06 september 1999
7:54pm
who the fuck am i?
i feel frustrated right now. i'm not sure why. i guess it could be a
combination of things:
not having anything meaningful to do
not being in classes for 4 days
realizing that my forest ecology seminar is going to kick my ass/thinking i
may not want to be in this seminar
not seeing the people i want to see
being back here
being sticky and hot from the humidity
not sleeping well last night
missing matt and kim and shawn
worrying about these guest artist lectures for the independant study that are
all scheduled during my seminar and thus i can't go even though we have to
go to five of them
i don't know. it's just been this nagging feeling all day. i don't know
what to do with myself. i'm not happy here yet. i guess i can't wait for
the meaningful things to happen to me; i need get out and find them
myself. i wish i had a car. maybe it would be easier to find them then.
i am so restless.
i'm looking forward to starting chorus. singing is something i can do right,
something my whole body does right. singing makes me happy even when
rehearsals can drag.
i want to be more comfortable. with who i am. with where i am, where i've
been, and where i'm going. i want to feel right about being me. and right
now that's not a point i'm at. do ever step back, for just a second, and
realize i don't know who i am?
who am i?
8:14pm
05 september 1999
07 september 1999
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musings