A Salvation Army minister who said  he  obeys  the  law  "99.9
per cent of the time"  was  sentenced  to  eight  years  in  prison
for molesting three little girls  in Huntington.  "Ninety-nine-point-
nine percent of my life I've spent  in  strict  observance  to  both
God's law and man's law," said Larry Anders, 58, at his senten-
cing.  "Your honor,  it's that 0.1 percent that's in error  –  which
proves, essentially, that I'm just a normal man."

Traffic Management Limited, a video game producer in Glasgow, intro-
duced "JFK Reloaded" on the 41st anniversary of President Kennedy's
assassination,  challenging players to simulate three shots  fired from the
Texas School Book Depository.
                                                                      [courtesy the "media"]

U.S.-style democracy was emulated in the presidential election in the
Ukraine – exit polls one way,  ballot count the other – and President
Bush's emissary, Colin Powell, condemned the election as fraudulent.
. . . A 10-ton railway bridge was stolen in Australia. . . . Popeye turn-
ed 75.  . . .  A 13-year-old boy invited an exotic dancer to a house in
Viriginia  Beach  and  held a shotgun on her  for a command perform-
ance.  . . .  A Hmong refugee from Laos, trained as a sharpshooter in
the California National Guard and residing in St. Paul,  shot eight oth-
er hunters who found him in their deer stand in northwestern Wiscon-
sin, killing six.  He said they shot first. . . . Indiana officials, concerned
over crop decimation by a growing deer population, fretted over a de-
cline in hunters. . . . An Oregon man slowed traffic past his home with
a plywood replica of a sheriff's car partially concealed in bushes down
the street. . . . A Massachusetts man, nagged for picking at the turkey
with his fingers,  stabbed two relatives with a carving knife at Thanks-
giving dinner. .  .  .  A minor league hockey player was suspended for
mooning fans at a game in West Virginia. .  .  .  The World Trade Or-
ganization authorized sanctions against the United States. . . .  Donald
Trump went bankrupt. . . . Vieux Boulogne, from Normandy, was ad-
judged the world's smelliest cheese by a panel of Brits.

                                  [courtesy Courier-Journal, Harper's Weekly]

"Sanford Regina" sent us an e-mail titled "We owe you $473858."

FGDean@aol.com wrote Tue 16 Nov 2004 @09:30:59 PST:

Did Bob Hill ever show up for the Weekly World News Round Table?

An author of books on how to profit from government loopholes
was in jail in Indianapolis,  with her husband,  for Social Security
fraud. .  .  . The report that Congressman John Hostettler said he
would introduce a bill to rename  Interstate  69  to a more moral
number turned out to be a hoax perpetrated by the Hoosier Ga-
zette.
                     [courtesy Associated Press, WFIE TV Evansville]

The owner of a race horse farm in the Bluegrass asked Lexington
to rezone 58 acres for a Home Depot and a SuperWal-Mart and
said he would move 18 horses' graves – including that of the1898
Kentucky  Derby  winner,  Plaudit  – to make room for the stores.
.  .  .  Governor  Ernie was accused of violating medical ethics by
signing a death warrant for a convicted murderer (Governor Ernie
is a  physician,  and American Medical Association guidelines say
doctors should not participate in capital punishment). A state med-
ical license inquiry panel will hear the complaint approximately two
months after the execution.
                                            [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"I want a Frenchman, I want to eat a Frenchman," an Ivory Coast
loyalist chanted. . . .  Tanks greeted antiwar protesters in Los An-
geles. . . . A North Carolina doctor gave women orgasms by run-
ning electric wires into their spines.  Other researchers announced
a remote-controlled wireless pillow that sends hugs.  .  .  .  A man
skipping a taxi fare in Kansas City bit a policeman and his dog (the
dog, which bit the suspect first, nearly lost an ear). . . . A man was
arrested in Boulder, Colorado, for putting pornographic DVD's in
trick-or-treat bags. ... A grade school teacher in Ellsworth, Maine,
lost 500 pounds (he's down to 270).  .  .  . Librarians in Bay City,
Michigan, proposed jail time for overdue books. . . .  Fox hunting
was outlawed in England.

                               [courtesy Harper's Weekly, Courier-Journal]

A Bloomington man shot out two tires of a guest's car to
prevent his driving home drunk,  and  the  drunk  cut the
host with a knife.
                                        [courtesy Associated Press]

The hosts of a morning radio show in Lexington were suspended
by station management for reporting that the city council had out-
lawed smoking in automobiles.  Hundreds of irate telephone calls
poured in to the police, City Hall, the health department,  and the
County Attorney; and the city said it would complain to the FCC
(there's an FCC rule prohibiting the broadcast of false information
that can cause "public harm" if it does not carry a disclaimer).

                                        [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

The Jones Soda Co., in Seattle, encouraged by sales of turkey and
gravy soda introduced last year, brought out four new flavors: green
bean casserole, mashed potato, fruitcake, and cranberry. . . . A 12-
year-old Arkansas girl blew a 16-inch bubble in London to blow off
Great Britain's bubble gum champ. . . . An Austrian artist began a 42-
mile tunnel to Slovenia that he estimates will take two people with two
shovels 5,600 years to complete. . . .  A National Guard plane shot a
20-mm. cannon at a grade school in New Jersey. . . .  Saskatchewan
legalized gay marriage. . . . Farmers in India were spraying their fields
with Coca-Cola because it's cheaper than pesticide and works just as
well. . . . Coyotes were seen in Washington, D.C. . . . Unable to laun-
der money in prison, an Italian Mafioso moneyed laundry – by hiding
extortion directions in dirty clothes taken home by relatives. . . . A 29-
year-old Connecticut woman was arrested for having an affair with an
8-year-old boy.
                                  [courtesy Courier-Journal, Harper's Weekly]

Godfreykng@mailbox.co.yu sent us an e-mail titled "newsweek digital-extreme movies will get you fired."
"Denis Caron" sent us an e-mail titled "movies can ruin your marriage."
"Candice Griffin" sent us an e-mail titled "U.N. report - mpgs can destroy your life."
"Todd Hopper" sent us an e-mail titled "U.N. report - extreme mpgs will put you in jail."
"Abel Burrell" sent us an e-mail titled "great article: movies can ruin your marriage."
"Dane Hanna" sent us an e-mail titled "great article: videos can destroy your life."
"Lorrie Turner" sent us an e-mail titled "time magazine - extreme movies will put you in jail."
"Hester Mcginnis" sent us an e-mail titled "alert - extreme vids will put you in jail."
"Lara Crow" sent us an e-mail titled "important - mpgs will cost you your job."
"Russell Kincaid" sent us an e-mail titled "police report - extreme footage will put you in jail."
"Orval Good" sent us an e-mail titled "interesting report : pictures can cost you your job."
"Porfirio Delarosa" and Mylestrfn@loop.com both sent us e-mails titled "important - videos will destroy your life."
"Joan Hoyt" sent us an e-mail titled "be carefull - footage can destroy your life."
"Rene Baez" sent us an e-mail titled "police report - vids can destroy your life."

Governor-elect Mitch Daniels said he will ask the General As-
sembly to reinstate "daylight saving" time.

                                                  [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Congressman Hal Rogers announced the creation of  two  anti-
terrorism centers in  Kentucky,  with $4 million in federal funds.
"New York and Washington  think  they've  been  inadequately
funded," said Rogers, "but so does Albany, Ky." A spokesman
for Taxpayers for Common Sense said it's "ludicrous . . . .  We
don't need to make this the latest money pit for special interests."

                                                     [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Osama bin Laden said on his TV show last weekend, "If we hate
freedom,  why did we not attack Sweden?" . . .  Texas Governor
Rick Perry refused to proclaim October 24 "UN Day." . . .Young
mice fed Prozac grew up depressed. . . . A woman in Houston em-
ulated Lorena Bobbitt. .  .  .  Elton John attributed his recent public
rage  to  his  creativity.  .  .  . Ohioans were enjoying a game called
"cornhole." . . . AWisconsin woman was arrested for digging up her
dead lover's ashes  and drinking the beer that was buried with them.
. . .  A grenade shell was found in right field at Wrigley  ("It's a dud,
just like the Cubs," said a Chicago policeman). . . . A study cited o-
besity as a cause of rising airline fuel costs. . . . Target stores barred
Salvation Army Santas.

       [items 1-3 courtesy Harper's Weekly; rest, Courier-Journal]