Michael Arnold's Brave New World.
Topic: Poker
If you've played the cash games at the Victoria, you're bound to know who Michael Arnold is. Famed for his cries of 'One Seat Here' and his ability to fall asleep between hands (I'm not joking), he's one of the card room's most frequent and regular players. For most of the last two years he's played the 100 hold'em games, where he is a consistent winner. He has a style that works and he sticks to it.

Recently those of us who play with him have learned that he has a classification system for his opponents. He grades them as Group 1 (the top grade), Group 2 and Unclassified. It's caused some hilarity, with people saying things like 'That's a Group One bluff' and 'If Michael saw you call that, you'd get relegated'. To me, it's reminiscent of Huxley's Brave New World, where people are born in grades Alpha down to Epsilon.

What's more interesting is how he's put people into these groups. Some of his opinions on other players I agree with. Others are frankly barmy. For instance, there was a female player who appeared on the scene about a year ago, whom he declared to be the best woman player he'd ever seen. She's not been seen for a while. Something to do with the heavy losses she racked up I suppose. I know I was always keen to get into her games.

On another occasion, Michael became convinced that he had identified a new rising star: a young man I shall call 'J'. Whenever I saw 'J', he was playing like a lunatic, but Michael seemed sure that he was the next Cincinnati Kid and after losing a few pots to him he decided that he should consult Colin Kennedy about how to deal with this new threat. He arranged to meet Colin in the bar.

When Colin arrived, Michael outlined the problem:

'I need to formulate a counter-strategy to play against 'J', he explained.

Colin got straight to the point:

'Well you better hurry up before he goes skint'.