07 june 1999
10:21pm
the antique road show. writing letters.

you know what i am absolutely obsessed with? the antique road show. you know, that program on like pbs that has all of these antique appraisers traveling around and people bring in all of their stuff and see if it's worth anything. tonight, there was this guy on, who was going to have a garage sale, and was going to put a $50 tag on this sword he found as a kid. so the appraiser is talking and talking, telling us all about the craftsmanship and what the sword was made and used for, and then says, "this sword would sell at auction for $35,000." and he kept right on talking. the guy who brought it in was like shell-shocked, and quietly interrupted the appraiser and said "excuse me, did you just say 35 thousand dollars?" and i was eating it up, i was so happy for this guy and my future seemed full of brightness if i too, could find the antique. so i want to go. i really really really want to go to the antique road show when it comes to san francisco (if it comes to san francisco) and i too want to be put in front of the camera with what i think is a worthless something or other and then find out it's worth thousands of dollars. and i'll look shocked and surprised and maybe even cry a bit and it will be heaven. that's not so much to ask, is it?

today i also looked through some of the letters written to me while i was on vancouver island. it made me miss people who were so good to write me. and it really made me wish that david and i could talk to each other the way we write to each other. our letters are full of emotions and feelings, real and true and filled up. we can actually admit how much we miss each other, how much our friendship means to each of us. which is something i don't feel we've figured out how to express face to face. the letters also made me a bit sad, because in them we kept talking about how we were going to break out of swarthmore and travel and explore together during the spring semester. which we didn't do. we went on our roadtrip during spring break with everyone, but we didn't do any together traveling. which i believe we deserve to do. which we should do, if we ever really want to know each other (as i am positive there are parts of us that just do not get out while at swarthmore). i want to know how to love the midwest like david does, because i think i really will love it, and i think he needs to be here to see me in my element, to understand and to see why that this is where my heart is, that i am such a northern californian because it is so amazingly, breathtakingly beautiful here, and there is incredible energy flowing around here all the time.

there's a very very slight chance that david may come out here to see the ani and maceo show with me on 9 july. if he doesn't come i don't know who i'll go with. but i have 2 tickets. and i really do hope he comes. i think i need to write him a letter soon, tonight.

10:39pm