25 may 1999
12:11am
friends forever?

i am finally making some progress towards a summer of substance. i sent my resume to roughing it day camp, which is here in lafayette. when i talked to them today they sounded really positive about hiring me. i have to turn in the application tomorrow and let them call my references, then an interview... but if they still need counselors this close to camp start time (27 june), then i'm hoping maybe i can already assume i have the job. not that they wouldn't hire me normally; afterall, i'm making a career of "professional camp counselor." this would be the ninth summer in a row working at a camp. and the nice thing about working at day camp is that i can always find another job for evenings and weekends. that sounds like it would almost have to be a waitressing job, but i guess that's okay.

while looking for some written evaluations today, i found my last journal. i poked around for it about a week ago and couldn't find it, but it was under a ton of papers in this corner of my room. i never finished my last journal- during my sophomore year i wasn't too happy about a lot of things, and writing in the journal just made it all seem so permanent and made me feel like a big baby. so, i stopped writing. it's a shame, it's a beautiful journal, and i only used about a third of it, maybe even less. but when i started writing again, i wanted a fresh start. which is good, i enjoyed finding this and re-reading my thoughts from the first few months of college. it was an interesting time for me- i started to really question a lot of things. but i also find many of the same themes then as i think about now. back in the fall of 1996, i was desperate for a friend, a person to be close to, who knew as much about me as i knew of myself. and when david and i found each other, i wrote about how i knew this was the friend i needed. but we had a lot of turbulence back then, or at least i did, since i could never tell where we stood. nowadays, there's nobody i love more than david, and we are confident in our friendship. but we have talked about how the only people at swarthmore who really know us, is us. i can't tell my feelings about this. i mean, after 4 years, only one person really knowing me? but then again, we have friends who don't even have that one person. i am forever greatful for having david as a friend, and i truly appreciate all of my other friends at swat as well. but maybe during this senior year of mine coming up, i will make the extra effort to try to get some of my other friends to open up, to start forming those stronger bonds. i don't want to lose these people once we graduate, but as of now, i'm afraid that may happen. which is why we need to embrace our friendships and really bond, to ensure that these are people we could not have out of our lives.

12:30am