:

J. Ewing wrote Sun 4/21/19 @08:48 EDT re Dakota Harbison:

His burglary had something to do with his need to access
enormous amounts of hair care products?

Fred Dean wrote Sun 4/21/19 @09:15 PDT:

I remembered this too late to send it to you for your
Easter edition.  On Easter mornings, our western In-
diana farm girl mother and her siblings would wake
up chanting, "Easter egg-a-day!  Go bare-FOOT!"

DNA tests confirmed that it was a bobcat,  not  a  mountain  lion,
that killed a family's pet cat in Brown County. . . .

A divorcing couple abandoned their trailer home in Greenwood
and left their dog there to starve to death. . . .

The state's Court of Appeals upheld the state's Right To Farm Act
in a neighbors'  nuisance  suit  brought against an 8,000-hog Hend-
ricks County operation.
                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]

billyboo.jpg Wanted in Rushville . . . Randolph Clifton, 50, 5'10", 200 lbs, Juanita Clifton, 37, 5'1", 95 lbs, child molestation, neglect of dependent; in Connersville . . . Billy Boo the Goat  (that's he in the rear), seen at Kroger, Wal-Mart, McDonald's, in Lafeyette . . . Christopher James Stichter, 23, 5'10", 170 lbs, sexual of., in Fort Wayne . . . Nicole Marie Alford, 34, 4'11", 120 lbs, gun w/o lic., drugs (Rushville Police Department, Fox59, Lafayette Police Dept., MostWanted.net)

        

A school bus and a city bus collided in Lexington. No injury reported. . . .

Tattoo artists were up in ink over a proposal to prohibit tattooing of
scarred skin. . . .

A food truck in Grant County was selling a T-shirt reading "I support
LGBTQ – liberty, guns, Bible, Trump, BBQ."
                                                                                  [courtesy LEX18]

An impaired motorist  hit a school bus in Bowling Green,  and his en- gine blew up.    He was driving on a suspended license, his eyes were bloodshot,  and  he  was  sweating profusely.  Police gave him a field sobriety test,  and he showed signs of impairment. Police also found a syringe and a bag with a white sub- stance in it.

                       [courtesy WBKO;  photo by Evvy,  daughter of Tabloid
                        Headlines' roving reporter and a passenger on the bus]

Tanya Risinger,  34,  height and weight unsaid,  an  offi- cer  at a psychiatric holding center  in  Oldham  County, was arrested for having sex with an inmate.                 [courtesy WDRB]

Kentucky's   Governor   Selfie
was found to be the most unpopular governor in the country in a poll
by Washington's Morning Consult.
                                                             [courtesy Cincinnati Enquirer]

weartzel.jpg Covington's most wanted (Greater Cincinnati Crime Stoppers): Mickey Harris, BM, 31, 5'9", 150 lbs, bank robbery; Elizabeth Michelle Weartz, WF, 34, 5'10", 150 lbs, probation viol (drugs); Michael Mills, WM, 31, 5'1", 135 lbs, receivg. stol prop.; Ernest Wilbur Daniels, BM, 41, 6'0", 165 lbs, assault w/baseb. bat

missingg.jpg Missing girl found in back of U-Haul, Cincinnati & Knox County, LEX18News, Tiffany Cheek, 29, Michael Nason, 34, Carl Hickman, 27

    The 16-year-old girl missing from Knox County, believed being used
    in human trafficking, was found alive in Cincinnati, Ohio.

Q.  You're Rollie Renfrow, right?

A.  That's exactly right.

Q.  My son told me there are 90 degrees in a 90-degree angle.  Is that right?

A.  That's exactly right.

Q.  Do you listen to 97.1 radio, which has a station break that goes, "What
      is it with Rage Against the Machine? You can always call tech support"
     (different riddles different times),  and then a different announcer,  say-
     ing, "Revolution 91.7:  Our music is better than our sense of humor"?

A.  That's exactly right.

Q.  If you get depressed from watching commercial after commercial adver-
      tising anti-depression medication, can you sue?

A.  That's right.
                             – Rollie Renfrow, in an exclusive Tabloid Headlines interview

Quotations of the Wheat: "After a recent procedure, a doctor told me he had met a lot of drugs seeking   people but never people wanting marijuana and hallucinogens."                                                                                                      – Leonard Simon

Deaths:
                Henry Bloch, 97
                John Havlicek, 79
                Connie Droddy, 70
               

padicari.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green Couny, Texas, Sheriff): Vincent Aguilera,33, eluding; Mercede Facey, 30; Wanda Reyes, 45, probation violation; Effie Denmon, 57, controlled substs.; Linda Padillo, 43, theft; Bianca Carillo, 25; Cheyanne Jackson, 23, c.s.; Daniella Suniga, 36

Two 14-year-old girls were arrested in Avon Park, Florida, with plans
to kill nine persons,  found by a teacher. . . . George Zimmerman  was
booted from two different dating apps. . . . Notre Dame  de Paris  was
not fire-insured. . . .Seth Moulton declared his candidacy for the Dem-
ocratic nomination for President. . . . A 35-year-old female employee
fell into a meat grinder at a food plant in Muncy,  Pennsylvania,  and
died. .  .  .  A 70-year-old woman became the second person this year
to fall to her death from the rim of the Grand Canyon. . . .A theater in
Dickson, Tennessee, changed the title of the film Hellboy to Heckboy
on its marquee. . . .  A semitrailer plowed into 11 cars and three other
semis stopped in a traffic jam caused by a school bus accident on I-70
west of Denver, Colorado, killing at least four people.

                                                            [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

deantala.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls:: Deante Lamont Adams, BM, 26, 5'10", 145 lbs, cont. sub.; Heather Chavez, HM, 25, 4'11", 160 lbs, c.s.; James Brandon Lama, WM. 33, 5'11", 130 lbs, prob. viol. (burg.); Amber Rose Smith, WF, 27, 5'9", 220 lbs, Yorkshire hog, theft; Daniel Velasquez, HM, 34, 5'11", 200 lbs, probation viol (c.s.); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Martin Hernandez Jr., WM, 20, 5'9", 215 lbs, tattoos both arms, probation viol. (domestic battery) (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Sheriff)

So much for  "trans";  that's fucking history.  Here's the new  issue:
South African sprinter  Caster  Semenya  awaited a decision by the
"Court of Arbitration for Sport"  whether she would have to reduce
her testosterone level to continue to be a woman athlete.

DISCUSSION GROUP:         Don't  forget!   Readers interested in intellectual dissection of important current events are  invited  to attend  the  Weekly World News Round Table  at  the offices of Borf Books outside Brownsville,  Kentuck- y,   just after church  every  Sunday.   Guest  speakers lined up for meetings in the near future include Heidi Hamilton,  Dish Nation.

http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/

lifeihop.jpg Life Saver Dude: Happy Easter! Ya can't get these at I-HOP

LETTERS to the EDITOR:

Fred Dean wrote Mon 4/15/19 @07:35 PDT:

Prior to driving out to a friend's house yesterday to join
him and his son for lunch,  I called him on my  i-Phone
and found myself looking at him sitting on the can,  Nei-
ther of us knew how we got on "Facetime."  New experi-
ence for both of us.

Omg!  Another "app"/"social medium" to beware of?  Thanks
for the warning.    – Editor

Forty motorists filed claims against the state for damages to
their vehicles done by potholes  on a 15-mile stretch of I-69
between Daleville and Pendleton. . . .

A 29-year-old man  fatally shot a 34-year-old man  he  said
was was trying to force his way into his home in Scottsburg,
then killed himself. . . .

A  goose  attacked two people in a Wal-Mart parking lot  in
the Indianapolis suburb of Fishers. . . .

A 16-year-old boy was sentenced in Evansville to 62 years
in prison for murder (he's black, of course). . . .

A 40-year-old man in Muncie sued his parents in Grand Rap-
ids, Michigan,  for getting rid of his pornography collection,
which he said filled 12 boxes of films, books and magazines
and was worth $29,000.
                                                 [courtesy Columbus Republic]

candacer.jpg Lafayette's most wanted: Candace Reann Price, 5'2" 140 lbs, heroin; Nicole Rae Cain, WF, 5'4", 125 lbs, coke; Nichole Lynn bowen, WF, 5'6", 130 lbs, burglary; Rachelle Lanette Lawson, WF, 42, 5'4", 125 lbs meth; Elicia Houser, WF, 5'2", 112 lbs, neglect (Lafayette P.D.)

Quotations of the Wheat: "I like a woman who dresses with a loose top and a   tight bottom."                                                                – Leonard Simon

venegasr.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Robert Lee Venegas, WM, 24, 6'0", 142 lbs, probation violation (family assault); Pearlie Robinson, BF, 43, 5'6", 180 lbs, bond revocation (controlled substances); Naomi Smith WF, 48, 5'0", 125 lbs, probation violation (injury to child); David Scott, BM, 23, 6'3", 140 lbs, bond revocation (controlled substances) (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers); Wantd in Waco: Micahala Davis, BF, 27, 5'2", 250 lbs, Yorkshire hog, felony theft x2 (City of Waco)

A Norwegian man said  one  of  his  balls  got stuck in  an  IKEA  stool  he was sitting on in the shower. . . .  A  survey  found  that people who  have  dogs  are twice as likely as people who have cats to say they are happy, and that people with cats  are less likely to say they're happy than  people  without  pets. . . .  More- house  College, an all-male historically black school  in  Atlanta,  Georgia,  announced that

it would now accept "transgender men" (but,would those be boys, or
girls?). . . .  A  dog  found swimming 135 miles off the coast of Thai-
land was rescued. . . .  A 250-pound pig was found in the lap of a dri-
ver stopped for lane-hopping  in  Chisago County,  Minnesota. . . . A
skunk with his head stuck in a beer can was rescued in Billerica, Mas-
sachusetts. . . . Four toddlers, all aged 1,  escaped a day care center in
Prairieville,  Louisiana,  and were found beside a highway. . . .  North
Korea  demanded  the removal of U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pom-
padapeo from arms talks. . . .  Taylor  Swift  made the cover of Time
magazine's annual "100 Most Influential Persons in the World" issue.
. . .An 18-year-old Florida woman who flew to Colorado and bought
a shotgun for the 20th anniversary  of  the  Columbine  High  School
massacre shot herself to death. . . . A Waterville, Maine, bank robber
in February slipped on the ice in a restaurant parking lot  and  fell  in
front of a policeman,  spilling wads of cash and his gun – the cop,  a
bit  curious,  arrested  him  as other police were investigating  at  the
bank.
                                                           [courtesy LEX18, HuffPost, AP]

harbison.jpg Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Dakota W. Harbison, WM, 21, 5'7", 175 lbs, burglary (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

The movies:  No Snails, Please!
                                                           

blodwort.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Miranda Ellis, WF, 33, contr. subst.; Andrea Casanove, WF, 40, misc.; Olga Guerrero, WF, 30, theft, tresp.; Endla Tipton, WF, 59, burglary; Deborah, Ramirez, WF, 25, marijuana; Monica Garcia, WF, 28, plaraphernalia; Alexis Bloodworth, WF, 2, theft

:

J. Ewing wrote Sun 4/719 @16:13 EDT re Todd Starnes'
quotation of last week "If the little girls get to wear pants,
does that mean the little boys can wear skirts?":

Aye, Laddie.

And Len Zanger wrote Mon 4/8/19 @ 17:45 EDT re same:

Why couldn't boys wear kilts or skirts?  Especially with
warm weather on the way. What's wrong with that?

Fred Dean wrote Sun 4/7/19 @09:54 PDT:

I will never butt-fuck another woman without asking if
she uses My Shiney Hiney.

A Lake County judge put off a former county councilman's case
because he was dressed too informally. . . .

The Brown County town of Story was for sale.  Again.

                                                        [courtesy Columbus Republic]

tamieaty.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Steven Parker, WM, 5'8", 180 lbs, probation violation (robbery); Tameia taylor, BF, 5'5", 170 lbs, theft, resistaing law enforcement, Yorkshire hog wannabe; Ryan Ryall, WM, 5'9", 150 lbs, meth (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A man was arrested for dancing on the tops of cars in the Wal-Mart
parking lot in Richmond (he was not wearing shoes). 

                                                       [courtesy LEX18]

charityj.jpg Lexington's most wanted: David Shaw, WM,. 43, 5'11", 140 lbs, general suspicion; Joshua Roberts, WM, 33, 6'0", "featured fugitive of the week," failue to register (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald Leadeer); Roger Smith, WM, 42, 6'0", 200 lbs, aggravated DUI (Bluegrass Crime Stoppers); Perps in Paducah:: Charity J. McManus, WF, 44, meth; Charles S. Scott, WM, 49, persistent felon (McCracken County Sheriff)

Those of you who have driven   through  Rock- castle  County,  in east- ern Kentucky, probably understand   its   name, from  the  sides  of  the highways –––>

But here in Edmonson County, the home of Borf Books, and in
Warren County to the south  (Bowling Green),  in south central
Kentucky, we have rock facades,  too  – check  these  out.   The
first two pictures are from Highway 3145 in Warren County, an
approach to I-65:
 


 








  The next three are from Mammoth Cave Road, in eastern Ed-
  monson County:
 
       http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/




        And the  last  five  are from the half-mile-long Dump
        Hill on the former Mohawk (now Oak Hill) Road  go-
        ing to the offices of Borf Books in Edmonson County:
http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/

http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/
http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/
  

Quotations of the Wheat – Simon said: "You want to piss a woman off, just say, 'Excuse me, Miss, but just because   clothes are on a clearance rack doesn't mean  you have to buy them'."                                                                                                  – Leonard Simon

ordeljac.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Ordell Michael Oliver, BM, 71 5'6" 108 lbs, assault w/deadly weapon; Amsha S. Jackson, BF, 36, 5'5", 283 lbs, Yorkshire hog with controlled substances; Cindy May Henderson, WF, 52, 5'3", 161 lbs, Crredit/debit card abuse; William G. Anderson, 46, 5'11", 170 lbs, controlled substs. (Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

A woman in Orlando, Florida, was accused of pulling a gun on a
neighbor woman who asked her to stop feeding stray cats on the
streets.  . . .  A rhinoceros poacher was killed by an elephant and
eaten by lions in South Africa. .  .  .  A  newly  elected  judge  in
Houston,  Texas,  unknowingly  resigned  on April Fools Day by
announcing his candidacy for the state's supreme court. .  .  .  An
English judge,  denying  a  petition to prohibit a man from initia-
ting sex with his retarded wife,  declared that it was a fundamen-
tal human right for a man to have sex with his wife.  . . .   A Brit-
ish grocery chain promised  to  rename  its  chocolate  ducklings
Crispy, Fluffy and Ugly after a Tweeter found the name Ugly, re-http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/
served for the darkest of the ducklings,  racially insensitive.

                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, AP]

deebony.jpg Wanted in Waco: Ebony Denise Stephens, BF, 27, 5'5", 140 lbs, burglary (City of Waco); Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not Wichita Falls, Texas): Deonta Antrel Thompson, BM, 18, a/k/a De'onta, 5'11", 150 lbs, burglary; Meagan Hamilton, WF, 20, 5'4", 125 lbs, opiates/narcotics (Sedgwick County Sheriff)

crabtree.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County, Texas, Sheriff): Kaylee Perez, 36, theft; Catherine Tacy, 48, contr. subs.; Myria Atkinson-Harris, contr. subs.; Crystal Maartinez, 32, contr. subs.; John Reed, 43, fam. ass.; Phyllis Biggs, 47, theft; Noe Crabtree, 28, falsif. device; Wanda Fountain, 54, contr.subs.; Leslie Zapata, 28, theft

PETA was looking into the recent massive euthanasia
of thoroughbred race horses.

http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/

lifekaba.jpg Life Sander Dude: "Kaba Kaba!" This is Kabul Dreams, Afghanistan's first rock band. That's Alykhan Kaba, manager, late a Californian, second from left. The rest, l to r, Rudy Abib, drums, Sulyman Qardash, guitar/lead singer, and Siddique Ahmed, bass.

(this issue brought
to you by My Shiney Hiney):

Bruce Mitchell wrote Sun 3/31/19 @21:03 PDT re the Kentucky
boy who walked out of school twice in his first two years:

Reminds me of me at that age and later, when I did the same. 
He was probably bored. I certainly was.  Fortunately for me,
the reaction of teachers  and the principal  was to let me pur-
sue various creative outlets on my own  –  such  as  in  third
grade,  drawing a mural on a 3-foot-wide roll of Kraft paper,
to be installed all around the perimeter of the classroom  on
the wall near the ceiling,  for everyone to see.  I even got to
recruit other bored students to help me.

Kyle White wrote 3/31/2019 @ 09:15 CDT:

Is Geezis French one of Steve French's many former wives?

That makes sense,  but we have not found the connection.  We've
been looking for a connection  to the underground comics charac-
ter Cheesis K. Rist;  but we haven't found that, either.    – Editor


Etta Jean Darrig wrote Mon 4/1/19 @09:20 CDT:

If the Mob cut down Marilyn to save JFK,  they  didn't  get
the  job  done,  did  they?

Fifty-one disabled pigeons  – five of them dead –  were found in
a dumpster at a rest stop on I-65 in western Indiana – the second
pigeon dumping at the rest stop in two months (three months ear-
lier,  57  pigeons  were found in cardboard boxes at a rest stop in
northern Indiana).
                                                       [courtesy Columbus Republic]
   

mikulyuk.jpg South Bend's most wanted: Derek Hooten, WM, 5'9", 170 lbs, meth, coke, mj; Bruce Mikulyuk,WM, 6'0", 240 lbs, failure to return to jail; Victor Gamez, HM, 5'7", 220 lbs, habitual traffic violator (Michiana Crime Stoppers)

A young man wandering the streets of Newport, Kentucky, told
authorities he was Timmothy Pitzen,  a boy who disappeared in
Aurora, Illinois,  at age 6 in 2011.  DNA tests,  however,  identi-
fied him as Brian Rini,  a 23-year-old ex-convict  from Medina,
Ohio.  The missing boy's family were initially elated,  than dev-
astated. . . .

One hundred nineteen  wild  pigs  and  350 more in inadequate

holding pens were rounded up by conservation officials in Pen-
dleton County.
                                                                         [courtesy LEX18]

andriaro.jpg Lexington's most wanted: Christopher Jenkins, WM, 24, 6'1", 190 lbs, featured fugitive of the week: Assault on a policeman; Andria robinson BF, 19, 5'5", 190 lbs, leaning toward crime; Deborah Johnson, WF, 47, 5'2", 180 lbs, not really interested; Sabrina Raymer,,WF, 38, 5'2", 100 lbs, studying it; Angela Hudson, BF, 39, 5'1", 140 lbs, thinkin'; Shanice Burgess, BF, 40, 6'0", 175 lbs, size poses severe threat to cops; Joseph Nelle, WM, 48, 5'11", 200 lbs, "Why me, Kris?" (pulled kicking and screaming from the Herald-Leader)

Classic quotations of the Wheat (Simon said May 14, 2017): "Alcohol and drugs are like fucking a gorilla:  It's all good until you are   ready to quit but they're not."                                                                                           – Leonard Simon

http://borf_books.tripod.com/TabHeads/

robledog.jpg Wanted in Wichita Falls (Texas, not Wichita, Kansas): Michael Zapata, HM, 23, 5'8" 185 lbs, solicitation of a minor on line; Sandra Rodriguez, HF, 25, 5'5", 280 lbs, controlled substances,Yorkshire hog; Victoria Elena Robledo, WF, 25, 5'6", 190 lbs, Yorkshire hog wannabe:, contr.subs. (Texoma's most wanted fugitives of the week, Wichita Falls Crime Stoppers)

eltlazar.jpg Pioneer Mastermind of Rock Royalty Performance Access Dies At 69

 No, Elton John did not die; it was Shelley Lazar, the person
 on the right, founder of SLO Ticketing.

  Ernest F. Hollngs, 97
  Lilnetta Scott, 45
  Barbara Lee Short Dempsey Sabak, 82
  Mary Lucille Womack Dalton Stillwell, 85
  Verna M. Payne Roggenkamp Traub, 90
                                                                        [Louisville Courier-Journal]

Amos and Andy were under fire for blackface presentations. . . . A 21-
year-old woman who climbed into what she thought was her  Ubermo-
bile was killed by the driver of the private car in Columbia, South Car-
olina. . . . An annual Republican fund-raiser in Fresno, California, that
was to feature Congressman Devin Nunes was canceled after protesters
planned to crash the event wearing cow costumes,  mooing and ringing
cowbells. . . . The European Parliament voted  to  end  daylight  saving
time  in 2021. . . . Britney Spears checked in to a mental health facility.
. . . Cher tweeted that Joe Biden hugged her, and it was OK.

                                                    [courtesy Harper's, LEX18, Raw Story]

isaiihahg.jpg Locked up in San Angelo (by the Tom Green County Texas Sheriff): Isaiah Gomez, 20, theft; Angelica Nunez, 34, no bond; Karysta Perez, 27; Ashley Salinez, 34; Juanita Escobedo, 58; Loretta Brinkley, 57, theft; Marcy Garcia, 26, poss.; Alexander Self, 31

A race horse died after a two-horse collision  at Santa Anita,
just two days after the track reopened after a one-month clo-
sing on account of 22 previous recent equine deaths.

gregdway.jpg Wanted in Waco: Greg Dwayne Hazley, BM, 52, 5'9", 208 lbs, family violence; Arrested in Abilene (Texas, not Kansas): Hubert Eugene Martin, WM, 63, 5'8", 220 lbs, stalking; Wanted in Wichita (Kansas, not wichita Falls, Texas): Joshua A. Moniz, WM, 38, 5'10", 175 lbs, aggravated indecent liberties with a child (City of Waco, Abilene Crime Stoppers, Sedgwick County Sheriff)

lifebung.jpg Life Saver Dude "I guess this is Bunggeezus?"