A Greenwood man with AIDS, Tony Perkins, 47, seduced 26 wom-
en in six years over the internet (and is charged with a felony).

                                                           [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

Legislators, the Governor, the Attorney General,  and the State Police
debated whether cockfighting is illegal after a video surfaced showing
a uniformed state trooper watching  (but not stopping)  a cock fight in
Clay County.

Kentucky statute 525.125,  "Cruelty to animals in the first degree,"  has
owners, property owners and organizers guilty of a felony  "whenever a
four-legged animal is caused to fight for pleasure or profit."  [Emphasis
added.   "What about a three-legged dog?" – Harry Girard    "A loop!"
– Jeanetta Girard]

Statute 525.130, "Cruelty to animals in the second degree,"  has anyone
guilty of a misdemeanor who "participates other than as provided in sec-
tion 525.125 in causing an animal to fight for pleasure or profit, including
but not limited to being a spectator or vendor at an event where  a  four-
legged animal is caused to fight for pleasure or profit . . . ." ["What's that
mean?" – Jacob Girard  (ditto, State Police).   And, whose pleasure or
profit are we talking about? – Editor] . . . .


Candidates for the Republican nomination for U.S. Senator Trey Grayson
(Kentucky Secretary of State)  and Rand Paul (a Bowling Green ophthal-
mologist, and son of Texas Congressman Ron Paul)  aired  opposing  ads
accusing each other of being unfriendly to coal.   The next day,  candidate
Bill Johnson (an Elkton businessman)  joined Grayson in an ad challenging
Paul's bona fides in opposition to  abortion  (as Paul had challenged theirs
earlier). . . .

Kentucky's lame duck Senator,  Jim  Bunning,  whom those named above
(and a couple of Democrats)  are  trying  to replace in this year's elections,
single-handedly blocked a bill in Congress to extend unemployment bene-
fits. . . .

A  bill  advanced in the state House of Representatives to fine juveniles for
"sexting" (possessing or sending "sexually explicit images" by cell phone or
internet),  and to register them as sex offenders for second offenses. . . .

The "let's teach the Bible in high school" bill passed the state Senate 37 to
1. . . .

A 43-year-old man was arrested for public intoxication after he  rode  up
on horseback to a Baptist church in Ellisburg  and walked in carrying a ri-
fle and wearing a holstered handgun.

                                                   [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"Inadvertently killing or injuring civilians undermines the
 Afghans' trust and confidence in our mission."
                                                                          – General Stanley McChrystal

Bubba Smith, 65
Joanie Sommers, 69
Fats Domino, 82
Svetlana Alliluyeva, 84
Dakota Fanning, 16
Dakota Joling, 49

An instructor shot a student  in  the  foot  at a gun training class
in a church in Orlando, Florida. .  .  . Germany's David Moeller
broke a tooth taking a bite out of the silver medal he won in the
Olympics luge. . . .Mitt Romney got into a scuffle with a rapper
known as Sky Blu on an airliner,   and the rapper was escorted
off the plane. . . .  Amy Bishop, a geneticist at the University of
Alabama  Huntsville  whose bid for tenure was denied, shot six
colleagues at a faculty meeting, killing three of them (her attorn-
ey said she is  "wacko"). . . . A British anti-bullying help line re-
vealed  that it had received multiple calls for help from the staff
of Prime Minister Gordon Brown. .  .  .  President Susilo Bam-
bang Yudhoyono of Indonesia released his third pop album.. . .
A man bulldozed his $350,000 home in Moscow,  Ohio,  in an
effort to avert a foreclosure. . . .  A pedestrian was arrested for
wearing a clown mask on a city sidewalk in Tampa, Florida. ...
A couple who replaced their lawn with wood chips  in  Orange
County,  California,  to reduce water usage were cited under a
city  ordinance  requiring  residents to have 40 per cent of their
front  yards  "landscaped." . . .  Edgar Ray Killen, convicted in
2005 of the 1964 "Mississippi Burning" murders, sued the FBI
for suppressing his right to "defend his society and culture." . . .
A mother brandishing a sword was arrested in the hall of an el-
ementary school in Memphis, Tennessee. . . . A pizzeria work-
er in West Scranton, Pennsylvania,  found Jesus in a bucket of
tomato sauce.  . . .  A Pew survey found that 8 per cent of 17-
year-old cell phone owners "sexted,"  and 15 per cent of own-
ers aged 12 to 17 had received "sext" messages.

[courtesy Harper's Weekly, Daily Snopes, Obscure.com, AP]

• Secret battle to stay alive
• Frantic search for donor
  

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 14 Feb 2010 @10:23:27 PST
re the quotation of the week "Thank you for having me":

There's a phrase what needs putting to rest.  Seems like every
interview guest says that upon being greeted by the interviewer.
It's become the stock response but sounds ridiculous, as though
they've just had sex.

And that's exactly why we attributed it to the porn star  Harry  Reems,
who we're not sure ever actually said it.  Thank you for noticing, thank
you for writing, and thank you for – oops! (never mind).  – Editor

Jan Ewing, of Kentuckians for the Commonwealth, wrote Sun 14 Feb 2010
@23:07:15 EST  re the proposed constitutional amendment to restore most
felons' rights to vote in Kentucky:

Only three states permanently disenfranchise ex-felons via their state
Constitutions:  Kentucky . . . Virginia [and] Florida. . . .    One hun-
dred eighty-six thousand Kentuckians have lost the right to vote – 1
in 17 Kentuckians, and 1 out of every 4 African Americans.  That is
not a representative democracy. . . .

Len Zanger wrote Sun 14 Feb 2010 @10:15 EST:

Ukraine may be a nice place to visit after all . . . .

John  Mellencamp,  who asked John McCain in 2008 to quit playing
his songs at rallies, was being touted as a possible Democratic nomi-
nee for the Senate seat being vacated by Evan Bayh.

                                            [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

A policeman was speeding to a robbery scene  on the east side of In-
dianapolis, and a motorist in his path stopped when he heard the siren
and saw the Mars lights. The policeman swerved to avoid a crash but
hit a street sign and was injured.
                                                             [courtesy Associated Press]

A Louisville man was arrested for posting a poem titled "The Sniper"
on a Nazi web site about the assassination of a  "tyrant,"  later identi-
fied as the President of the United States,  including the line "DIE ne-
gro DIE."
                                                            [courtesy Courier-Journal]

A midcourt brawl that erupted midway through the first half  of  a
basketball game between Indiana University Southeast and Berea
College at Berea, Ky., ended the game prematurely as referees e-
jected all players on both teams  (Berea was leading 28-27 at the
time,  but there is yet no official word on who won).

                                                         [courtesy Courier-Journal]

A 49-year-old woman in Charleroi,  Pennsylvania,  whacked her 21-
year-old son with a Louisville Slugger baseball bat on the third strike.
"I brought him into this world and I'll take him out," she told police....

A 48-year-old woman in Washington, Pennsylvania, was jailed for hit-
ting her 55-year-old boy friend in the head with a Louisville Slugger.

                               [courtesy Washington, Pa., Observer-Reporter]

"I slept last night with two dozen Marines."
                                                                    – Soraya Sarhaddi Nelson, National Public
                                                                       Radio correspondent in Afghanistan

The Bank of America foreclosed on a house that a retired couple had paid cash for  in Spring Hill, Florida (it had the wrong address).  . . .  A 20-year-old man was arrested in Louisville, Ohio, for tattooing the letter "A" on his 1-year- old niece's butt. . . . The iMussolini app, the most popular iPhone  download  in Italy,  was withdrawn after protests (it played audio and video clips of Il Duce's speeches) . . . A poll conducted in 23 countries found that one person in five would prefer to spend Valentine's Day with a pet. . . . Hackers stole $4 million worth of carbon credits in Europe. . . . A 52-year-old climber posing for a photograph on the rim of Mount St. Helen's fell into the crater and died. .  .  . An Italian TV chef was suspended for extolling  the  won- ders of "tender, white cat meat.". . .Two jackknifing semi- trailers triggered a 50-vehicle, two-mile pileup on slippery Interstate 80 in central Pennsylvania,  leaving one motorist dead. . . . A bull crashed through a glass door into the foy- er of a family home in Peoria,  Illinois. . . . As a man stood on a ledge of an apartment building in San Francisco, con- templating a leap to his death, a crowd gathered,  many of them horrified but some of them "tweeting," and others ac- tually encouraging him to jump (which he did, to his death). . . . A groom in New Delhi was shot in the head and killed by his uncle who misfired as he was preparing to fire a cel- ebratory round at the wedding reception.

Indianapolis settled on a one-hour school delay for the day after
Super Bowl Sunday, two days before the Super Bowl, and then
shut up after the Super Bowl  (only 11 fans met the Colts when
they returned to the city's airport). . . .

A funeral director operating in Floyd and Clark counties was ar-
rested for cashing in burial policies of a dozen clients still living. . . .

A 14-year-old boy shot his 16-year-old brother to death with a
shotgun in a friendly snowball fight in Hamilton County (he "did-
n't know the gun was loaded").
                                                    [courtesy Associated Press]

The state House of Representatives approved a constitutional a-
mendment that would restore the right to vote to felons who had
served their sentences – except for murderers and sex offenders.
(You got it!   Embezzlers, forgers and vote buyers would get the
right back, but not sodomists or pedophiles). . . .

A House committee approved a bill that would allow veterinari-
ans to report abuse of their clients' animals. . . .

Three Democratic state senators were pushing a bill to give pub-
lic schools the option of teaching a course in "Bible literacy."

"Thank you for not smoking."
                                                 – Linda Lovelace

"Thank you for having me."
                                              – Harry Reems

Jennifer Aniston, 41
Latifa, 48 (no, not Queen Latifah)
Peter Gabriel, 60

1940 - Porpoise, 1st born in captivity in US (Marineland, Fla)

Topless  blondes  protested the "rape of democracy" in the Ukraine. . . . Pete Townshend's wardrobe malfunc- tioned at the Who's Super Bowl halftime concert.  . .  . John E. Nelson made $159,258 driving a bus in Madi- son, Wisconsin,  in 2009,  including $109,892 in over- time  (Greg Tatman made only $125,598). . . .  A 66- year-old woman has had to  crawl under train cars  to leave her home in Callahan,  Florida,  since  the  CSX railroad parked 40 connected cars on a track between her house and Pickett Street two days after Christmas. . . .  Tammy Renée Clinton, of suburban Tampa, Flor- ida, became the latest teacher arrested for seducing an 8th-grade boy. .  .  . An 18-year-old Swedish woman was arrested  for posting photos of her ex boy friend's "little  penis" on lampposts in his neighborhood. . . .  A farmer near Albert Lea,  Minnesota,  made a heart for his wife for Valentine's Day,  half  a  mile  wide,  in the snow,  outlined  in  manure. . . .  Northern Illinois was massaged by an earthquake that measured 3.8 on the Scale Formerly Known as Richter. .  .  . The Federal Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, & Firearms said arson- ists  probably set the recent fires that destroyed eight churches in Texas (duh). . . . A 23-year-old man with "anger  management  issues"  smashed 29 flat-screen TV's with a baseball bat  at  a  Wal-Mart  in  Lilburn, Georgia. . . . The University of Iowa quashed student plans for a 3-D showing of Disco Dolls in Hot Skin, a 1970's porn classic,  at a campus theater on Valen- tine's Day Eve.  .  .  . "Alligators in Sewers Day" was observed in New York's City Hall  to commemorate the 75th anniversary of the urban legend.  .  .  .  The Lake Mary (Florida) High School  Rams  agreed  to  quit using the Dodge Ram logo,  under  threat of suit by the Chrysler corporation  for  trademark  infringe- ment. . . . A 40-year-old man refused to tell police in Juneau, Alaska, who bit off the tip of his  nose  (like, maybe he did it himself,  to spite his face?).  . . .  An "adult toys" companies' billboard cucumber failed to amuse some residents of Lancaster, Texas.

Don't  forget!   Readers interest- ed in intellectual dissection of impor- tant current events are invited to at- tend   the   Weekly   World   News Round  Table  at the offices of Borf Books  outside  Brownsville,  Ken- tucky,  just after church every Sun- day.       Guest  speakers  lined  up  for meetings in the near future  include Tammy  Renée  Clinton.

     [courtesy Sun - Weekly World News]

Tracy Collins wrote Sun 31 Jan 2010 @20:51:27 CST re the family
that found an 18-inch snake poolside at a motel in Michigan:

Is this in any way related to the Burmese Python story or just a strange coincidence?

Well, yeah, it relates directly to that penultimate line in the January 24 editor's note: " . . .  we
try never to miss a good snake story . . . ."  Call it a token snake story, not a really good one;
but it was the best snake story of the week.

It was a coincidence, but a found one, not a strange one.  Ditto with the Porsche test drive and
the Geezer bandit.With the remarks on dumb news from Florida and California, we almost had
to have something from those states of ignorance.  – Editor


Tony Dean wrote Mon 1 Feb 2010 @14:15:23 CST re last week's  photo  of a woman making
a cell phone call from her overturned SUV on the New Jersey Turnpike:

Sorry, but the 2-by-2 neatly tucked under the roof of the jeep suggests that this photo was
staged.

We queried the Associated Press about this, and they swore up and down that their photographer
planted the 2-by-2 only after the woman placed the call,  in order to steady the rocking vehicle for
a good  "still."   Here are reports from the New York Post and mycentraljersey.com if you wish to
investigate further.  – Ed.

Indianapolis schools announced a two-hour delay  for the beginning of
class tomorrow  in anticipation of late celebratory revelry after tonight's
Super Bowl, but State officials warned them they could get credit for a
full school day only for a delay due to an emergency such as bad weath-
er and utility problems.  When the Colts won the Super Bowl  in  2007,
so many bus drivers called in sick the next day that schools had to can-
cel classes.
                                                                [courtesy Indianapolis Star]

In a scene reminiscent of  "Louisianagate,"  a candidate defeated in an
election for the State Senate visited the victor, Robin Webb, in her of-
fice and secretly  videotaped  the conversation   ("He is a constituent,"
she pointed out in having welcomed him;  but  a  beep alerted her to a
camera hidden in clothing piled on her office couch). . . .

A judge from Paintsville questioned a legislative proposal  to  require
domestic protective order defendants  to wear electronic ankle moni-
tors, noting that the signals could neither be broadcast nor received in
the eastern Kentucky  mountains  (seven other judges testified against
the bill, some of whom questioned its constitutionality). . . .

A Head Start teacher in Louisville resigned over  allegations  she  had
organized a circle of pupils to hit one of their classmates. . . .

A 76-year-old woman was killed in a collision of her motorized wheel-
chair with a propane delivery truck in Taylorsville.

                                               [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

"I forgot he was black tonight."
                                                   – MSNBC's Chris Matthews, speaking of President
                                                      Obama after the State of the Union address

Bob Griese, 65
Fran Tarkenton, 70
Garrett Morris, 73
Mamie Van Doren, 79
Zsa Zsa Gabor, 93
Mariusz Pudzianowski, 33

A duck hunter was shot in the back by his own  Labrador  re-
triever in Merced County,  California. . . . Ashley Sullivan, 17,
whose drunken driving killed her boy friend last May in Tona-
wonda, New York, posted a photo of herself on Facebook a
month later captioned  "Drunk in Florida"  that came up at her
sentencing for negligent homicide (to six months in jail and five
years' probation). .  .  . PETA called on Punxsutawney, Penn-
sylvania, to give ground hog Phil his freedom. .  .  .  An animal
rights activist shoved a tofu cream pie into the face of the Can-
adian fisheries minister. . . . Mayor Nicholas Valentine offered
upstate Newburgh, New York,  as venue of the trial of Khalid
Shaikh Mohammed and others accused in the 9/11 plot.  .  .  .
The town fathers of Webster, Massachusetts, misspelled Lake Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg.   .  .  .
"Sexting" led to tribal war in Papua New Guinea. . . . President
Obama skipped  jury duty in Chicago  to make the State of the
Union address. .  .  . A woman popped a bus driver in the head
with a snowball in Johnstown, Pennsylvania, when he would not
let her board with an expired pass. . . .  A cigarette blew up in a
man's mouth in Indonesia, knocking out six teeth.  .  .  . Six chur-
ches were torched in a 150-mile stretch of east Texas. .  .  .  Hi-
jackers abandoned  a  FedEx  van  in Philadelphia because they
didn't know how to operate a manual transmission.

"Your worst humiliation is only someone else's momentary entertainment" -- Karen Crockett