2 cups potatoes   1 whole garlic
2 cups carrots   2 cups of red wine
1 cup celery   1 cup onion
1 Unattended Child


First render the child helpless by dinging it on the center of the forehead with the nearest blunt object. The child should fall loosely to the ground.

Remove all merchandise that the child was about to pocket or destroy.

Make sure your flame is high and your cooking area secure for any struggling and screaming that may occur in the first few moments of cooking.

Now it is time to throw in above ingredients. Baste child evenly and let fire die down til golden brown.

*To add a special twist to your entree, remove fingers and toes. Fry them in butter and scatter them in a artsy fashion around your main dish... your guests will surely be impressed and your neighbors grateful. Helpful hints: double recipe accordingly depending on the amount of unattended children. Use 1 additional onion if they are Girl Scouts. Remove all scabs prior to cooking little leaguers.

Recipe by Zoe Trish of Marty Magic.

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