this is work in progress or homilies or miscellaneous items

that don't warrant a page by themselves

or seem to fit better here

pending poems  index

chronological order is from the bottom to the top of the page

audio files can be complemented by listening to them  with the eyes closed   !

expensive to  make ,  it cost the head of the funding family, titus statilius taurus, his life, forced to commit suicide by nero !

to die for a lot of nonsense,  sad or not,  just c r a zy  i  t h i n k !

i think if you committed suicide  (instead of being forcibly executed)  they left your family and most ? of the estate alone ?

the real sacrifical lamb ! ? : o ) (

if the physical constants were even slightly different, life could not have appeared.  the discovery of varying fundamental  ‘ constants ’  may help shed important light on how the physical constants came to have their life-sustaining values today

we simply appeared in an area of the universe where they are consistent with our existence ”

everybody  gaslights  but women do it more !

the cup i drink from is bitter, it is always bitter

ewk  posts

if you've got something to affirm, you've got something in your eye

my  co m m e n t

ewk can be quite hard to get a handle on, but he takes negation as an absolute and not a recursion, so he just sits in thinking negation is adequate which it can appear to be if you don't understand recursion, like in his statement above he is in effect/actually making an affirmation, that is ,  he is negating  ‘ something to affirm ’  but that is also an affirmation and is in effect the usual twisting writhing ouroboros that the blind think is a flat sea or lake ! : o(

i have tried to tell him, but he's just in denial, buji zen is a sort of nominally minimalist   ‘waiting at the end of time’

personally the movement of the ouroboros is always scaring the shit out of me ! : o)(

the problem with celibacy is it takes a lot of negative experience to see its utility !

after all you are passing up sex and to see that as a benefit . .

the problem with celibacy is it takes a lot of negative experience to see its utility !

the problem with celibacy is it takes a lot of negative experience to see its utility !

the problem with celibacy is it takes a lot of negative experience to see its utility

staph, e. coli, fecal coliform on food hall tables !

food needs to be  stored  below 5 and above 60 degrees celsius !

jason dafonte   w r i t e s

at the edge of a

one thousand

foot cliff

arms out wide

winds in all directions

my dad threw a chair in front of me today and yelled to my face ,  “ you ruined my life! ” ,  and recently i've been wanting to warn him about alzheimer's

my

r e p l y

good poem !

if you pay attention to the compendium supplements and the  BCD  that should help create some distance for you from alzheimers /dementia !

even a bit of vitamin D could help him, you never know !

schizophrenics breed better than non-schizophrenics !

to a certain point anyway !

ed.  an innocuous post deleted from the redpill subreddit !

red pill has it's limitations, most likely i am always going to upset them !

they are always at the service of their genetically programmed need to breed !

inevitably that gives women the upper hand as it's they and not men who raise the children !

when a woman cries ,  you can be sure you are being shafted somehow   ! 

when a woman cries ,  you can be sure you are being shafted somehow  !

when a woman cries ,  you can be sure you are being shafted somehow !

when a woman cries ,  you can be sure you are being shafted somehow !

when a woman cries ,  you can be sure you are being shafted somehow

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what i want !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course but it's not a great deal of contact !

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what one wants !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course but it's not a great deal of contact !

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what is wanted !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course but it's not a great deal of contact !

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what you want !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course but it's not a great deal of contact !

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what i want !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what one wants !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what is wanted !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what you want !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

there is the usual practical stuff of course

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what i want !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what one wants !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what is wanted !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

it suddenly occurred to me

No contact is what you want !

it's the desired end, available immediately

and available f o r e v e r

drones have replaced armies !

drones replace armies !

men are a commodity to the female !

males are a commodity to the female !

alcohol is always about some sort of illusion isn’t it ?

menshikov's palace

breakups are never casual, both parties are unwilling to accomodate the other, obviously it has suited the party forcing the break up less !

what is irritation or aversion but an invitation to probe deeper ?

richard dadd, man he could   paint and draw   ! 

the pyschosis was due to developmental issues plus heavy metals from the paint pigments and the ubiquitous lead poisoning ?

what makes a poem effective is experience ,  i have sailed alongside whales on the northern east coast of new zealand and gone eye to eye with a bottlenose dolphin looking down from the side of an inflatable dingy ,  i can't really relate those experiences to what you write !

ed.  my comment on a friend’s monody for whales killed by whaling and the activist’s helpless resignation in comparison to the vengefulness in willam blake’s  ‘ the poison tree ’

marina abromović   is interesting ,  basically a wisdom literature approach to life ,  but updated to performance art !

she’s pretty savage about life !

“ This will be my 15th move as an adult, and the first I have not wanted.  This house is full of light :  it faces due east and on sunny mornings, I begin my day by coming down the stairs into pools of liquid light

I have never before lived where I could have a garden but I have grown roses here, and developed my own garden.  There is a grape arbor    —   I've mentioned that before.  And there have been the birds !  The smaller ones follow me around the yard and when I go on walks ”

diana gilliland wright's   blog

“ much have I   travell'd  in the realms of gold ”

unintentional humor from reddit askdocs

Really weird memory / brain problems ?

Hi, I'm a 17 year old and I've been recently having some really strange memory / brain problems.  They started a few years ago, but only now they've increased and are frightening me.

I used to have very good knowledge of the English language and speak / write it perfectly.  Over the last few years it has gotten worse and worse to the point that when I speak, I often get the beginning of words mixed up  (for example saying red boom instead of bed room)  and when writing I often spell words in the incorrect order  (like spelling spot instead of stop)

This happens way more than I'd like to admit.  It's become a hassle, having to correct myself so many times in a single day.  I also forget things incredibly easily, especially during conversation.  If someone interrupts what I'm saying for more than two seconds, I completely forget what I was originally talking about.

I've tried seeing my doctor but every time the appointment finally comes around, I completely forget what I was going to ask him.  I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I am not on any medications for it.  Is this just an anxiety thing or should I contact my doctor again ?

my  c o m m e n t s

it turns out he was basically only eating meat since he  “ can't seem to get anything else down, everything else has a foul taste / texture in mouth.  big problem is the texture, it feels gross to eat ”

this is a good illustration of the brain's necessity for dietary carbohydrates and sugars as a first line energy source or otherwise the brain degenerates as in this case which is an autistic regression !

unintentional humor from reddit askdocs

Really weird memory / brain problems ?

Hi, I'm a 17 year old and I've been recently having some really strange memory / brain problems.  They started a few years ago, but only now they've increased and are frightening me.

I used to have very good knowledge of the English language and speak / write it perfectly.  Over the last few years it has gotten worse and worse to the point that when I speak, I often get the beginning of words mixed up  (for example saying red boom instead of bed room)  and when writing I often spell words in the incorrect order  (like spelling spot instead of stop)

This happens way more than I'd like to admit.  It's become a hassle, having to correct myself so many times in a single day.  I also forget things incredibly easily, especially during conversation.  If someone interrupts what I'm saying for more than two seconds, I completely forget what I was originally talking about.

I've tried seeing my doctor but every time the appointment finally comes around, I completely forget what I was going to ask him.  I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and I am not on any medications for it.  Is this just an anxiety thing or should I contact my doctor again ?

tipping

over

gone

it

wasn't

even

tipping

over

gone

it

wasn't

even

a good page on goya's   portrait paintings  by t. j. clark !

jonathon med thomas  w r i t e s

but some spoke to me

like when someone would say to look at a tree or something

whenever someone mentioned looking at something that's when i understood i guess

do you understand something else do you have more understanding

i don't understand this

you say some people are missing something

are you missing something ?  you must be, you keep looking at things, reading, going further and further into this . . . this infinite.

look i don't want to tear you apart or anything you feel like i'm doing i'm just wondering aloud

my

r e p l y

that's a good post !

very good, you are saying what you think in a clear way and god knows in the thousands of years of religious rubbish, that never occurs !

basically life's a wrong turning, one never escapes this and you only have to look at the lives of the zen masters with a good understanding to see that, the 6th patriarch, joshu, dogen, hakuin . . .

so there's no human  “realization”  or better state or more comfortable existance, we are incomplete and we are always expressing that through taking wrong turnings and various pursuits . .

it's just when you are  “ enlightened ”  for real you are also developing a coherence that touches and is in identity with infinity in that process of pursuit . . .

it's a difficult fraught process and really only possible with celibacy . . .

basically you have to see your understanding of the world doesn't match up with the way things really work and then work on an improved understanding process which in fact you are doing with your post this is a reply to, the next stage for you is to be more proactive on your own behalf, more aggressive really in that pursuit, but you have come a long way . . .

when you are  ‘ in the zone ’  you just sit down and write, where the reply comes from who can say ?

straightening out the world is only straightening out something that will deviate back again   ! 

straightening out the world is only straightening out something that will deviate back again   ! 

straightening out the world is only straightening out something that will deviate back again  !

straightening out the world is only straightening out something that will deviate back again !

straightening out the world is only straightening out something that will deviate back again !

straightening out the world is only straightening out something that will deviate back again

an interesting post to the askreddit thread  “ if your  SO  posted to reddit about you, why would reddit collectively tell them to dump you immediately ? ”

i am quoting it below since it was deleted,  i think because it was dangerously revealing,  but the poster did reply to me indicating he understood my reply !

“ The thread's dead and I feel like being honest on the internet.

I'd be classed as a sociopath, and have been told by a professional once that I almost certainly am. I lie and seek out dangerous situations; I manipulate people to amuse myself; I have a grandiose sense of self; no guilt for anything I've ever done; I care about two people in this world deeply: her and my brother  (not by blood or adoption or stepbrother or anything, he's the brother I chose.)

She's not even my girlfriend :  her boyfriend's in another province and I'm just trying to prove to her I can be what she needs, that I can make her happy.  I've loved her for years now and we've had a thing, but she's promiscuous and I was possessive and a hypocrite as I did the same thing  -  have since outgrown that.  Now I need to show her that I am willing to settle down, then be what she needs me to be, because she makes me a person  -  maybe even a good person.

But, I lie and manipulate.  I abuse substances regularly because I'm bored as fuck all the time.  I don't do any one thing often enough to have chemical dependencies, but that doesn't mean I'm not addicted to  ‘highs’

All in all, weirdly enough, we fit perfectly together; two kinda shitty people who make one another better.  I'm not really as horrible as all that either, I just said my worst traits; I have a large friend group who love me, I am kind to almost every one, other than those I enjoy tormenting, but they're not my friends, just random people.  I hold the door for old ladies and help them load their groceries.  I give money to homeless people and will talk with them for a half hour, see how their doing.  I'm a good guy, I just don't have to be when I don't want to.

I love her though, her and my brother are the only two people I'll ever actually put before myself.  If I don't win I'm gonna end up leaving the country, probably wander around europe, maybe join the foreign legion for shits & giggles; don't really know, but I know she's the only thing holding me here.

So yeah, that's the whole shpeel.  Doubt anyone will read this, don't really care if anyone does.  I've only recently become self aware of some of my behaviour and am figuring it out, and this seemed a little more sane than talking to myself in a mirror.

It just occurred to me this is what throwaways are for.  Too late ”

my  r e p l y

when i read what you write ,  it's like walking through a field of cacti ,  just saying !

it's sorta crazy hubric !

as you say, maybe a bit of travel would help ?

when i read what you write ,  it's like walking through a field of cacti ,  just saying !

when i read what you write, it's like walking through a field of cacti, just saying !

when i read what you write, it's like walking through a field of cacti, just saying

it's actually instructive to look at old family photos through the generations to pick up where our phenotypes come from since what can seem quite strange in a generation is there in the ancestors !

hmm   amun  =  the hebrew god and ramesses II  =  moses and voilà ,  with the parting of the red sea instead of the hittites being forced to swim across the orontes river in the  battle  of kadesh (1274bc) ,  you have  the substantial portion  of exodus !

“ Why don't you want to go to bed ?  When you're older it will be your favourite place on Earth ! ”

gesshin   writes

But here in Japan, summer is hot and muggy, and fall is cold and breathtakingly beautiful.  It's an extreme change.  The leaves are bright red and the sky has this chilly, pink light in the evening.  It's beautiful, but my subconscious can't handle the fact that summer inevitably turns into fall.  This was the first week I wore a coat to bed, and it seems like I haven't stopped crying since

It's really bizarre.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm dying.  I mean, I know everyone is dying all the time, but . . .  am I coming apart at the edges ?  When I walk down the road to my college and pass a line of bright-red trees I start crying.  While doing homework and I start crying.  Walking to the subway I start crying.  Listening to Drake I start crying.  Yes.  To Drake.  Weeping.  Not to  “Hotline Bling”  but to his emo songs like  “From Time”  (do I have any readers under the age of 30 ? Anyone ? )

“ it was as though his head had been halved like an apple, then put together a fraction off center. Something of the kind had happened; the imperfectly aligned features were the outcome of a car collision in  1950  —  an accident that left his long-jawed and narrow face tilted, with the result that the lips were slightly aslant, the nose askew, and his eyes not only situated at uneven levels but of uneven size, the left eye being truly serpentine, with a venomous sickly blue squint that although it was involuntarily acquired, seemed nevertheless to warn of bitter sentiment at the bottom of his nature ! ”

from page  101  of chapter  1  of  ‘ in cold blood ’

the murder was an exercise in dementia of a sort ,  an extreme imbalance between reward and risk  !

from reddit  askdocs

Blue cheese helping with gastro problems ?

Hi there - I've had chronic GERD and general stomach/intestinal discomfort.  PPI's, H2-blockers, general antacids  (bismuth sub/calcium/etc)  have all either failed or made the problems considerably worse

I have an extremely controlled diet as a result - a group of foods that I have established over time to not trigger any negative gastro reactions

Last week, I stumbled across something really weird - I added blue cheese to my usual  'safe sandwich' ,  and a few hours later, my stomach felt FANTASTIC.  All the other symptoms  (bloating, anxiety, depression, muscle pain)  went away as well.  I started eating a lot of it and the effect was increased proportionately

What in the world is going on in my gut ?  I know there's some kind of  mold  in blue cheese,  but what would that have to do with my gut suddenly being cured ?

note :  I recently stopped eating the blue cheese to see what would happen, and after a few days my symptoms came back HUGELY amplified.  Eating a small bowl of rice causes severe GERD, bloating, even heart palpitations and arhythmias

I'm a Male 6'2" 180 pounds 26 years old, White

relevant(?) tests :  - negative for h. pylori - negative for lyme - negative for MS - shotgun bloodwork  (inflammation markers, lipid panel, blood, nutrients, sugars, etc.)  all healthy

my

r e p l y

the mold  ‘ penicillium ’  is in blue cheeses (roquefort, gorgonzola, and blue stilton) and   ‘ penicillium camemberti ’  in brie and camembert cheeses

the molds contain both antibiotics and digestive enzymes, i will occasionally add these cheeses slightly cooked or melted at least in, or on the top of a main course !

jason dafonte a sk s

why am i doing a favor for the place i work for and not the other way around ?

because i'm giving my time ?

my

r e p l y

that's a very interesting question and perhaps has to do with that very few people ever realise anything like the true income potential due to their capacities !

these are the best years of your life and is your job doing anything to develop you ?

when you walk away from your job, what do you leave with ? improved driving skills ? that actually is a huge benefit if it keeps you accident free for the remainder of your life ! ?

this  is the real  “ zen mind ”  or creative person ,  what happens with religion is that rather than being in the high energy disordered state with all its uncertainties and hazards, a proxy system is promoted that enables  (to their adherents anyway)  the appearance of being in  “ the primary state ”  but in actuality being in the subcritical  “secondary”  state of some contrived  “normality”

it's intrinsic to religion that it's fake ,  its actuality is proxying and any authenticity has traditionally been in danger of its life . . .

when i look at reddit zen and the bizarreness of taking some misrecorded nonsense and all the posturing and pretence of something real being said and they have some key to secret knowledge . .

it's not enough to get into the  “ primary zone ” , you need to make it coherent  (which is why pyschedelics don't work)  and that's really what sorts the sheep from the goats . .  and believe me

it's

almost

all

goats

it's actually a fairly tall a s k  ,  t o o tall perhaps ?

maybe in my life time

i think in a relationship you tend to downplay the flaws and problems of the other person and when out of the relationship you see them much more clearly !

so i think breaking up is in fact quite healthy provided there are no  c h i l d r e n

why getting back together never works is because you never lose that clarity so it's just a question of time before you both break up again . .

i think in a relationship you tend to downplay the flaws and problems of the other person and out of the relationship you see them much more clearly !

so i think breaking up is in fact quite healthy provided there are no  c h i l d r e n

why getting back together never works is because you never lose that clarity so it's just a question of time before you both break up again . .

from reddit  exnocontact

Otherwise, I would break NoContact . . . . Venting

I just don't get it. I won't get it.  And I want to heal, but seeing you both last week, on my birthday, at a place I thought would be free from running in to you, I just don't get it.  It ripped me open.  I just don't know what to do anymore. I wish I didn't see those texts the last night we were together, the stuff you never planned to tell me.  The words you shared with him, when I was your boyfriend, and all of that love in those texts that I was never supposed to see.  Your accusations to me that night, how you could never trust ME . . .  when you were doing this all along.  What am I supposed to do now? Why is it that you can go on, happy, living and loving him, and I am miserable.  When it comes up and down in waves, when I struggle, and all you do is go on like nothing between us ever occurred. I didn't deserve this, I did all I could to bring happiness and joy and fun to our relationship, but it just wasn't enough.  I never cheated on you, or deserve any of the harsh or harmful accusations you delivered to me for so long.  But, you broke me . . . broke me into a million pieces.  Why the fuck do I care about you at all anymore ?  Why can't I hate you ?  I want to hate you . . .  but even more, I want to feel indifference.  And I don't.  I feel jealousy, I feel pain, I feel hurt, I feel a desire to just, go back.  And it doesn't happen.  I wish I was past this, and I am not.

my

r e p l y

breaking up

the

illusion

is

shattered

and

all

we

breaking up

the

illusion

is

shattered

and

all

we

breaking up

the

illusion

is

shattered

and

all

we

from the ninety-fifth case of the cleary brother's translation of the blue cliff record

ch'ang ch'ing once said  :

rather say that saints have sinned

but do not say that infinity has two kinds of speech

I do not say the tathagata is speechless

just that he doesn't have two kinds of speech

my  rephrase

when you say one kind of thing to one person, and another kind to another person . .

a hypnagogic vision of a derelict sidewheel paddle steamer and then a canoe coming at me out of the  m i s t  !

a hypnagogic vision of a derelict sidewheel paddle steamer and then a canoe coming at me out of the  m i s t !

sort of a bit spooky, some sort of doom ?

my life spent trying to build paddle steamers that fall into derelictcy and a canoe was all i ever needed ?

the canoe was maybe like a dugout ,  i wonder if the imagery in part came from the movie   fitzcarrdaldo

me, alone in a strange place with potentially dangerous natives and the pride of one's life in tatters ?

----------------------

the story of fitzcarraldo was somewhat based on carlos fermin  fitzcarrald ,  a peruvian rubber baron and explorer with an  irish  or american father and peruvian mother !

a town in the area was called fitzcarald, and from one of our field camps we could see the  “ pass of fitzcarraldo ”  over which he hauled the riverboat ,  far in the distance

the legend of fitzcarraldo is a black one in the region, as he armed one group of indians against others to help him develop the rubber trade  –  promoting a bloodbath that was still remembered in the traditions of my machigengua and yaminahua guides, who had been on opposite sides of the conflict ”

a hypnagogic vision of a derelict sidewheel paddle steamer and then a canoe coming at me out of the  m i s t !

there's a surprising number of people on reddit who have undergone operations and hormone treatments to change gender ,  i.e.   “ trans ”

these people are in my observation also schizophrenic and perhaps what you might call  ‘ borderline personality disorder ’

the reason is that the physical and mental health consequences are very negative from the physiological alterations of the iatrogenically disrupted developmental course

i'm not saying there's anything wrong with being trans ,  the issue is that the severe health problems are ignored in favour being straitjacketed into an imagined answer of sexual identity when in fact there was no such answer in the first place !

this is a very significant   study   ! 

“ the body is not prepared for food intake during the  ‘ biological night ’   ,  nor is it prepared to be physically active

we are supposed to be resting and recovering during that time ”

“ this study and other previous studies have shown sleep loss reduces sensitivity to insulin, this study showed that that the test subjects with sleep loss had to release a lot more insulin to keep their blood sugar levels normal ”

my comment

this shows that insufficient  sleep  can of itself directly induct diabetes type 2  !

chromium  would be of assistance in reducing insulin resistance !

concussion damage is cumulative  !

what could be worse than a tour of afghanistan  ?

american football scholarships  !

concussion damage is cumulative !

what could be worse than a tour of afghanistan ?

american football scholarships !

let the pyschs drug them, they are their lawful prey !

let the pyschs drug you then, you are their lawful prey !

whatever

whatever

W H A T E V E R

W h a t E v e r

wh a t e v e r

w h a t e v e r

“ yet it was alvarez who was  fatefully  with plath for christmas eve 1962

she read him her poem   death & co ,  with its plaintive lines  ‘ the dead bell, the dead bell, somebody's done for. ’

‘ at that point i realised where she was.  she wanted me to stay, she wanted help.  i ducked out.  it is not a passage i am particularly proud of, but my life was complicated ’  says alvarez

a few weeks later ,  on 11 february  1963 ,  sylvia plath committed suicide ”

a phrase that constantly reoccurs to me about breaking up is

“ why expect comfort from somebody who has hurt you ? ”

a phrase that constantly reoccurs to me about breaking up is

“ why expect comfort from somebody that has hurt you ? ”

a phrase that constantly reoccurs to me about breaking up is

“ why expect comfort from somebody that has hurt you ”

when i was at college, the english teacher, mr r. c. adamson who was actually an ok sort if somewhat depressive taught us  ted hughes  and not syliva plath who was incomparably the better poet !

btw sylvia plath's death was due her being put on an antidepressant that had given her murderous side effects when she had take it previously, but she had forgotten this  (two young children) ,  basically she was over stretched

childless or with a live in husband she would have coped, she knew this problem of her's going in too many directions at once . .

i remember  “ r. c.”  one evening noisily and angrily stacking chairs in  “ big school ”  away from a play practice that had been cancelled at the last minute to make way for some football social event !

such was art and culture at wanganui collegiate !

: o)

i also got the worst career advice of my life by captain charlie parker who again was an ok sort and recognised my writing talent, all the teachers were there really . .

he applauded my suggestion that i to drop plans to take law at university and take up something interesting, in hindsight my abilities were very suited to law, but perhaps i would have always followed the path of what i found most interesting to me . .

not ever fitting in is to always be riding tsunami's of d i s c o m f o r t p e r h a p s

G O D  T H I S  W O R L D  I S  F U L L  O F  S E L F  S E R V I N G  B U L L S H I T

what am i ?

a sad idiot chained to grief from a life of wrong turnings ?

tears pour deepening the channels of w r o n g

what am i ?

a sad idiot chained to grief from a life of wrong turnings ?

tears pour deepening the channels of wrong

what am i ?

a sad idiot chained to grief from a life of wrong turnings ?

what am i?

a sad idiot chained to grief from a life of wrong turnings ?

i was thinking i find handwriting too tiring, always have, the keyboard is an answer to a prayer !

breaking up

our life together

m e m o r i e s

set apart

in a crystal snowstorm

flashing when the glass is shaken

breaking up

our life together

m e m o r i e s

set apart

in a crystal snowstorm

flashing when the glass is shaken

colourized photos   of the original 1922 discovery of king tutankhamun's tomb by howard carter ,  man it's like walking back into the era of tutankhamun's death 3338 years ago !

how the conceit is maintained that they did something meaningful by mummifying his body and putting it in a sarcophagus with the supposedly necessary household and religious goods, is the entombing removes us from all contact which is how we know death, the simple removal of another from our life !

colourized photos   of the original 1922 discovery of king tutankhamun's tomb by howard carter ,  man it's like walking back into the era of tutankhamun's death 3338 years ago !

yet another zen description of dai kensho by danxia zichun  (eleventh century china) ,  the translation is by morten schlütter in his book  ‘ how zen  became  zen ’  !

you cannot prepare by studying sutras and teachings or by reciting from your zen notes.  nor can you prepare through artifical cleverness

precisely at this time when you are dying and confused, forgetting instantly everything you remembered in the past, is when it is necessary that you establish yourself in the ground of truth, and it is of no use trying to do it in a superficial manner

right away, for every moment of the day you should prepare for it by ceasing and resting. you must completely let go of all worldly concerns and sit still in the dry wood hall

you must die a turn and then in this death establish everything in the whole universe ”

my  c o m m e n t

the zen world is full of pretenders ,  how can it get more black and white than that description, yet people will not concede they have had no such experience or that such a thing can even happen !

jason dafonte  w r i t e s

danxia zichun, a proponent of silent illumination  (shikantaza)

my

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the way i use shikantaza is different ,  it really is  “ instructionless ”  or  “ just observing thoughts ”

notions of silent illumination and koan study are distorted mistakes that wreck the usual morons trying to systematize what zen is about !

jason writes

I didn't know what silent illumination was really

my

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the real shikantaza churns yourself, for just about everybody this state/condition is to be strenuously avoided so they create third party systems like  “silent illumination”  and  “koan study”  to proxy their time so they themselves are never subjected to the trauma of C H A N G E

a tiny appendage of the sixth sense

or lizard’s parietal eye

from number   four

“ the world is described by a quantum state ,  which is an element of a kind of vector space known as hilbert space

the quantum state evolves through time in accordance with the schrödinger equation, with some particular hamiltonian

 . .  the worlds are there whether you like it or not, sitting in hilbert space, waiting to see whether they become actualized in the course of the evolution ”

“ batchelor  compared  gotama to socrates, pointing out that they were historical contemporaries and that much of gotama’s philosophy could be classified as  “socratic”  according to western terms ”

when you read that sort of thing you know brad warner and stephen batchelor are part of the  “ normality ”  psych ward

it's obvious from history  ( the few actual prophets got executed and imprisonment, mani, jeremiah ) ,  the unreal lives and characters portrayed, buddhism's early history as a merchant bank, the lack of corroborating historical records etc  ( archeological excavation has shown  “buddha”  to be a tree shrine god who got  euhemerized ) . .

that buddha, jesus and  muhammad  are bad fictions . .

you are supposedly interested in what's true brad, yet i am banned from posting on your blog for precisely the sort of thing i have written a b o v e   . . . ?

you  w r i t e

“ I just worked on a book about dogen  . .  and i can’t recall very many specific references to the words of gotama buddha in his writings

even when he does make reference to the words of buddha, sometimes the words he refers to come from the later mahayana sutras, which even in dogen’s time were known to have been written hundreds of years after gotama buddha had died ”

brad, that's because even dogen had standards about promoting crap !

s t o p  reddit !

redditors reassure him he doesn't have  “wet brain”  !

s t o p  reddit !

redditors assure him he doesn't have  “wet brain”  !

outside of a relationship, it's a lot easier to see the other person's f l a ws !

ask yourself if you ever want to go through dealing with that again !

THAT is adding insult to INJURY !

  DO NOT ASK ME BACK TO POST THERE YOU DRUG ADDLED SLIME BALLS    !

THAT is adding insult to INJURY !

DO NOT ASK ME BACK TO POST THERE YOU DRUG ADDLED SLIME BALLS  !

a very   interesting account   of life on cravens peak reserve in the simpson desert, life there was just a bit too hard, not enough people to make a more benign  “ecosystem”  as it would have had in the old days as a cattle station !

without the cattle grazing, there is too much vegetation leading to a too constant hazard of fires !

wow, i just had a dream of my ex !

i was sitting at the computer, reading and she was on the other side of the room ,  just sitting at the table by the window sorta looking at me

i got up and walked over to say something but then she disappeared and i couldn't understand where she had gone, looked all over for her but there was no sign of her or anything she might have had !

my image of her just sitting there, beautific, a high phi event was immensely melancholy and sad but with an incredible beauty . .

some irretrievable loss has occurred like the death of someone one loves . .

in the dream, i couldn't understand that it was a dream, how could she disappear like that ?

wow, i just had a dream of my ex !

i was sitting at the computer, reading redpill stuff and she was on the other side of the room ,  just sitting at the the table i eat on

i got up and walked over to say something but then she disappeared and i couldn't understand where she had gone, looked all over for her but there was no sign of her or anything she might have had !

my image of her just sitting there, beautific, a high phi event was immensely melancholy and sad but with an incredible beauty . .

some irretrievable loss has occurred like the death of someone one loves . .

in the dream, i couldn't understand that it was a dream, how could she disappear like that ?

wow, i just had a dream of my ex !

i was sitting at the computer, reading redpill stuff and she was on the other side of the room ,  just sitting at the the table i eat on

i got up and walked over to say something but then she disappeared and i couldn't understand where she had gone, looked all over for her but there was no sign of her or anything she might have had !

my image of her just sitting there, beautific, a high phi event was immensely melancholy and sad but with an incredible beauty . .

some irretrievable loss has occurred like the death of someone one loves . .

she wants to get married and then  pull this shit

“ when someone shows you what they are like, believe them ! ”

“ when someone shows you what they are like, believe them ! ”

her food combining, cooking style and constant covert sugar is  pro-biofilmic  and why nigella lawson  needs  cocaine !

i do notice that this time around the journalist does have a hint of scepticism !

her food combining, cooking style and constant covert sugar is  pro-biofilmic  and why nigella lawson  needs  cocaine !

does meditation   help or hurt  ?

but all it did was bring back horrible memories of old traumas and how I had lost touch with reality after a particular trauma

I'm just wondering if others have experienced such things  . . .

my

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the memories are always there, you are just seeing them again, maybe it would pay you to write them up and get some feedback on what occurred ! ?

get some processing and decompression on them !

i think this is a  genuine  case

  reddit

High Blood Alcohol But Didn't Drink

So last night my husband got really sick.  He was out in the shed, he had been on the phone for a while and he does that to get privacy.  He comes stumbling in a couple hours later unable to stand and having trouble talking.  I've never seen him like this and we've been together 13 years.  I was terrified

I took him to the ER and they did a lot of tests and the only thing that came up was he was 4% over the legal alcohol limit.  We were both shocked because he didn't drink, at all.  We haven't had any alcohol in the house and when we used to it was only beer  (I just had surgery and can't drink).  The whole time I've known him he's really not a drinker unless occasionally at a party and even then barely anything

He's made mistakes before but he's ALWAYS honest with me and I know he didn't drink.  I've been reading up on this and it looks like it's happened to others but still not sure what it could be.  I'm still worried about him and scared.  I know it's hard to believe but I know him better than I know myself

________________

He's 47 but generally very healthy.  Doesn't smoke, barely drinks  (a few beers here and there)  and doesn't do any recreational drugs.  He's Caucasian with various backgrounds like German and Swedish I think?  He has no history of drug use other than the occasional pot but it's been many years and only because his brother gave it to him, he hates it.  He has high blood pressure and bad anxiety, which I'm certain was a big factor of the whole episode.  No surgeries, no hospitalizations.  His family is really healthy other than some heart problems and high blood pressure

____________________

He had gatorade, lemonade and an energy drink.  also i think he had a scone and some bread, so definitely more sugar and carbs than he normally does

He's only been unemployable because he's long-term unemployed.  If it's the work he does, which is hard to get any work in, he's the best in the field

my

r e p l y

your husband has a microbiome problem, in combination with impaired liver alcohol dehydrogenases (which breakdown alcohol)

any family history of liver problems ?

yeah no sugar, grains or potatoes !

no sugar or energy drinks is an easy one !

no beer because of the yeast spores in it !

women are need on steroids   !  

my

r e p l y

a flurry of activity

what am i doing

dripping

a

w

a

y

?

my

r e p l y

a flurry of activity

what am i doing

dripping

a

w

a

y

it occurs to me that one of the points of   ExNoContact   is that regardless of your feelings you don't ever want the relationship to form again !

if you are male and just coming out of a relationship breakup ,  read the   redpill ,  their viewpoint is a bit immature, but it certainly helps with developing some cynicism !

ok ,  is the film  “ interstellar ”  junk  ?

andrei tarkovsky's   the mirror  is not junk  !

what is the difference  !  ?

ok ,  is the film  “ interstellar ”  junk  ?

andrei tarkovsky's   the mirror  is not junk  !

what is the difference ! ?

ok ,  is the film  “ interstellar ”  junk ?

andrei tarkovsky's   the mirror  is not junk !

what is the difference ! ?

the real winner of an argument is the one who has   cognitively benefited   ! 

the real winner of an argument is the one who has cognitively benefited   !  

the real winner of an argument is the one who has cognitively benefited  !

the real winner of an argument is the one who has cognitively benefited !

the real winner of an argument is the one who has cognitively benefited

autistic spectrum being  “ anti-normative ”  gives you a chance to see how things   “ really are ”

you can say that's a point or you can say it's not ! :o)

entertainment distorts your life experience !

“ that sounds like religious people telling you  ‘ sex is not a good thing ’

entertainment doesn't distort anything ,  it's just entertainment

when you weight your life with entertainment which is in fact a poisonous distraction,   “ the opiate of the masses ”  so to speak, you miss the miracle !

“ what is the miracle ? ”

there are white and black holes all over the place !

when you weight your life with entertainment which is in fact a poisonous distraction,   “ the opiate of the masses ”  so to speak, you miss the miracle !

you are just filling your mind full of junk basically !

the vision   basically takes you to the top of the class, no zen teacher has much to teach you ,  it's just a going forward on your part for the rest of your life, unpleasant and gruelling as that is !

i always had a gut problem and never twigged to it until i came across the SCD diet ,  most of my life i have been really autistic !

j a s o n   w r i t e s

it's just that I've been meditating, eating healthier, and cutting video games more and more, and really I feel much better

there's nothing wrong with reviewing your thoughts at the end of the day, chilling out on the bed with no distraction to see what's going on in your noggin

there's a different plane of problem solving and understanding of life, you have the capacity for it, but you won't do the work !

i think with relationship  break – ups   ‘ all's well that ends well ’

and it usually does for both parties

the thing is for both to move quickly to that productive space which is no recriminations or blame and keep contact to a minimum except for the practical stuff of life

that at least is the only sense i have been able to make of it, there's no such thing as friendship, but keeping it amicable is possible !

i think with relationship  break – ups   ‘ all's well that ends well ’

and it usually does for both parties

the thing is for both to move quickly to that productive space which is no recriminations or blame and keep contact to a minimum except for the practical stuff of life

“ I see myself as a gay man trapped in a woman's body ”

lol, i'm a lesbian trapped in a male body !

oic, you are very  “ gender blurred ”  that's not the same as being gay or lesbian !

to get things right the secret is to go the extra mile and delay . .

the secret is to go the extra mile and delay . .

xyz  w r i t e s

I was too lost being a stoned psycho watching with  1/2  a brain ,  I guess general health

like I was watching this one guy who spoke about urine therapy and how people can live off of just their urine, and his other videos were him talking about chakras and being positive and all that shit

my

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the health scene is full of lunatics !

entertainment distorts your perception of life !

entertainment distorts your perception of life

entertainment distorts your life experience !

entertainment distorts your life experience

because  I have issues . . . depression and I feel I'm slightly insane I have really dark thoughts and the less I focus on them . . . the better

my

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  “ any quality reading like poetry or decent   literature  !   ”

playing games and reading junk is just digging yourself into a hole you can't get out of  !

a simple socially safe rule is never hit a woman

xyz  w r i t e s

I smoked pot last night, I know I'm retarded

there's a good amount of people on youtube using hydrogen peroxide

my

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yeah urine therapy looks a waste of time imo, but i've never tried it !

do you smoke the pot to help with sleep ?  most do it for that reason imo !

pot has some of the same  lung issues  as smoking ,  driving a lot of the day in car and truck exhaust fumes and smoking pot are a disease causing double banger !

if you have a problem with a substance remember  1/2  the dose/amount is  1/4  of the problem !

i have developed an addiction to the lindts  ‘ excellence ’  silky white chocolate, understanding it is 58% sugar has helped me get a handle on it, similarly pot is toxic to the brain, there are the compendium   sleep   supplements if you are chasing that issue and microdose   nutritional lithium    for anxiety !

how are they using the   hydrogen peroxide   and for what ?

ed.  They were putting 1 to 2 drops of  3%  hydrogen peroxide into drinking water

it is quite obvious you are stuck in entertainment and are oblivious to the way the real world works !

it is quite obvious you are stuck in entertainment and are oblivious to the way the real world works

look, some people never lose arguments because they always think they have won !

look, some people never lose arguments because they always think they have won

if you don't want to   see ,   i can't persuade you  !

if you don't want to see ,  i can't persuade you  !

if you don't want to see, i can't persuade you !

try   the zen  “ shikantaza ”  meditation ,  just sit in a chair or whatever for half an hour a day in quiet ,  all you do is observe your thoughts !

and yes, I did think that it was a bad idea to be alone with my thoughts at the time

thanx for that sensible comment from your own experience !

try the zen  “ shikantaza ”  meditation ,  just sit in a chair or whatever for half an hour a day in quiet ,  all you do is observe your thoughts !

try the zen  “ shikantaza ”  meditation, just sit in a chair or whatever for half an hour a day in quiet, all you do is observe your thoughts !

for he who lives more lives than one

more deaths than one must die

the last lines of stanza  III  of  ‘ the ballad of reading gaol ’  by oscar wilde

“ sorry to be unromantic, but as much as I love you and would continue to love you, I am only devoted to the children who don’t exist yet ”

the above quote is from the post below since the OP deleted her nick and all her other comments and posts unfortunately, a talented writer for sure ! : o(

Here’s a thing my ex hated me for that I think will help us all right now  (ed.  on r|exnocontact)

so, I have a funny, metaphorical way of describing love sometimes.  Usually it comes across as sweet and romantic, but sometimes it misses the mark.  This one missed the mark with my recent ex completely  —  we actually got in a fight over it and I felt absolutely horrible for days  —  but I still think of it as one of the most encouraging things I know to be true.  It’s my favorite secret.

So here’s your secret and please, for the love of god, don’t tell you future partners this unless they’re wonderfully pragmatic and/or a fan of physics and/or fell in love with a shelter dog  :   o ( )

One day, I was out on a walk and I stumbled across a local pet shelter in my city.  I had no idea it was there.  I hadn’t been looking for it.  I hadn't intended for anything special to happen that day.  Nonetheless, I had known for two months that I was ready for a dog financially and with regards to lifestyle, and my roommates had already been prepared for  (and agreed to)  the possibility of me owning a dog.

So because I love animals, and dogs in particular, I walked into the grounds of the animal shelter.

And I instantly fell in love with the sweetest, saddest, most adorable little whippet/terrier mix I have ever seen in my life.  When I pet him or gave him treats, he’d shy away but then quickly start to lick me, a sign that he was cautious, but loving.  I learned that he was at this particular shelter because it was a no-kill shelter, and that he’d been at a different shelter, in a different city, for six months prior.  He’d been at this one for two.  That’s eight months in a cage.

I snapped a photo of him on my phone and called my roommates immediately, who said they'd welcome him home.  I filled out the adoption papers.  He had some very, very expensive disabilities for which he later had some very, very expensive surgeries, but I didn’t care.  From that day on, he was mine, and I was his, and it was up to me to love and care for him forever.

It has been four years since then  —  he’s nine years old, fully recovered from surgery and his other conditions  —  and he will be with me for the rest of my life.  Every single day, I go to work in the morning and then come home for lunch to take him on a joyful, peaceful walk.  Every single day, I return home from work in the evening thrilled to see him.  Every single day, he worships the ground I walk on and I try to reciprocate as much as I can by feeding him treats, taking him on walks, buying him toys, and giving him copious amounts of love.

He is mine, and I am his.  When he finally dies in five or ten years, I will be destroyed, and yet I won’t regret a second of spending my time with this joyful, loving, trusting, stable, unassuming creature.

Here’s where it gets unromantic for some, but for me, this is the key to everything :  I could have taken a walk a day later.  My dog could have been adopted.  I wouldn’t have ever met him; and instead, I’d fall in love with another beautiful dog.  And we’d go home together and learn to understand each other and we’d have a beautiful four years until this point, just as beautiful as those my current dog and I are experiencing.  And then we'd have a beautiful dog’s lifetime after that.  And then I’d be crushed.

But it could have been another dog.  And it could have been just as beautiful for both of us. 

I tried to tell my ex this, and he got angry with me.  It was almost 100% my fault, because that’s a weird and stupid story to tell to someone you’re dating.  When you're dating a person, they need to know that they’re  “ the one ”  and that you’d never be able to find the same thing elsewhere or handle yourself on your own.  I get that.  In a sense its extremely true, because I have yet to get over my ex.

But in another sense, its just encouraging.  Its a higher truth.  It speaks to the capacity that we all have to love one another.  And while that extreme capacity to love may feel cynical or defeating to other people, I find it to be . . .  not just encouraging, but the only thing that drives me forward to help people, again and again and again.

So I don’t mean to discourage anyone from finding their  “ one true ”  love, but I'll just throw it out there that I believe that concept to be bullshit.  Because I found mine a few years ago, and then I found him again, and then I found him again, and now here we are and my heart is broken again but I know what to expect.  Because my heart has been broken before.

Because all of this has happened before.

Because all of this will happen again.

Most likely, unless we’re profoundly lucky it will happen to all of us before and again in our lifetimes.  And we are not unique.  And I know that’s scary for some people, but for me its liberating.  I am not unique.  I’m the same as every single other person on the planet and in history who has ever felt broken-hearted.

That’s a lot of history.

I’m the same as every other person on the planet, in storybooks, in history, in poetry, who has ever fallen in love and then found themselves in a position where the other person couldn’t love them back.  That sounds terrible, but for me it’s liberating.

So what do we do with all this ?

What do we do with this knowledge that our love, and our heartache, and our hope is not unique ?

We love and grieve and hope anyway.

And that’s why, long ago, when I was trying to inarticulately explain the beauty of meeting your soulmate dog at a shelter one day or the beauty of that dog being adopted the next day, making way for a new  ‘ soulmate ’  ,  I didn’t mean to be insensitive.  I knew what you meant to me.  I know what you still mean to me.  I know that I couldn’t walk outside and find another dog tomorrow.

But I also know that one day, that exact thing will happen.  And I know that one day, you’ll find your own family and niche and  “ perfect dog ”  .  And I know that one day, my children will be running up to give me the World’s Most Important Hug  (as every hug for a parent is)  and I will not give a shit who you are.  Sorry, but that’s biology.

Sorry to be unromantic, but as much as I love you and would continue to love you, I am only devoted to the children who don’t exist yet.

So if you’re 100% ready to put all of yourself into this new, much narrower path, then do it.  But if you back out, and we mourn and grieve and hold each other and move forward, then guess what ?  The best dog we’ve ever met is waiting around the corner.

“ sorry to be unromantic, but as much as I love you and would continue to love you, I am only devoted to the children who don’t exist yet ”

a reply to my advice on reddit medical

what are you talking about ?

this is just nonsense

my

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you mean the reading age is too high for you ?

email me in five years about how you have solved your problem or NOT !

when you get results then you know about what works and what doesn’t !

the moving finger

writes

and

having writ

moves on

nor all thy piety

or wit

shall lure it back

to cancel half a line

nor all thy tears

wash out

a

word

of

it

writes

and

having writ

moves on

nor all thy piety

or wit

shall lure it back

to cancel half a line

nor all thy tears

wash out

a

word

of

“ the moving finger

writes

and

having writ

moves on

nor all thy piety

or wit

shall lure it back

to cancel half a line

nor all thy tears

wash out

a word of it  ”

just when oscar wilde was becoming a success he had that stupid trial with the marquis of queensbury and then the prison sentence, effectively self-inflicted !

when i look at the net and reddit and the complaints about this and that and then there is this account by uyba halberstam who was a student and joined a radio battalion in the red army in 1942 ,  pages 29 and 30 from  ‘ the soviet jewish americans ’  by annelise orlec

“ so most of my friends were killed in the first few days  (ed.  stalingrad) ,  by the end, those of us still alive were prematurely aged, not girls anymore !

seven of us and our female lieutenant were surrounded by the germans, the lieutenant and i were able to hide, from where we had to watch the germans throw the other girls alive into a fire !

a farmer saw us and gave us clothing so we could pass as civilians and escape ! ”

alma mahler, an interesting   life ,  a pile of trouble, she she bred, that's what it's all about, those traits that bring the most of the next generation !

faux   mahler  !

george bowman's situation is really quite unfortunate ,  he has injuries from a carpentry accident and a car accident and i really think he has no money ,  and actually toni packer had very little money at the end of her life . . 

always  t r o u b l e

always  t r o u b l e

i think why ayahuasca is having such an impact on  ‘ the spiritual scene ’  is its use recalls significant memories which is much more coherent and allows more processing in a manner quite unlike any other drug

in zen people have a relatively low reading age and completely lack any literary sophistication so the burbled nonsense of zen appears to be more than the voynich it is making any literary type of insight and true solipsism very disruptive

so the split at the mt. tremper zen monastery with konrad marchaj being forced out was a reflection of deep social forces and changes . . .

i notice this with brad warner, despite a reasonable understanding and degree of authenticity ,  he is pig ignorant and while it is not a terminal disability with the rather idiot subculture he appeals to, still it locks his appeal to a very limited group !

from reddit askdocs, a healthy, 21 y.o. 1.83 meter, 70kg, australian male complains of  ‘ insane visual distortion ’

I have started having panic attacks I used to have as a child.  When I was growing up I called them panic attacks but only recently as they started to occur again did I think to question exactly what they are

At night or in dark places something will trigger in my eyes and everything will become immense to my vision.  Walls will seem kilometres high but so close at the same time and it will be terrifying to look at, the only way that I can calm it down is to look at a flat surface with images on it like a picture book or artwork that is  2D

I have heard of similar experiences occurring as a result of an anxiety attack however I am not stressed in the least before it happens, there are no other symptoms of anxiety that come with it, it is purely visual, I don't feel the same sense of panic I did as a child but I still cannot focus on what I'm looking at while it's happening.  It does not occur during the day or outside even at night

my

r e p l y

alice in wonderland !

the visual cortex has six or more layers ,  you will have some developmental dysfunction of them

there's nothing can be done except work around the problem like looking at the  2D  artwork !

possibly a quality krill oil will help with neuroplasticity ! ?

lol ,  migraine is enough ayahuasca for me !

of alexander  t h e  g r e a t

of alexander  t h e  g r e a t

of alexander  t h e  g r e a t

his very abilities are his weaknesses

a zen master is one who has taken every wrong turning in life  :  o   (   )    !

a zen master is one who has taken every wrong turning in life  :  o   (   !

a zen master is one who has taken every wrong turning in life  :  o   ) (  !

a zen master is one who has taken every wrong turning in life  :  o   ) (

a zen master is one who has taken every wrong turning in life !

a zen master is one who has taken every wrong turning in life

the mystery of   ryushin

this popular abbot was sacked at the beginning of the year ,  ostensibly for having an affair while being married to one of the  ‘ nuns ’  at the  ‘ monastery ’

but i think the reality was he was becoming very concerned about all his work accruing to the monastery leaving him high and dry at retirement age, which given he was  61  was a very reasonable concern  ͟      ̱    ̱    ̱    ̱

i think a comfortable retirement in any religious institution these days is a fading dream with their marked decline in the last ten years  .  ̱   ͟

the truth is mt. tremper never really got established ,  in part due to john loori's habit of expelling anyone with the skill set to keep the place growing  !

ryushin's experiences with ayahuasca dropped the bottom out of his world ,  he saw the emptiness of what he was doing ,  the meaningless formalisms and liturgical stupidity ,  he didn't get enlightened though !

brad warner on his new proposed zen center in los angeles  (october 2015)

“ intention is an illusion ! ”

my question is

yikes  ,  nanoparticle  carbon  black  and  dibutyl  phthalate  !

“ but I'm not closing the book on us forever ”

she's being  dishonest  and  manipulative  ,  that's all a relationship with her could ever be !

a synopsis of oscar wilde’s  fable  ‘ the nightingale and the rose ’

“ in this story ,  a student falls in love with a girl who claims that she will dance with him if he will bring her a red rose

he cannot find a red rose in the garden, but a little nightingale hears his lament and is compelled to provide what he needs

singing all night to a rose tree that had been chilled by the winter frost ,  she presses her heart against one of its thorns ,  spilling warm blood over its cold branches to create a red rose

in the morning, the student discovers the rose and takes it to the girl he loves

but she is unimpressed ,  since she prefers the jewels given to her by another man

the rejected student tosses the rose into the street where it is run over by a carriage

he rationalizes his loss and returns to his studies

meanwhile ,  beneath the rose tree ,  the selfless little nightingale is dead ”

i think she   conveys  the separation and synchronicity of married life quite well !

ed.  of an extract from virginia woolf's  ‘ to the lighthouse ’ ,  pages 29 to 31 !

what can we say to each other ,  it's just two bruised and battered lives isn't it ?

what can we say to each other, it's just two bruised and battered lives isn't it ?

what can we say to each other ,  it's just two blighted lives isn't it ?

what can we say to each other, it's just two blighted lives isn't it ?

prosecutors are all the same, power mad dead ends !

well, perhaps more generally ,  the criminal justice system   !

don't get me wrong, they are essential ,  it's just a sort of simple brutal punative system one wants to keep well clear of . .

since there are always other hugely more severe contexts floating around like war, i don't suppose it can ever be different, though huge sums of money like in   norway  can make it relatively benign, but that didn't stop anders behring breivik !

prosecutors are all the same, power mad dead ends !

by this i mean and it's surprising to think about, but they really are amongst the most powerful people in our society, along with policemen and their power to arrest you simply on the basis of their opinion that you have or are likely to have committed or commit a crime !

places like syria and iraq show what happens when law and order loses control, i am sure that australia and new zealand, as socially stable as they appear would degenerate into local warlord fiefdomes  ( bikie and criminal gangs ?  as they would be the most organised ! ) within months if the police and armed services went completely on strike !

but anyway back to prosecutors, i think it's having that power that seems to indelibly distort the personality, when people are powerless against you some of the worse features of the human character arise !

i even notice it in teachers, all that control over young lives and the removal of effective feedback seems to adle their personalities with some bizarre  u n r e a l i t y  !

prosecutors are all the same, power mad dead ends !

prosecutors are all the same, power mad dead ends

jason dafonte  a s k s

was the sixth patriarch alive or dead when he gave you transmission  ?

my

r e p l y

am i alive or dead ?

ed.  of wanting contact with an ex

ed.  of wanting contact with an ex

“ the question people need to ask themselves  ( ed.  of wanting contact with an ex )  is why do you seek comfort in the person who hurt you ? ”

potassium should never be supplemented  (ed.  SVT!) ,  rather the intake of high potassium foods should be increased !

my relationship  b r o k e  up recently ,  i can't  “carry” anyone and i never could !

also i think being in a relationship distinctly changes the brain ,  now i have broken up  (been broken up! : o)  i can see it returning to to it's old celibate form ,  much more in tune with  ‘ infinity ’  and i hope that will  p r o g r e s s

i really am coming more and more to the view that true mysticism is intrinsically celibate ,  the brain itself puts on blinders in relationship and social context !

the trauma of a relationship break up is the actuality of neurological change that needs to be undone and the brain doesn't like that !

he's  too   damaged   !

nothing  good   will come of contact   !

women are really only biologically conditioned to sacrifice themselves for their children ,  everything else is just take  t a k e  !

women are really only biologically conditioned to sacrifice themselves for their children ,  everything else is just take  t a k e

women are really only biologically conditioned to sacrifice themselves for their children ,  everything else is just  take  take !

women are really only biologically conditioned to sacrifice themselves for their children ,  everything else is just take  take

women are really only biologically conditioned to sacrifice themselves for their children ,  everything else is just take take !

women are really only biologically conditioned to sacrifice themselves for their children ,  everything else is just take take

the midpoint between  (poetry and art)  and religion is the right one or  “ true mysticism ”

the midpoint between  (poetry and art)  and religion is the right one

jason

a s k s

do you think  songhill  is a mystic ?

my

r e p l y

i always use the phrase   “ quality mysticism ”  to distinguish the sort of   “pyschward crap”  that people like songhill spill ,  from the genuine greats like john of the cross ,  teresa of ávila ,  catherine of siena ,  rabia al-basri ,  sappho ,  al-'arabi

mysticism is a broad brush and it's really hard to get used the fact that people like songhill and gesshin who have invested huge amounts of time into what they pretend is authentic  “ mysticism ”  in fact are really playing golf or a card game ,  just sloughing off anything real like an ill fitting coat . .

also a good page of   bedouin poetry  showing the nomadic life, none of this islamic  “shopping mall”  bullshit so current now !

gesshin  quotes  aoyama roshi

my reply,

gesshin why not choose to be more open and expose yourself more ,  like unbanme from commenting on your blog, how big a deal is that ?

all these zen people on the web who can't hack uncensored comments ,  i can't think of one blog except the 7th zen patriarch that is uncensored !

if it's censored then you are missing a foundation principle of what it's about !

how would aoyama deal with me, why not ask yourself that occasionally ?

i'm growing to appreciate oscar wilde more, one of the interesting things about his   play    ‘ a ideal husband ’  is its concern with public disgrace, somewhat more optimistically dealt with than his own looming fate . .  : o (

due to that stupidity we have lost at least  three  or  four  brilliant  plays  that  were  yet  to  c o m e  .  .

dr. mengele was disturbed by the number of jews with very aryan features ,  in fact i think the aryan featuredness of a lot of jews in the holocast was a very rough edge the nazis glossed over . .

the strongest anti-judaic emnity was in the ukraine and poland and even in poland it took the destruction of the state to unlease the anti-judaic forces !

an interesting titbit,

joseph jughashvili's  (stalin)  real father may have been a weathy merchant !

i wonder if the real raison d'être of world war2 and winners and losers was two very racially coherent societies ,  germany and the japan versus three racially incoherent societies ,  the english had always been a bit of hotchpotch from continental refugee immigration over the centuries ,  the usa obviously a multi sourced immigrant society and russia of course was a very big empire, its leader joseph stalin was actually a georgian  (one of the reasons he was so murderous is that was a traditional georgian way of handling things)

the allies of course made huge mistakes ,  but no terminal mistakes ,  russia of course had huge huge losses  ( the losses of the soviet 1923  birth cohort  in the war were greater than the total british losses )

but japan and germany both screwed their development of the atomic bomb so that inevitably with the war carrying on any length of time they must have lost

germany because the destruction of its jewish middle class also meant the emigration of scientists with the skills needed to develop the atomic bomb

japan was actually very well  postioned  to develop the atomic bomb at the beginning of the war, but the farcical mismanagement by the naval command building huge waste of time warships and giant submarines so starved the atomic development program of resources that it was stillborn !

“ why do i put up with this shit ? ”

I    II

women are a totally different species with a totally different way of thinking and behaving

“hamstering”  for instance which is their constant process of rationalization after the event to justify whatever they have done or are doing in a similar manner to a hamster running on an exercise wheel  !

women are a totally different species with a totally different way of thinking and behaving

“hamstering”  for instance which is their constant process of rationalization after the event to justify whatever they have done or are doing in a similar manner to a hamster running on an exercise wheel !

women are a totally different species with a totally different way of thinking and behaving

“hamstering”  for instance which is their constant process of rationalization after the event to justify whatever they have done or are doing in a similar manner to a hamster running on an exercise wheel

“ all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma ”

“ all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma ”

“ all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma ”

all things are a manifestation of the ultimate truth

“ all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma ”

“ all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma ”

“ all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma ”

all things are a manifestation of ultimate truth

“ all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma ”

all things are a manifestation of the buddha dharma

so i am saying that my vision with the sixth patriarch was real ,  there is an historical 6th patriarch, though the mummy may not be him and the platform sutra may or may not bear some relation to his own views . .

physically the brain is a quantum machine able to replicate or indeed be quantum entangled processing

so our mutual brains were able induct some entanglement on some unity of macroscopic and particle physics scales enabled by brain mechanisms of criticality and the such . .

this is the true dia kensho experience and it's interesting the extent to which it has been expurgated from zen literature, it is a very distinct happening that cannot be faked . .

and with it comes a very different understanding of the world that cannot be approached by practice or book study . .

dogen is really the only teacher who gives a detailed account of visions ,  typically soto zen is in complete denial about this and waste their sperm on tangled nagarjunarisms !

deft study       I    II

“ a nearly perfect disproof of einstein's world-view, in which  ‘ nothing travels faster than light ’  and  ‘ god does not play dice ’

at least one of these statements must be wrong ”

my view for many years has been the world is   not EPR - local  [53:50] ,  but is rather a selective representation/joining of selected points on a manifold or folded surface which is how my vision with the 6th patriarch is  r e a l  !

my view for many years has been the world is   not EPR - local  [58:33] ,  but is rather a selective representation/joining of selected points on a manifold or folded surface which is how my vision with the 6th patriarch is  r e a l  !

my view for many years has been the world is   not EPR - local  [58:33] ,  but is rather a selective representation/joining of selected points on a manifold or folded surface which is how my vision with the 6th patriarch is r e a l !

there's a famous eihei dogen quote ,  something to the effect that the life of a zen master is a continuous mistake

i don't think that's quite right, more like exploring life through taking a lot of wrong turnings !

all we are is our brains, if they get damaged, our lives get damaged  !

all we are is our brains, if they get damaged, our lives get damaged  !

all we are is our brains, if they get damaged, our lives get damaged  !

all we are is our brains, if they get damaged, our lives get damaged  !

all we are is our brains, if they get damaged, our lives get damaged !

all we are is our brains, if they get damaged, our lives get damaged

an  AWALT  !

women get stuck in lifelong repetitive patterns, more so than men  !

once huang po requested a short leave of absence and nan shan asked where he was going

‘ i'm just off to gather some forest vegetables ’

‘ what are you going to cut them with ? ’

our master showed his appreciation with a triple prostration

from huang po (1958) ,  translated by john blofeld

jason  w r i t e s

I just don't want to be run of the mill, you know ?

I want to do something big, be big, live a big life I hope me following you around isn't some hindrance to me, I can only think of one positive  ‘ student-teacher  (friendship) ’ ,  Joshu and Nansen

it's hard to believe the number of posts on reddit askdocs like this ,  what's with the usa ,  only real men get brain damage ?

at  17  he's way too young for those sorts of impacts !

“ Possible effects of multiple head injuries ?

I'm a 17 year old junior from Nashville.  I've played football for 11 seasons and have suffered multiple head injuries.  None of the injuries have had any major effects on me until my last one.  I had a major concussion about 9 months ago.  Since then I've experienced some weird things

Some include; chronic paranoia, stuttering problems, memory loss, but the worst include major mood swings  (Literaly feeling invincible then 5 minutes later contemplating suicide) ,  and finally chronic déjà vu

I've had the sensations of either déjà vu or very vivid memories of dreams or real events I had when I was a kid.  I suffered another mild concussion Monday and my deja vu episodes have increased from about 2 a day to 2 or 3 an hour.  I realize most of these are known effects of a concussion, but the main one that concerns me is the déjà vu

This has affected my sports, school work, and sleep.  My goal is to play through senior year ,  but i'm concerned that physically I won't make it.  Any advise is welcome, professional or other wise ! ”

my  r e p l y

you have severe brain damage ,  déjà vu in particular can be due to a damaged  dentate gyrus  !

a good quality krill oil will help with brain plasticity

rest up for a year ,  no school anything ,  it's that bad !

----------------------

actually i remember my father and two co-workers drinking some drench once to see what it must feel like for the cattle and he got chronic déjà vu the next day !

99%  of the zen texts are bullshit, mistranslated, misrecorded, neutered by the loss of layered meanings or were voynich in the first place spewed by the endless idiots and half baked twits this sort of thing has always attracted

then to see the poisonous brood of reddit zen hang on the toxins . .

joshu stands out as authentic !

99%  of the zen texts are bullshit, mistranslated, misrecorded, neutered by the loss of layered meanings or were voynich in the first place spewed by the endless idiots and half baked twits this sort of thing has always attracted

then to see the poisonous brood of reddit zen hang on the toxins . .

lol  food porn  ! : 0 )

another reddit   extreme   !

glaucoma is a bitch, meds with bad side effects and ultimate blindness !

sleeping with the head raised  (two pillows may help)  reduces the overnight pressure in the eye and moving the eye around and changing focus should also help with drainage !

oscar wilde  had syphilis   ?

that and the mercury treatment for it would explain the highly bizzare and suicidal suing of the marquess of queensbury !

cardiovascular decline with age is basically smaller volumes of blood pumped which magnesium taurate supplementation is somewhat a remedy for !

I     II

to want to have anything to do with a 16 y.o. is a  sign of dementia  on his part !

any woman knows what to be 16 is like, he would have to be blind to the problems !

39  is old enough for a number of metabolic issues like high blood sugar to impact cognition !

to want to have anything to do with a 16 y.o. is a  sign of dementia  on his part !

39  is old enough for a number of metabolic issues like high blood sugar to impact cognition !

to want to have anything to do with a 16 y.o. is a  sign of dementia  on his part !

i think   briffault’s law   is saying women are ruthlessly utilitarian in relationships ,  not an unreasonable stance since the ability to be in one is their main bargaining point !

evolution of course abets or creates this attitude as the most robust method of ensuring the survival of children !

male and female behaviors are always secondary to what promotes them, that is, the generation and survival of children !

i think briffault’s law is saying women are ruthlessly utilitarian in relationships, not an unreasonable stance since the ability to be in one is their main bargaining point !

evolution of course abets or creates this attitude as the most robust method of ensuring the survival of children !

male and female behaviors are always secondary to what promotes them, that is, the generation and survival of children !

jon you are   as different   as me, virginia woolf and andrei tarkovsky, is it going to take you twenty years to work that out ?

we are strange little planets slipping in and out of galaxies and even universes always having to fake having always been there at anywhere we arrive !

jon you are as different as me, virginia woolf and andrei tarkovsky, is it going to take you twenty years to work that out ?

we are strange little planets slipping in and out of galaxies and even universes always having to fake having always been there at anywhere we arrive !

hypocrites are very concerned about the public face !

hypocrites are very concerned about the public face !

hypocrites are very concerned about the public face

he's a hypocrite and they are very concerned about  the public face ,  you could tell him you won't mention him publically again if he doesn't make contact again !

he's a hypocrite and they are very concerned about the public face, you could tell him you won't mention him publically again if he doesn't make contact again

i was just thinking that everything rejects me ,  success ,  failure ,  criminality ,  legality ,  women ,  men, adults children, family friend enemies, the u n r e l a t e d  . .  i cannot find one iota of acceptance !

i was just thinking that everything rejects me, success, failure, criminality, legality, women, men, adults children, family friend enemies, the u n r e l a t e d  . .  i cannot find one iota of acceptance !

virginia woolf   was childless ,  there's a succinctness, intensity and truth there that you get with very few other writers !

even the jails and hermits reject me ! :o)

there's really quite an aggressive male subculture arising  the red pill  with its jagon, men who are alphas or betas, women who are  p l a t e s  ,  also known as female beta orbiters like you have male beta orbiters . .

HB8s to HB0s of course ! : o)

AF BB alpha fucks/beta bucks !

unabashedly heterosexual nonbreeders . .

there is something to it, one is to look at women impartially and see the flaws which in fact men are by evolutionary design blinded too . .

but all the same it's stupid, a sexual paradigm, that blinder has not been escaped !

there's even an anti-redpill forum ,  the blue pill   !

i quite like   this post   !  : 0 )  (o  o

makes your heart bleed, but of course, it's one's own blood !

jesus christ there's a lot more  thought  being put into this stuff than any of the  ‘  glad handling ’  spiritual forums ! : o)

AWALT   (all women are like that !) ,     NAWALT ,     SWABTO   (some women are better than others !)  ,    hypergamy  !

what's the point of getting married ?

i'm already looking forward to the divorce !

what's the point of getting married ?

i'm already looking forward to the divorce

“ what's the point of getting married ? ”

i'm already looking forward to the divorce !

“ what's the point of getting married ? ”

i'm already looking forward to the divorce

from  reddit   ExNoContact

The reason I decided to go no contact is because I wanted to move on from him . . . I wanted to genuinely,  100%  get over him and move forward in life. But the longer I stay no contact, the more I want him back . . . I really don't think there's another man who I can love and care about the way I do him

It was an awful, terrible, abusive relationship.  I know that it's crucial for my mental health and safety to stay no contact.  But I don't know if I can fight these feelings anymore.  I don't want to allow him another chance to hurt me but I just feel like I'm crumbling ”

my  r e p l y

“ I don't know if I can fight these feelings anymore ”

you don't have to fight the feelings, just observe them, they will come and go in  w a v e s !

this  “ observation process ”  will slowly bring your emotional response into line with the correct logical response which of course you are doing  i.e . breaking up and no contact !

she  r e p l i e s

I'm feeling like all it's doing is making me regret ending things with him.  Now I almost feel bad for blocking his number.  The other day I was thinking about how he was probably texting me and just thinks I'm ignoring him and I started crying

my

r e p l y

she  r e p l i e s

I do regret it tremendously

my

r e p l y

a series of observations will stitch together in a pattern

there is freedom in seeing the pattern !

it's obvious to me an outsider what the pattern is, but you have to see it for yourself !

ed.  self injury ! : o (

she  r e p l i e s

Yeah, until I see it for myself I guess it won't matter what other people say :(