to reassure her, he wondered nervously.

"I know,..." he began hesitatingly, then trusted his instincts of comedian.
"I... don't know exactly how to explain this to you, but the mere mention of
them, alive or dead, or being hurt... sickens me to the heart. They took my
sister from me," he finished with a resent that he was finding harder and harder
to summon.

For a moment, his lover gazed up at him, her jade eyes locked on his owns, then
she pulled on his hand until he had knelt in front of her.

"I'm so sorry, Luke," she said gently, bringing her hand up until she could
caress his brow in compassion. "I understand."

Luke closed his eyes, reveling, literally drowning in her wonderful touch.
If only he could tell her everything, he thought while making sure that his
barriers were firmly up around his inner self.

"I wish that I could get over it now that they're dead, my love," he commented
half-truthfully, half-falsely.

"Perhaps I can help you... if you will let me," his girlfriend whispered
lustfully, then gently kissed him fully on the lips.

As always, their deeper link made all his clouds of doubt and confusion
dissolve, allowing him to enjoy every second that he spent with his lover.

Hours later, Luke was once again laying awake while his lover was deeply asleep,
but unlike two days ago, he wasn't sad.

Instead, he was confused, lost... He didn't know what to do.
Ever since his sister's spirit had visited him, he had found himself 'surviving'
in the Imperial world, being no longer interested to cause or see pain around
himself, and tonight, it had gone as far as wanting to avenge the rebels who had
been molested and crushed by the cruel General Veers.

However, he had known that he couldn't act on that instinct; the sight of the
new Dark Lord jumping down his General's throat because of an order that he had
himself given would have looked strange enough to warrant an immediate report to
the Emperor...

And then...

He would have lost Mara.

He tightened his hold on her, delicately pressing her bare back against his
chest as if to prevent anyone from ever taking her away from him.

He knew however that it would happen, sooner or later.

More and more, he was growing aware that he couldn't be a Dark Lord of the Sith
anymore, nor an Imperial servant for that matter. It was quite an unwelcome
surprise though; as far as he could remember since he had met his father, he had
always wanted to become who he was today. He had even given his two-hundred
percent to reach this point in his life... Only to discover that he had forged
his own chains instead of spreading his wings as he had thought he would.

Even worse, the said slavery was in fact going against all the values that he
truly held dear in life, turning him into a destroyer of those very values.

He knew that he couldn't continue like this for long, but how could he break
free?, he wondered dimly.

The Emperor was all powerful, knew everything and tolerated nothing; he was also
the master of everyone whom he held dear in life. He couldn't risk their
safety, he decided, especially not Mara's. He couldn't even talk with either
her or his father; both wouldn't understand what was wrong with him all of a
sudden.

The only one with whom he could talk was...

Slowly, careful to not wake up his companion, he stood up from bed, then put on
a pair of sleeping pants before he exited the silent room.

He retired in his office, then took a moment to focus his senses before he sent
a call through the Force.

He kept it on a close radius, aware that Mara would pick up on it if it went too
far away from him.

"Luke," his sister smiled gently, appearing less than ten centimeters away from
him on his left.

"Why are you doing this to me?" he instantly asked her, whirling toward her and
showing her exactly what she was responsible for.

"I'm sorry," she apologized warmly. "I know what Mara means to you; your love
for her is such in fact that it saved you from the Dark Side."

"Then why are you trying to separate us?" he asked her resentfully.

"Because I love you too, brother. You are not meant to be a slave forever."

"But to be alone, and unhappy," he cut her off, some of his anger resurfacing
from under his confusion. "That is all right, isn't it?"

"No, it isn't," his sister shook her head, "and it is not meant to happen
either. It might be part of the steps necessary to fulfill your destiny, but it
is not your destiny, Brother, believe me."

"Ah, destiny," he sneered, suddenly feeling fed up with listening to her, thus
being more and more confused about who he truly was. "Our destinies are what we
make them; they are not pre-ordained," he objected seriously.

"They are, Luke...," Leia explained gently, never raising her tone of voice,
"and yours is to destroy the Emperor and free the galaxy."

Before Luke could argue with her, she disappeared--- and a window into another
place opened up where she had been standing; it shocked him still.

In the 'window', he saw his Father bring a Jedi in chains to the Emperor; the
closer that they stepped, the more that he could see the man's face--- until he
realized that he was him.

Shaken to his core, he watched, mute and bemused, as events unfolded in front of
his eyes. 'He' first saw himself defy the Emperor, then he tried to kill the
ruler and ended-up fighting against his father. To his relief, he didn't kill
him, but his attempt to make him return to the Light completely befuddled him.
In answer to those, his father tried to seduce him to his side. Why wasn't he
already there, he wondered--- then, after another vicious duel between himself
and his father, the Emperor tried to kill him for being a Jedi... until his
father saved him by hurling the tyrant down a long reactor shaft.

After that, his alter-ego helped his father back to his feet, then struggled to
get him to a shuttle, to escape the Empire??, he frowned in confusion. What was
going on in there?... Then even more confusing words were exchanged between
himself and his father: he had already saved him?..

From what?.. Why?..

"What is this?" he finally half-whispered even as he witnessed the false death
of his father. "This isn't true," he stated angrily.

"This is what would have happened if Father hadn't found you as a child, Luke
Skywalker," Leia explained, calling him by his true name for the first time
since he had revealed his imperial links to her.

It upset him.

"My name is Vader," he reminded her with animosity as she re-materialized in
front of him.

"Your true self is Skywalker, as is Father's," she commented wistfully. "The
Emperor convinced him to change his name because he knew that he would never
keep a Skywalker chained and grounded for long. After all, as your name
suggest, you are both born to be free."

Luke remained silent at that, dimly remembering an event of his childhood: even
when he had been a slave, space and flying had always seemed to call to him...
as it had his father, he had later found out.

Slowly, reluctantly, he put together a few more pieces of his puzzle. If his
sister was right, he dimly reflected, then his name was indeed pre-destined to
fit him... and he wasn't supposed to be with the Emperor, killing and crushing
the galaxy for him, he shuddered in horror, then stopped at the thought of his
lover---

"What about Mara??" he asked her desperately. "I don't want to lose her nor
hurt her."

"You will not lose her, Luke," she gently reassured him, stepping even closer to
him until she could rest her ethereal hand on his shoulder. "It will not be
easy for you for a while, but you will not lose her."

"Then how do we escape?" he asked her, eagerly yet reluctantly. "The Emperor
won't let us go if we ask him."

"I know, but I don't know how you will defeat him," his sister admitted
seriously.

Luke's mood saddened once again; what good was it to entertain hopes if they
were impossible---

"However," Leia continued, "I know that you won't do it alone. You cannot
defeat the Emperor alone," she insisted, as if aware that he might attempt it on
his own.

"Who will help me?" he asked her out loud even as he nodded slightly in answer
to her warning.

Leia smiled gently at him this time.

"Remember your destiny, brother of the Light," she advised him---

Then she was gone once again, leaving him even more confused than before, he
decided once he had recovered from the shock of what he had just discovered...
and accepted, he reluctantly conceded.

No matter how impossible it felt to him, how against his training his thoughts
were, he now knew for certain where he stood in the Force... and it wasn't with
his slaver.

He truly couldn't serve him anymore, couldn't crush the galaxy in his name
anymore... In short, he couldn't be Luke Vader anymore.

After long years of forced-denial of his last name, he was finally reclaiming
his true, complete name.

He was Luke Skywalker again, and unlike when he had 'chosen' to deny it, he was
not a defenseless child anymore. However, he conceded with a wince of deep
worry, he was a wary adult and he knew exactly who and what he was faced with.

He really didn't know how he would vanquish the dark monster who used to be his
master and who now controlled everyone he loved.

******

TBC in part 4: Decisions

SJ: Skyjade@globetrotter.net (any positive stuff is welcome, but negative or
mean comments will be thrown down the Sarlacc s throat without being read.)