David Foster, of Maine, wrote Mon 19 May 2003 @20:32:28 EDT:

Who in the world would want to unsubscribe when such important things
can be learned, and which probably would not otherwise be learned,  as
knowing that pets will be allowed on planes for  emotional  support?   In
fact, that whole brief sort of built to a crescendo.  First, the German and
the police state comment. I found that interesting.  Then another interest-
ing tidbit, and so on until the grand finale.  Keep up the good work.  But
you might consider censoring that Dean guy from California and his caus-
tic comments.

Fred DEAN, of CALIFORNIA, wrote Tues 20 May 2003 @20:35:38 PDT:

Re:  "Blood pressure standards change":  I used to feel smug at 120/70.
No mas, acaso.

White  House  aides  asked people listening to a speech by the
President to take off their ties,  so that they would look like the
regular folks the President says will be primary beneficiaries of
his latest tax cut. . . .The Wall Street Journal reported that wo-
women  are  sexually  attracted  to  the  Commander  in Chief.
"Hot?  So  hot!  That  uniform! "  said  one  New York  mom.
Said another, "I mean, that swagger! George Bush in a pair of
jeans is a treat to watch."

"The May 13 Weekly Review stated,  'It was reported that Mi-
 crosoft  is developing a portable toilet with internet access.'   I
 hope no one will be too surprised to learn that the story, which
 was widely reported, turned out to be a hoax."

A  German  diplomat  charged  that the United States is turning
into  a  police  state.  .  .  .  Israel began to require all foreigners
entering the Gaza Strip, including United Nations relief workers,
to  sign  a  waiver  stating that they will not hold the Israeli army
responsible if it injures or kills them.  .  .  .   It was reported that
Microsoft  is  developing a portable toilet equipped with internet
access.  . . .   A special federal and state task force was offering
grief therapy to farmers in California whose chickens were killed
to stop the spread of exotic Newcastle disease. . . .  Federal au-
thorities  said  they will permit passengers to take cats, dogs and
monkeys on airplanes for emotional support, but not snakes, ro-
dents or spiders.

United Nations employees looted restaurants at the organization's
headquarters in New York  after food service workers  staged  a
wildcat strike. "It was chaos, wild, something out of a war scene,"
said a witness.

Dick Freeman wrote Tue 29 Apr 2003 @14:26:27 PDT:

The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.
The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.
USA Today is read by people who think they should run the country but don't
    understand the Washington Post.
The Los Angeles Times is read by people who would like to run the country if
    they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave L.A. to do it.
The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country; and
    they did a far better job of it, thank you very much.
The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running
    the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country
    either as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country,
    or that there should be, or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose
    all that they stand for, with exceptions for handicapped minority feminist atheist
    illegal alien dwarfs (as long as they are Democrats).
The Miami Herald is read by people who think they should be running another
    country, and want the baseball scores.
The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

FGDean@aol.com wrote Mon 28 Apr 2003 10:12:21 PDT:

I went to the Harper's Weekly website.  Is there any
connection with the Harper's monthly that I subscribe
to?  (This stuff almost looks legit.)

P.S.:  Gee, somebody finally printed one of my letters
          to the editor!

Editor's reply:

Yes, the web site and the weekly newsletter are published
 by Harper's magazine.

P.S.  Everything in Tabloid Headlines is "legit."

An ABC News closed-caption typist informed viewers that
Alan Greenspan was  "in the hospital for an enlarged prosti-
tute."  .  .  .  Pope John Paul beatified the 17th-century friar
who invented cappuccino. . . .When President Bush attends
an economic summit in the French Alps in June, he will sleep
in Switzerland. .  .  .  A Florida mother said she accidentally
stabbed her 19-year-old son in the buttocks with a 12-inch
knife  when he wouldn't get out of bed to go to work.  .  .  .
National  SpankOut  Day  was marked by parents who re-
frained from hitting their children for a day.