MSTing: The Adventures of goblins, talk showhost, bugaloos,
witchie-poos and golden flutes named freddy
in the labrynth
by Brendan Herlihy and Steve Weinberg
--- Part 5 of 8 ---
[OPEN ON: House of Pain, Dungeon Door. It is ancient, dusty, solid,
wooden, with heavy iron bars covering a peephole near the top. Tom is
using Crow's crest to try to pry the hinges off. Tom is grunting,
Crow is wary.]
CROW: Tommy!
TOM (grunting): Almost got it...
CROW: Come up for air, buddy. You'll blow another head. C'mon.
TOM: Oh, all right!
[Tom exhales, drops Crow. The two inspect their work.]
TOM: Wow! I think we moved it two or three nanometers that time!
CROW: Yup! Just two more years of this, and we'll be ready to tackle
the other hinge!
[Bobo moseys in, laboring, holding Brain Guy piggy-back.]
BRAIN GUY: Checking the map, there's a low pressure system forming off
the gulf coast that should swing up here by Saturday.
BOBO: Oh my. Goodness! Is it raining?
BRAIN GUY: Checking the radar, a patch of gulf stream is caught in the
San Andreas trench.
BOBO: Well, good, but- (sees the bots) oh hi guys.
CROW: No luck brain-finding, huh?
BOBO: Not yet. But this is one great dungeon, let me tell ya! There's
a gym, an Olympic-sized swimming pool, a sundae bar, oh! And
apparently a bird sanctuary of some sort. I saw a big sign that
said, "Egress Ahead, 100 feet".
TOM: Whoo! Better not tell Mike about that. Birds scare him like a
bloody steak in a pirhana tank.
BOBO: Gotcha! (adjusts Brain Guy) Now about this rain…
BRAIN GUY: Checking my belly button lint…
[Bobo and Brain Guy Exit.]
CROW (to Tom, re the door): I don't know, Tommy. Maybe we should be
trying something subtler, like a hairpin, or termite infestation. I
mean, if two he-man robo-Ferrignos like us can't budge it, brute
force simply cannot be the answer.
[With a bang!, the door *splinters* into a million pieces from a mighty
blow on the other side. Emerging from the debris is Jenifer Bass
(Bridget) in large bronze bracelets and green Chinese pajamas. She
rubs her fist, and looks resentfully at the broken door.]
JEN (to door): "How many were going to St. Ives", my ass.
TOM (resentful): Hey, that was our door!
JEN (as if asked): Bass. Jenifer Bass. Talk show host.
CROW: Huh? Talk show, host? Um... you look more like… I don't know, a
maid or something.
JEN (sighing angrily, holding up her arms to show): Damn these
bracelets! They're gonna screw my career path!
TOM: Oh, cursed accoutrements, huh? Well, I think Evil Mike was doing
some experiments with cubic zirconium. Try that jewelry box,
there's bound to be a counteracting geegaw in there.
[Jen looks where Tom indicated, pulls a jewelry box from off-screen.
She rummages through, modeling things as she finds them.]
JEN: Hm, I see this nice pendant.
CROW (evaluating her look): Mmmm... nope, no, I'm still getting that
Hazel vibe. So do you cook, or?
JEN: No. Earrings?
TOM: They scream, "Use me! I'm Alice from the Brady Bunch!"
JEN: How about this tasteful brooch?
CROW: Hm, now who was that one from the Jeffersons? Wheezy?
TOM: No, Florence. Wheezy was the wife.
CROW: Ah!
JEN: And- oh! A tongue stud! (sticks tongue out, holds stud up to it)
TOM and CROW (as Mr. Sheffield from "The Nanny"): Miss FIIIIINE!
JEN (slumping): Oh, it's no use!
CROW: Now hold on, girlfriend! Maybe all you need is a wardrobe
change!
TOM: Yeah! I mean, let's face it, there's a reason you won't find the
90's woman heading for an interview in a Victoria's Secret
nightdress!
[Jen start to try on some clothes hanging by the door. She starts by
slipping on a drab light blue blouse over her pj's.]
JEN: Good point. Well, how's this?
TOM: OK. OK. I can see sort of a young Carol Kane thing developing.
Maybe an Anne-Meara-in-waiting.
[She now ties an apron around her waist.]
JEN: Now this, to keep the crud off?
CROW: Oh, yeah! Definitely entering a Heather Graham area, maybe with
a little Jennifer Tilly around the eyes?
TOM: Oh, yes, I see it. Plain as day!
[Jen finally puts on a maid's hat and grabs a feather duster.]
JEN: And these accessories!
CROW: Yes! Yes! Julia Ormond, Lisa Marie Presley, with just the
faintest hint of Jewel!
TOM: It's perfect!
JEN: Wow! Thanks guys! Now I can head for that Fox News job interview
with my fists held high!
[Jen retreats through the doorway, and exits.]
CROW: Knock'em dead, girlfriend!
TOM: Welp! That was cool. Of course, we'll never get the door off the
hinges now, what with it being in splinters and all.
CROW: True. I think I saw another one in the back.
TOM: You think we can hang it before Mike wakes up?
CROW: If we hurry? No doubt, compadre! Um, by the way- did you
know about that sundae bar when you included me as a food option
earlier?
TOM: Crow my friend? Yes. Now let's get that door hung!
[Tom and Crow laugh amicably, and exit.]
[CUT TO: <SOL> Pearl is cavorting around the bridge in a huge stuffed
head of one of Richard Nixon's aides, in the style of Sid and Marty
Krofft, while Scratch and Gypsy try to guess who she is.]
GYPSY: Um… G.Gordon Liddsville?
SCRATCH: John Bug-a-dean?
[Pearl lifts the head a bit to talk.}
PEARL: No! H.R. Haldemanstuf!
[The buzzer sounds.]
ALL: FICTION SIGN!
[All try to exit. Pearl goes the wrong way first, bumping the stuffed
head against the wall to a Krofftian "bonk!" effect. Pearl rolls and
rubs her fake head, then recovers and exits.]
| 6 |... ( 5 )... [ 4 ]... > 3 <... = 2 =... / * \...
[CUT TO: Theater. Pearl (holding her costume head), Gypsy, and Scratch
enter.]
PEARL (setting the head down on a seat by itself): Third rate burglary,
third rate kiddie show. Coincidence?
SCRATCH: Did we just rip off "D.C. Follies"?
> A pouch hung from a brown belt around her waist. "Well, you seem to
> have found a friend."
ALL: Huh?
MADGE: What friend?
GYPSY: Is this another Freddie the Flute phallic reference? Because
if it is, I will be very, very annoyed!
>
> "What do you want." Jenifer said keeping her voice steady and
making
> a point of not making it a question.
MADGE: Yes, the mantra of any true hero, "Whadda *you* want?!"
>
> "Do I need to want anything?" Joy groaned and started to wake up.
SCRATCH: Zen and the Art of Bugaloo Maintenance!
>
> Opening her eyes she saw the goblin king.
MADGE (in panic): SLEESTAK! Oh wait- wrong show.
> With a shriek of fright she
>flapped her wings, going straight up.
PEARL: Wow, the White Rock lady's really freakin' out.
> She got about five feet before her
>wings gave out and the bugaloo fell back into the water.
SCRATCH: No vertical take-off. That's why she's been replaced with the
Harrier jet.
> Coughing and
> sputtering she dove behind Jenifer.
GYPSY (Joy): Protect me, strange wingless biped with the non-segmented
eyes!
>
> "Do you charm everyone you meet like this?" Jenifer demanded harshly.
> "Don't worry." she said to Joy. "Everything's going to be alright."
MADGE (Jen): Just because I'm a good mother doesn't mean I'm not one
bad-
SCRATCH AND GYPSY: Shut your mouth!
MADGE: I'm just talkin' 'bout Jenifer Bass.
SCRATCH AND GYPSY: Then we can dig it!
>
> Jareth's laugh infuriated the talk show host and she stormed out of
> the water to face him. "What's so funny?"
SCRATCH: Her fists clenched and her chin sticking out.
MADGE: I keep thinking Mark saw Jen as a female Popeye of some sort.
Which makes the upcoming climax curiously intriguing to me.
>
> "My dear Mrs. Bass, you are. Here you are, alone, hungry, lost, no
> weapons, "
PEARL: No real estate investments or stock index funds...
> he glanced at her torn pajama's, they were soaking wet and
> sticking to her skin, "barely dressed,"
[All laugh, Gypsy shakes her head.]
SCRATCH (Jareth): But I respect your mind, babe. Honest! Aw, lookit
that mind a'yours, in that sheer nighty, wigglin' like a snake on
tequila… (drools)
> Jenifer felt her self blushing but held steady, "and you still find
>someone to protect." he laughed again. "What a fine maid you will be."
GYPSY: He keeps talking like his janitors belong to the Secret Service.
>
> "I don't care if I starve and have to streak naked."
MADGE: You will when Kate Moss sues you for trademark infringement.
>Jenifer declared. "I am never going to clean your castle."
PEARL: Jen, honey? I think it's time we play the party game that's
sweeping the nation. It's called, "Settling".
>
> "Then perhaps you would entertain a different bargain." Jareth said.
>Walking over he leaned against the tree. "Joy." he indicated the
>bugaloo
SCRATCH (Jareth, spoken): For the world. All the boys and girls. No?
How about Joy for the fishes in the deep blue sea?
>and she quickly scuttled behind Jenifer. "Brought a friend into the
>Labrynth. A golden friend.
PEARL: Who spoke. In incomplete. Sentences.
>I will trade you your freedom for the flute."
MADGE: You mean the flute you were *holding in your hand five minutes
ago?!* *WHAT IN SAM SCRATCH IS GOING ON!?*
>
> "You want a flute?"
GYPSY: Well, the Labyrinth is hell. Freddie's probably the first non-
accordian instrument there in millenia.
>
> "You'll never get Freddie!" Joy shouted.
SCRATCH: His intricate vocal harmonies, so typical of Queen, just
go right over your head, man!
>
> "Not unless you hurry." Jareth said. "Since Witchie-Poo is even now
> carrying him back to Living Island."
>
> "Wait a minute." Jenifer said. "Are you telling me I have to get
> something from a witch before I can get home?"
GYPSY (Jen): And it better not be mono!
>
> "It is a common bargain." Jareth agreed. "But I will add one more to
> it.
PEARL (Jareth): I have a nephew. Bright kid, but he's always wanted to
break into show business.
> Give me the bugaloo."
>
> "Your kidding."
>
> "No. Cook me one meal, with her as the main course, and I will return
> you to your show."
MADGE (Jareth): Just nothing fried. And avoid the hot peppers. And no
bugaloafs!
SCRATCH: This could be good. Her show always needed a cooking
segment.
>
> "Cannibal." Jenifer spat the word at him.
>
> "My dear Mrs. Bass, it's only cannibalism if the meal is the same
> species.
GYPSY (Jen): Hm. That's logical. OK!
> Consider my proposition."
>
> With that he faded from sight.
PEARL: So... no reaction from Joy on this? Being served on a platter,
she's OK with it?
>
> Joy worked her wings slowly and looked closely at her protector. The
> woman did not look like a witch. She was pretty, with shoulder length
> brown hair.
[All groan.]
MADGE: Yes, the characters never met before, so the descriptions start
*all over again*!
SCRATCH: Man, I should get *two* stamps for this one.
PEARL: Patience, bubby.
> Her face was sharp,
GYPSY: Unlike her wit.
> with the chin slightly pointed, but there was no sign of a wart on
> it. Her eyes, though narrow were kind.
PEARL: Witch Lite. All the features of regular Witch, but 99%
evil-free!
> She was barefoot, wearing a faded green shirt and pants, both covered
> with mud.
[All snicker.]
SCRATCH: Now c'mon! A fourth fashion review has gotta be worth one
stamp at least!
PEARL: I'll do it if you promise to keep quiet.
[Pearl stamps the card.]
>
> "Are you alright?"
>
> "I feel better." Joy said, after a slight hesitation.
GYPSY: A pause. A stoppage. A moment of reflection.
MADGE: Jeez, you can't run a hundred-yard dash in this place without
the runners stopping at the tape to make sure it'll break.
>
> "Thank you, you must be a mighty witch to challenge Jareth."
PEARL: Mighty Witch. 100% pure beef!
>
> "I'm not a witch," the woman said, matching Joy's hesitation, "I'm a
> talk show host."
>
> "Oh."
SCRATCH (Joy): You look more like a maid.
>
> For a moment there was silence. The woman watched her closely,
> staring really. Joy looked down at herself.
GYPSY: Wait! All the pausing... it's going too fast! I need to catch
up with the plot!
PEARL (resentful): The pausing *is* the plot. Distilled nothing. The
sound of one hand *crapping*.
>
> "Is something wrong?"
>
> "Uh, no. Not really." the woman stuttered. "I've just never seen a
> fairy before."
GYPSY: Not even on Staten Island?
>
> "Oh, I'm a bugaloo."
>
> "A Bugaloo?"
MADGE (Joy): We're in the air and everywhere!
SCRATCH (Jen): No you're not. You're clearly on the ground, and if you
were everywhere I'd've seen you before. Are you mental or
something?
>
> "Joy." she said, extending her hand.
PEARL (Jen, extending hand): Manic depression. Charmed.
>
> "Jenifer Bass." the woman said, taking it. "Your a human aren't
> you?"
>
> "Yea... Of course." Jenifer said.
ALL (unenthusiastic): Yaaay.
> "A human!" Joy whispered, staring at Jenifer as the talk show host
> had stared at her.
PEARL (Joy): The ancient scrolls speak of those who are born one at a
time and refuse to eat their mates after copulating. But we all
assumed they were myths!
> "A real human." Jenifer flushed and Joy quickly looked away.
MADGE: Well it's common courtesy. Hell, I don't even watch the cat in
the litter box.
>"I'm sorry." Joy said. "forgive me for staring but there hasn't been a
> human able to cross the world barriers for years. We thought the
> worlds had drifted too far apart.
GYPSY: Mark? Did you consider plate tectonics might not make for
gripping narrative here?
>
> "We?"
>
> "The Fairy World."
>
> "But you said you were a bugaloo."
>
> "A bugaloo is a type of fairy."
>
> "Oh."
PEARL (Jen): Well enough about you! Wanna hear what I'm wearing?
>
> Again there was an awkward silence.
[All moan helplessly and cry. Scratch bangs his head against the
seat.]
SCRATCH: Must we still be awkward about it?! Couldn't we see some
balletic, *practiced* pauses by now?!
PEARL: Oh, stop whining. Take another stamp. (stamps card) OK? Happy?
> Joy stood up and tested her wings. She rose into the air a few feet,
> to the astonishment of the woman, and then settled back down.
>
> Bugaloo's are a type of fairy.
ALL (crying): *WE KNOW SHE'S A FAIRY ALREADY!*
GYPSY: There are sinking ships calling out S.O.S. less repetitive than
this!
> A part of Jenifer would not accept it. But it was here infront of
>her. Or rather she, Joy, was infront of her.
MADGE: The her, being infronted of, being Jen.
SCRATCH (sobbing quietly): Pearl? How can Jenifer accept goblin kings
but not fairies? I mean, *how*?!
PEARL: Oh, don't try making sense of it, lackey. Use the pain.
Transfer it. Hurt others. You'll feel better.
>
> "How did you get into the Labrynth?" Joy asked.
PEARL: I took a left turn at Albequerque.
> "I let my brother in law pick the guest." Jenifer said with a sigh.
> Seeing that the Bugaloo didn't understand Jenifer showed her the
> bracelets and told her story.
GYPSY: Man, the repeated backstory just goes on forever! Didn't Jareth
give'm a quest or something a few hours ago?
SCRATCH (remembering): Oh! Oh, you mean that witch thing, with the
flute?
GYPSY: Yeah. I'd've thought that was important.
>
> "The first human to crossover in years
MADGE: Humans did two million Star Trek crossovers last month alone!
PEARL: Fairyland may not have Usenet access.
MADGE: Then use deja.com. It's no excuse.
> and he wants a maid?" Joy exclaimed.
>
> "Good helps hard to find I guess.
GYPSY (Joy): Oh. Um... ha-ha-ha? Ha?
SCRATCH: Don't bother. Even Sid and Marty's laugh track isn't going
for that one.
> What about you? How did you..."
>
> "Freddie!" Joy shouted. Jenifer whirled around, expecting somebody to
> be behind her. "My friend Freddie Flute!" Joy said.
>
> "The gold one Jareth was talking about?"
MADGE (sighs): Jen really shouldn't go this long without her Ritalin.
>
> "Yes, we have to save him."
>
> "How? I'm no witch remember?"
>
> "But you must have some power to be so brave." Joy insisted.
SCRATCH: Maybe the power of scrubbing bubbles to clean his bathroom
tile?
>
> "Yea it's called foolishness." Jenifer said.
ALL (unenthusiastic): Yaaay.
>
> "You can use my magic." Joy said. Opening her pouch she pulled out a
> striped wand and a small book.
SCRATCH: <flip> Jack Horner, 3 stars; <flip> Jack, 2 stars, but great
beans…
[Gypsy lunges forward, bapping Scratch on the side of his head.]
SCRATCH (wincing): Hey!
GYPSY: You were warned.
>
> "Why can't you use your magic?"
>
> "Bugaloo's aren't allowed to use magic outside of Tranquility
> Forest."
PEARL (Joy): And you have to have rules, or else society degenerates
into a bunch of colorless feebs talking about wardrobe minutiae and
the subspecies of fairy people!
>
> "Oh." There was something different about Joy's face as she
>explained. It was like a shadow flying across the sun.
MADGE: The way Mark uses light imagery... it's so evocative of
Shakespeare's early work.
SCRATCH: When he was five, and his nanny played shadow puppets?
MADGE: Exactly.
>Then it was
>gone and Jenifer was looking through the book.
GYPSY (Jen): Welp! It's just a plot point, has nothing to do with me.
I'll ignore it.
>"I'll find them and come back for you." Joy said, taking off.
>
> Jenifer felt fragmented as she watched her new friend fly off.
SCRATCH: "Fragmented"?! *Why the HELL would she feel fragmented?!*
PEARL: Hey, Mark! This your audience. That contempt you have for us?
*Right* back at ya, pal!
> Not so much like she was experiencing what was happening, more like
> she was playing a computer game.
MADGE: That's not fragmented. That's detached! And it's a perfectly
normal Gen X way to be!
> She sat against the tree, looking through the book. It was pretty
> straightforward, with hand gestures and magic phrases.
GYPSY: And a tech support number for Magicsoft.
SCRATCH (reading fine print): "Have your credit card ready."
> It even had a
> title page and the equivalent of a library of congress card catalog
> number.
[All snicker.]
SCRATCH: Fairyland is anal!
> Reading as fast as she cold
GYPSY (offering): Grammar riff?
MADGE: No thanks, I'm full.
> Jenifer covered half of it before Joy's return.
>
> "Get out of my way you flea bag!" Witchie-Poo shouted. "I've got an
> invasion to stop!"
MADGE: Wasn't Poo the one doing the invading?
SCRATCH: I'd say I don't even care anymore? But never cared to begin
with, really.
PEARL: Mark's created a rich array of characters that'll touch us for
the rest of our lives, or until someone coughs. Whichever comes
first.
> "Nay witch!" the knight answered.
GYPSY: Another Ogilvie transition, by the way.
SCRATCH: It's so eye-opening. Like watching Orson Welles for the first
time.
>"For I have told thee that only alone may you leave this place."
MADGE (Poo): But I *am* alone.
GYPSY (Didymous): Don't think facts are gonna save ya, punk!
> Around them smoking holes littered the ground, trees and bushes were
> broken and scattered. Piles of dust that were once rocks smoked
> ominously.
SCRATCH: The rocks were told to stand outside, as the Labyrinth was a
no-smoking area.
> Sir Didymous held himself high on the sheepdog, though both
> were panting. Witchie-Poo was tired too, her hands were shaking.
PEARL (old lady): She didn't use Aspercreme!
SCRATCH (announcer): Doctors recommend Aspercreme for minor aches and
pains and as a delicious cake filling!
> In
> one hand was a wand like the one Jenifer was holding. In the other a
> solid gold flute,
GYPSY: No, if it were solid, it wouldn't blow.
MADGE (muttering): Ho-ho, and believe me, it *blows* all right.
> encrusted with diamonds. Jenifer and Joy watched the
> battle from a small rise some thirty feet away.
PEARL: Yes! Good! Stay in the open! Give'm a clear shot!
>
> "Tally Ho!" Sir Didymous shouted, raising his staff.
SCRATCH (Didymous): *That's* my favorite playing card company!
>
> Ambrosius was off like a shot, just a second behind the lightning
> bolt from Witchie-poo's wand.
MADGE: A second *behind*? They're *trying* to get hit? What the-?
> Joy and Jenifer ducked down to avoid the debris. The battle raged on,
> every so often the knight would move in and rap the witch with his
> staff. Try as she might Witchie-Poo could not hit the sheepdog,
GYPSY: He was just so fuzzily cuddly, she wanted to hug him 'til
Tuesday!
> but
> she could make the going hard for him. At one point Ambrosius
> stumbled and fell, but Sir Didymous batted away the witches lightning
> bolt with his staff.
[All cackle.]
PEARL: Yup, remember kids! Lightning bounces off wood, so next time
you're caught in a storm, find a big tall tree to hide under!
>
> "Got it." Jenifer said. She had been skimming through the magic book
>furiously, and finally a spell had made sense to her.
SCRATCH: I'm guessin' the spell goes, "Huh? Wait… Mister… cursed?"
> "Can you get the flute out of her hand?" Joy nodded and Jenifer let
> her go. The Bugaloo flew straight up, almost out of sight and then
> dove. She streaked into the clearing a white blur and hit Witchie-Poo
> in the stomach like a cannon ball.
MADGE: BOI-OI-OI-OING!
PEARL (witch, in agony): Oof! Oh my kidneys! Internal hemorrhage!
Call an ambulance, augh!
GYPSY: She stole that from a Mighty Mouse cartoon.
SCRATCH: But wasn't she five feet tall a few minutes ago?
MADGE: I think the water shrank her. There's probably a label on her
neck saying "Dry Clean Only".
> As the fell Joy grabbed Freddie
GYPSY: The *fell Joy*?
SCRATCH: Perhaps, the pleasure experienced by Norman Fell during his
illustrious career as a character actor?
MADGE: "As she fell" is what Mark had in mind there.
GYPSY: Mark had something in *mind*?
> out
> of the witches hand and flew up again as fast as she could.
PEARL: Oh. That wasn't that hard, really.
SCRATCH: Witchie-poo is like the Philadelphia Eagles of the nemesis
world.
>
> "Sneeze, Breeze I order you to Freeze!" Jenifer cried,
GYPSY: Oo, that's a nice little Shel Silverstein sort of a spell.
MADGE: Eh, the rhyme's not much. But maybe you can dance to it.
> jumping up and
> casting the spell before Witchie-Poo could recover. There was a flash
> of light and smoke and when it cleared Witchie-Poo stood still as
> stone in the middle of the clearing.
PEARL: Well why didn't she do that in the first place?!
GYPSY: Joy coulda died or something!
SCRATCH: Jeez, some friend!
>
> "Tally...ho?"
MADGE: Well, none, really. Jen doesn't have sex, and Joy's a kiddie
show character. Maybe there's a red light district where you can
count some.
GYPSY (disappointed): Not you too, Madge.
MADGE: Oh, just one. It's not so bad.
>
> "Are you alright?" Joy asked, clutching Freddie in her hand. They
> were about eighty feet above the ground and Joy finally felt save.
>
> "I think so. How did you get out of that bog?"
PEARL (Joy): Triple A. Boy, their road service is amazing!
>
> "A human helped me."
>
> "A real human?" the flute sounded awed.
SCRATCH: No, one made of aluminum. OF COURSE IT'S A REAL HUMAN,
YOU GREAT RHINESTONED PICCOLO!
> "Does that mean humans are back?"
>
> "I don't..." Joy started to say she didn't know when sounds of a new
> battle could be heard below them.
GYPSY: A pause, stopping someone saying "I don't know", to a question
*completely* beside the point.
SCRATCH: There are noble gases less inert than this story!
> "I am not a witch?" Jenifer shouted,
MADGE: To herself or to Didymous?
SCRATCH: We'll never know.
>launching another spell at the knight.
PEARL (Jen): I'm not a witch, I'm just a woman with a pointy chin who
lives alone and casts spells! (stops) Oh.
> She had come down the rise to make sure Witchie-Poo wasn't faking and
> Sir Didymous had attacked her. Jenifer had tried reasoning at first,
> but all that got her was more raps from the knights staff.
SCRATCH (staff, deep-voiced rapping): I'm the weapon, I'm the power, I
can tumble down the tower…
[Gypsy and Pearl look at Scratch.]
SCRATCH: Um… I'll stop now.
> Jenifer
> felt the pain in her side and guessed that a large purple bruise was
> spreading out from the rib. She hoped it hadn't been broken.
>
> "Surrender foul one!"
>
> "I'm not a witch!" Jenifer shouted again,
MADGE: But you are *dressed* as one!
> raising the wand. For once she was focused, the surreal feelings of
> only a few minutes before were gone. "I'm not the one who trapped you
> here! I'm here to help!"
GYPSY: I'm your government! I'm here to help!
>
> "I believe you not!" Sir Didymous proclaimed and charged again.
> Planting her feet Jenifer stood ready to launch another spell.
>
> "Stop!" Joy shouted, diving between them and throwing her arms out.
PEARL (Joy, dramatic): Take *my* life if you must, but spare poor...
um… (stops) I'm sorry, who the hell are you again?
> Jenifer stumbled and fell flat on her back and the knight was nearly
> thrown from his steed.
SCRATCH: So Jareth runs this joint 'cuz he's the only one who can speak
a grammatically correct sentence without falling on his ass!
>
> "He started it." Jenifer insisted, sitting up. She said it a little
> guiltily, remembering how mad she had been at the knight. How easy it
> had been to use the wand.
MADGE: Sure. Power corrupts. But it's cool!
>
> "I?" The knight protested. "I am not the one who..."
>
> "Well I'm not either." Jenifer said, getting to her feet and holding
> up her arms. The bracelets glinted mockingly at her. "The only reason
> I'm wearing these is because I let Marty chose the guest.
PEARL: You know something girlfriend? Marty maybe chose the guest, but
*Marty* didn't openly mock him in front of a live studio audience,
and *Marty* didn't have the booby hatch haul him away on national
television!
SCRATCH: Stamp the card Pearl! Come on, you want to! (sings to "Shake
your Booty") Stamp stamp stamp! Stamp stamp stamp!
PEARL: Oh, hush! (stamps card)
[Logo, Commercials]
--- End Part 5 ---
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