28 november 1999
11:49pm
flying free

it's been awhile since i last wrote in this. 2 weeks or so, i guess. i've recently focused on updating the look of my page, and adding new pages. (see friends and myself.) most of that was done in late-night creative flurries over this past long weekend, thanksgiving weekend. i didn't go anywhere- just stayed here, at swarthmore, in my room (well, not completely in my room). while it was lonely and gloomy at times (especially since the sun refused to come out), it was also somewhat liberating, feeling like i could pretty much do whatever i wanted and no one was here to tie me down to anything. i wandered, i ran, i sang loudly and i watched tv. and it didn't affect anyone but me. kind of nice. but i was happy on saturday, when i finally started seeing familiar faces again.

i called exploring new horizons and left a message, telling them i want to work in january. hopefully i'll hear from them tomorrow. i hope they're going for 2 weeks before i have to come back here. i just love being down there so much. seeing my friends, being in the redwoods, spending time with kids. i can't decided if, when i start working at an outdoor school, if i want to start there. or if i would rather be somewhere not in california for a bit, at a different outdoor school, so i can see how i like it. i can always go to enh, and i know that. and i love it there, more than any other place. but what if i miss finding someplace i love more (though i have a hard time picturing what that place might be)? i have to think about this. but i have to also decide quickly.

i've been having the most incredible dreams lately. or maybe i always have incredible dreams, but for some reason i've been remembering the recent ones. i don't know. a week or so ago, i had my first lucid dream (or at least the first that i've been able to remember). it was fantastic! i flew! really and truly, i was filled with this rush of adrenaline and just took off. i've had lots of dreams about my friends lately, like valerie and gabe and maya. like last night, i had a dream that val and i went to an ani concert. we were sitting right up front, sitting on the floor of the theatre, actually, with ani standing right above us. and i had my guitar, and for some reason, every time ani finished a song, val and i would start talking and i would tune my guitar. until at some point, ani made a comment about it, and i realized how rude i must seem, tuning my guitar while ani was talking between songs. after the concert, there were t-shirts on sale and (i think) ani was selling them. i really wanted one, but i was wondering if i should really spend my money on one. but then val said she was going to get one, so i asked her to pick up one for me. and ani came over and took my $10 for the shirt. then we were just standing around- val, ani, and i- and were just talking about all sorts of random things. i remembered that i left my guitar in the theatre and went back in to get it. when i came out, val and i left the building down this long narrow hallway with an open door to the outside at the end. we were talking about something (i can't recall what now), and i was thinking how lucky i was to have had spent quality time with ani difranco.
anyway, back to a point of sorts- it's really great to be remembering all these dreams. some are really ridiculous and make me laugh (like the one where i found a blue vacuum cleaner outside of my room so i took it- i had gone to bed that night thinking how much i needed to vacuum my rug but i didn't know where to find a vacuum), and some are really quite provocative and make me think (like some of the dreams involving my friends). it's all quite interesting, to say the least.

12:13am