Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 23 Dec 2007 @08:08:59 PST:

Ann  Coulter  a  cheap  whore?!   Mitt  Romney  told  lies?!
Please tell me what this world is coming to, Karen Crockett,
if we can no longer rely on the veracity of Fox News favorites.

I knew Ann Coulter was a whore, but I thought she'd at least
be expensive.

FGDean@aol.com wrote Weds 26 Dec 2007 @10:38:04 PST,  re
the Duh! news from Kentucky:

It is definitely time to retire the penny.

Purdue played Central Michigan in the "Motor City Bowl" in Detroit.

                                                           [courtesy Associated Press]

"If that isn't pure trailer trash, I don't know what is."

-- Stephen Yates, referring to the Spears girls

            [Yup – we checked Wikipedia:  Born in
              Mississippi, reared in Louisiana -- Ed.]

Cokie Roberts, 64
Johnny Otis, 86

A minivan crashed through the glass front of the downtown
studio of WLS-TV in Chicago, startling the anchor man de-
livering the 10 o'clock news  ("Ho!" he exclaimed).  . . .  A
49-year-old Chicago woman spent the weekend in jail   for
taking photographs of the rapper R. Kelly in court,  and her
cell phone was confiscated. . . . Lynne Spears,  Britney and
Jamie Lynn's mother,  was working on her book  Pop Cul-
ture Mom:  Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid
World. . . . Robert Schoff, 77, of Polk County, Iowa, spent
Christmas Eve with his head stuck in the septic tank  he had
gone  to inspect  (his wife finally saw his feet flailing in the air
and called for rescue). . . . A 45-year-old woman was killed
by a pack of pit bulls on the street in Barstow, California. . . .
A 22-year-old  Wheeling, Illinois,  woman who went to put a
Hindu statue in the Des Plaines River  to ward off bad luck  is
missing. . . A 36-year-old woman was charged with battery in
Dunbar,  West  Virginia,  for wiping her nose on a policeman's
shirt while being taken to jail for domestic violence. . . . Evonne
Goolagong belatedly received the No.1 ranking in women's ten-
nis for two weeks in 1976.
                                                                     [all courtesy AP]

Bob Hill wrote Mon 17 Dec 2007 @07:19:52 EST
re the parade snowman arrested for drug trafficking:

Hey, the dude's name was Frosty.  Dead giveaway.

FGDean@aol.com wrote Tues 18 Dec 2007 @09:41:12 PST:

Who is Camilla?   Who is Stacy?   Who is  . . . .  OH,  I
I know who these guys are!

A bill was introduced in the General Assembly to move a casino from
Lake Michigan  to Buck Lake Ranch (which is not on a lake) in Steu-
ben County.
                                                             [courtesy Associated Press]

Jennifer Cannon,  of Lexington, Kentucky,  wearing a wedding dress
made of toilet paper, was married to Doy Nichols, also of Lexington,
in a public restroom in New York's Times Square. Family and friends
threw shredded tissue instead of rice.
                                                                                   [courtesy AP]

Two seniors hacked into their high school's computers  in Louisville  to
boost grades,  delete absences,  and post tests.

                                                [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A judge invalidated Louisville's anti-smoking ordinance because it exemp-
ted Churchill Downs (site of the Kentucky Derby).

                                                                   [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Your editor went to the Minit-Mart in Brownsville yesterday to buy two
tabloid newspapers — the Louisville Courier-Journal, and the Park City
(Bowling Green) Daily News.   Seventy-five cents apiece.

The clerk at the cash register charged us $1.51.   Wha'?

In the first place, sales tax on newspapers is included in the price.  In  the
second  place,  if sales tax were added to the price,  the  total  would  be
$1.59,  not $1.51.

But,  not to argue over 1 cent.   We gave the clerk a  $5  bill  and a penny
from the penny bucket by the register.

And she gave us $3.48 in change.

Huh?

Not to argue!   We put 3 cents back in the penny bucket,  and left the store
with our two newspapers and $3.45 in change.

"I've pretty much lived my entire life as if I wasn't married to her at all."

                            -- Bill Clinton, trying to convince Charlie Rose
                                his support of Hillary Clinton was objective

Jennifer Beals, 44
Cicely Tyson, 74

Turkey invaded Iraq. . . . Cellblocks in jails in Arizona, Ohio,
Tennessee, and Texas have been painted pink to pacify pris-
oners. . . . The American Bar Association Journal named Al-
berto Gonzalez "lawyer of the year." Scooter Libby, Howard
K. Stern and Monica Goodling were runners-up.  . . .  A high
school student  in  Iceland  was arrested for telephoning Presi-
dent Bush. . . . Ann Coulter called Mike Huckabee a "Repub-
lican Jimmy Carter" and a "bad mistake" for the GOP. . . .The
Mexican who barbecued his girl friend  was  found  hanged  in
his jail cell. . . . A court in Genoa changed 5-month-old Friday
Germano's first name to Gregorio because of an "administrative
norm" prohibiting giving children "ridiculous or shameful" names.
. . . Country singer Stonewall Jackson, 75,  has sued the Grand
Ole Opry for age discrimination. . . .Tony Blair became a Cath-
olic. . . .  Blackbirds fell from the sky on Staten Island, writhing,
foaming at the mouth and dying.  . . .  Police removed 237 dogs
from a 70-year-old woman's home in Corpus Christi, Texas. . . .
Britney Spears' little sister, Jamie Lynn, 16, is pregnant. . . .  Mitt
Romney told two more lies.

           [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP, National Public Radio]

• Royals cave in to her demands
• The secret Palace deal
• $250,000,000 divorce is OFF

hibBen wrote Sun 9 Dec 2007 @13:21:25 EST:

Sounds like the late Karlheinz Stockhausen [who found the
9/11 attacks "the greatest work of art imaginable"] needed
to read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. . . .  He'd
have loved the destruction of our entire planet  in the begin-
ning.  I believe his imagination was severely lacking.

FGDean@aol.com wrote Mon 10 Dec 2007 @11:25:08 PST:

May he RIP.

Two 57-year-old twins got into an argument in Louisville,  and one of them
stabbed the other to death.  A deputy coroner identified the victim as broth-
er John, and then police charged brother James with murder.

                                                      [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Frosty the Snowman was arrested off a float in Brownsville's Christmas pa-
rade,  on an anonymous tip that he was wanted for drug trafficking in neigh-
boring Bowling Green.
                                                 [courtesy Edmonson News (the Gimlet)]

"Nobody is happy about losing lives, but remember, these are
  not draftees, these are full-time professional soldiers."

                                      -- Senator Mitch McConnell

"The problem of performance-enhancing substances may be the most serious
  challenge baseball has faced since the 1919 Black Sox scandal."

            -- former Baseball Commissioner Fay Vincent,  as quoted
               by former Senator George Mitchell in his steroids report

A Miami woman was accused of being married to  ten
men. . . . Four of nine states seceded from Bolivia, and
Venezuelans set their clocks back a half-hour. . . . Chi-
nese zookeepers planned a hand job on the last known
male Yangtze giant soft shell turtle,100 years old, to get
sperm for the the last known female, 80.  . . . A revolu-
tionary group in Chad declared war on France. . . .  A-
mong players named in  the  Mitchell  report  on steroid
use in baseball was Roger Clemens, the 24-season 354-
game winner who was still pitching last season at the age
of 45. . . . Bianca Jagger was evicted from her rent-con-
trolled Upper East Side apartment. .  .  .  A 64-year-old
German drank a liter of vodka in line at the airport in Nu-
remberg  rather than hand it over to comply with the new
"carry on" rules. . . .Winners in the annual "Wacky Warn-
ing Label Contest":  "Danger:  Avoid  Death"  on  a  small
tractor,  "Do not iron on while wearing shirt"  on a T-shirt
transfer,  and "Do not put child in bag"  on a baby stroller
with a small storage pouch. . . .  A Georgia man to whom
the license plate HA8 JWZ was issued  became  aware  it
might be seen as anti-Semitic. "I would be at a store,  and
people would say,  'Hate  Jews?'"  he said.  "I had no idea
what they were talking about.  You know how people just
say things that don't make sense." .  .  .  Merriam-Webster
chose "w00t" as its "word of the year."

                                      [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

[photo courtesy the Globe]

hibBen wrote Sun 2 Dec 2007 @13:51:24 EST re recent
events in the Sudan and Muslim commentary thereon:

I think the Muslims may be giving the Catholics a run
for their money.  They need an inquisition.

Public pressure forced a Victoria's Secret store in Carmel to put pajamas
on its scantily clad window mannequins.
                                                                   [courtesy Associated Press]

A 20-year-old man died from falling out of bed at Western Kentucky Uni-
versity.
                                                                                           [courtesy AP]

Little Richard,  75
Ferlin  Husky,  82
Dave Brubeck, 87

The 9/11 attacks were "the greatest work of art imaginable."

-- German composer Karlheinz Stockhausen, who died Wednesday

Chimpanzees outdid college students in a short-term memory
test conducted in Japan. . . . A University of Montana drama
student named Clint Westwood  pied  a shopping mall Santa.
. . .  Rodney King bicycled home after being shot in the face.
. . . Susan Bateman, a martial-arts instructor in Virginia,  was
arrested for kicking an 11-year-old student in  the  gut  more
than 200 times as the class counted,  in  an  endurance  chal-
lenge  (the boy suffered a  broken rib  and other internal inju-
ries). . . . Rome's traffic chief, Giovanni Catanzaro, was fired
after parking his Alfa Romeo in a no-parking zone with a han-
dicap permit belonging to an 86-year-old woman. . . .Chilean
prostitute Maria Carolina  auctioned off 27 hours of her servi-
ces to raise money for a children's charity.  . . .  David Theiss,
21, of Kansas City, was arrested for possession of a toad. . . .
A University of Cincinnati student, Justin Carman, was arrested
for pointing a toy gun at the head of the driver of the car he was
riding in on I-70 in Ohio.  .  .  . Police investigating a robbery in
Pittsburgh  found three suspects in the victims' basement,  an e-
maciated pit bull,  and a 6-foot alligator. . . .  Jonah Seeman,  a
doorman at the four-building  Gracie  Gardens  apartment com-
plex on East 89th Street in Manhattan  for  40  years,  was sus-
pended for halitosis.
                                              [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]

Bob Hill wrote Mon 26 Nov 2007 @05:49:45 EST in regard to
last week's characterization of Sandra Day O'Connor's husband:

Senile, my ass.

A man stole a twin-engine plane at the LaPorte airport  and  drove  it
into a soybean field.
                                                             [courtesy Associated Press]

A legislator introduced a bill to outlaw teachers' having sex with students
(it's not rape if the student is at least 16 and consents). . . .

Police found the male principal of a Catholic high school in Bardstown in
an alley in Louisville wearing a black leather dress, fishnet stockings, and
fake women's breasts   (he was charged with loitering for the purpose of
prostitution).
                                                  [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"We are extremely concerned about this continuing pattern."

-- Rhode Island Health Director David R. Gilford, after a third brain surgery
    on the wrong side of the patient's head at Rhode Island Hospital this year

President Bush welcomed Al Gore to the White House  (along
with other Nobel Prize winners). . . . Satirists were being arres-
ted in Zimbabwe. . . . Kevin Rudd, who was videotaped eating
his own ear wax, became prime minister of Australia. .  .  . Ru-
mors of Anastasia's survival were laid to rest  by  the discovery
of the charred bones of two teen-age children. . . .  Armin Mei-
wes,  the imprisoned German cannibal,  announced  that he had
become a vegetarian. . . . A judge in Niagara Falls,  New York,
was disciplined  for jailing all 46 defendants on one domestic re-
lations docket  because no one would confess to possessing the
cell phone that went off in his courtroom. . . .  A man tried to de-
posit a $1,000,000 bill at a bank in Clearwater,  South  Carolina
(it was a  "Teddy  Roosevelt"). . . . A motorist in Knoxville,  Ten-
nessee,  shot out a traffic light camera with a .30-06.  .  .  .   Evel
Knievel settled his lawsuit against Kanye West, and died.

                                                 [courtesy Harper's Weekly, AP]