22 may 1999
11:15pm
why i'm better than you (if you are in high school)

frustration!!!!! i am feeling so frustrated right now. with so many different things. not being able to get the pictures i scanned today to load up right. sitting at home at 11:15pm on a saturday night. not having a job. argh!!!!

okay, i'm breathing. big, deep breaths. calming. time to relax some. my annoyance levels have been high all day, and are culminating in this frustration tantrum i'm throwing right now. why so annoyed? i think a big part of it is that tonight (going on right now, in fact) is my sister's senior ball. and i realized long ago that most of this household revolves around my sister and her activities. so there was this high-pitched frenzy throughout the house today about the ball. i tried to just sit in my room and stay out of everyone's way, but eventually the combination of boredom and being asked to do things ended my room sit-in. ugh, i say. ugh on the whole thing. as i recall, i was much more laid-back about senior ball. it was a few days after my 18th birthday, i was going with matt, my bud, i was wearing a fun little black dress that wasn't too fancy, i didn't bother getting my hair done, i did my own make-up, etc, etc. and it was a fun night, and a fabulous weekend.

speaking of high school, last night i went out with darrell. here i was, all nervous that we were going to be plagued by ackward silences after not seeing each other for a year and a half, but what do you know? we talked and talked and talked and talked. fun, gossipy talk, about boys we want to hook up with, and the issues around having a boy as a best friend, and trashing all the "popular" kids from high school, and revealing and revelling in our debauched-ness. and we went to cafe la scala, which was the place that was just so cool to go to and be seen at in high school. when we got there around 8:20 or so, it was mostly college and older people. but as we sat and chatted, more and more high school kids started showing up. and as we were leaving we laughed about the fact that they probably thought that we were in high school as well, but we secretly knew that that we are better than them, because we are in college. it was fabulous.

and again with high school, tonight i ran into sean, a friend from acalanes, at barnes and noble. it was strange to see him, he's one of those people that i haven't seen since graduation, which was... ah... um... 3 years ago. so we caught up, and had our ackward silences, but it was good and enjoyable to talk to him again. and he's changed. maybe he was thinking the same thing about me. i kind of hope so.

wow, i'm starting to feel better. talking about all this stuff is fun. ha, and here's something else that's fun. you want to know what really threw me for a loop when i got home (and still sort of is)? 2-ply toilet paper. i'm so used to the thin thin strand of toilet paper we get at swarthmore, that here, i'd grab some, and it would be this huge ball, so much more than i wanted, so big that i was sure if i put it in, it would clog the toilet. so i would un-ball it, and tear in half or sometimes thirds, and then use it. i'm getting better at my toilet-paper consumption now, although every once in awhile i forget.

11:38pm