• ANNE GRAHAM:  Billy's daughter will reveal vision of heaven
• OPRAH will be appointed first U.S. Secretary of Women
• KATIE COURIC will beat Hillary Clinton for Senate seat
• TAMMY FAYE will re-wed Jim Bakker in bizarre TV ceremony
• LAURA BUSH will lead million U.S. women in anti-war march

"A French yacht sailing in the round-the-world Jules Verne
 Trophy was briefly detained by a giant squid. . . . The  Su-
 preme  Court  upheld the 1998 Copyright Term Extension
 Act and said that it was clearly within the authority of Con-
 gress to make bad policy."

Dave Foster wrote Tue 14 Jan 2003 @18:04:01 EST:

I know this will come as no surprise, but Carrie and I
were talking about the  "Tabloid  Headlines"  and she
thought she had better get on the mailing list.   Please
add her to your  – I'm sure –  extensive list.   Thanks.
.  .  .  You will be bringing father and daughter closer
together by adding Carrie to the tabloid list and giving
us a conversation topic whenever we talk.  Thank you
again. . . . .

"The U.S. military admitted that it has spammed thousands of
 Iraqis with e-mail . . . urging them to defy Saddam Hussein."

[courtesy National Enquirer – Editor's note:  Although the headlines and
 names are reported accurately here,  we are not sure about  which stars
 belong in which categories,  as the Enquirer did not say.  We  have  done
 our  best  in assigning the listed stars to categories  according to the way
 they looked in the photographs that appeared in the Enquirer. You might
 do well to run down to your local Ralph's and spend $2.99 for  this  issue
 just for the photos of Nick Nolte, Michael Douglas and Jennifer Aniston]
 
 

"It was reported  that  Condoleezza  Rice  is sometimes teased
 by her colleagues in the White House for speaking in complete
 sentences."

. . . & our readers get to pick them!

He foresaw:

• Internet porn
• Fast food
• The rise of J-Lo . . . & much, much more!

HVELENOSI@aol.com wrote Sun 29 Dec 2002 @8:21:29 PST:

Speaking  of  Madonna,  there was a young British critic who
died this year.  In the LA Times obituary, they said he always
referred to Madonna as the "40 year old mother of two."

TedF@lakesnet.net wrote Sun 29 Dec 2002 @13:52:40 CST:

Methinks you spelled it wrong.  I think it is Ben Af Fleck.  He
is a black sheep brother to the banjo-playing Bela Fleck.  Ben
Af ran to Afghanistan with that there Walker fellow and fought
on the side of Bin Laden and the Talibanian Boys.   His buddy
Walker got caught;  Ben Af is still at large.  BTW,  he took his
middle name from,  you  guessed  it,  Afghanistan.   Ben  Fleck
used to play fiddle in a bluegrass band with brother Bela.   Re-
cently  (like  his  hero,  Nero),  he  fiddled  while  cities burned.
Now I know that Halle  is  Chuck's  illegitimate  daughter  from
way  back  when  he took her 15 year old mother  across  state
lines  for  fun  and  games.  But who in the fuck is Calista Flock-
hart?  Hmmm . . . .

"Thailand's public-health ministry announced that  it  will  distribute
  condoms to boy and girl scouts who visit the country for the 20th
  World Scout Jamboree."