:

Authorities were looking for the murderer of a three-legged
deer in Hamilton County. . . .

The murdered whooping crane reward grew to $15,000. . . .

deandrea.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Deandrea Lee, BM, 5'6", 150 lbs, woman's name; Amber Hullinger, WF, 5'3", 140 lbs, theft; Kristopher Moorman, WM, 5'9", 145 lbs, domestic battery, probation violation; Kellyanne Conway, WF, 50, 5'6", 125 lbs, prevarication; Ruben Waters, HM, 5'6", 140 lbs, domestic battery, probation violations (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Delaware County budgeted $16,000 for a dog to accompany
juveniles to court. . . .

A semitrailer spilled 38,000 pounds of marbles on I-465 in
Indianapolis   (that would be more than 3½ million marbles
of average weight).
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

Dippin' Dots ice cream, of Paducah, offered an ice cream so-
cial to the White House  to  cut  Sean  Spicer's  critical  treat
"tweets." . . .

The world cornhole championships will be held in Owensbo-
ro in July.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

jenrichb.jpg Lexington's most wanted (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader): Jennifer Owens, WF, 29, 4'11", 110 lbs, meth, firewateer and lust; Richard Butcher, WM, 45, 5'8", 140 lbs, cruelty to animals; Brianca Mack, BF, 27, escape (lonesome in here); takeleke.jpg Takeisha Powell, BF, 29, 5'7", 195 lbs, hot mama; Lekeisha Caudill, 29, 5'2", 170 lbs, cool mama; Kelly Grisby, BF, 42, 5'6", 130 lbs, attempting to obtain a controlled substance by making a fraudulent statement ("featured fugitive of the week"); Tonya Turner, WF, 37, 5'4", 215 lbs, yo mama

"I got it [the 'P word'] from the President of the United States.  I'm just quoting him.  And I am
 really more entitled to the word because I've actually got one."
                                                                                                          – Ashley Judd  (the word is "pus-
                                                                                                              sy," folks – here's the full poem)
"We believe in connecting the dots."
                                                               – Scott Fischer, Dippin' Dots ice cream CEO

"I wish this were fake news."    "If Britney could make it through 2007, we can make it through this."

"This is really bad."    "So bad even introverts are here."    "I've seen sturdier cabinets at IKEA."

"We f#cked up bigly."    "There will be hell toupée."    "Mike Pence likes Nickelback."

January 23:  Hakeem Olajuwon, 54
                                         Chita Rivera, 84
                                         Jean "Django" Reinhardt (1910-1953)
                    January 24:  Sharon Tate (1943-1969)
                                       
                    January 25:  "Sleepy" John Estes (1899-1977), "rocker"
                    January 26:  Ellen DeGeneres, 59
                                         Huey "Piano" Smith, 83
                                         Bob Uecker, 83
                    January 27:  Margo Timmins, 56
                    January 28:  Sarah McLachlan, 49, "folk singer"
                                         Alan Alda, 81
                    January 29:  Claudine Longet, 75
                                         Germaine Greer, 77

britchri.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Brittinay Grothe, WF, 30, 5'4', 140 lbs, forgery (and, the 141st different way how to spell Brittany); Christi Green, WF, 44, 5'8", 175 lbs, larceny, forgery) Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Kas.): Anna Leigh Pierce, 24, brown hair & eyes, 115 lbs, 5'8", surety off bond, manufacture/delivery of controlled substance PG1 o/4g u/200g; Wanted in Waco: Erica Denise Macias, HF, 35, 5'2", 250 lbs, forgery, elderly victim, probation violation, meth, firewaterm (Abilene, Waco and Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

Vulgar "tweets" and Clutterbook Facebook posts about the Women's
March and Barron Trump got a lotta people in job jeopardy.  .  .  . A
wax  figure  of  Donald  Trump  moved into Madame Tussaud's. . . .
Kellyanne Conway punched a man in the face,  at  least  three  times,
with both fists,  at an inaugural ball.  .  .  . Dog the Bounty Hunter at-
tended the inauguration  (or was it the Women's March?) . . . . Ethan
the Farmer brought two alpacas, a llama and a dove to the inaugura-
tion, from Pennsylvania.
                                                    [courtesy Harper's, Raw Story, AP]

I am 44 years old and have been married for 12 years.  It's
my first marriage and her third.    My wife had a year-long
affair with a co-worker.  We tried counseling,  but her ina-
bility to end the affair forced me to move out, although we
have not divorced.

I found out also that her two previous marriages  ended  be-
cause of her infidelity.  Four months ago my wife ended the
affair, and we returned to counseling.  But during our sepa-
ration I reconnected with an old female friend.  There  was
no romance or sex involved. I told my wife, but she felt be-
trayed and doesn't think she can forgive my  "emotional  af-
fair."

I am frustrated that my wife is being so self-righteous about
something that never happened when she had an actual affair
– emotional and physical.    Our counselor believes she may
be going through menopause and has asked me to be patient.
But I've already been dealing with this for 18 months.

I want to save my marriage, but it's as if the real reason for our
separation is being pushed under the rug so we can concentrate
on my nonexistent "emotional affair."  I'm not blaming the coun-
selor.  My wife cannot focus on anything  but  my  wrongdoing.
How do I tactfully remind her that  she's  the one who betrayed
our marriage  and that I stopped all contact with my friend  but
she continues to work with hers?
                                                                            Not Cheating

latielti.jpg Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan - all for Uttering & Publishing (Michiana Crime Stoppers): Latielya Quenette Williams, Tinika Nashay Bates, Jessica Eola Hassel, Temeka Lashon Sanders

lifedick.jpg Life Saver Dude: Wow, Dude, that Women's March had balls! 'Does this dick make my rights look bigger?'

                                                                               [photo by Peter Lloyd]
 

, 2017:  Things you would never know if you did not browse the
tabloids while waiting for your wife at the counter in the supermarket – the
week's headlines:

Reas Lane, in New Albany, was renamed Barack Obama Way. . . .

Police used a stun gun on a 15-year-old girl fighting with an-
other girl on a school bus in Elkhart. . . .

The Department of Geological Sciences  is changing its name
to the Department of Earth and Atmospheric Sciences  at In-
diana University (it used to be the "Department of Geography
and Geology," led by Professor Thomas F. Barton, the campus
liberal,  who was famous for saying,  of the Young Americans
for Freedom in the 1960's, "If you're a conservative in college,
you'll be a fossil by the time you're 50"). . . .

kylekhan.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Khalia Gilliam, BF, 5'4", 100 lbs, residential entry, failure to appear; Patricia Kraemer, WF, 5'5", 130 lbs, theft, prob. viol.; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Kyle Milliken, WM, flight to avoid prosecution; Khanita Marie Hudson, BF, uttering and publishing (2 counts); Kevin Dale Shaw, WM, aggravated assault, the 'KKKKK' (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

The 284-foot-tall Soldiers and Sailors Monument, in the mid-
dle of the "Circle" in the center of Indianapolis, the largest of
more than 200 Civil War memorials in the United States, was
designated a  national  landmark,  115 years after its comple-
tion in 1902.
                                              [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A Louisville woman lost two jobs for "tweeting," "If someone
was cruel enough to assassinate MLK, maybe someone will be
kind enough to assassinate Trump." . . .

The director of the Homeward Bound animal shelter in Laurel
County,  Stephanie Fields,  pleaded guilty to  "hoarding  dogs"
(159 – 84 over the limit of 65).
                                                                      [courtesy LEX18]

 

kaigrork.jpg Amber alert! Hailey "Kai" Groark, 17, missing in Warren County; nose ring, gauged ear lobes, pierced tongue, wearing a Wendy's uniform (she worked there)

        [LEX18]

torresme.jpg Melissa Torres, 37, of Shelbyville, was sentenced to 25 years in prison for videoing two children engaged in sex and distributing the video

nankayla.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Nancy Barrett, WF, 34, 5'11", 175 lbs, too much fun; Kayla Bell, W[sic]F, 27, knot a problem; Stephanie Campbell, WF, 29, 5'4", 100 lbs, lust diet; April Curry, WF, 28, 5'4", 115 lbs, abandoned her diet, out for prety (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

                

jessian.jpg Jessica Crocker, WF, 24, prettier in orange than in pink; Sandra Risner, WF, 34, 5'6", 180 lbs, all you would ever need or want; Carey Hatton, WF, 32, 5'2", 100 lbs, not yet ready for heavyweight crime

                   

trinitjo.jpg Bryan Strunk, WM, 44, 5'7", 160 lbs, lust for April and Stephanie (Herald-Leader); Trinity McQueen, 32, 5'2', 140 lbs, theft; Joseph Fain, BM, 19, 5'9", 145 lbs, robbery (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers)

A Louisville radio station's transmitter was hacked with a re-
cording of rappers going "Fuck Donald Trump."

                                                [courtesy the Courier-Journal]

     

angeltam.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Angela Jaquez, HF, 36, 5'4", 170 lbs, exploiting elderly; Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Tammi Michalle Stewart, 29, brown hair, hazel eyes, surety off bond, abandon / endangering child, criminal negligence (Abilene and Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

 

trenmark.jpg Texoma's most wanted fugitives: Trenda Chatman, 25, black hair, brown eyes, 165 lbs, 5'11", possession of marijuana, o/5 lbs - u/50 lbs; John Mark Fuller, 34, red hair, blue eyes, 253 lbs, 6'0", bond revocation, manufacture/delivery controlled substance PG1

melibran.jpg Melissa Kay Hall, 35, brown hair & eyes, 160 lbs, 5'8", bond revocation, possession of controlled substance; Brandi Nicole Metiz, 26, brown hair, blue eyes, 125 lbs, 5'2", thef (sic) of service o/$2,500 u/$30,000

micanlar.jpg Michael Zapata, 20, black hair, brown eyes, 200 lbs, 5'8", violation of probation, online solicit of a minor; Ann Marie Sepulveda, 47, brown hair & eyes, 180 lbs, 4'11", bond revocation, possession of controlled substance PG 1; Larry Ray Lindsey, 33, brown hair, hazel eyes, 115 lbs, 5' 4", surety off bond, injury to a child, Edmonson County, Kentucky, name

High school teachers in Utah were assigning students  to go out on
dates with the opposite sex, and to behave. . . . A 13-year-old girl
in Harlem smacked the gun out of the hand  of  a  12-year-old  boy
holding her up for a McDonald's chicken nugget. . . . A  man  jack-
ed off into a dirty diaper while watching young girl gymnastics on
a computer  at a Baptist church school  in  Lebanon,  New  Hamp-
shire,  then lit an American flag  that caused the church to go up in
flames (after which he stabbed two people). . . . A neo-Nazi blog-
ger resigned after being outed with a Jewish wife. . . . A sociolog-
ical study found a positive relationship between honesty  and pro-
fanity. . . . Throwing  glitter  and waving glow sticks and rainbow
flags, DisruptJ20 and Werk for Peace held a "Queer Dance Party"
in the streets of the  Chevy  Chase  neighborhood  of  Washington,
D.C., near the temporary home of Vice President Elect Mikey.

                                                 [courtesy the Frisky, Harper's, AP]

The National Anthem was played on  jazz saxophone  at the first
game of the National Football League divisional playoffs (pretty
bad).

My wife and I are in our 30's and live next to a very kind
gentleman in his 60's whose wife passed away four years
ago.  We get along well with him and have been generous
in looking after him, and his gratitude is apparent.

He hired my wife two years ago to  come  over  weekly  to
prepare meals, clean his house and do his laundry. He pays
her well.

Recently he asked us whether she could accompany him on
a three-weeks business trip, to do the same tasks at the con-
do where he will be staying. My wife wants to help him out
while spending time in a city she has always wanted to see.
I agreed to it with the understanding that they have separate
bedrooms.  I am not the jealous type  or suspicious,  but my
friends think I am being naive  and that this request is unac-
ceptable.  What's your take?
                                                                     Torn in Topeka

lifelama.jpg Life Saver Dude: You too, Dude! to Wayne the Llama 'Party on!'

:

trentash.jpg South bend's most wanted: Christine Joyce, WF, 5'5", 155 lbs, nonsupport; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Trent K. Britton, WM, Possession of dope, manufacture of meth; Ashley Elizabeth-Janet Mitchell, WF, home invasion, larceny; Erick Michael Yazell, WM, failure to register as sex fiend (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

Sheriff's deputies stunned a man to death in Wells County. . . .

A reward of $6,500 has been posted for information on the
shooting death of a whooping crane in the Goose Pond Fish
and Wildlife Area in Greene County. . . .

Rep. Karleee Macer, of Indianapolis, introduced a bill in the
state legislature to raise the age of consent to sex to 18 from
16.   Anyone 23 or older engaging in sex with another 16 to
18 would be guilty not of statutory rape but of "indiscretion." . . .

The federal Government Publishing Office changed the des-
ignation of residents of Indiana from "Indianians"  to  "Hoo-
siers."
                                                  [courtesy Columbus Republic]

trentash.jpg South bend's most wanted: Christine Joyce, WF, 5'5", 155 lbs, nonsupport; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Trent K. Britton, WM, Possession of dope, manufacture of meth; Ashley Elizabeth-Janet Mitchell, WF, home invasion, larceny; Erick Michael Yazell, WM, failure to register as sex fiend (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

   

llamahat.jpg Wayne the Llama, of Boyle County, wears a different hat each month in a 2017 calendar (Lex18)

A new law in Ohio prohibiting  bestiality  left Kentucky among
only nine states not outlawing it,  but a bill has been introduced
in the state's General Assembly to outlaw sex with pet cats and
dogs.
                                        [courtesy Louisville Courier-Journal]

Abandoned Christmas pigs were taxing Humane Society re-
sources in Lexington.
                                                                    [courtesy LEX18]

"It will not be my intention to do anything to benefit any American."
                                                                                                                – Ben Carson
"You are fake news."
                                        – Donald Strump, to CNN

"Meryl Streep . . . is officially now seen as an out-of-touch idiot who does not have a single thing in
  common with America."
                                                – blogger Blair Patterson

"Insider drops bombshell about Hillary Clinton's political future."
                                                                                                                – GeoBeats headline (as if Hil-
                                                                                                                   lary had a political future?)
"Deputy shot in shooting."
                                            – LEX18

"Holcomb finishes ascension from unknown to Indiana governor."

                                                                            – The Columbus Republic  (but,  who is the Indiana
                                                                               governor?  It's sort of a "Kate Hudson" question . . .
                                                                               – and speaking of, who is Jenna Bush Hager?)

"So, . . . .  So, . . . so, . . . so, . . . .  So, . . . so, . . . so, . . . ."
                                                                                                 – Anastasia Tsioulcas, on National
                                                                                                    Public Radio's Morning Edition
"So, . . . .  So, . . . . .  So, . . . . .  So, . . . .  OK, so, . . . ."
                                                                                              – Steve Inskeep, program
                                                                                                 host, interviewing her

"They're very graceful to their successor, . . . and I would expect President Obama to be somewhat
  graceful, as well."
                                      – Gerhard Peters, co-director of the American Presidency Project

                                       

The National Enquirer  paid former Playboy model Karen McDougal
$150,000 for her account of an affair with Donald Strump 10 years a-
go but never ran the story  (the Enquirer's executive editor is a friend
of the President-elect).  .  .  .  Bill O'Reilly was identified as another
sexual predator on Fox TV news. . . . The FBI was said to have paid
a Best Buy stores' "Geek Squad" supervisor for information on porn-
ography on a customer's laptop. . . .  Cardinals protested plans to es-
tablish a McDonald's in the Vatican. . . . A 48-year-old priest in Italy
was accused of advertising 15 of his lovers on a wife-swapping site,
organizing orgies in his home, and concealing pornographic home vi-
deos in cases labeled with the names of popes. . . . A priest in Brazil
was stabbed in the neck by a man he was trying to embrace at a tele-
vised mass. . . .  More than two dozen women being treated for infer-
tility at a Dutch medical facility  were fertilized with sperm from the
wrong donor (so, what was it? A Rottweiler?). . . . Google  reported
that the word most often misspelled in Florida  is  "tomorrow";   and
Tabloid Headlines reported that the woman's name  most  often  mis-
pronounced  is  Tamara  (rhymes with "camera,"  they think).

                                    [courtesy the Frisky, HuffPost, Harper's, AP]

My mom wants me to exercise more.  Currently I just walk
a lot  (in my house and around the block).  I know exercise
is a good idea, but I'm  self-conscious about it. I never feel
I'm doing it right (you can easily pull a muscle),  and I feel
like everyone else in the gym is judging me.

Now that I’m  17,  Mom expects me to be more mature a-
bout this.  I don't even feel comfortable swimming in pub-
lic places any more.  I feel stressed about it, but Mom just
thinks I'm being picky.

I wish there was a better way to exercise,  but I don't know
what.  How can I get my mom to understand how hard this
is for me?
                                                       Wondering in Wichita

      

sophrach.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Sophrena L. Baldwin, WF, 24, a/k/a Sophia Baldwin, 5'4", 157 lbs, possession of drug paraphernalia; April L. Turley Casper, WF, 39, 5'7", 120 lbs, receiving stolen property; Tammy A. Gannon, WF, 38, a/k/a Tammy Drake, 5'6", 140 lbs, theft and disobedience; Rachel K. Schnur, WF, 32, 5'5", 180 lbs, petty theft (Wichita Police Dept.); sophrach.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Sophrena L. Baldwin, WF, 24, a/k/a Sophia Baldwin, 5'4", 157 lbs, possession of drug paraphernalia; April L. Turley Casper, WF, 39, 5'7", 120 lbs, receiving stolen property; Tammy A. Gannon, WF, 38, a/k/a Tammy Drake, 5'6", 140 lbs, theft and disobedience; Rachel K. Schnur, WF, 32, 5'5", 180 lbs, petty theft (Wichita Police Dept.)

     

dingberry.jpg your dingleberries will smell like jingle berries

lifecats.jpg Life Saver Dude: Dudes! That's a menage a chat!

:

"Chipmunk" wrote Tues 1/3/17:

"Kate" is Kate Hudson.

But, who is Kate Hudson?    – Editor


Publius Leget wrote Sun 1/1/17 @13:34 CST:

How can a "pagan priest" be  "ordained"?  The definition
of "pagan" precludes theistic order.

Yeah,  well,  there's a reason we put "ordained Pagan priest"  in
quotation marks.  The capital P in "Pagan" alone (which was in
the news article linked) was enough for that.    – Ed.

A wild  black  bear  spotted last summer was believed to be
hibernating in the Big Oaks National Wildlife Refuge north
of Madison.
                                                                    [courtesy Lex18]

A Michigan man was arrested for shooting and killing his girl
friend's pet donkey, Jack Ass, in LaPorte.

                                                   [courtesy Columbus Republic]

gabrides.jpg Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Gabrielle Summer Fester, WF, possession of methampheamine (and firewater); Destiny Samaria-Sade Dixon, BF, assault with a dangerous weapon; James Eddie Hall Jr., BM, interfering with electronic communication; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Shantee Boswell, BF, 30, 5'5", 150 lbs, possession of heroin with intent to deliver (Crime Stoppers)

The nickname  Stallions  for the new Frederick Douglass High
School athletic teams in Lexington was withdrawn after a pub-
lic outcry, and the school was looking for another horse theme
name.
                                          [courtesy Lexington Herald-Leader]

A circuit court judge ordered two district court judges in Lou-
isville to allow defendants to go to "traffic school."

                                                        [courtesy Courier-Journal]

Lucky the two-faced calf died in Lexington.
                                                                                [Daily Mail]

Lexington's most wanted: Lara Fannin, WF, 52, height a secret, weight indescribable, attempted prostitution; Phillip Boyd, WM, 29, 5'7", 136 lbs, dope; Rebecca Hurt, WF, 32, 5'7", 200 lbs, attempted prostitution (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

For more fun with mug shots, play the Smoking Gun's match-the-perp-with-the-nickname game.

A Kansas Congressman's teen-age son was grounded for  dabbing  a
photograph of his father being sworn in by House of Representatives
Speaker Paul Ryan. .  .  .  .  Some of the ashes of the cremated Carrie
Fisher  were  buried  with the body of her late mother,  Debbie Reyn-
olds.  .  .  .  Pro-dopers were planning to hand out 4,200 free joints at
the presidential inauguration in Washington,  where the "recreational
use" of marijuana is legal.
                                                                                    [courtesy Lex18]

kendjohn.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls: Texoma's most wanted fugitives: Kendle Dean Smith, 39, brown hair blue eyes, 260 lbs, 6'1", violation of probation, possession of marijuana and impersonating John A. Durbin II; Deron Royster Jr., 24, black hair, brown eyes, 165 lbs, 5'9", abandoning/endangering a child; alyskenh.jpg: Alyssa Mata, 19, black hair, brown eyes, 107 lbs, 4'11", endangering a child; Kennhy Jay Putman, 22, blond hair, green eyes, 140 lbs, 5'11", violation of probation, evading arrest/detention with a vehicle; Christina G. Quinones, 29, black hair, brown eyes, 180 lbs, 5'2", violation of probation, robbery

 

At the beginning of the second half, the University of
Louisville's women's basketball team congregated  a-
round the wrong basket,  drawing the Duke Universi-
ty players to their own basket while a lone Louisville
player scored an easy layup (but Duke won the game,
58-55).

My niece has a 1-year-old son.  Neither my niece nor her
husband is religious, and they have chosen not to have the
baby baptized.

My  sister,  the baby’s grandmother,  while not wanting to
impose her beliefs on the parents,  and I come from a gen-
eration  when even couples not demonstrably religious  u-
sually had their babies baptized.  I know it would comfort
my sister to know this ancient ceremony has been perform-
ed.  My sister watches the little boy at her house; would it
be OK for us to organize an informal baptism – just a little
holy water and a couple of prayers?

We wouldn't tell the parents, of course.

                                                            Observant in Omaha

lifetran.jpg Life Saver Dude: Look, Dude! They've even got their own parks now! Kentucky Trans Park

:

Jadwiga wrote Sat 12/31/16:

Ostatni dzieñ ("It's the last day").

Good point:  Of the week.  Of the month.  Of the year.  (But not of the
century or of the millennium,  or of your life, we hope . . . ).    – Ed.


Honkin de Spain wrote Sat 12/24/16:

Were all Civil War generals Saggitarians?  Were there any
ranks lower than general?  What is "NACWGTD"?

No, there's an average of 2¾ a day with birthdays the year around; we
have merely been favoring them lately  (you might note we listed  five
with  birthdays  both  July 21  and September 21  as well as December
16 and 17).   And,  yes,  of  course,  there were soldiers of lower ranks
in the Civil War – about  2¾ million – but they just usually don't make
the birthday list we draw from, unless they were famous for something
else.

NACWGTD is short for "No American Civil War generals this date."

                                                                                                – Editor

Mall mêlées broke out among shoppers in Mishawaka, Indiana;
Cleveland, Ohio; Fayetteville, North Carolina;  Memphis, Ten-
nessee; Aurora, Colorado; Aurora, Illinois;  New Jersey,  New
York, Arizona, Texas and Connecticut. . . .

Southern Indiana's Orange County repealed a horse manure or-
dinance after hearing unhappy Amish residents.

                                                    [courtesy Columbus Republic]

A mall in Louisville was closed an hour early Monday night be-
cause of a large group of loitering teens.
                                                                       [Courier-Journal]

Johnny Boone, don of the "Cornbread Mafia," was arrested in
a small town  in  Quebec,  Canada,  on the run from marijuana
growing charges in Marion County, Kentucky.
                                                                                [CBS News]

shaymaca.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Shayna Cates, WF, 34, uncontrolled lust; Turquise Barnes, BM, 21, 6'1", 160 lbs, misspelled given name; Ashley Shackleford, WF, 29, 5'7", 135 lbs, promiscuous fantasies; Macaleh Graves, BF, 27, 5'4", 160 lbs, swallowed three cups o' cum from seven vice squad officers (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader); kaitdeel.jpg Kaitlyn Moore, WF, 22, 5'9", 140 lbs, hot to trot; Billie Ellis, WF, 55, 5'4", 179 lbs, been there, done that; Chad Downs, WM, 33, can't make up his mind; Christina Oliver, WF, 38, 5'6", 130 lbs, failure to observe that comic book ad slogan of her youth "Skinny girls don't have oomph"; Deeliah Weaver, WF, 40, 5'0", 110 lbs, over the hill, but she has oomph

There are two Curdsvilles in Kentucky – one in Daviess County,
one in Mercer County.  And there's one in Virginia.

Quotations of the Wheat (Simon says): "Kiss my ass, and call me Fuzzy." – Leonard Simon

maricrag.jpg Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Maria Masias, HF, 52, 5'3", 230 lbs, debit card abuse; Wanted in Berrien County, Michigan: Craig Deshawn Pollard Jr., BM, assault on a police officer; Jennifer Rae Schram, WF, cold checks (Abilene and Michiana crime stoppers)

A man, 27, and a woman, 19, died of drug overdoses in their home
in Johnstown,  Pennsylvania,  and their 5-month-old baby girl died
three days later of starvation. .  .  . Tennis star Serena Williams an-
nounced her engagement to Read-It Reddit founder  Alex  Ohanian
on Read-It Reddit.   Ohanian confirmed the engagement on Clutter-
book Facebook. . . . An extra second was added to 2016. . . . "This
neighborhood trusts women"  signs  from the National Association
for the Repeal of Abortion Laws  were put up in Vice President-E-
lect Mikey's new neighborhood in Chevy Chase,  Maryland. . . .  A
columnist who wrote in favor of gun rights in the Portland (Maine)
Herald-Press was  accidentally  shot  and  killed  by a 16-year-old
boy to whom he was showing one of his firearms. . . .  McDonald's
was sued for consumer fraud by a customer in Des Plaines, Illinois,
who pointed out that a "Value Meal" price is 41 cents more than the
sum of prices of the contents purchased a la carte.

                                [courtesy the Frisky, Raw Story, Harper's, AP]

goathorn.jpg Phelan Moonsong, an "ordained pagan priest," got permission to wear his goat horns for his driver's license photo in Maine

A marathon runner in Sarasota, Florida, missed a turn, ran seven
miles off course and was missing for 12 hours. . . .

University of Michigan football coach  Jim  Harbaugh,  at a press
conference preceding the Orange Bowl in Miami Beach,  Florida,
snubbed a female reporter who persisted in  asking  him  why  his
players were not getting to "see some bikinis . . . on the beach." . . .

I have been dating a wonderful girl for about seven months.
We're sophomores in college.  She's sweet, kind, and extra-
ordinarily talented;  and  we  treat  each other wonderfully.

But:  I'm beginning to notice that she seems to be homopho-
bic.  I was raised in a liberal, open-minded home,  whereas
hers was much more conservative.  She never met a homo-
sexual until college. She has talked about feeling uncomfor-
table with two men kissing or talking about being intimate.

I thought she might be equally uncomfortable with straight
couples doing the same thing,  but she wasn't.  When I tell
her I support marriage equality and the LGBTQ communi-
ty, she gets quiet and uneasy.

I care for her but I don't know if I can be with someone this
uncomfortable about homosexuality.  What do you think I
should do?  This is an important issue to me; I want your in-
sight.
                                                      Torn College Sophomore

So, what's your problem?  Are you queer?

Perhaps you should look up the definition of sophomoric –
nah, I just saved you the trouble – click the link.

Your sophomoric sweetheart is entitled to her sophomoric
queasies.

lifemast.jpg Life Saver Dude: You ain't watchin' me, Dude!' [God] has the power to stop all wars; watches you masturbate instead